"Instilling" the Importance of Chores and Hardwork in Young Kids......

First I would teach him about money. Get a workbook and show him how to add coins and dollars. Tell him what money is good for. Just paying him for chores is not clue enough to him to really sort out what money actually is or does.
I think it's great to have kids do normal chores for free, like make beds, take out trash, put their dishes in the sink after meals, keep their room clean. When you have them do over and beyond, like helping with vacuuming, dusting, pulling weeds, etc.... that's when you pay them for their efforts. That's how I did it anyway, and it worked well.

We do not pay for chores. My kids clean, mow, do laundry because we are a family and it needs done. If I am sick or if I worked my husbnad would make dinners or they (the kids) would figure it out. They can all cook a healthy meal, my youngest is 11. Because my husband deployed quite a bit in NC, we learned to work as a team. M. couldn't do everything and if they wanted something they had better learn how to do it.

I started them helping me or their older brother when they were 2 or 3. I would clean a room and give them little jobs, like dusting. We made it a game.
In the kitchen I had them helping me as soon as they could stand on a stool or chair. All four of them could make scrambled eggs at 5ish. I also always say "What do we do after we make something? We clean up." Now if I make the mess THEY tell me, M. what do you do when you make a mess?

I have a chore chart tied into the calendar. So if one misses his/her kitchen clean up day, one of the others goes off on the culprit and s/he gets double chores on that day. It has worked quite well. We have a rotating chore list, cat duties, dog duties, and kitchen.

If chores are not done to my specifications on Saturday then we lose out on something fun, like no fire on the fire pit that night, or no trip to the icecream stand. My 11 yo has started doing his allotted chores on Friday night so Saturdays are free for him.

Like TF below me, we know the children will copy our behavior.

One thing with 4 yo's. Have them help you do a chore. Let's say bathrooms. Mine could "clean" it at 3. They wiped the sink down and took all the towels to the laundry. I praised them, told them how wonderful they did, then redid it. As they got older I suggested they wipe the sink with a dry towel to get it all shiny. Then we added the mirror and toilets. I always praise their efforts, redid, then after a while worked on polishing it.

Now at 11, 14 and 16 I will make them redo it themselves. We started this with my oldest when he was about 8 or 9, then in bootcamp while all the others were redoing toilets my son's were clean the first time. He said kids were asking him how to clean so quickly.

We believe that if we model the behavior it will be duplicated.

As for chores, etc. I am not that strict with daughter (17) and have never been. SHe knows to pick up after herself, clean her room, etc.

Any money she gets is not tied to chores, etc. Her "job" is her school and doing well.

As for hardworking, she is witness to her dad and myself busting our tails working for the company we own. In the beginning we did not take a paycheck and she knew we were personally financing the company. Granted, she was old enough at the time to grasp that. Now she sees the company with momentum and she is on the payroll as well so she understands what we are doing when I am constantly raking over books to make sure everything is correct and her dad is on the road or on the phone brokering deals.

Yes, I still do most of her clothes and she lives a good life. It will be a rude awakening when she goes to college next year. Our hardest part of college will be the first year because she does not want a roommate and the dorm rooms are the size of her closet with community showers and toilets. Talk about a change! She is accustomed to the entire 2nd floor to herself!

Just help them and it becomes habit after a while! It is a shame that the 17 yr old is modeling behavior you prefer your children not to have.

Good luck.

The only thing an allowance does it to train up little consumers on how to spend spend spend before they have any idea how hard it is to WORK for the money you earn.
I often wonder how many people with crushing credit card debt grew up with regular allowances.
My husband and I both grew up without allowances and the mortgage is the only debt we have - probably a coincidence.
We do our chores because everyone who lives here does their part to help everyone else.
The tv or computer does not get turned on until homework and chores are finished (well, the computer can be turned on if it's needed for homework but no games until the work is finished and I can see his screen so I know what he's working on).
The fastest way to fun is to get the work done!
Our son is 13.
He takes trash/recycling out to the cans and the cans to/from the curb on trash pick up days.
He loads/unloads the dishwasher, vacuums/keeps his room clean, clothes put away and bed made.
He brings in groceries from the car and helps put them away.
He helps me weed the garden and with work around the yard and watering the garden or any trees we've planted.
I'm currently teaching him to do laundry, Dad's teaching him how to make omelets, and last week Dad showed him how to run a chainsaw and cut down a tree that died over the winter in the yard.

