Imaginary Friends - Charleston,IL

Hi J.,

My daughter had an imaginary dog/girl friend for about a year and a half when she was about 2 or 3 years old. Her friend could appear as a dog or as a girl. Most of the time she was just playing with her imaginary friend. But sometimes she acted out things that scared her with the dog/girl. She would tell me that her friend's mom had died or that her friend was lost. I would just ask questions and told her ways that she could "help" her friend. I have been told that children with imaginary friends are very creative and smart. They use the friends as a way to understand their feelings. My daughter is 7 1/2 now and barely even remembers her friend now! Please don't worry! It really is very normal behavior!

J.

When my daughter was 3 or 4 years old, she had 2 imaginary friends called "BJ" and "Brother." She has always had a very active imagination and still at 11 years old, loves to use her imagination by writing stories or acting out "plays" for us that she makes up. She is very bright and her mind never stops - hard for parents to keep up with sometimes! Her imaginary friends never frightened us and we just basically went along with her - as long as these "friends" were nice. If they had started taking on a darker side, I probably would have been more concerned. I believe she outgrew it pretty quickly.

I had one. It was a bird. Don't know if I names it. My daughter had one about that same age and it's name was "WOW WOW Suzie" She never said if it was a dog or what?

She and I today are very creative and imaginative women. It goes away as quickly as it started, sit back an enjoy her creativity. She is social and wants someone to share things with. What is scary? She is expressing herself, sit back and enjoy what her imagination creates.
Kids don't get to do that much anymore. They are always being entertained with TV, DVD's Gameboys, and the like.

My son (age 4) has two imaginary friends since age 3. Most of the time, it is fine. We ask him questions about his friends and somedays there are "here" and some days not. But we don't discourage or encourage it. We just go with the flow. Only one time did he do something he shouldn't have and blamed his imaginary friend. I told him the same rules that apply to him apply to his friends. If his friends don't follow the rules they can't come over. One the day he blamed his "friend" for the misbehavior I said something like "That won't fly with me. You take responsibility for your own actions and don't blame your friend. That's not nice." He hasn't done it since. Imaginary friends are a normal part of growing up but don't let scary or misbehaviors slide as a result of it. Those actions need to be addressed.

Our daughter just turned 4 in May and has imaginary friends for about a year now. Her friends are her pretend siblings (brother & sister), Ariel (yes, the Little Mermaid), but the friend she has had the longest is her pretend pet - a cat named Peanut (she named him herself). We do not ask about them, but when she talks about them, we ask questions and try to "include" them. But there are times when we tell her they can't come with us, but they should stay home and watch the dog for us, etc. She is fine with that. There really haven't been any times that scared me - sometimes she will talk to the rocking chair in her room and when I ask who she is talking to she denies she was talking to anyone. Other than that I am not worried at all - I remember doing that for a LONG time as a child - I am a very creative person who is an Artist, Graphic Artist and love to write...thanks to my Mom for allowing me to tap into my imagination!

My daughter (3 years old) says the color blue is her friend. But not pink. Pink is not nice.
????
I'm curious how she plays with blue...

I had imaginary friends as a young child. I reached a certain age and they went away. There weren't a lot of children my age and I always had a great imagination. It was a great way to entertain myself when I played alone - my mom wasn't much for getting on the floor and playing with me. My children have had some too. It shouldn't be creepy to you, unless she is talking about death or auras, dead people visiting or she is over 10 years old. It's a great to have such a creative mind. I would embrace it. It's part of learning how to play which is so sad that so many children just don't know how to "play" without TV or electronics to entertain them.

My children have always been able to entertain themselves too. I can't think of a time when it scared me. And as far as "handling it", I would go along and feed into my child's imagination by role playing and learning about their "alter ego". Very creative and intelligent.

Good luck.

