Help! I'm so angry right now, I'm shaking! I just got off a flight w/ my husband and three year old son. There was a "friendly" college-aged girl sitting behind us. About half-way during the flight, she turned her attention to our son. She started out with friendly conversation, asking him his name, etc, but turned her interaction into all-out rough-housing & squealing. My son is not allowed to scream or annoy other people on an airplane. I would discipline him, and ask him to be quiet, and face forward. This woman, however, would continue to engage him, making discipline impossible! After a bit of loud play, I announced that they were likely annoying everyone around us, and to please "shut it down." This woman would still not stop!! She even suggested that she take him to the back of the plane to play, where they wouldn't annoy anybody!!! NO WAY!!! I finally told my son that his friend was taking a nap, and that he needed to face forward. This of course, made him cry, and annoy people all the more! After the plane landed, she engaged him again, and yanked him so hard "in play," that he hit his leg on an airplane seat and screamed while everyone got off the plane. I'm so angry with myself for not putting down a hard line with this woman. On the other hand, I was too uncomfortable to start a confrontation on a crowded airplane. What would you have done???
OMG! Upon reflection, Sue H is so right! I'm so pissed at myself right now! It was just shocking as the situation unfolded. I kept thinking she would stop! Luckily the rough housing only entailed her sitting in her seat, and him sitting in his seat - - "arm wresting," more or less. But the fact that she wanted to take him to the back of the plane really freaks me out!!! She was definitely at least college age - - I told her telling the guy behind us that she's a therapist, but I highly doubt it! She seemed so harmless and cute, at first. I guess if she was a man I would have been more on guard. But lesson learned! I think next time, I will be a lot quicker to react, and a lot stronger in my reaction. Hopefully this will protect us from someone more harmful down the road! Thanks for the great responses!
LOUDLY "PLEASE LEAVE MY SON ALONE"
Then ring for the flight attendent and ask her/him to say something.
I think you did right. The only thing I would add is I would have asked the flight attendant to have a word with her since she wasn't listening to you. Don't know if that would help, but a uniformed employee may put a little more power behind the request.
I am amazed that this would happen, J.. Wow. Something is "off" with this gal.
I guess I would have gotten up and taken my son to the bathroom and talked to the flight attendant while I was at it. While you were out of your seats, she could have gone back and asked the girl to please leave you both alone. Flight attendants are VERY good at dealing with people who misbehave.
Dawn
I probably would have been much more direct with her than you were. There's nothing wrong with being direct with people. You can't always be worried that asking someone to stop doing something for the benefit of your child is going to hurt their feelings. "Please stop playing with my child. He's not allowed to play with strangers." If she continued after something like that, "I'm sorry, I've already asked once and I hate to have to do this again but I need you to stop playing with my child. It's making me very uncomfortable. I'm not going to ask again."
Any further interactions and I would have said something to the flight attendant.
I would have stood up & towered over the young woman....& laid down the law. She was acting inappropriately, you know....she knows it....& the whole plane knew it. What did you have to lose? Time to ask yourself.... what held you back?
Both you & your husband were faced with a situation where you needed to step up to the plate.....
& one more thought: all it would have taken...would have been one little slip of her hands....to touch your son inappropriately & in the midst of the rough play, you would have never known. His guardian angel was working today!
(sigh) I'm going for shock value on this one: do you really know where her hands have been? I would not want a stranger touching my child. :)
Yeah...I would have told her to find her seat and leave my child be...or I would consult the flight attendant for further action. (And then follow through, if she didn't cut it out!)
I literally had to tell a lady to take her hands off my son once. She kept walking up behind us, and trying to hug him. It was so weird and creepy. I am never shy about telling people they can't touch my child. I think everyone would have appreciated if you "confronted" her, to be honest.
Do you know for certain her age? Is it possible that she wasn't a college age girl, but a young teen? I know many 12-13 year old girls who look like they could be college age, but still act like children. Doesn't excuse the behaviour, but would make it much less "strange".
I suggest that you should've made your boundary clear. You should have said, point blank, that she should stop rough housing with your son and then turned your son back around to sit in the seat. If she continued, then you could ask the attendant for help. I don't understand why you didn't keep your son seated and busy with other activities you brought along.
Not everyone can take a hint and it sounds like you tried making broad hints without being direct. I suggest that you're angry with yourself for not being able to handle this situation but are focusing all the energy on this girl.