No, I don't believe there should be rewards for chores. My kids are turning 13 and 17. Rewarding for chores teaches them that they're doing you a favor. If you want them to learn that everyone in the family pitches in and no one is in charge of everything, there should be no reward. Think about it - does someone reward you for running a load of wash or mopping the floor? Chores can't be optional. At your son's young age of four, he will need to be reminded/told when to do his chores. Not complying should carry the same consequence as disobeying anything else you tell him to do. One of the most important things to teach kids is to clean up after themselves. Have him make his own bed even if it doesn't look nice. Teach him to hang up his own towel after a bath, and show/tell the baby what you're doing. At four, my kids took their own plate and silverware to the dishwasher. Again, show/tell the baby. Have the 4 clean up anything he plays with. "Help" the 1 year old clean up and tell him, "We clean up our toys after we are done playing."
Here, allowance is spending money which I feel kids are just entitled to. It isn't related in any way to chores. Allowance is not a reward for cleaning up after yourself and contributing to the family. It's spending money. They know how much they're getting and what I expect them to pay for with it so they don't nickel and dime me. My son gets more for his age than my daughter did at that age because he pays for things himself that I would have given my daughter money for.

My daughter is five and we don't do the allowance thing, probably because I never got one when I was a kid. (My parents taught me about money by letting me be apart of the household bill discussions every week and they also cosigned a savings account for me so I could put birthday cash or any spare money I made doing odd jobs into it.)

My little one knows that things need to be done around the house and she knows that in order to do something fun, she has to earn it by doing something that needs to be done. I mean, I'm not allowed to sit down and play on mamapedia unless I do something I've been putting off so I feel like I've earned it so I am trying to teach my daughter the same discipline.

If I have to vacuum, I call my daughter from whatever she's doing to help. How can she help me vacuum? Well, there's always SOMETHING tiny on the floor that may get sucked up and I hate bending over a bunch while I'm trying to clean the carpet so she shadows me and picks up any lite brites, legos, marbles or any other kid-flotsam that drifts out of her bedroom to settle about the house. She said she didn't want to come help me one time and I just started sucking up the stuff in the hall. She heard the noisy clatter and flipped her spit. She was there in an instant saving her treasures. She really didn't think I was going to do it. (Mom 1 Disobedient Daughter 0).

The biggest thing you have to deal with is your follow through. If you say "no TV until you do X" STICK with it.

In my house, I never order someone to do something if I'm not going to pitch in and work too. If I'm yelling at my kid to clean her room, but my kitchen is full of dishes, it just makes me feel like a hypocrite so I'll say "This house needs some love. It's time to clean!" And we'll all get up and do something.

Many hands make light work. This is what I'm teaching. It's a lessen I learned growing up and it's still good today.

My kids always had one responsibility - to do well in school. They are responsible for getting straight As, getting their homework done on time, and keeping up with their studies. My children are involved in Band, Church, and other extra curricular activities -- all require lots of work and time.
As far as housework and such -- I do that. I'm home. I can do the laundry. I do expect them to put their dirty laundry in the bin. If we are having company, I enlist help as I need it. They are happy to help.
I never did an allowance -- it was too hard to keep up with. So -- I taught them the value of a dollar by example. We shop the sale racks. We don't purchase anything that is full price. We wait for electronics and other extras -- Heck, we just got texting on our cell phones. :-) If they got birthday money - they put it in the bank.
Both of my children are very responsible. They follow through on what they start. They help without complaint. If they see something that needs to be done or someone who needs help, they jump in and do it.
We volunteer as a family. We started that when they were young. If there was something going on at church, whether they needed help moving chairs or pizza sales, we got the children involved and let them help us. :-)
"A life of service is a life well lived" is our motto.
YMMV
LBC