This is very normal behavior. It is all part of playing. Look at the show "Arthur". D.W., Arthur's sister has a pretend friend, Nadine. Nadine only appears on the show when she needs somebody to play with or to talk to.
If your daughter is an only child it is even more normal. With out a sibling around they need to have someone there own age to relate to.
Children who have imaginary friends are often very bright children. They have found away to entertain in a unique way. Let her have her tea parties and sing along with her friend. This is something she will grow out of.
Again referring to the show "Arthur". On one of the shows Nadine appears to Kate, D.W. little sister. She told Kate I think D.W. is getting to old and is forgetting about me. Kate told Nadine, that's OK I can play with you now. This scene was showing how a child grows older and more involved with other children and no longer needs an imaginary friend.
Just thought that would be a good example.

S.

My son is almost 8 and still has "friends' aand even an entire zoo and jungle preserve throughout our neighborhood!!!!!
As Kristen said, this is a sign of intelligence and imagination!! and the more they "remember" doing/speaking with them, gives them fantastic memories....not a bad thing.

imagination play works/uses both sides of a childs brain and is fantastic for developement of cognative thinking skills, instead of "working" through things with you...they do it with thier "friends' and whala! yuo have a diplomat before you know it...
This kind of imagination play is also great for thier spacial thinking as they invision things that are not there anf therefore must "fit" them into our world.

Personally I would be worried if my child did NOT have imaginary friends.

Praise her imagination and join in the "conversation" with her, get to know her friends just as you would people friends...ask questions and sit back and revel in her creative answers!!!!

Ok, you want to hear wierd? One summer when my daughter was 3 we were at the park and she heard another mom calling to her little girl, "Audrey." My daughter said "I have a friend Audrey, mom." I thought maybe another child from preschool or something but didn't remember an Audrey in her class so I asked her how she knows this Audrey and she matter-of-factly responds "Oh she's in Heaven." My daughter is now 5 and still says Audrey comes to visit her. She says she whispers things in her ear like "I love you" and holds hand with her when she's walking down the stairs. I don't know exactly what to think but I'm fascinated by the whole thing and try to get her to talk about it as much as she's comfortable. Whatever is going on, she's happy and comforted by the whole thing so I am too. I really wouldn't worry about your daughters "friends." Even if it's scary to you, don't let her see that. and don't worry :)

My son had an imaginary friend for a while. Invisible Emma went everyone with us. The funniest thing was when we were on our way to Disney World several years ago. We were about 2 hours from home when my son screamed that we had forgotten Invisible Emma at home. My husband and I both responded that we had seen her crawl in the trunk while we were loading the car. All of us, including Invisible Emma had a great trip.

J. R.

hi, my 3 year old daughter says she has a friend and he has a name and everything. she plays in the basement and says he came upstairs the other day and she pretended to hug him. she also tells me she is going to see "her kids". i just chalk it up to 3 yr old imaginary play. "johnny" does not go places with us or anything but if you ask her she says it is her friend. nothing ever scared me. i just ask her how he is and how old he is and what he looks like. so i play into it. hope this helps

Hi there-

My son, who is 6 now, had 3 imaginary friends and still talks about them from time to time. We were a little "weirded" out at first but once we included them in conversations, he didn't bring them up as much. We also set limits with them as he seemed to use his "friends" as the reason for his bad behaviors so his "friends" started getting time outs and we started threatening that they couldn't participate in things if they couldn't behave. I don't know if this caused them to go away or if it was just timing. Either way, it was a phase that didn't last too long.

Hang in there and try not to worry. Some research actually shows that kids with imaginary friends are more advanced. :)

Take care. Hope this helps.
N.

Hi J.,
The little boy I sit for and my daughter have all sorts of "friends". They have one "friend" that isnt very nice to others. I let them know that if Everyone can't be nice that they will have to sit in time out and their friends will have to go home. I have also had my daughter and the little boy go over the house rules with all their friends.
this seems to help at our house.
Hope this helps, Best Wishes!