His friend was taking a nap? Do you mean you told him that the girl who was rough housing was taking a nap? That's a lie and probably only made the situation worse. Be assertive. Be direct. And expect both the girl and your son to mind what you say.
It's easier to be angry than to accept the truth of a situation. Be sorry that you weren't able to manage this situation successfully. Learn the lesson involved and let it go.
I don't understand your fear in this situation. It would be extremely difficult for anyone to hurt your child while on the plane. There would be no way that this girl and your son would be out of the view of several people. You described nothing about her behavior that would indicate that she was of danger.
Also, know that if their play was disturbing anyone else, the attendant would've put a stop to it. Is it possible that you were overly sensitive? It's OK for you to want your son to be quiet. However, it is your responsibility to control his behavior. She sat behind you. If he'd been sitting down she couldn't have interacted with him.
I suggest that you are being too hard on yourself and her.
That is weird. She sounds like a whack job. Since she didn't take your hint, I would have talked to a flight attendant to do something...they will usually intervene in situations like this.
Sorry you had to put up with that garbage.
How odd. Hind sight is always 20/20, so don't beat yourself up. A weird thing happened that you didn't expect, and I am sure it stunned you. We never know how we'll react in situations that just sneak up on us. I read your post and said - Oh I would have done this, or that. However, I most likely would have acted the same way you did, then thought about and got pissed and wished I would have done something else. Also, keep in mind that some people don't have social ques, or are missing the social graces chip. She sounded narcissistic. I mean who disregards a mother when it comes to her child, then asks to take a child to the back of the plane? Maybe a mental illness was a factor here with the girl. You said you thought she was lying about being a therapist. Your mommy gut to shake this girl off was right on the money. There are a million different ways you could have handled it. What if you had gone off on the girl? You never know how she would have reacted, or retaliated. Maybe she was bi-polar, and she just happened to be on one of her highs? You just never know. Everything with how you handled it landed just how it should have : ) The main thing is your son is safe and you'll never see her again!
I would have told HER that a plane is not the appropriate place for that kind of play. And let her know that you teach your child to respect others around him. It's silly, but sometimes you have to parent older "kids" too.
She sounds incredibly immature! Almost as if she was a middle schooler or something. Some adults surprise me with things like that. I remember a father lifting his son upside down at the 1st grade meet and greet and putting his head into his supply bin. There were 70 people in this classroom and he's rough housing and getting in everyone's way! What a weirdo. I probably would have tried to make it clear to them both that he needs to face forward now and read a story with you...or draw or something quiet. I would have firmly said, Thank you for playing with him, but I will be taking over now.
Hindsight is 20/20 but if it ever comes up again and she doesn't stop interacting with your child, call a flight attendant and see if she can be moved or something. Maybe say something during a bathroom break so you don't need to lay it out in front of her. "I'm sorry to bother you, but there's this woman sitting behind us who won't leave my son alone and I'm at a loss...can she or we be moved?"
Good for you for not allowing her to take him somewhere else to play. That's a huge flag. It is also a flag that, for whatever reason, she did not listen to you when you did not want him to continue to play. However, if I had been near you, I would have simply appreciated that you were trying to deal with your son and not have been as annoyed as if he were bothering her.
We have all had those stranger interaction moments that we later wish we'd handled differently. Lesson learned, right?
J.,
Don't beat yourself up about it. You can now use the tools to take care of yourself and your son next time. If a stranger approaches like this again---smile and say firmly " I'm sorry but we dont' know you and its not ok with me that you play with my child. " If they try again, you say--Excuse me, I thought I made it clear- I don't want you to play or interact with my son. WE don't know you. Stop. " Then if there are any more issues--you push your little call button and have the flight attendant come see you. Tell him/her that this person is harassing your child and you want THEM to be moved.
You don't have to have a big confrontation, but you have the right to stand up for your child ANYWHERE-ANYTIME, ANYPLACE.
I always start sweet and firm but if they keep disrespecting the boundary, I make it clear as day and if they step one foot closer or try to touch--I am going to pop them in the face.
i don't know, how weird!!
i would have done similar to what you did - turn him around, give him a stern warning and tell him that's not appropriate. she really put you in a terrible position. sorry about that...weird!
I would have been so perplexed as to how to handle that! Wow!
Not sure what I would have done . . . probably the same thing you did.
