Is It a Behavior or Just Too Busy to Go Potty?

My 4 1/2 yr old son does the same thing!!!!! He gets sooo busy playing that he will go in his pants a little or he doesn't want to go to the bathroom because the hall is dark or the bathroom door is shut so he gets scared. Usually he only goes a little bit in his pants but there have been times where he has gone all the way. I foind that if I think he has been doing something for a long time I go and tell him to try to use the potty and every single time he does have to go. You just need to remind her every so often to go and let her know that it is not healthy to hold it or go in her pants.

I would refrain from punishing her because it can cause more problems. Stick to positive reinforcement when she doesn't go in her pants and remind her every 30 minutes or so.

First of all...Martha P are you kidding? 2 hours in the corner for an accident? As a school principal, if i heard of that happening I would call CPS. That is above and beyond discipline, that is cruel.

M.: Up until about first grade, if my son was busy he would simply "forget." I knew what was very distracting for him and before engaging in those behaviors, I would make him go to the bathroom first. I was talking to a good friend with adult children who told me that she was afraid to send her son off to college because even at 18 she still had to remind him every morning to go to the bathroom. Don't ask "Do you have to go?" because as we say at our house "Feelings can be deceiving!" You simply have to make a stop at the bathroom before heading on to a new activity.

I think it could be behavioral however, my six yr old just stopped pooping his pants and for him it was insecurity! And believe me we've tried EVERYTHING one day I bought an odd looking beside homemade commode and when he saw that HIS pee and poop were collecting and was "saved" for a day- then he was fine. One day he stopped all together pooping in his pants because it was "ok" that HIS poop - something that came from HIS body was going to go to the "poop swim party" to be happy! Now we have happiness for everyone in our home.

First, I agree with previous response. I can't believe someone would say to put a child in a corner for 2hours and increase the time with each incident. That is WRONG!! DO NOT follow that advice. This is perfectly normal at this age. Playing is much more important at this age, does it make it ok, no. They are still of an age that they are easily distracted and they need "reminders" or however long you know she can hold it, then tell her to go potty or she can't continue to play until she does. Just like when you were training her if you make too big a deal out of it she's going to keep doing it. She won't do this forever. Goodluck

I don't think the reason matters - you have to make sure that she remembers to go potty on her own no matter what she is doing. I would make her clean herself up then put her in her room for 2 or 3 hours. She'll probably have to do this once or twice before she is magically cured.

After I knew he could do it, my son continued pooping in his pants periodically for about 6 months. One day I calmly told him that he needed to remember to go on his own. I put him in his room for an hour and a half or so and told him that he needed to remember to go potty. I had to do it twice and he's been fine since. No accidents, no bad feelings about the potty, nothing. In fact, he was proud of himself for doing it. He was 3 at the time, so at 5 I'd say she is ready too.

Please consider that there may be a physical reason why your daughter has began to have accidents. For months we thought it was a behavior issue with my daughter and restricted privileges accordingly. She also was very guilty -- so I felt very bad when I discovered it wasn't somthing she could control. Sometimes an infection will cause the problems that you are describing. That was not our problem. My daughter was diagnosed with overactive bladder and constipation. We started treatment with the pediatrician but quickly moved to a pediatric urologist. We are finally seeing success with Ditropan LA, Miralax, and Benefiber.

The overactive bladder issue was made worse by the constipation. Constipation was made worse by the Ditropan LA. According to the pediatric urologist, constipation is when the child is not going daily. Sometimes the child will be still going but some gets stuck in the bowels, creating pressure on the bladder. When my daughter has very soft and smelly stools, I know the constipation is acting up again. What she is passing is oozing around the rest. Sorry for the fairly gross description. Also, you need to remind your daughter to try to go every 2 hours. If we forget this, we get into trouble.

Good luck.

She may be forgetting. Does it happen at any other time?
If not, I would make sure that you tell her that she has to go before she starts to play. And you may want to "make" her go every hour or so, until it seems that the problem has been resolved.

If the problem continues, you may want to consult with your pediatrician.

She just doesn't want to take time to go potty is all. She wants to play, and going potty is an inconvenience.

We have a 5 year old, and would take away toys or games, tv, or make her go to bed early - nothing worked...UNTIL....

We talked to my sister who has a daughter who's 6. They said anytime the daughter wanted to do something, the response was the same..."go potty first." You want to go outside? Go potty first. You need a drink? Go potty first. You want to play on the computer now? Go potty first. We do that until she "gets it" that she needs to not potty in her pants.

Sometimes she has relapses, and we'll start all over.

One weekend, my husband set the timer for an hour, and every time she heard the "Beep" she'd say, "I know, I know...time to go potty."

We only do those things when she starts to "relapse" at all.

Good luck!

It is a matter of being to lazy to stop doing whatever it is she is doing to come up to go to the bathroom.

