Imaginary Friends - San Jose,CA

My son has three brothers (not really, they are imaginary). The only time I've ever actually seen them was when they were riding their motorcycles on the freeway. They had helmets on, so I didn't get a good look at them. LOL! He is three now, but he's had these brothers for as long as I can remember. I always go along with it and ask him their names (which change from one day to the next) and what they are doing, etc. I think it's fine and a great way for him to stay entertained when we are alone. I wouldn't worry about it at all.

My sons both had imaginary friend. The oldest has a friend who was an invisible donkey named Kratchel who could fly planes and ride on a motorcycle and who lived in Chicago. He even drove behind us on his motorcycle so he could visit Yosemite with us...I miss him. I think imaginary friends are great for kids....I think it means they are creative and bright and interested in other kinds of people.

I had an imaginery friend. He was awesome. His name was Ricky Danger and if I got bored with him, I played with Dicky Ranger. I'm now 59! My daughter had one named Joey. They all went away with time and I don't think there's anything wrong with it. My daughter and I are quite normal!

Honestly, this is very normal. My 3yr old daughter is constantly playing with imaginary friends of all sorts. OK, we probablly need to stop her animating her green beans at dinnertime, but mostly it's harmless.

On a more serious note, she is developing a very important skill by doing imagiantive play. It's helping her develop executive function, which is the ability to self regulate. She is subjegating herself to a set of rules she makes for herself. This will develop into time management and self discipline in the long run.

Its also a way for my daughter to process her life right now. She will cast herself and her imaginary friends in plots of books or videos that she has been exposed to and goes through them repeatedly. It's actually a lot of fun to listen to and watch.

Oh, and as a final reassurance, this is normal, not an outgrowth of having a new sibling. My daughter started this befor the arrival of our son who is now 8 months old. I admit that at first I was concerned that I was not meeting both of my children's emotional needs. I'm not meeting all of them, by any means, but I'm meeting enough for them both to grow and be healthy. Thus, I know I can get rid of that mommy guilt. Tell your daughter she can relax and sit back and watch her daughters mind grow through her imaginary play.

S.

Imaginary friends are wonderful! My daughter had many of them, and they helped her work through all sorts of situations and kept her entertained when we weren't playing with her.

They grew and changed with her,and by the time she was 5, she'd dubbed the whole troupe "The Imaginaries".

You don't have to 'handle' it because it is normal and fun for her. Play along and enjoy her imagination.

One of my all-time favorite books on child development is an oldie but goodie (1959), by Selma Fraiberg, called The Magic Years. It is an absolutely charming book, and it specifically discusses imaginary friends. Check it out.

I just had my second baby and my 3.5 year old has brought back her imaginary friend from when she was about 2. I personally think it is completely healthy and it is her way of coping with change. Often during stressful times like when she's doing something she shouldn't she blames her imaginary friend so we just ask her to explain to her friend what her friend isn't supposed to do and it puts her in a more secure state to process what she's being told. I would entertain the phase, it will pass.

I had an imaginary friend when I was about 3 as well. I hear that we had to set the table for her and include her in our family life. In support of your granddaughter, your daughter should just go with it. There's no harm and I actually think that imaginary friends are a sign of a pretty smart kid. It's really no different than pretending a baby doll is real. We all know that they don't cry but we pretend to hear them...Your granddaughter is expressing her creativity. My daughter isn't quite at this stage yet but I remember when my niece had imaginary friends. It was pretty funny to hear the shenanigans the imaginary friends got into.

M.,

We have had Mayna, my 3 1/2 year old daughters imaginary friend visit us off and on for the past year and a half. It bothered my husband at first but we just played along with her and there hasn't been a problem. First we have made sure she knows that Mayna is pretend and that if Mayna makes a mess or causes trouble then Hannah (my daughter) has to clean it up. Then we have played along with her- we have stopped on the side of the road to pick Mayna up only to find out it wasn't her but was her friend Kayla. I have rolled the window down as I was driving down the street so that Mayna and he dog can jump in the window. We have just made it fun and the whole family has played along.

