Is a First Communion Gift Appropriate If You're Not Invited?

I remember receiving lots of cash gifts when I celebrated my first communion a loooooooong time ago. I think that it's fairly common. Have you ever heard the expression, "He's so cheap. He probably still has his first communion money."?

I would buy a poetry book...sign and date it with a short note. She will always have the book...and she will know who the gift was from...it is appropriate for any occasion. Shel Silverstein is a great author.

Hi, there - you are not obligated in any way, but you could get her a little cross necklace. You could fine one on-line.

Good luck!

L. ~

Since you sound like you and your neighbors are pretty close, I would give her a gift even if you weren't invited. Gifts could include money or a bond. Or if you want to give something a little more personal from your daughter, I would give her a pair of earrings (if she has pierced ears), a cross pendant, etc.

Hope this helps!!!

Hi L.
Congrats on your kindness, and care for your neighbors. Some people would be so thankful and glad they had not been invited so they didn't have to get a gift. It is nice of you to think so highly of them.
I don't really understand your comment of not being religious. You don't say you are atheist, so I am assuming that you really just don't go to church. "A mouse in a biscuit bin is not a biscuit." Corrie Ten Boom, holocaust survivor. People today go to church for a lot of reasons, but having a relationship with the Savior changes you, not religious ceremonies. Do you believe in God? Do you believe He made heaven and earth?
Gifts of acknowledgment are usually always welcome. Isn't that really what you would be doing? Acknowledging something that is happening in someone else's life, a happy for them gift is always appropriate. You are not accepting or rejecting the event for yourself, you are acknowledging it for them, actually for the daughter.
There are many books out there written by people who thought they were going to prove that the Savior really did not exist, but came out believing --- I encourage you to be open and study the other side of the issue.
After reading the other people's comments I decided to add that I see no reason for you to give a religious symbol gift w/o knowing what those gifts stood for and accepting that statement. You can ask about the symbols, ahead of time. I will be glad to have a conversation about that, but again my point is you don't have to acknowledge the religious event with a religious symbol you don't agree with.
May God bless you with His wisdom, and His calling.
K. SAHM married 38 years --- adult children, 37, coach; 33, lawyer, married with son, 9 mo; and twin girls 18, in college after homeschooling.

Hi L.
As a neighbor, you can get her anything your heart desires.
I am Catholic and there aren't any "traditions" with the gift giving. And as I said, you are a neighbor and friend just extending a nice gesture. Whatever you want to buy the little girl would be wonderful!
And I think it is very sweet of you to want to buy her a gift even when you do not celebrate in the same beliefs.
Take care,
P.
P.S. I have a Sister-in-law who has taken on a new religion that does not celebrate any of the holidays. She will not attend any family functions or holiday dinners. It is very hard on the rest of the family. Especially when we have been good about attending religious functions for her and her children and can put our beliefs aside and just rejoice in the day for them.....So if you can understand your friend's celebrations even when you do not celebrate them with her, I think you are terrific!!

I think it would be a great idea to have your daughter give the gift, especially if the neighbors know that you are not religious. There are a ton of really neat communion gifts, especially for girls. A rosary is always nice. I received a treasured gift from someone who isn't religious at all for my son's baptism, a beautiful personalized blanket with a tiny prayer embroidered in it. So your gift could be even more meaningful because they know where you stand. Good Luck.

A small token gift would be a very nice gesture: a nice flowering plant that can be planted outdoors, a pretty picture frame and i think the idea of a book of poetry is wonderful.

How lucky they are to have such a caring neighbor!

That is a great idea. Definitely give the gift from your daughter. Really, since it is just a token and you're not invited the gift could be anything. I am Catholic, traditionally those invited (which is usually just family) give jewelry or a check. You don't need to do that much since you're not invited and not family.
I had a friend who gave me a little child's jewelry box for my communion. It was great, I used it for my other gifts. Or perhaps an inexpensive bracelet. My local card store had some communion gifts- picture frame, a little beaded bracelet with a cross on it, etc.
You could also do a gift card.
What a nice gesture-you're a good neighbor!

when I made communion (27 yrs ago- yikes!) a typical gift was a religeous token- a silver charm, a picture frame etc w a catholic theme.. Or a card w money. It's so thoughtful of you to think about a gift for your her because it is a big deal to those 7 yr old little kids.

of course it's always okay and appropriate to go the extra mile...most kids get $ or gift cards...since you yourself are not religious...I would go that route...a card with a lil something in it is fine! It doesn't have to be important to you to be significant to someone else, I think a gift recognizing her big event is a wonderful idea!

I think a card AFTER the ceremony would be sufficient. You have to take into consideration how a gift would be thought about. The parents, while appreciating the gift, would probably be upset that they neglected to invite you to the occasion. Communions are usually family affairs and I dont think you need to give a gift, especially not money. You can visit your local card shop and they usually have little statuettes of angels that you could have your daughter give her. But I would think about how the parents would feel first. You know them better than me.