It's funny, I am currently working on this with my daughter! I started small, I have a kid's broom set and my 4 year old is in charge of crumbs after breakfast and lunch (I vacuum after dinner). Her 2 year old brother likes to help her, but he just moves the crumbs around! She and her brother did it willingly for a few days and then stopped. I am trying to get them back into the routine of it.

I know a woman with 5 kids. In her house, everyone has 1-2 chores to do before the rest of the day starts. This is the way I work, so I am hoping to get my kids onto this routine as well.

On top of the crumbs, we are learning how to make our bed. The 4 year old is also responsible for keeping her bedroom floor clean, and of course we all clean up the playroom everyday.

We don't do an allowance yet, and I don't think we will do rewards for contributions to the household economy. I don't want them to see this stuff as tedious work, but rather things that can be fun that just need to get done.

The third chore on my list is putting away her own clothing. Yesterday we worked on how to fold.....

By the time I was 12, I was in charge of cleaning the bulk of my mom's house, so I am hoping to get my house cleaned by my kids by that age too ;) I'm also going to let them cook 1 night a week.

My kids have always done their chores. I've never done allowances, but I chose a couple of chores that they are paid for. They are supposed to sweep the driveway once a week for $5. They can also clean the van inside and out for $14, and I'll pay them for unusual chores that come up, such as fixing something, clearing gutters (not too high), etc. They earned $40 each for staining the deck last summer. So they know they must contribute to the household, and they know the value of a dollar.

For my kids they are taught from early on that they must help clean up after themselves. My 7 month old sits with me while I clean up toys so he can watch me put things away. After a meal my 19th month old is given a wet washcloth and he is to wipe his hands, face, and his spot at the table, of course I clean up anything he misses. He is also taught to hellp clean up toys after himself. I get on the floor with him and hand him a toy, tell him where it goes, and he puts it away. He also helps with liitle things like putting the wet laundry I hand him into the dryer and he also helps pull dry laundry out of the dryer and puts it into the basket. My 3 and 6 year olds do all of this plus dust, help put away dishes, make sure shoes stay in the shoe bins by the manin door, and they help put away their own laundry. My 9 (almost 10 year old) does all of this plus will occassionally wash dishes, feed and water the birds, help pick up the yard before mowing, and occassionally sweep, vacuum, mop, or scrub the vacuum.

I guess what I am saying is I teach them to clean up after themselves and to help others from a very young age. They learn that it is simply being part of a family.

As for allowance, we do not give it yet. maybe when they are middle school and older we will. For now they know that if they participate and behave as they should they are rewarded with trips to the zoo, small toys when we go to the store, being taken out to eat (usually their choice of resturants), ect.

My kids are 4.5 and 2.5 and they don't necessarily have specific chores but are expected to clean up after themselves and help out when asked. One of my daughter's (4.5) unofficial chores is to take out the recycling from the kitchen to the garage and put it in the bin. Both my kids are expected to pick up their toys and help clean up the various books and other things before bed. The son obviously needs more help than my daughter but my daughter is learning that as part of our family you have to help out and clean up things that you didn't necessarily use. In fact her preschool teacher just said to me that she is one of the best at cleaning up, being understanding and helping out with things she didn't use.

We haven't figured out if and when we are going to give them allowances but we probably will in the future. When I was a kid I didn't really get a consistent allowance. My mom did my laundry up until I went to college but I knew that I was supposed to help out in other ways, and I did. I think it's all really about expectations. Although I'm not opposed to giving a 4 y/o an allowance, I also don't think it's necessary either. Do what works for you but most importantly set the expectation that everyone living in the house helps to keep it running.

