My husband and I are in a bit of a disagreement about this.
I am not an extremely formal or strict parent, and I don't think of 'darn it' as an offensive phrase in general. But, I feel that it is improper for my 3 year old to casually use that phrase as a part of his regular language. Obviously he has heard it in order to say it. I am probably the one who said it. Again, I am not offended or upset by this phrase in general. I just don't think my little guy should yell 'DARN IT!' at preschool, church, or in public in general. So, I correct him at home.
Apparently this annoys my husband. He thinks it's fine for him to say.
I would really like to hear from some other moms on this. What do you think is rude or improper? Would it be a problem at school or in another formal setting for your kids?
Wow, thanks for all the input! I should have given the background to 'darn it'. Over the summer he began saying 'dammit', and I told him to say 'donut' instead. My husband is the one who told him to say 'darn it', which, is really just dammits cousin. He uses it and many other explatives in context (such as 'oh man'). I am relieved to hear that most parents seem to think it's fine.
I always think of my grandmothers view on swearing. She would always say that if you are going to say things like 'oh fudge' or 'cheese and rice' you may as well say the real thing because everybody knows what you really mean. Her point was about the error in thinking such language is proper when hearing it puts the vulgar version in your mind. She was not a prude - she would say shit before she would say shoot, basically.
Of course I don't think 'darn it' is so crude. But, when my 3 year old says it I hear 'dammit'. Believe me, I do have bigger and more important battles to fight around here. So, I think I will let this one go for now. Thanks again for taking the time to respond - J.
my 4.5 year old likes to say "oh man!' like swiper, from Dora! haha! maybe you could substitute that? :-)
I dont see anything wrong with "darn it." And its definitely preferable to other words he could be saying :)
oh J., i am laughing only b/c my daughter is going through a "fart" stage. we were at a 50th birthday party recently with lots of 'old fart' decor and talk... and it went from there.
to give you some background on my parenting, i am pretty on top of things for the most part. when something happens, we address it, don't make empty threats 20+ times in public or at home for that matter, ect.... we are not religious, but my family is... so i don't allow her to say "oh my god" instead she can say "oh my goodness," or "good for goodness sake" just like santa :o)
hearing her come up with all by herself... "old mcdonald had a fart, e i e i o. and pfft pfft here and a pfft pfft there.... oh my. i had to burry my face behind a pillow to hide my laughter so i was not encouraging her until i could regain my composure and address the situation ....
but sometimes i think we also have to step back as parents and see things through our childrens eyes. it is our job to teach them and guide them, but having a little fun along the way is ok too. so i took the pillow away from my face and laughed with my daughter. when things calmed down, i explained that it is not polite to say fart, or sing fart songs in public... but that once in a while we can have silly time, or silly song time at home. and we do. and it's fun! we change the words to lots of songs (not just fart related, lol)
i dont see darn it as a huge deal, but if you introduced a new phrase like fiddle sticks or some that others have suggested i am sure he would pick up on it quickly and use that instead. it didnt take my daughter long to not say oh my god anymore.
my nephew walks around saying "what the?" he doesnt say hell, but to me it just sounds icky from a little boy. as long as you don't let it get to that extreme, i really wouldnt worry about it or beat yourself up over it. it sounds like you already have the right idea of what to do. good luck! darn it! lol.
oh and ps.... i was reading through some other posts... and i respectfully disagree with the idea of ignoring unwanted behavior and it will go away, no matter what the situation is. in my experience, with my daughter, and other children close to me in my life... ignoring doesn't work. if you teach children and guide them... they will listen as long as you are consistent with it. ignoring early on only made my daughter try harder to gain my attention with whatever poor behavior she was displaying at the time. i learned very quickly that teaching her, re-directing her, guiding her... worked much better. after all, that is our responsibility to our children as their parents. that is just my own personal opinion.
I see two slightly different issues in your post. Are you trying to get him to stop him using the phrase "darn it" specifically or are you trying to stop him from "yelling" ANY words in public, ie possibly disturbing others or causing a scene? Either way, you set the rules and praise/consequences for following/not following the rules. I think you do need to allow for some kind of outlet if something disappointing does happen in public. Your son should have some way of dealing with situations without tantrums, yelling, causing a scene.
I personally don't think "darn it" is rude or improper. I'd much rather my kids say that phrase than some of the others they hear. If I heard them say it in public I wouldn't correct them. However, if they yelled it, I would address that behavior. If a teacher told one of my children not to say that phrase in school I would back her up and offer suggestions for other words for my kids to say. I'd explain that sometimes rules are different at school.
My husband and I had a similar disagreement about "Oh my God." Even though we are not religious, I didn't feel it was appropriate because it is offensive to other people. I think you could apply the same reasoning to "darn it." I also agree the best way to stop it is for your family to say something different like "Aw man." It worked for us.
"LOL" Is all I can say!
Actually no, I will say more. I love JJ's response. Seriously, "Darn it", is not a bad word. This is all on you. Really. If you and your hubby say it, he will say it. If you say, "Aw stinker head", he is going to say it too.
If this bothers you, then change it....it will take time, but it can be done. Sit down with your son, and tell him what he is not allowed to say. Period! When he slips up, and saysa word that is not okay with you(you are his parent), then give him a warning. I personally allow my daughter to use "darn it".
I agree with the other 3 moms who have commented...set down rules, and do something to have your son change the language. While it's not a "curse" word or excessively rude, it can sound that way coming from a 3 year old, and could negatively reflect on you and your husband! Our preschool would have quashed it as well. Good luck!
