Is a Spark Necessary for a Relationship to Work?

He sounds like a very good man. Being treated well by a responsible, trustworthy person sounds pretty romantic to me. I think you should give him a chance. He already put the friendship in jeopardy by confessing his feelings.

You can give it a try - a spark might develop. If it never develops though, break it off gently, because you don't want to marry him if you never have a spark.

If by spark you mean physical attraction (aka do you find him just lovely, but the thought of having sex with him is replusive?)... statistically that will NOT change.

If by spark you mean butterflies/ excited to see them/ think about them all the time... THAT can totally happen if given a chance.

You know how some people have "gaydar" or "addictdar"? Most of us are able to SPOT something in another person almost subconsciously. For those with a history of bad relationships (this is where i raise my hand), our "sparks" are usually triggered to those tiny tiny details that show:
- controlling
- abusive
- self centered
- cheater
- whatever

It's the whole... you keep dating the "same" man over and over... because that little thrill of electricity is linked to something stupid. But if you give yourself a chance to fall in love with someone who doesn't initially give you that thrill? The electricity comes later, after you fall for them.

Now... I have NO idea what your dating past is... but figured it's a piece of info worth passing on.

Women don't date jerks because they LIKE being treated badly, and they're not stupid for being SURPRISED that McGorgeous is a class A jerk... again. It's because we're taught to 'follow our hearts', and sometimes our hearts have their heads up their tushes. AKA the response is just wired onto the wrong part of a person. In FACT if you DO have a history of jerks... when you feel that spark? Run. If you don't, no worries. Just more Jeopardy info.

The first time I went out with my husband, I came home and thought, who
would want to go out with him again. Well he called and I was free so I went.
Hmmm started to realize that the first day was not the real guy. No sparks
flew early on, but they did later on. We have been together for 40 years
have four children, and 7 grandchildren and another on the way. Hope this
answers your question. Sometimes you just need time for the sparks to
appear.

We have a great life, love each other more than you can imagine. Just
remember that a relationship and marriage takes work.

Yup, try it. But be honest in a gentle way. Tell him you are open to exploring the idea, but that you have looked at him as a friend for so long that you are having trouble seeing him in a different way. Because that can sometime be the thing that hides an attraction between friends.

1. He has always treated you like a friend so you really have no idea what it's like to be courted by this guy. You feel no romance, but then again he hasn't romanced you.

2. You have seen him one way for a long time, so it can be difficult at first to see him another. Try it.

"...incredibly thoughtful, amazing with my young child with loads of patience and has a heart of gold..." Yep, sure sounds like you should pass that by! :P
Give the poor guy a chance!

I do think it is important to have an affection and attraction towards your husband/wife. I do not think it rules the relationship. I think we are somewhat confused in our culture because we are so bombarded with the fake "Hollywood" idea of what romance and love are. Don't confuse real life with a romance novel. That doesn't exist in the real world. But, do make sure he posesses the attributes you want in a man/husband/father for your children. Do not settle for less. It is better to remain alone and single than to bring in a problem you can't live with long term. Go slow, take your time. He is a friend. Some of the very best relationships start that way because you admire the person for who he is before your heart is involved. I think that is a very healthy way to establish a relationship.

Yes you need a spark for the relationship to work but there is no need to have a spark to start a relationship.

I think you would be hard pressed to find anyone who would say, oh my god I wanted him, so we went out and realized we had something in common too. It usually works the other way around. Well at least in lasting relationships.

Well I am going to say I think yes a spark does matter! The question is can it develop in time? I had a friend who confessed his love for me etc, I tried to be with him, but in the end I couldn't do it. I cared for him but the thought of more just freaked me out. Now that I am married to my husband, who is like that man's polar opposite, I am so grateful I didn't go through with it. So you may have to risk the friendship if you want to find out if there is more there than you once thought but I would say don't force yourself if you don't love the guy. If you get married sex will be a regular activity and some people say it dries up....but well not for us! I love my hubby like crazy and love being with him so if you try it out but can't go there I say do him a favor and call things off. So many women post on here how they aren't attracted to their husbands and can't handle intimacy with them etc but how they are amazing men and fathers etc. I think often times it is bc they married someone they were never in love with and then feel stuck. Just take it slow and be honest, if you never feel the love, tell him the truth and move on. Good luck!!

How long have you known this guy and in what context? Can you talk with him...about anything? Can you feel your full self with him? You may or may not know these things yet.

Give it a try and see. You never know until you try. Be honest with your feelings and with him, though. Tell him you're curious but you're also fearful of "jeopardizing a great friendship." Talk about what made him want to change the nature of your friendship. And what is a spark? What does that mean?

