I need some input here ladies!! Let me give you a little background info....when I was in the hospital having my daughter, my inlaws (2 sister inlaws, brother inlaw, his girlfriend, husband's 9 yr old nephew and mother inlaw) were all there along w/my family and friends. His family became UGLy after my friend mentioned to them that my hubby was the only one allowed in the room at birth (which I had stated several times)....even made comments like "why are we even here then?"...They stayed at my house, trashed it, and didn't bother to clean it up before I came home. I ended up having an emergency c-section, and his family left my house 2 days after she was born b/c my husband would not come home and see them......to be totally honest, I can't stand them....they are too relaxed w/certain situations and I don't really prefer my daughter to be in their care either....
So, I am having a c-section on June 17th, first- I am having my daughter stay w/my parents at their house. She goes there everyday while we are at work, she loves her Grandma and Bampa (she came up w/it...lol), and she spends the night there at least once a week! So, I said Cameryn could go see my inlaws, but not spend the night b/c I don't feel I should have to worry about her while I am in the hospital. Not to mention they don't call or come see her on a regular basis so she is SCARED of them!!....
Second-I have told my husband that I do not want anyone in my room after my surgery, that I want people to either come much later in the evening or the next day! Last time I had 25 people in recovery and my inlaws tried to hold my daughter before I got to (she was sick and had to be taken to NICU right at birth). I was totally uncomfortable and out of it from the Epidural. My first question is is do you think I'm being irrational by asking people to come later??? This includes EVERYONE...not just his family!
Third-I will most likely be coming home from the hospital on Friday or Saturday, I do not want ANYONE at my house visiting right when I get home!! I don't think it's too much to ask for people to wait until I am feeling better to come see the baby...his family is so mad!!!! I am sooo tired of hearing about how I could ruin this for THEM!! ARE YOU SERIOUS??? I am the one having the baby!! I think I get to be selfish at this point!! If they were to come and help out or even pick up after themselves it might be different, but they don't bother to help, they don't pick up after themselves and I don't think I should have to deal w/them when I get home!! So, my second question is am I being irrational about this?? It's up to me, I know, but I would like to hear other's opinions....sorry so long...thanks for taking the time to read and respond!!
I wish I had some really good advice for you, but I'm not sure that I do. I just wanted to let you know that it is okay for it to just be you and your husband in the or and recovery and that you are allowed to have time at home by yourself once you leave the hospital. Your in-laws should respect that, and hopefully your husband can explain that to them. I had a c-section in January and I agree you need that time to recover and not be stressed. It is a sacred time for you, your husband, and your new baby. I think it is a good idea that you say EVERYONE is not coming until later and ANYONE is not going to be at you house right when you get home is a good rule. Remind them that you are not singling them out.
Hope things get better. Family discord is so hard and I hope you can have some healing between you and your in-laws. For now, though, you and your husband do need to be firm and set the rules, so you don't look back and think "boy, I wish this had gone that way and things would have been much happier at such a happy time!"
Also - I love the name and spelling "Cameryn" for a girl! My full name ends in "ryn", so I've told my husband I love "Cameryn" if we ever have a girl!
Hope you have a happy, healthy delivery!
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K.G.
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No-- I totally agree with you ---it tends to turn into a three ring circus and you need to rest, bond with your new little baby and enjoy being together as a new family of FOUR!
I would tell the hospital to "restrict" visitors besides who you want. That way at least at the hospital is the "bad guy" and it is not on you and your hubby to play "police" or good cop/bad cop...
At home it will be up to your hubby to bar the door... It seems like your in-laws aren't going to like it but tough.... if they don't like it then to bad!
good luck and be strong --relax and enjoy your new little one! :)
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T.W.
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Do you have to tell them the due date? Perhaps your husband can wait a few days to call and tell them your baby has arrived? They may be a little hurt, but at least you will get a few days of peace and rest without all the drama.
I do not think you are being irrational about this at all. Their lack of understanding about what YOU need really gives you no other choice. You can apologize after your recovery!
T.
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A.G.
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Cari, first of all this is your experiane with your husband. you can;t ruin it for them. that is a guilt trip. I am very good at sotting those. my inlaws came down for the birth of my boys, stayed in my house and came to the NICU SICk to see my babies and ended up getting my husband sick. They don't have the same standards of cleanliness and they don't think about the stress they put on us.I feel your pain. I hate family fighting but I have to say, now is the time that your husband stands up and says this is what WE have decided and what is best for our family. This was really hard for my husband bc he didn;t want to hurt feelings of make his mom mad...He can now see through her controlling behaivor. He can say the dr. wants to make sure you heal properly and get your milk in. You can't do this without rest and peace. You can also point out your daughter was in the NICu and they want to be extra catious this time to make sure the baby is stable and healthy. I don't know when this whole birthing thing became a family affair. My dad wan't even allowed in the room with my mom. People don't come in after you have surgery to see you in the recovery.. A C-section is major surgery. You have to heal and you have to have rest. Your family should respect that you want to have this experiance with your husband. I would trust my family in a heartbeat to take care of my kids but my inlaws have only watched them once and that was this month while my husband and I went to a movie and ate. the boys were sleeping most of the time we were gone.
You have been given a gift and you want the best for that child.... not that you want to keep them from loved ones but if you don't feel comfortable with someone caring for your child, that is ok. All that said, I have learned that you have to have boundaries. You can't allow guilt trips and manipulation BUT you can do this is a loving way that difusses the situation. Read the book called boundaries. I pull it out from time ot time when things flair up. You are not a bad person to want some privacy and space. I would flip if I came home to a messy house and couldn't really clean b/c I was healing. I probably sound bitchy and closed... I feel it is a way to keep things sane and most of all look out for my family especially my kids. I will pray for you.. emotions are high and hormones raging... It isn't easy to stay focused!