I think it is very normal for kids to go through phases of imaginary friends.

I grew up the only girl, with three brothers, two of which were older and "Irish twins", and so did everything together. When I felt left out, I would hop on my imaginary horse, with my imaginary dog, and gallop away. My mom still tells the story, and it alternately make her laugh and feel sad for the lonely little girl. As i got older and had more real friendships, I had no more use for imaginary friends. (And I like to think that I turned out pretty normal!)

I had about 6 imaginary friends as a kid (all bunnies). My mom just went with it. She bought me toy bunnies and asked me questions about the bunnies’ day. I grew out of it before kindergarten but not without first wasting an entire cartridge of Polaroid film on bunny wedding photos.

This is totally normal and healthly..it shows she has a great imagination. Most three year olds have an imaginary friend (or two).
Congratulations on the new baby also!

Dear M.,
I have known lots of little kids who've had imaginary friends. When I was a kid, my friend's little sister had an imaginary friend named Peter. The first time I was introduced to him, I was invited over for dinner and accidentally sat in Peter's chair. At first I thought, "What the heck?" But, Peter was part of the family. We all just went along with it. If she told me Peter was outside, I would ask her if she needed me to let him in. They had no idea where she came up with the name Peter or where she'd ever even heard it, but Peter was her friend. They do outgrow their imaginary friends, but I'd like to assure you that every single one of the kids I've known with imaginary friends have been extremely intelligent little boys and girls. Your granddaughter isn't crazy, she doesn't have a split personality or anything. I've known kids who are the oldest, middle child or the baby of the family, so at least in my experience, there hasn't been any correlation as to who is most likely to have an imaginary friend.
It's a pretty normal thing. Let her have her imaginary friend.

Best wishes!

Greetings M., I think its wonderful that your child has a special friend all hers.
There is nothing wrong with a small child doing this, its called having imagination! What a smart mind!
I will share with you a family experiance. We have a little one that was always singing a certain song. None of us kniew where she'd learned it but all knew it becasue Great Grandma used to sing it to us. So ofcourse we figured out that we must have done it. One day while looking at pictures she pointed to one and said" Gramma,teaches me sing". I had no reason to doubt that this little one had learned from someone that loved us all so much that she found a way to reach out to the little ones that were open to her love. So this is a good thing.
I know that my little granddaughter is sure that her little elephant talks to her and answers questions with "elephant says". Don't worry! Nana Glenda

It's wonderful that your granddaughter has such a wonderful imagination! My 5 year old had an imaginary friend for 2 years. When she turned 5, she stopped talking about her imaginary friend. She knew "Shang" (character from Mu Lan) was imaginary. He was a variety of ages and had 1-2 sons. My daughter and Shang would go to camp together. Her security blanket "Bunny" also had a life of his own. His family lived in Texas. Whenever we couldn't find her bunny, we told her that he went to Texas to visit his family. Then she would call for "Bunny's Brother" (the second blanket) while the first one was missing.

Incourage her imagination. The imaginary friends don't stick around for long. : )

I wrote a response over a year ago to a similar post. My daughter just turned 7 and I'm not sure when it happened but her imaginary friends are gone. She is in the top of her class academically and writes stories. When she was younger she would make up words and definitions to those words. Anyway, I'll let you read what I originally wrote, In this case the imaginary friend was causing some trouble ;-) -

My daughter also has several imaginary friends (shes about the same age as your daughter) who also have very full lives she remembers in detail also. Sometimes we will be driving along and she will say, "There are a lot of people in this car!". That's when I know ALL of her friends are with us, sometimes just one or two come along. My brother and I had several imaginary friends growing up, some in common. I can remember a time when we really knew they weren't real but wished so much that they were. Seems a part of natural development for some children. My husband says he never did have an imaginary friend and jokes that as one of 9 siblings it was crowded enough as it was ;-). Kudos to you for honoring her friends AND laying out boundaries for the one that didn't follow house rules. Just think, she's had to stand up to someone, even if in our minds it's not "real", it was invaluable practice for her. My opinion - you have a very creative child and you are handling things wonderfully!