I didn't have sparks with my husband when I first met him 32 years ago. He did, but I didn't. I questioned that. There are times when I have said I love him but I'm not "in love" with him (the romantic spark you may be wondering about). That fact created it's own problems at times, but you know what? Love and compatibility aren't as simple as the world makes them out to be. They can ebb and flow throughout life.

Love is wonderfully complex and exciting and boring and playful and absurd and hilarious and everything else mixed into one. Some sparks grow into a wonderfully warm glow of a fire and some just burn you. So proceed with your heart open and see if sparks develop with time.

You might end up pleasantly surprised. If not, be gentle but honest--with yourself and him. If you do that, your friendship most likely won't be jeopardized one way or the other in the end.

Keep us posted! : )

Be honest with him about the "no spark" thing, but IMO I think you should go far it ! At least go on some dates, maybe see if there isn't another side to him you never saw. As long as you let him know you aren't 100% yet but want to try, he should be able to respect that. And who knows, maybe you'll feel the spark later on. I've had a lot of friends with this - they find out the guy likes them, they're not really interested, but keep talking to him... and then the spark shows up.

Good luck :)

All this time you thought of him as a friend.
Now, there is a total 360 in how your perception of him.... spun on its head.
Suddenly.
Takes guts for him to tell you that.
Still, only you can make that decision.

Maybe you are just used to thinking of him as a friend.
But romantic partners, should be a best friend, too.
And he seems to posses a lot of what you value and you both click and have the same values.

"Sparks" does not mean, love, either, nor does it mean it is reciprocal nor does it portend a successful relationship.
Because after awhile, "sparks" fade or change or become something else. As a relationship... ages.

I know some women, that can never find anyone... because they ONLY want the "sparks" and the excitement and honeymoon feeling, Then they dump the guy as soon as they get "bored" and things get more routine.
They don't know.... the difference between sparks... and what a relationship is based on... in the LONG term and as being friends and as just basically liking each other too.

Sparks... does not portend success either, in a relationship.

What is a 'spark'? Is he attractive, by your standards or are the traits you state he has attractive. You have to be attracted on all levels for it to work, IMO.
He may be just sexually attracted to you. The sex may suck! I'm just saying. A date wouldn't hurt. No kids, just the two of you, see how you feel then. Sorry, I'm all over the place and not much help with a direct answer but you have a lot of ground to cover.
Bottom line, you have nothing to lose by simply going out with him. Good Luck.

I agree with Jackie and Jo W. Give it a try!

These types of guys turn out to be the best husbands, Go for it! With most marriages, the sex eventually comes to a screeching halt, so why base your interest on spark? You guys have plenty of things in common, right?!

DO-IT!

I was in the SAME situation 7 years ago. I would think to myself "How do I make myself love him?" I just needed to get over that hump and everything would be fine. He was a GREAT guy, steady income, just bought a brand-new house he wanted me and my daughter to live in. I had come out of a very bad relationship with my daughter's father and this guy offered me the stability I craved - so that was enticing. I dated him for almost 3 years trying to find that spark and never found it. And you know what? It was NOT fair to him at all. I was stringing him along and not giving him what he needed. We took a break for about 2 weeks and in that time, I found my now husband. There was an immediate spark. Then I knew that I had to cut the other guy loose and let him find someone that could give him the love he deserved. Please think about that. Jumping into a relationship with this man because he is a good guy without that spark, could in the end be a very selfish thing.

I agree with the Mamas who have said that you should let him know that you hadn't looked at him in that light, but have always considered him a wonderful person and friend with all the attributes that you find important. Say you are willing to date him, but do not want him to feel hurt if you find he is not the right person for you. And if he feels like you aren't the right person for him, you won't be hurt either, because his friendship is important to you.

I'd give it some thought as to why there isn't a spark. Is there a turn-off? Or is it you just never thought of him that way?

Good luck! : )

Sure, it could work, if you are honest and up front with him about your feelings, so he knows what he's getting into.

To keep your feelings to yourself and move ahead with the relationship would be horrible for the both of you in the end. Especially if somewhere down the line, you meet someone you DO have a spark with.

Either give it more time, to see if your feelings change, or let him go easy. Whatever you do, don't settle. If things are at a point where he's asking you to marry him right now, or he's moving on, he probably isn't the one and you should let him go.

i kind of agree with Jackie, i mean in a way. it's worth a shot. you never know, he may just touch you or kiss you just right that BAM it's there where you never suspected it.

but on the other hand, you say a "young" child. how long have you been apart from your child's father....how long have you been single....these things play into it.

in general i would say, focus on your child and put a romance on hold until your child is older. way older. lol. but you know the situation. good luck whatever you decide.

I won't have sex without a spark. To me, that's just going through the motions, and it's not fair to either person.