In Need of Advice with a Screaming Toddler

Try getting the book 1-2-3 Magic. I have tried it and it works really well. I highly recommend it. My daughter used to the do the same thing and I started doing the things in the book and it worked. It was given to me by a teacher friend of mine who uses it in her classroom and her own daughter who is now a teenager. It is for all ages. You can get used copies online at Amazon.com. Good luck!!! I also use it with my 10 year old son and it has worked very well with him too. L.

I agree with preparation and keeping them in the loop of our schedules. I sometimes forget to do this too. But when they have time to prepare it can go easier.

With that said, there is a great tool you can use when she does break down. Listen to her. Without telling her she is wrong or her feelings don't matter. Let her know you are there for her. The crying is good, it is a natural way we heal ourselves. It can be uncomfortable to listen to because most of us were not allowed that growing up. AND it is okay for you to set the limit with her that you need to go now. I am sure she will erupt but if you can schedule in some extra time for her to have a meltdown both of you will walk away feeling happier and more connected. Trust me, it will end and she will feel better. She just needs to off-load her hurt. This trust and respect will provide a great foundation for relationship.

I have a 4 and 3 year old and I realized at some point that my bargaining and bribery was not going to fly when they turned into teenagers. I found support to become the parent I want to be with handinhandparenting.org There tools and teachings have been a life saver for me, not only in my relationships with my children but everyone around me. They are on to some great stuff. There are a lot of articles to get great ideas from on the site but they also offer workshops, support groups and training classes.

I hope this is helpful. Remember, this is not easy work. And just by asking the question I can tell you are a great mom.

Best, T.

Do the events that you folks attend have a specific time and/or routine that end the fun? My daughter's "classes" always have a bye bye song or something to signal the end of the class. If you are just going to the playground, you may have to set a time, and warn her when she has 10 minutes left, or after she goes down the slide 4 more times, or after the sun goes behind that tree, or whatever, it is time to go. I have found it helpful to set a buzzer - "when the buzzer beeps, it's time to go!!" like on your cell phone or something. That way, it is not YOUR VOICE nagging her, it is that darn buzzer again!! "buzzer says it's time to go!!" You may just be interrupting her when she is in the middle of something important. Kids at this age can have very intense concentration on something that they are interested in, and they need to finish before they are satisfied. Imagine if your husband said "time to go NOW" right in the middle of your favorite TV show - you may put up a protest, too!

Also, try reading this book "Raising your Spirited Child" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. It helped me alot.

My 3 year old daughter was doing the same thing to the point I dreaded taking her to the park. What seems to have worked the last few times, I gave her a ten minute warning. Than 5 minute warning. By the time it was time to go she was ready, no crying. It was such a relief!

I had this problem with my older son. Give her a warning before it's time to go. "We're going in ten minutes..." "Five minutes til it's time to go..." You can even give her a watch to keep track all by herself. I found this worked well with my older son, and just out of habit, I use the same technique with my little one. It helps them transition from one activity to another. As a little bonus, she'll be learning about telling time at a very young age. I hope it helps. And please remember, every mom in the world has had to deal with dragging a screaming kid out of a playground, park or store at one time or another. You're not alone!

Dear M.,

O.K., here is what I had to do with the very same problem at about the same age. I would say my goodbyes and then tell her we were leaving, pick her up and carry her out screaming. Then to home and rest. She also had to be carried out of seeing the movie, "Bambi" when the mother was killed. She screamed and cried all the way to the car. That was in the olden days when there was no way to see movies at home, fortunately her uncle had gone with me to the movie with his little girl. So my son, niece and I finished seeing the movie while my daughter snuggled in her uncle's lap and sniffled her tears away.

She will finally mature out of that, especially if you do not relent and let her stay for a while longer. If you do that, then you are not going to shorten this sort of behavior.
Good Luck, C. N.

I agree with the other responses that this does happen to many other parents & kids, myself included. My son is two, and what seems to work best for us is transitions, transitions, transitions.

Think of how you would feel if you were your daughter...she doesn't always know what you are thinking about your schedule...try to prepare her for how long you'll stay somewhere, before you leave, while you are en route, and once you get there. Sounds repetitious, but it works for us. When we are getting ready to go, we do a 10-minute warning, then 5-min., then we say "bye-bye" to the park, or wherever we are leaving, & that seems to help him understand it's time to go.

You are in charge, so you get to call the shots about where you go & how long you stay. If you communicate this to her & offer her choices as much as possible, you may find she gets less attitude & less frustration for both of you.

one thing is not to play into it. dont give her any attention about it at all! i saw that you are in sun city. i am in wildomar. if you would ever like to get together for a play date (for the kids of course!) let me know. there is a little park here where i live.

I had similar problems with my son when he was at that age. I tried to make it very clear to him, that if he continued to act like that, we would not come back. So if we were leaving the playground and he started to whine, I would tell him we won't come back if he keeps acting like this, and if he threw a tantrum anyway, we didn't go for a couple weeks. The next time, he remembered.

I'm a childcare provider. I mainly wanted to compliment both Tamee's and MaryBeth's WONDERFUL advice (not discounting anyone's; those just especially stood out for me). I agree with the empathy approach, and that our parents' stifling of our crying wasn't right to do. Screaming children make us uncomfortable for (at least) two reasons: 1. Seeing our children that upset makes us feel powerless (parental instinct); and 2. we were conditioned to consider it "naughty" and "embarrassing." I think Tamee hit the nail on the head, as far as understanding her. I also like the advice to allow some extra time for the inevitable tantrum, counting down to "bye bye," and doing your best to relax and validate her feelings through it. The tantrum just means she doesn't like the disruption to the great time she was having (who DOES?), not that there's something "wrong." It's a big emotion for her, and she's all instinct and honesty. ALL healthy toddlers go through transition difficulties. A toddler who is too compliant is the one I would worry more about. This too will pass. :-) Take care.

I know very well how much it sucks to have the screaming child. People look at you like "what the heck?!" Well, I have found (and I'm sorry for this answer) that what to do is situationally dependent. If your child is just having attitude, it's best to either ignore her or remove her from the situation and explain that she's not behaving appropriate (my son is younger, and they DO understand). If she's screaming because she wants something you have told her no, ignore her and do NOT give in. Try not to worry about what anyone else is thinking but have a little compassion that not everyone wants to hear it. We tried taking him places where it would be okay if he screamed and then practiced handling it. He is MUCH better now. No more tantrums and only the occasional scream.

Just know this... there are others who understand and know what you are going through. It sucks. Patience and love are YOUR best friends. Other than that, trust your instincts and what YOU think is right for your child!

M., I have no advice but was just asking my husband last night "do you think other kids act like this?" "YES" My kids do it too. I'm just thankful I'm not alone. You feel like everyone is staring and that you are a bad mom. I know I'm or we are not, but you feel like it. I guess it is just one of those things we have to put up with.Mine are two and three and it takes two adults to deal with them if them both get crazy. Congrats on the the new one. Keep having fun.Enjoy!!! HE HE K.