Invitation Dilemma - Please Help!

Hi M.,

If you mail the invitations rather than handing them out in class or at the game, etc., you can invite whomever you want. If you hand them out in class, it is polite to invite the whole class so that nobody feels left out.

Have fun!

M.
www.GoodHealthMadeSimple.com

Birthday's can definitely be stressful! We have such a huge family I have this problem even when it's a family only party....when I want to keep it small, I only invite family that has children within a couple of years of my son's age.

For parties when you are inviting kids from school, if you are just inviting two or three from his class then it's okay. BUT, if you are inviting more than that, you have to invite all or find a way to seperate it so it looks fair. By that I mean, inviting all the boys. (the girls won't care since it's an all boy party but you can't invite all but a couple of the boys...has to be all of them). Even if he has to invite a boy he doesn't want to, the boy may not show up and if he does, it probably won't be so bad since there will be so many other kids there. And about inviting kids from the other class, it's okay to just do a few from the other class because he's not in that class and doesn't know everyone.

On the budget... cakes are very inexpensive and very good at places like walmart and the grocery store. Go to the dollar general or family dollar to get party favors, napkins, and plates or a discount party supply store. And he only needs to get one gift from you from his wish list (if that)...the party is a big gift!

I agree with Nattalie. I just went through this with my 5 year old. Yes he is not 7 but I felt the same way about how do I only invite the ones he wants. I explained to him that it is not nice to invite one and not the other for hurting that kids feelings. Plus it is a rule in his class that if invitations are passed out in class that they need to pass them to everyone. They are 7 and not adults. Would you want your 7 year old to be the one and try to figure out why he is not well liked as it was put in a post. We have to remember that some kids personalities just don't match that does not always mean that the other kid is bad. With it being an all boy party then you are ok with not inviting the girls that is a little different. I do understand your stress and I am sorry that you are having to go thrugh it. I hope that you have gotten some good advice. Good luck!

I always put a RSVP by date to help with preparations. You can also give a friendly phone call to any that haven't replied. Just explain that you are finalizing plans and want to make sure they received the invite, etc. Anyone that has ever planned a party will understand.
Another idea on party favors is to keep it SIMPLE! One item such as a kite, airplane, or whatever it is that your son enjoys is sufficient. Like someone else mentioned, dollar stores are great. You will most likely end up spending more mondy and more time putting together goodie bags, and they definitely add stress.
Good luck and have fun!

My advice - It's his party - don't invite people he doesn't want there. It could possibly make him uncomfortable at his own party. Who likes to be uncomfortable at their own party.

Doing the "invite the whole class" thing is like feeling obligated to invite the entire office to a personal event when you only have 2-3 good friends in the office. If you're not going to put yourself in that situation - they don't put your kid in the same situation.

My apologies if I appear curt - but I really believe that if you have a party you should invite people you want there, not people you feel obligated to invite.

I feel your stress! My daughter's birthday is in the middle of August, and she goes to a small private school, so she knows everyone in every grade. So, she wants to invite all of her friends that she just finished summer camp with, plus all the kids who attend the academy. (although most who go to the academy also go to the summer camp.) Not happening, unless I plan something outside the parameters of the $9.95 per child or $13.95 per child birthday parties that the local places do, like Main Event, Chuck E Cheese, Skate Town, etc. I just had to have her make decisions on who she REALLY wanted there, and not just have a huge bunch of kids she wouldn't even talk to just to get a mountain of gifts. Mailing the invitations is the best thing you can do, or if you can obtain the parent's email addresses, Evite is really great. It keeps track of the RSVP's for you & everything.

Hi M.,
My Best advice to you would be to invite all of the "boys" in the class.
I am honestly shocked by some of the responses you have recieved! This has nothing to do with a popularity contest or teaching kids a lesson if they do not get invited!
I can't believe anyone would want a child to have to "think" about why they were not invited and think about why they are not liked as much as others!!
These are 7 yr olds were talking about here, not 17 yr olds or adults.....this is children's feelings were dealing with!
I can't imagine if their child came home crying or upset because a child in her class invites all of her friends and not her.....children just don't understand "at this age"!!

To simply pass out some invites to all of the 7 yr old boys then none of the boys will feel left out or possbibly get upset with your son for not being invited.
More than likely, they will not all show up anyway so don't overwhelm yourself with more than you'll need.

As he gets older, it will not be as necessary to invite all of the boys in his class but at such a young age in school, that would be definitely the nicest thing to do and I'm sure your son would feel left out if he was not invited to a class mates party but many others in his class were.

Feelings can get hurt sooo easily at such a young age and I'm sure you would never intend to hurt a child's feelings.
If your child tells others in the class he could only invite "x" amount of friends, then the others will more than likely be thinking, "Ok I guess I'm just not a good enough friend to be invited."

Just make sure to put on the invites, "Please RSVP" and if they do not, then don't get the extras needed for that child!
You can also put an extra note in the invites to make sure they know it's important to RSVP!
Most people that will attend will RSVP anyway so you should have a good idea of how many will be coming.

In the end, you'll of course be the final decision maker and I'm sure you'll make the right decision.

Just try and relax and I promise you, everything will work out just fine!
Enjoy your son's 7th Birthday party!
Take Care.

