Independence I Guess, My 18Mo Daughter Wont Let Me Feed Her.

Updated on November 22, 2007
A.P. asks from Lanexa, VA
12 answers

My 18mo daughter will not let me feed her, if she seem fustrated and I try to help by taking her spoon she flips out and crys- not just a normal cry a cry with a purple face and you have to tell her toa take a breathe- like she understands it. So I tried giving her a spoon and me taking a spoon, she is using a teaspoon insteade of a baby spoon, and seems to normally do pretty well but some foods wont stay on the spoon and get to her mouth so thats when the frustration comes in, and she throughs her head back into the high chair and has a temper tantrum. Every meal is a mess. She is seeming to only like finger foods, and she does will with vegtables.
Is it just independence and I should leave it alone?

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M.P.

answers from Washington DC on

I think it is normal. My 17 month old has been doing the same thing for a few months now. She loves to feed herself and does really good with a fork or spoon. If I try to help her along and give her a bite with my fork or spoon she just takes it from me and feeds her self. Then she has two forks or spoons. Try to help when you can but let her experiment as well.

It will pass and she will get better at it.

Mel

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A.H.

answers from Dover on

A.,
I am also a full time nurse,and have a husband that works a lot.I am the Mother of six kids the youngest is 3,with another baby on the way it would be good if your 18 month old could feed herself.I would give her mainly finger foods.Let her feed herself with her spoon,avoid giving her foods that fall off of a spoon.

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A.M.

answers from Washington DC on

My daughter went through this really early. I think she was 10 months so it was when she was still eating a lot of baby foods. It was rough.. thankfully it only lasted about a month. Best thing to do for now is give her finger foods & while she's feedign herself try & sneak in a spoonful of something else. She is currently 15 months & has no problem with me feeding her. Good luck!

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S.L.

answers from Washington DC on

Hi, they have some great childrens spoons at babys are us and this helps keep the food on the spoon. also giving her a deeper spoon might help her. i did this with both of mine at it worked. also little kid forks that are not pointy can help her pock the food.
hope this helps you.

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T.L.

answers from Washington DC on

Hi A.,

I think the ladies gave some great advice. What I found helped with my son was to start out feeding him the things that were especially important to have more end up in his belly than on the floor (like peas), and then let him eat the rest of the food on his plate.

I also began to mix the peas or other small veggies into mashed potatoes so that he could do it himself.

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K.B.

answers from Washington DC on

Dear A., our daughter is 13mo old and starting to get really hard to feed too. I understand completly! Our baby girl will scream and grab the spoon from our hands. We are trying to give her as much finger food as we can but our problem is that she is still too little to u nderstand she cant just shove it all in at once - so we have to give it piece meal - and thats when she freaks out! Purple line down the middle of the forehead.

Whatever you do, please share and I will be with you in spirit! K.

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M.M.

answers from Norfolk on

At 18 months she should be feeding herself finger foods. Spoons are difficult to learn so try forks. You can find some bibs at WalMart that snap at the bottom and form a little pocket. Great for catching most of the mess. Keep some wash rags by the sink (I think they work better than paper towels) and try to avoid saucy foods for breakfast and lunch. I would serve things like sandwiches, fruit, fish sticks, etc. Stuff like spaghetti could wait for dinner where you can toss them in the tub right after for the nightly bath.

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R.H.

answers from Norfolk on

My suggestion is to try to make it as easy on her as possable. Give her foods she can feed herself with as often as possable. If the prob. happens less often she will gain some self assurance she can do it herself and she will get less upset when it does. Next i wouldn't help her she wants to do it herself let her. When you try to take the spoon away or try to help her she is getting the message loud and clear "YOU CAN'T DO THIS, LET ME" You may also want to take a spoon of your own with out words take your spoon and show with her food how to get it on. But if she gets upset remember she has every right it's her food and your interfearing. As far as a mess the meals from now on will be a mess prepare for one.

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J.W.

answers from Washington DC on

I have a 22 mo son and live by the philosophy that babies, and their clothes, are washable. The catch bibs are great, we've been using them since our son started eating (or trying to) on his own. We give him a for or a spoon, depending on what we're eating, and let him have at it. He can use the utensil or his fingers. As soon as he shows he's had his fill we get a wet washcloth and wash his face and hands right there in his high chair. Typically, there's no need to rush him to the bath right away, even when we've had pizza for lunch. We may have to change the occasional shirt, but again, no biggie for us.

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A.S.

answers from Norfolk on

Hi A.,

Maryam has some great advice and I would only add that you may try a toddler spoon since they tend to be easier for them to grip and are deeper so that they can generally get something to stay in the spoon. I found some at Walmart that interlock with the fork and is like a dollar or something. These are deeper than most other children spoons which helped in reducing frustration for my son and me ;) Good Luck.

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E.K.

answers from Washington DC on

Miss Independence is feeling her way to growing up. Give her "silverware" for toddlers, put a mat or a sheet of thick vinyl on the floor and take lots of pictures. Let her figure out how it works, she's gonna make a mess, and with a new baby on the way you want to encourage this bit of independence. My youngest is turning 5 next month, and we have pictures of all 6 kids trying to feed themselves, we put them in what we call the blackmail file to show future boyfriends and girlfriends. You will all laugh at them when they grow up (next year, ha-ha).

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N.M.

answers from Washington DC on

omg, i know exactly where u r coming from, i have a 19 month old lil' girl who is definilty starting the terrible twos early too, she wants to eat independently and has the temper tantrums too, due to frustration if she can't do it or if mommy tries to help too much. It's completely normal n if she is able to do it by herself or is doing the finger foods let her, but if she is having a hard time, n has a temper tantrum, let it pass u have to ignore them at this age and when its done, say let mommy help u n take two sppons allowing her to try n in between her trying u pull a scoop up to her mouth, almost taking turns, n if its not a finger food but she can obviously do well w/ using her fingers to eat it , just go ahead n take away the spoon (if she can't do it independently) n let her eat it as a finger food to avoid the frustration. But in the end, of course, there isn't a magic answer to fix everything, i have tried everything from letting her flip out, to talking calmly to her about it not being nice to flip out (in other words), to practicing with different foods, but in the end, shes only 19 months, it's normal.

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