Hi Moms,
I hope this wont be to long if it is sorry. I have a 4 1/2 year old son. He is the only child. He is so needy at times he wants me and my husband attention all the time he don't want us to do anything else after work but entertain him. He wont spend the night with his grandparents, aunts, cousins,etc. I don't know what to do at this point. He goes to a daycare/preschool. But none of the parents are interested in any after school things. Plus some of the kids a kind of rough and don't want to listen so I dont even try for anything. Do to my son not wanting not sleeping over my husband and I have not been out alone since August 2006. To say the least our marriage seems to be only about our son. My husband and I have not been intimate in over 5 months. I am Lost as what to do. Sorry it's so long but thanks for leting me vent.
Just try to keep in mind that the core of your family is the marriage. You need to nurture that before giving into your four year old at every turn. You are the one in control!
Call a sitter or leave him overnight with family, leave with your husband, and have a great time. The tears will go away in no time. If you don't do it now, you will be creating many issues for your son in the future.
That sounds really tough. Have you tried a babysitter, even for a few hours? You could invite the babysitter over the first time and stay and plan projects that only the babysitter does.
Then, sometimes you have to initiate the playdates. Even if it is a kid that is somewhat rough, I'm betting it isn't as bad as you would think and you could always try.
I think that slowly introducing new things, outside interests will help. You also might try to drop him off at his grandparents for a Sat. afternoon. He might cry and whine, but I bet you after you are gone, he has fun. Right now he probably knows that if he protests, he wins.
Another idea is that after your son goes to bed, which I know my 4 1/2 year old is down by 8, don't do laundry, other chores or TV. Make a pack with your husband that you will spend 1/2 hour or and hour talking to each other - and that you won't do any kid speak! My husband and I have started to do that because we have two and its easy after coming home from a long day, putting two to bed to not communicate or focus on kids.
Hope this helps.
K., I am a mom of 3 grown kids and a counselor. I am going to say some hard things to you. You and your husband's lives are dictated by the wants of a 4 year old. Most 4 year olds are up and down emotionally all the time. Normal stuff. But it's cruel to leave your family life with a 4 year old in charge. It's not fair to the 4 year old, let alone the adults.
You and your husband must set the rules and limits, regardless of whether your son likes them. You know what is best. It is as if your 4 year old is in charge. That won't make him feel better in the long run, it just makes him more anxious.
Decide on the family rules with your husband. Calmly tell your son ahead of time about the changes:
"Tomorrow bedtime is at 8pm. you will have a bath, story and then you will sleep in your bed. If you can't go to sleep you may lay quietly awake all night in your bed while your dad and I sleep. I am telling you this so you know ahead of time, that if you create too much noise you will not be allowed to (whatever he likes) the next day. If you are quiet, as I know you can be, we will have a special trip to the library (or whatever) and if you go to sleep each day for a week, we can spend special time this weekend)
Don't leave him in charge -it will be too stressful for him. Take charge, Mom. Even if he doesn't like it at first. That will help him feel secure.
Blessings
It may be challenging at first but for the sake of your sanity & marriage he will get used to other caretakers even if its a few hours of babysitting.
Dont let guilt feelings keep you from helping him learn the important lesson of giving you & his dad your space.
K.,
Honestly I don't have any suggestions, but I just wanted to let you know that I feel your pain. I know that sometimes you're not really expecting things to change, but you just have to vent to keep from losing your mind.
My situation is similar to yours . . . I'll be 42 this year, I've been married for 14 yrs., we have a 4.5 year old son, and our son was born the day before our wedding anniversary. My husband and I never go out alone or do anything without our son. And my son hasn't started school yet, so he's with me 24/7. Our friends and family live far away, and both my parents are deceased. So we have no one to watch him. I feel stressed out the majority of the time and our marriage suffers because of it, but we manage to hang on. We're in it for the long haul.
Have you tried counseling? It really helps to have someone to talk to about things. If you'd like we can chat, feel free to email me.
____@____.com
I hope it gets better for you,
Lynn