If your budget is set, you should get a rough estimate of your expenses (facility rental, cake, postage for invitations, a few balloons, etc.), then determine the number of party guests based on what's left. I think it's ok to tell him the number of people that can come. Maybe limit it to 10, or even 5 if the budget is tight, then help him narrow down his guest list.
This is the first year we're doing a friend party for my daughter too. So that she still gets to have a special time with her cousins we're going to do something fun with them the week after the birthday party.

Hi M.,
I friend of mine brought up one option that will reduce the number attending and set a standard for future parties - you are allowed to invite as many friends as you are old - 7 friends. There is no rule that you must invite the whole class. Also, from what I have found when you have a party at a public location the parents of the kids have to attend too. With a smaller group - you could just have the children attend with out the parents. 7 year olds should know to stay with the group and you could have his grandparents, etc. to help chaparone.
I have four children and will never be able to afford parties for 20 kids - except maybe a sweet sixteen or something. Remember you will be setting a precedent with this party and your son may expect something more every year... For my daughter's sixth birthday - I told her she could invite 6 girls and we just had the party at home, we made cupcakes, and hung a few streemers, and hung a pinata outside, they played games like musical chairs - 4 girls were able to come - and they all had a fabulous time - it really doesn't take much to entertain these kids. It really wasn't that hard on me either :). -R.

Growing up we got to make our own invite list for our parties...i remember really enjoying it, not everyone can go to everything, parties when you are young teaches kids that....that is something parents just have to understand. If feelings are hurt, it will last a day and then something new will be going on. Its your sons party and his memories!

Most schools have a rule about this. You can only give out invitations to all the boys, all the girls or the whole class. But you can pass them out to anyone if you do it outside of school. I have mailed mine out before. Usually when you send out invitations the most that will show up is half.

Hi M.,

First off, please take a deep breath and know that some of us go through this every year, so now look what you have missed for 6 years!! LOL!! No, it is tough to decide whom and who not, but I would go w/what is the maximum of friends he can invite and what will your budget allow?

I would only invite those friends who are close to him and that you associate w/their parents as well. My son has tons of friends too, but I just narrow it down to the ones he actually associates with on a daily basis and the ones whose parents I am friends with as well. This does make it easier and I know from my son's MDO he attends, I have already ask the teachers NOT TO put any invitations to b-day parties from his little friends at school in his backpack. That is a rule there, about inviting friends from school, if you invite one, you have to invite all of them. So, if you do want a friend, send them an invitation through the mail only, not at school. How you obtain their address would be either through their school directory or ask the parent.

First of all, I don't know the parents very well, we only greet each other when we drop off or pick up our kids from school. I don't associate w/them at any other time and I provide a small celebration for all of them when it is his b-day (actual day if he is in school) w/happy cakes for all of kids to share. This saves me a lot of trouble and I don't make other parents feel uncomfortable by inviting them to b-day parties of folks who I don't know and also the awkardness of having to buy a present for some kid who I don't know what they like or even want.

Again, other folks will differ w/me, but to top of all the above, we also have to contend w/siblings as well. Whether they should be invited or not, again especially when the place you have the party at allows only so many kids!! Another thing you will run into is some people just WON'T RSVP!! Unbelievable, but they just don't. Big pet-peeve of mine, but I have just learnt to either phone (if possible) or email them and remind them to RSVP. It makes it hard to plan if you don't know how many kids are coming or Not coming.

Believe it or not, my son's 4th b-day is coming up in June and I have already reserved and paid for a place because I hate waiting till the late minute to do this type of planning! I am so glad we only have to do this once a year!!

Good Luck and try and have fun!

G. B.

As a former elementary school teacher I have one word of advice. Don't bring the invitations to school. Deliver or mail them outside of school. That will eliminate a lot of the who's invited and whose not. It is not rude to not invite the whole class.

M.,

The way we always handled a party that did not include the whole class was by mailing the invitations. That way they are not handed out at school where someone who's not included can see and get their feelings hurt. And, yes, some schools do have "rules" about handing out invitation on school grounds. I learned a long time ago to repect my kiddos wishes on whom to include and whom not to include. Also, if the invites are received at home, the kids generally do not talk about it as much as if they were handed out during school hours.

Good luck and enjoy your son's party!
R.

You are not obligated to invite everyone in his class. My daughter turned seven last month. She invited only the girls from her class and then a few others that she plays with at recess all the time.

You will need to mail the invites to the children's homes. Most classroom teachers won't allow the invites to be distributed in the classroom unless everyone is being invited. At this age, kids like getting mail anyway.

I did ask my daughter not to talk about the party at school to help cut down on any potential feelings.

I have found that putting an Email address as well as phone number has helped with getting RSVPs.

I don't have much experience with this but I just got done planning a very stressful 1st birthday for my son. I know how you feel.

Personally, I would just invite those that he is close to and the ones that you get along with the parents. A budget is just that so there is no use in going over it just so you can invite some kids that your son doesn't even want there to begin with.

M.,

You have to invite everyone in the class only if you hand the invitations out in class. You need to mail them, or find another way outside of class to hand them out. I have been to parties at the Natatorium. They are fun. Good luck.

C.