That's how we do it too. We expect help with picking up their things each evening and before transitioning to other activities or leaving the house. We ask for help with keeping the bathrooms presentable. The only thing I ask is that they don't clean when they are upset or overwhelmed and that they can ask for help if they need it and make it fun. I'm a firm believer in making cleaning fun. We play beat the clock games, we clean rooms thoroughly as a whole family, we try to not fight about who's doing what. Then we give $2 a week allowance for being a productive member of the family. They can save or spend that. It's great to teaching that they can use is if they have it or save up for something bigger.

I was having a really hard time keeping up with the house and after posting on here recently I had a lot of people asking if I'm using "kid power". It occurred to me that there is so much they can do to help. So, it has been much easier recently to keep up with the clutter. They hang their coats, put their shoes away, help set the table, help get their breakfast, etc. It's nice!

Basically I expect chores to be done and don't pay for them, to me that's what people do as part of their responsibility within the family and to themselves. It helps children as they grow up to know how to put their dishes in the sink and wash them, dust, sweep, mop and vacuum, put things away, do laundry, etc., all necessary things in maintaining a home and being self-sufficient.

My step-daughter was/is the same so I can say with knowledge that your almost 17 year old may be in a heap of disillusionment when he's out on his own and the cleaning/laundry fairy maid isn't around ; ) She came to us at the age of 9 and her mother had done a big disservice to her by allowing her to never lift a finger. Her daddy let it go, to my great disappointment, he didn't want her to dislike him, so I put most of her work on him, which he hated but wouldn't "upset" her. When she turned 18 she moved in with two friends who wanted her out after 2 months, they told her she was a "pig" and they weren't going to take care of her :( She moved from there to Mom's to Aunt's to Dad's (we're no longer together) to her boyfriend's (they broke up because of what he called her "laziness") to Sister's and so on with the same results, she refuses to do anything for herself other than put on makeup and go to work and go out, and can't understand why anyone would expect her to. I've heard her place is a pigsty and no one will visit her there.

Allowances always backfired on me, kids compare and expect what so and so gets, "and she doesn't have to do any chores!" I'd rather pay out money for necessary items and expenses, and give money as gifts for birthday and Christmas gifts and special occasions.

My little guy will be 3 in a week, and he wipes down his place at the table, or if he spills something, wipes his face and hands after eating with a washcloth, puts his toys away, cleans up his messes, puts his dirty clothing in his hamper, dusts, tries to sweep and vacuum, lol, and I'm usually doing my share of the cleaning at the same time so he sees this is what we do. Modeling the behavior you want and expect is a big motivator for little ones to do the same, they see you're not asking them to do something you wouldn't do.

This morning he helped himself to a new box of cereal (I left some nonperishables on the counter because I was too tired to put everything away after shopping) and he spilled about a cupful all over the floor. He wanted to watch Toy Story and I told him he could AFTER he picked up the cereal and put it in the trash. It took him 20 minutes or so, he tried to convince me he needed to watch the movie rather than pick up the cereal, but I told him, "no, YOU made the mess so YOU need to clean it up or no watching Toy Story." So, basically his consequence for not doing a chore is that he doesn't get to do what he wants to do until it is done, again, a great motivator ; )

My son is almost five and we've just started a $1 a week allowance.

From my experience with children, it is really hard for them to have the same concepts around 'the value of hard work' as we do. Therefore, my son has two kinds of tasks: routine tasks that he is expected to do regularly and then 'do together' task. (I use the word 'tasks' instead of 'chores'. I just really dislike the word 'chores'.)

In any case, the routine tasks are self-care/maintenance jobs. I have a Job Train built out of cardstock and magnets that he puts together on the refrigerator after preschool. He is to put his shoes away, hang up his coat, empty his schoolbag and hang that up, clean out his lunchbox. use the toilet and wash his hands. Every day before school he's asked to dress himself (before breakfast-- not dressed? no breakfast.), use the toilet, brush his hair and teeth before school and to dress himself for the walk to school. He is also asked to take his dirty laundry to the wash twice a day (a.m. and pm) and to pick up his toys/clean up his room. Sometimes he needs a bit of help or direction, sometimes not.