I have 3 children, ages 15,8 and 2. I honestly have no problem with darn it!! I agree they have to say something to get their frustrations out. However, i can't stand it when my 15 yr old says "thats so gay" or "thats annoying" when she doesnt get her way! So i guess it all depends on what you personally like or dislike! My mom always says, pick your battles wisely! Well i think this battle about the phrase "darn it" is not worth fighting for or over! good luck
Hi J.!
My husband and I require our children to use proper language. The bottom line is that what you speak conveys information about you and your home life whether you are a child or an adult. So my children have never said "butt" or "pee" or "darn it". My husband and I don't say those words either. That is our preference. My children don't speak in the nonsense manner of much of today's youth and even adults: I'm like, you know, like, I'm, like, soooooo tired of that. Yes, that was exaggerated, but now is the time to decide what's best for your family. Your son saying "darn it" is actually a blessing. It has brought up the issue for you and your husband to discuss and decide what works best for your family.
My child uses to say OH MY GOD and i didn't like it so I started to say OH MY MICKEY and everyone said it so that is what we say now. You have to change a word and you use it and he will catch on.
good luck
If you think the phrase sounds "improper," than you are upset and bothered that your son is using it.
Here's my question: Is he using it within an appropriate context? For example, does he say, "Darn it!" if he is trying to play with a toy and is unsuccessful? If so, he is using the phrase appropriately. He has learned to deal with his frustration using appropriate words -- not inappropriate words or inappropriate actions (ie, hitting, throwing things, etc...).
Sounds like you have to pick and choose your battles. And if you choose to make this a battle, then in my opinion, you are being picky. And if you choose to be picky like this, you are going to have to sit down and re-evaluate everything you say and be more mindful of it. Sounds like you could be using that time in a more productive way.
Good luck!
I do not consider myself overly formal or strict either, but would not like to hear Darn it coming from my child's mouth either...especially in public places like school and church! I would teach him a more age appropriate way to express his anger, sadness, etc.
I would think at school your son would get into trouble...but I could be wrong? If I were a teacher, I would not allow it with children of any age. I used to give out bad marks when students told each other to 'shut up!' because I thought it was very rude!
I don't think it's bad, I have 3 kids ages 9, 7 and 5 and I would rather say some terms I use rather than the ones they may hear outside of my home "accidentally". I know people disagree on this but I feel like I would rather my kids say darn it than damn.
I'm really surprised that so many people think "Darn it" is improper. It's such a grandmotherly term. I do think we should all be mindful of the things we say--not to avoid swearing or offending, but just to be clear and to reason whether our words express what we mean to say. Words can be fun and interesting, and I wouldn't want to limit a child from expressing him or herself.
As George Carlin once said: "They're only words. It's the context that counts. It's the user. It's the intention behind the words that makes them good or bad. The words are completely neutral. The words are innocent."
Darn it is nothing--but you can help your son understand the context--that some people find it impolite, like you, but some other people don't, like Daddy. Said when you drop your keys, it sounds more innocent--yelled in someone's face, it doesn't. Help him learn many words to express himself, and then he'll be able to choose what he really wants to say.
I agree with you. There are much cuter ways of showing disappointment for a three year old... like, "oh, pickles!" Whatever you decide, lead the way. He'll follow what you do and say. It's funny how we don't think a word or phrase is offensive sounding until it comes out of the mouth of a 2-3-4 year old :) Good luck!
Hi J.,
Mabye you can replace it with "Oh man!" or "Oh no!". There are undoubtedly other Moms who don't want their kiddos picking up on that phrase, so out of respect for them, it might be best to curtail it now. :) Good luck!
Darn it and Oh my gosh are ok in my house. Kids need to say something when they are frustrated.
I taught my daughter that "darn it" was specifically OK and "dammit" (a favorite of her dad's) isn't. I feel happy when she exclaims "darn it." She goes around saying, "Darn it is OK, right?" and I say "Yup". I feel like it's like "Shoot" or "Shucks".
Woah! I just read all these other posts, and for real, I had no idea Darn it was any sort of bad slang! And I come from a super strict old fashioned home where we were always allowed to say that but not "butt" or "oh my God". Is this a regional thing? We are sort of new to PA....should I tell my daughter not to say "Darn it?" I had no idea!
Hi, J.:
It is time for you and your husband to set down some norms for what is proper and improper for your children to be saying, doing, and behaving.
After all, you have a little girl that will be imitating your son. Thanks for asking.
Good luck. D.
Hi
You'll be amazed at how "strict" they are in school with language so I would try to curtail the "darn its" now while he is still young...in kindergarten, "butt" is considered a "potty" word...
WOW - some posters are really serious about this!!!
I have an almost 4 year old, and he uses darn it in context. I don't think it's a big deal.
We have a moral home, we respect people, and we have high expectations for behavior, so it is not a factor of being a house of hell raisers that I allow my son to use darn it.
I respect other people's feelings on the matter, but I respectfully disagree that darn it is disrespectful.
HOWEVER, I do think teaching him to use alternative phrases is not only a good solution, but also really cute... like "Aw pickles"... :)
Oh, and I totally agree with Amy J... to me, darn it is the equivalent of something like aw heck...
I hate to say it but I agree with your husband. If darn it is the worst thing your son is saying be thankful. I do think that this does provide a great time to introduce your son to your guidelines as to what you think is appropriate for him to say and what is not but believe me - the more he's around kids the more "interesting phrases" he will start saying. We don't say oh my God or JC in our house either (we use oh my gosh and Jimminy Cricket) we don't swear and we don't use what I consider "offensive words" like retard or idiot etc but when my son started preschool he learned all kinds of new words and phrases. All I'm saying is choose your battles, if you make a "big deal" about darn it your son will say it more to get a reaction and then he might find an even "better" phrase to get an even bigger reaction from you.
