In-law Problems - Kimball,NE

This is a really hard one - favoritism is always painful but it seems like it is just a fact of life. I would lavish love on your son and not focus his attention on the inequities in his relationship with grandpa. Have your husband continue to take him to see his grandpa but dont bring up his visits with the other grandkids in his presence.

There could be a lot of factors involved that arent really related to your son at all. I could imagine a circumstance where Grandpa could be bitter about his son divorcing and then remarrying and not wanting to acknowledge the new marriage. It doesnt sound like you and your father-in-law are close. His distance from your young son may be his way of showing his disapproval of his own son. I know it's bass-ackwards but it's a very common (although unhealthy) psychological coping tool.

I had a friend several years ago that had a similar problem, her husbands parents didnt' really like to do the baby thing, holding them and talking goofy, you know what I mean but they really did enjoy the older kids. They enjoyed visiting with them about school, scouts, sports, etc...as the little kids got older they were treated more equally. Some people are more comfortable with boys over girls or vice versa, it may not be they just don't like your other kids but who knows if you don't ask them.

Take him off to the side and tell him that he is hurting you by watching him totally ignore the other child. Let him know it isn't right and ask him what is his problem. He may not be aware of what he is doing.

I would say something... Of course do it in private, but you need to confront the problem and just say that you feel the one child is left out and you would appreciate if all the children were treated more fairly and equally... If that doesn't work, then pull them aside again and tell them that you are very unhappy with how they treat the child and if they won't treat the child the same then you won't be able to bring the kids around as much. I know it seems mean, but you have to do what is best for ALL your kids. The child being left out could have issues later on from being rejected as a child...

Ask him to not come over for visits if he contuines to do this. This is your home and kids.

It's what I would do.

I have the same problem, except it is also the Grandmother. My son is now six and is beginning to notice that all the other Grandkids,7 in all, are treated different. Recently we went to visit and all the other kids pictures were displayed some even mulitple times, but not one of my son. A few years ago I made the desision to only see this family on major holidays and told my Husband when it gets where his feelings are hurt we are done.They have never sent a birthday card or present for any occasion. Not that it's about the money but hey a card would have been nice. Luckily we have my side and a huge extened family that make up for it.
It used to really bother me but now I bless the peolple we do have in our lives and continue to wean from my husbands side. It will never change so why let my son go through it. He should be with people that love him and want to be a part of his life.

You have to be the bad guy and lay down the law. My ex-MIL, loved to watch my son every Wednesday sometimes more. When my daughter was born I tried to encorporate her into the schedule. My ex-MIL then said she was to tired to watch 2 kids, so I suggested watching my son Wed of one week and my daughter the Wed the next week seemed fair to me. That lasted 2 weeks before she said my daughter was to hard (which honestly she wasn't any harder than my son at his age). Let me also mention that she was watching her other grandchild 2 days a week and when they had a second child they were not having the same issues. I finally told my ex-MIL if she can't spend one day a week with my daughter then she wasn't able to spend that day with my son. I didn't think that was appropriate. I told her when she was ready to come up with a schedule to let me know. It never went back to her watching them and when the divorce was final last year they made it to my daughter's 2nd birthday in March and hasn't seen either child since. Not sure how people can live with themselves. The first few months was hard for my son 3 at the time, he wanted to go visit, they live not even a mile away, and he called them. They never called my son back and when I tried to reach out to them to set up a visitation they ignored me. It has gotten easier but someday they are going to wake up and wonder how they missed out on so much. My kids are amazing and nobody deserves to be treated that way. Best of luck, just remember you are your childs only advocate and it is your responsibility to make sure they are treated as fairly as possible especially when it comes to family.

It sounds like the siblings aren't in the same house? I would treat it just like you would if it was cousins that he was treating differently. And unfortunately, there isn't much you can do about that. I remember Christmas coming around and I got a $5 hair dryer, and my cousin got a beautiful English saddle, and I was the one that rode. Later, my grandmother saw an add for the hair dryer ($3.50), and was upset that she didn't see that deal before!

You have told him how it makes your son feel. Is your son old enough to tell him himself? Either way, if the grandfather only sees him when your husband makes the effort, stop making the effort, the grandfather has made his decision. Just don't let your son know how wrong that is, and let his life be full without him.

UPDATE: I hope that my answer wasn't referred to by others as "cutting him out of your life". My point is that it is up to him to make the effort, not you. While I had the grandparents that I mentioned above, I also had grandparents that seemed to be constantly fighting with my parents, but they would still call, ask to see us, talk to us on the phone, etc. They were able to maintain good relations with us even when they weren't talking to my parents. Unfortunately, I have lost both of them, but loved them dearly. My father sees a lot of my niece, but has seen my son twice, partly distance, partly he is not talking to me (long, stupid story). I still share pictures with him, and let him know that he is welcome to see his grandson whenever he wants, but he is going to have to put in the effort, as he isn't satisfied with us seeing anyone else if we travel all the way to California. My son's other grandparents live in the same town, and make no effort to see our son. My husband was making a huge effort, but we finally decided that they know where we live, they have our phone number, and have been given an open invitation. The ball is in their court. My son's life is full as it is, but I would love for there to be more family around.

sounds like he's made his decision. the grandfather may even be uncomfortable with you/your relationship with his son and he may be projecting those feelings onto your son. or he may just have a better relationship with the other grandchildren because he's known them longer. he may come around eventually, but for the time being, i would just graciously accept whatever good attention he chooses to give to your son. if he is outwardly rude to your son, like saying mean things, speak to him about it because that's not ok. but if it's just that you know that he spends time with the other children and you wish he would spend time with your son too, you may have to wait a couple years for that change to happen. set up opportunities for your son to connect with his other grandparents more.

my mom's grandparents were the same way. The grandmother liked only the oldest boy and oldest girl, and the rest could go jump in a lake. (this was reflected in actions and presents, which is very mean.) If he is toxic, I would cut him out. My aunt was pretty hurt by how she was treated compared to my mom, the oldest (think Harry Potter vs Dudley in the Dursley house). There's really no reason to put up with his behavior, especially if you've talked to him about it and he refuses to change.