The Do-Together Tasks are more related to the household, because younger children do better with guidance and company. He may help me empty trash cans (he brings them to me), take out refuse to garbage and recycling, load the washer, help load the dryer, help to fold some of his own clothes and to put them away. He makes 'laundry deliveries' to the correct rooms where things belong. (I put them away. He still needs a little more finesse.) He also helps put away groceries, wash fruits and veggies, peel veggies, cuts up softer fruit/veg with a paring knife or uses a crinkle -cutter for firmer foods. He can spread his nut butter and jelly onto bread for his own sandwich. He's to set the table (napkins and utensils) before meals. And he also helps in the garden.

While these don't seem like "chores" per se, doing them *with* him means I teach him how to do it properly. Teaching him how to help is teaching him how to be part of a community. I give him a lot of Thank You's for helping out and good feedback. "Thanks for peeling those carrots. I was able to get the tofu ready while you were doing that." or "Thanks for bringing me those trash cans. We got this done so quickly." The reward for the help is telling him how helpful he was and how much I appreciate his help. He looks pretty proud when I tell him how much fun I have cooking with him or how nice his room looks after he's cleaned it.

Hope this helps. I don't have any silver-bullet suggestions, just working with them as they seem more able to handle more responsibility. If I get some foot-dragging,certainly, depending on the task, there may be consequences. Toys not picked up at end of day because he goofed around? The toys left out go to the basement for a week. Didn't set the table? "Wow! You don't have anything to eat with. What are you going to do about that?" Dragging his feet in the morning--then we have to hustle to school instead of enjoying a leisurely walk.

Chores... Chores develop naturally from the time they are toddlers, according to ability. At two, we expected things like pick up a toy or two and put them back on the shelf. At 3, they love to sort things, so a chore was put away the silverware from the dishwasher while I or an older child put away the dishware. When they are very young, it is mostly chores that they do while you are there - they have a piece in another work like the dishwasher, or helping me make the bed or change sheets. Slowly, they learn to dust on their own, vacuum, make their own bed, make lunches, etc. Some kids need lists and lists within lists in order to know what to do - to remember steps, others don't. We didn't label - just taught them to do what they need to do. Thus, a child may have a "problem with executive functioning" that may never be labeled - we just adapted according to the child's needs.

The whole goal of this is to have them grow up to be independent, well-functioning adults of their own.

Every weekend, besides our usual chores (ALL of us had chores - mother, father, kids), we had colorful slips of paper we each chose that had a "once in a blue-moon" type chore on it. The kids had special ones according to ability. So, a special chore (suitable to a 4-year old) might be, "clean the banister" - of course after showing him how (we just used a damp cloth and wiped it down) or "clean all the door knobs." We ALL had these types of chores. For me it might be "clean the livingroom curtains" which was major work involving taking them down, washing, drying, ironing and starching, and putting them back up! Or my husband might have cleaning out the gutters or the cleaning and conditioning all the leather couches.

I think It helped that we ALL had our chores - daily and the weekly ones as a family. We actually didn't have problems with someone not doing chores until they were older, and then always attributable to something, such as a relative told one of the children that the kids should not have ANY chores - that's what her mother was for (I worked full time, by the way... and anyway, I never saw "personal maid" in part of my job description). When issues like that come up, you deal with them on a case by case basis. When one of the older kids kept dawdling over picking up her room (there were 5 children at the time), we scheduled a really fun outing with just the husband, grandfather the older kids, and oh... so sorry... couldn't go on the outing if the room wasn't picked up by the time they left... and of course, the one dawdling did end up missing that outing... but guess what? she didn't do that again, and did make it on their next outing!