I'd have to say the best gift wouldn't be a gift at all. I would suggest talking with them about what the day is and why it is important to them. Just giving a gift about something that you don't understand and isn't important to you may be offensive.

Since you're neighbors and get along I would give a gift anyway. Since you're not religious, it would be kind of awkward to try to give a religious gift...do from your heart what you want and what you think is special. You can give money or a gift card, or a special toy. My son is receiving Communion also. He loves gift cards because they think they are credit cards. He loves them to the book store, food places, anywhere that makes them feel big!

L., I agree with most of the other mothers. It is wonderful that you want to acknowledge this special day. Why not talk to your daughter about what kind of gift she would like to get and if she doesn't want to give one, just give it from your whole family. A gift is supposed to come from the heart, not because of a sense of (religious) obligation. I don't believe that you need to be religious to celebrate a religious day with someone else. You just need to know that it is important to them and celebrate with an open heart. Since you are wanting to get a gift in the first place, you obviously have your heart wide open to your friends (neighbors). Example: How many people go to weddings in a church even though they may never have stepped into one before?--A LOT!!! It is all about showing respect and support. (Good for you!! :) )

As for a gift....Traditional gifts have been stated before: Cash, Bond, Jewelry, Frame.... but I think that anything would really work. Again, ask your daughter what she thinks. My older daughter was given a small statue of an angel to keep in her room. Most card stores have a section of things like that. Also, if you give the gift on the day of the Communion, I would suggest "popping by" with your daughter (if she wants to only-otherwise do it alone) and then say that you have to get back to something else at home. This way there is no pressure on your friend. But I don't believe that it'd be a problem either way. Good Luck!!!! And stay sweet!! ;) -J.

Hi L., I think there is nothing wrong and everything right with a gift to remember a beautiful milestone in a childs religious life. Anything from a card to a gift of your choice. Grandma Mary (religion teacher)

I am also going to one this weekend as well. I am giving her a prayer photo frame with an angel in front. and says my first communion. :) Or if you dont wanna do that. give her a card with some money in it. Hope that helps some. :) good luck..

Any gift, I'm sure, will be most welcomed, and their hearts will be so touched by your wonderful thoughtfulness. When my sons each made their First Holy Communion, I was so touched by all the lovely & thoughtful gifts they received for their special day, and my husband and I could not believe the monetary generosity given to each of our sons. It's a special day.... a milestone, receiving Jesus for the first time, and a token gift is a thoughtful way to commemorate such a special event. How very thoughtful of you to partake! The little girl and her family will be so touched. So nice to have such a sweet neighbor and friend!
D. N.

Hi L.,

That is very nice of you, and since its coming from your daughter its even nicer. I would give a book that she could draw in. I know crayola makes lots of different drawing books, and good prices not much money. :)

I think it's nice that you would want to send a gift to the child. We've often given gifts to the children of friends for their first communions even if we weren't invited to the ceremony or party -- usually a card with a small amount of money, like $5 or $10. I don't think it's inappropriate to do so, especially if your daughter is friendly with this girl and you are friendly with her parents. Rather, I think it's a nice gesture. I also don't think you have to wait until afterwards -- just get a nice card, tuck the bill inside, and give it to them when you happen to see them. It doesn't put the parents under any obligation just because you make a nice gesture.

S. :)

Hi L.
I think it's very nice of you to think about the little girl in your neighborhood while she and her family are celebrating her First Communion. You don't have to be religious to send someone a gift for their Communion. I know for Communions you can give any type of gift. Kids love gifts. You can give any kind of gift that you would give at a child's birthday party. You can give jewelry, a frame, clothing, money, toy, anything that you would like to give. I think it's a very generous and thoughtful thing of you to do. I'm sure what ever you decide to do will be very much enjoyed and appreciated. You seem like a wonderful neighbor to have. More people shoud have neighbors as loving and thoughtful as you. xoxo D.

if you want to give a gift, give a gift. you can usually find things in an hallmark store that have to do with communions. a photo album would be a great thing to have to remember the day...again, a hallmark store. that's where i found stuff.

IMO, since you seem to be rather close to them, send a card with a bond. I do not think they would mind and it is a nice gesture since you have a close relationship. Enjoy....

How thoughtful. I think that your daughter's friend would be thrilled with your acknowledgement of a very important event. Typically these things are very small- family only and having your daughter give a small gift will model for your daughter the importance of giving as well as the appreciation and acceptance of others.

As for the gift, I would suggest something personal, but small like a frame engraved with her name or the date. Your daughter could invite her over for a playdate and give it to her then. My son's babysitter gave him an engraved frame for his baptism and it is proudly displayed on his dresser.

I think that is so sweet & thoughtful. Although I am sure you will get great ideas and advice from those with experience - I think anything would be nice. How about a small arrangement of flowers?