In Laws-response

how about deciding to move on with Life & not focus on the past?

how about approaching today from the standpoint....that positive personal growth can happen?

how about allowing other adults to make their own decisions & not hold grudges against them for their own personal choices which are not affecting you? I mean, seriously, I get blocking so she can't look at your stuff.....but that's honestly the extent as to how far you can go!

& I have found that a lot of FB is all about reconnecting threads from the past. If they begin to tangle anew, then you always have the option of cutting out the knots!

& is she the mother of your DH's children....if "yes", then she'll always be a part of your life.....regardless of the age of the kids (yep, I read that they're adults.)

Find a way to relax, find a way to stop trying to govern other adults, & walk away quietly if she starts her junk again. Peace.

I really doubt that your inlaws friended the ex to hurt you. They are adults and can have whatever friends they want.

I'm with your husband. It doesn't matter.

My husband was married before, and I myself am friends with his ex-wife on FB (though sometimes I wish I wasn't). And so are hubby's 2 sisters. There was a relationship between them at some point, and they are still aunts to the 2 boys they had together, but that marriage has been over for over 12 years and hubby and I have been together for 11. I figure it's nothing to get bent out of shape about - just because you are "friends" on FB doesn't mean all of a sudden you are going to be chumming around in real life. If your husband is not bothered by it, I'm not sure why you would be - if you don't want to be FB friends with her, then don't, but your in-laws can do whatever they choose to do, and maybe they have all decided to move on and let the past be in the past. I doubt they meant any disrespect to you and so I wouldn't take it so personally. It's just Facebook. It's not a popularity contest.

Well in everything you said, I picked up on the part "that is why he left her for me" and "she is not a member of this family and has hurt a lot of people". SO, how much did you hurt a lot of people when you seduced him into leaving his wife for YOU?? It might take awhile, but what goes around comes around. You asked us to tell you what we think.

I am so sorry this has upset you so much. Please try to just let it go.

I thinkFB "friends" and really being friends are very different things. My nephew is FB friends with the daughter of my friend from high school -- and they've never met -- because they're each friends with my daughter. Go figure.

I know this is upsetting to you. Please, though, don't go looking for offense when none was intended. You'll be the one most hurt in the end. Take a deep breath. Do something fun for yourself. Let it go. Life is just way too short.

(((hug)))

AFTER READING YOUR REPOST:

When original posts are dramatically changed or removed altogether it's very disappointing because people wonder why you posted it the first place.

In this case the original post was removed and replaced with what should have been a SO WHAT HAPPENED.

The original post said that "he (a married man) left her (his wife) for me" (the other woman). If the former wife was the biggest B on the block, it is still wrong to cheat. If you no longer love your wife/husband, before you go to someone else, get out and get divorces. Many people have learned the hard way, IF HE CHEATED ON HER, HE IS LIKELY TO CHEAT ON YOU ESPECIALLY IF and WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH.

Since you were seeing her husband before they were separated/divorced, no matter what you think of her or what your husband's family "say" they think of her, she and your husband's family may have, and in some cases still consider YOU a home wrecker and the cause of their divorce.

No matter what you have done for his family, there is obviously still some bad blood and you can not keep your husband's relatives from "friending" whom ever they chose.

Dating a married man is wrong, you wouldn't want it done to you and neither does anyone else. So now it's come back to bite you and there's not a lot you can do unless you want to alienate any member of your husband's family who will only swear their allegiance to you.

Blessings.....

i understand your frustration...
however, I also feel that some people fb differently than others, for some it is close friends & family only but for some it is a mega list of anyone and everyone they have come into contact with throughout their entire lives even if they dont like the person, dont ever talk to the person, or dont care about the person...so you should consider that & not take it personally

I think there is a deeper issue than them befriending her on FB. I think you are really insecure about your relationship with your husband. By your own account he left her to be with you so maybe you're scared that your DH will go back to her especially since the ex said the things she did about your DH never loving you as he did her. The things you say you have done for everyone sounds nice, but did you do those things from your heart or just for kudos? If done from your heart then don't treat it as though they owe you something. When marriages break up family tends to side with their own so maybe that's why your in-laws said bad things about the ex. Maybe now they feel it's old and want to let the past be the past. No matter what bad things they thought of her before surely there were some good things and good times back then. I think you've got some maturing to do.

I can understand your frustration, and I think you did the right thing by deactivating your FB account. I'm sorry your DH doesn't understand. If you are that hurt over his family "friending" her, then talk to them about it.

Wow! Did you ask your sister inlaw and brother inlaw why they friended her? I would have done that first. Anywho I would take a step back if I were you. Like I mean just sit down and relax for a minute. You sound really upset and I know what your husband said didn't help, lol! Most husbands are bad at saying the right thing first. Maybe your inlaws don't realize how badly she had previously upset your life? Have you talked to them about it? If you have or plan too ,afterwards if they value your relationship with them they'll drop her. If not then I still wouldn't get too upset bc your the one in the relationship with him, not her, not your inlaws, so maybe at least talk to your husband about listening to you vent bc it will make you feel better and he should be there for you in that way even if he doesn't care about the subject he needs to care for you at that moment. So stop stewing, grab a glass of wine, sit back relax, and recreate your facebook thats your place for your things and you don't need to loose it bc of someone else. Good Luck!!

I'm sure she put u thru a ton of shi* but there are ties. I'm not taking her side and don't agree w/what they did, but unfortunately that's how it rolls. I have a lot of friends that have gone thru this sort of thing and in a way it's a hard lesson to learn, but u kind of have to expect it. All facebook kind of is would be a bigger locker room for bigger hissy fights. Sorry, but that's my take on it.

I wouldn't take it that far, although it would probably annoy me! But you always be the bigger and better person, ignore the fact that they are friends with her, and if they were to mention it to you I would be like "oh? really? Thats nice" and just brush it off. It does somewhat sound like betrayal from your SIL and her hubby but yet I wouldn't let it bother you. I also wouldn't have mentioned it to your husband because then your probably going to get mad at eachother, nobody is worth a fight you and your husband, NOBODY! As far as doing things for your in laws, did you do it out of the kindness of your heart or just for their "liking you"? You really shouldn't use that against them but then again you live and you learn! Just ignore the whole "friend" thing on FB, I also think if it were me that I would of kept my account activated. What would make the whole situation bad is if the hubby was secretly talking or contacting her and not letting you know, then thats worth getting mad about, but he's not! He seem's to have moved on with his life and the most important part is that the two of you are happy and love eachother...That's all that matters! Hope I was somewhat helpful!

ADD ON:
S H is seriously making sense! Didn't even think about it that way! Great point!

I agree with S.H. You cannot do anything about it. And yes they are hypocrites, not just your in laws, but majority of in laws. I dealt with a a similar situation, and dont be surprised to be seeing more of her.
Atleast you know your husband left her for you. So thats a plus and you know he cares about me.
Try to be strong and keep a facebook acct to show that " i just do not care attitude". Believe me , it will relieve stress on you.

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