M.,

I would say that being too busy playing to go to the bathroom is a behavior, one of typical development for the age. Children feel guilt for things that they do, even if they know better, and even if they are surprised that it happened again, but guilt won't help her change that behavior until she is mature enough to pay attention to the urge and delay the gratification of play for long enough to use the rest room.

Set her up for success instead. Don't let her go downstairs until she has used the rest room, then set a timer for an hour, and march her back up stairs to use the bathroom. Do not give her a choice, and do not ask if she needs to go because she will just say no and will still be surprised by an accident, putting you both into a greater stand off that will go nowhere. Soon, she will be able to interrupt her fun for the necessities all by herself, so do it for her until she gets there, and it won't take long.

M.

Hello Mommy,
I honestly believe that she is just forgetting to go. Sometimes our little angels get lazy. They get so caught up in playing that they forget. I'm not excusing the behavior because a 5 year old should not be going in her pants.
One option would be to install a bathroom in the basement. If that is not an option, try putting her on a pair of pull-ups with the cool feeling that lets her know its time to go.
Above all reiterate
that going in your pants is NOT AN OPTION.
If you think there is something else bothering her then seek medical advice.

Good luck.

well i have not had to go through potty training yet my daughter is only 1, but i cut hair and one of my customers told me about a little potty watch that your daughter would wear on her wrist and it would go off every once in awhile to remind her to go potty. she said it worked for her kid. because while they are playing they really do just forget. but the watch reminds them. i saw this watch in a mag i get at the house called one step ahead. and if you don't get it you can go online i think it's just onestepahead.com. good luck!

Set an alarm/timer in the room where she is playing. Set it for whatever time you think is good for her - every 15 minutes, 1/2 hour, whatever. Maybe let her pick the amount of time. When the timer sounds, she needs to go to the bathroom. This will provide her with a gentle "reminder" but it also puts some of the responsibility on her to stop what she is doing and go. Each day, set the alarm for longer and let her know if she can't wait until the alarm goes off, she will need to get herself to the bathroom.

Potty Training book saved my Sanity!!
________________________________________
Men’s Health Magazine (Sept. issue) recommends Potty Train Your Child in Just One Day: Proven Secrets of the Potty Pro by Teri Crane. My husband picked us up a copy after reading the article. IT REALLY WORKS!!

Everyone is talking about throwing a "potty party" to potty train a child. I was so desperate; I was willing to do anything. Her book outlines 10 themed parties. What kid doesn't love to play and pretend? All my mommy friends have successfully potty trained their kids with her book too.

Honestly, when I first learned of this book, I thought NO WAY! Maybe this would work on a little girl, but NOT a BOSSY, 2-1/2 year old BOY. NO WAY! Guess what? It REALLY WORKED!!! Teri Crane SAVED MY SANITY!!! Her book was easy to read, funny and extremely helpful. I can't thank Teri enough. I would HIGHLY recommend this book to EVERY parent. It will save you much grief and frustration. Potty training shouldn't be difficult, we as parents make it difficult because we don't know what to do. Teri teaches you. Buy the book, it's the best money you will ever spend

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Good luck M. C.

It's not about being lazy at this age!!!! She is most likely just really caught up in the moment, play is really important for 4-5 year olds; it is how they express their feelings for the world around them. She in a sense "forgets" she has to go, or misjudges how long she can hold it. Gently remind her that it is unacceptable behavior, and remind her every 1-2hours that she needs to visit the restroom, she will get the hint. Good luck mama!

Let her know she cannot do this. If she does, she will be punished- let her know what the punishment will be. Then follow through and be consistent.

If she were my child, I would make her rinse the poopies pants in the toilet and sit in a corner or facing the wall for at least 2 hours. I would increase the time for each offense. And if need be, send her to her room for the rest of the day, supper alone in her room.

Punishment must deter the crime, not just fit it.
She knows what she is doing. She has you snowed. Don't give in.

I agree with laying down the law and letting her know it's unacceptable. Once my kids were totally potty trained, they were punished when they had accidents. Of course, I never made them feel inadequate or anything, but I say something like "you are responsible for making sure you go potty when you need to go. Since you made the choice to not go when you should have, you have to go to your room for 5 minutes. My son never had any accidents. My daughter had maybe 2. That's it since the day they were potty trained, which was 22 months for one and 33 months for the other.

Hi M.,
Yes, I do think she can forget to go...my daughter just turned 5 and doesn't want to stop playing sometimes to go. Somedays, she will just be a little wet (like she leaked)
She also doesn't like to go poo...she will try to sit on her heel to try to prevent it from happening until the urge passes (I found out my husband used to do this as a child too).
She was constipated from trying to hold it in and was also getting bladder infections. So, her peds. started her on MiraLAX which has helped. (she tried Benefiber for a little while but it did nothiing for her, the MiraLAX has worked the best for her)
I also try to remind her to go potty throughout the day and will set the timer to remind her.
I hope this helps!