Hi M. -
No worries about this. Our daughter is now a 15 year old sophomore, with 3 Honors Classes, on the Honor Roll and got her Varsity Letter in Softball as a freshman! Her imaginary friend's name was "Gotchi". She is an only child but your previous responses state that same facts: God Blesses children with great imaginations.
Hope this helps!
Patti b

Imaginary friends are perfectly normal at that age. But I would suggest doing as I did and let the girl with the big imagination know that she is responsible for all imaginary creatures. If they make a mess, she will be the one to clean it up, etc. This cuts down on the temptation for the kid to be naughty and then blame the imaginary friend.

Imaginary friends are a wonderful part of most children's lives. Age three is a time when these friends seem to appear, and the fact that her life has changed by the addition of the new baby probably has added to her need for this friend. It isn't anything to worry about. I remember having imaginary friends almost into my teen years, probably because I was much older than my sister and brothers and we lived on a farm where I didn't have other kids around to play with.

creative abilities should not be discouraged. That creative instinct is something that children have automatically and the rest of us get it taught out of us and then spend the rest of our lives trying to reclaim it. Best to keep it don't you think? That creative ability is what will help right the wrongs and finally bring Peace to the world. Seek it if you don't have it anymore.
Love, L.

It isn't surprising. She is trying to make sense of her world, that probably has changed drastically since the new baby was born. I would not worry about it too much. =) Try and include her in the daily care of the new baby. Ask her to get a diaper, pick out clothes to wear, let her gently hold a bottle (with mom's help), be a part of being the "big sister".

Hi M.-
I was an imaginary friend kind of kid. I talked to them, played with them, had great conversations with them. I think it was because I didn't live near alot of kids and had to entertain myself. I had an older sister and a younger one on the way, plus Grandma was coming to live with us. My parents just let it be and eventually I grew tired of the invisible and made real friends, living and breathing. I was 3-4 when it happened, but when I was 5, we moved to a new neighborhood and I made a friend within the first few days. The imaginaries faded over time.
I think it's normal, honestly, and as long as her bahavior doesn't get all wonky, and she is still willing to interact with other kids, let it go. But by the time she gets to Kindergarten, it should be gone- or mostly gone.
As an adult, I been known to mutter out loud, but its really only to sort my thoughts. =) No invisible people. =)
Hope this helps
-E. M

Its kinda fun! Reese's best friend is Diego, from the cartoon, and he goes everywhere with us! I even make him an imaginary plate at dinner some nights. Don't worry about, just enjoy it and encourage it. :)

My daughter had imaginary friend brother & sister when she was 3. Who then had imaginary friend parents and 2 pets. They stopped visiting a few months after she started preschool. It all was fine except one day the imaginary friend brother took the imaginary friend dog and wouldn't give him back for 2 days :)

Totally normal. She'll outgrow it. My DD had one from about 4-5 yrs old.

I think it's great that she has such an active imagination, who knows where this can take her. I wouldn't worry at all as you can see from all the other responses. Good old fashioned play is healthy for us!
Enjoy :)

My now 12 yo grand daughter had several such friends. They were quite intertwining! Often two of them were quite playful and a bit mischevious. Once, while driving home from dinner out Whitney was heard to tell Deelee and Datah to get back in the car and stop playing on the roof of the car while we were driving! It seemed to me she used them to reinforce the rules for herself. She has turned out just fine so far so I would say embrace them and enjoy them while they last! By the way Whitney doesn't remember them now just looks at us kinda funny when we mention them, but I kinda miss them!