I encourage my little one. It is a fabulous sign of their creativity and development. Yes it is entirely normal. I had lots of imaginary friends when I was a child especially fairies. So I ask her lots of questions about these fascinating friends and that also helps her develop vocabulary. My little one is younger and she has lots of friends whosse mom's are pregnant and so she has the hilarious idea that things just go in and out of people's tummys especially her own - so often the imaginary friends are in her tummy or coming out soon from her tummy, just as things come out of books :) Enjoy this time, it won't last for ever.

I am so excited by my 3 year old's imaginary friend(s) - this is a sign of intelligence and creativity! She is an only child and loves talking and reading to these playmates. Sure, they can be "blamed" for some bad behaviors. Overall, however, they are a wonderful way for her to get to know herself, her world, explore nurturing and friendship and often a sense of humor. Experts all seem to agree this is a great milestone. Good luck!

My four year old daughter has had a frien Mena for about a year. Usually she come out to play when my oldest daughter in not interested in playing with the little one. Often time, Mena will get cooked for, go on pony rides, or have a doll dressed for her. Just yesterday, I caught my daughter engaged in a full conversation with Mena. So, I'm pretty ok with how the entire situation with this imaginary friend has played out. THe fried doesn't scare her and also hasn't had any odd requests.

How can a 4 year olds mind scare you? It's beautiful, imaginative, and very artistic. Just tell her you don't see them but to have fun playing. Take her to the park and keep her busy on the swings and do things with her to keep her overactive little brain on other things. Play games with her at home (card games, shoots & ladders, hide and seek. blow bubbles outside, chalk pictures on the sidewalk or on a chalkboard indoors etc). Keep her busy and she'll forget about the other little strangers. Preschool is good also. She needs to be around other children.

My son did scare me the first time he told me about his "first mother". When I realized the it was his imaginary friend it was easier to hear! It seems that experiences he's not sure about he'll say "I think my first mother took me there". First mother is "crocodile mother" by the way. This has evolved to a whole crocodile family he has, the newest member being the crocodile father. As long as she isn't behaving badly and blaming the imaginary friends I am sure it's harmless.

When my daughter was about 3 years old we were introduced to Dede, Dede was my child's imaginary friend she would talk to Dede and play with her all the time I didn't encourage her to play with Dede, but I also never told her not to, And before to long along came bob and peter she didn't seam to play with them as much as Dede, but Bob and Peter scared me a little she wold tell them good night and tell me stories about them on night at dinner my husband asked well were is Bob now and the light in the dinning room blew out It was a three pronged light and only one went out and after that it never worked again we have since replaced that light fixture. It all ended when she turned 5 and I haven't heard anymore of Dede Bob or Peter since then. Good luck to you because its not always that easy to deal with.

Hi J., I have to tell you about my little one...she is 21 years old now, but when she was a couple of years old and sitting in the bathtub she started talking about Shanklin and Droany...OMG!!!!I thought I'd pass out and I was really concerned...sometimes I asked about them and she had me believing in them too...than one day I was reading Richard Scarry's Fairytales and in one of the stories, the name Shanklin appeared...I really can't remember what the story was about and I don't even remember reading about it to her when she was a baby...but somehow she talked about Shanklin a lot...needles to say she turned out ok...and when I read about your imaginary friends...I had to tell you about my daughter's imaginary friends...please don't be alarmed, your sweet daughter and mine both have many guardian angels that watch over them always...May God bless you and your family, Love J.

Hi J.!
I see you've gotten a lot of responses so I'll keep mine short! My oldest ( who is now 10 ) had imaginary friends! The were goo goo, gaw gaw, and home depot ( LOL )!! They were not so much playmates as much as protectors! They would help him through nightmares and stuff like that! I read up on them too, and did not worry too much about it! He's a very gifted child, way advanced in math, and very gifted musically also! He's a very critical thinker and sensitive!

Have fun with it!!! Now my youngest is a story teller! ( he's four ) And he tell's tall tales about things that happened to him in the past! Things like when he was maried before, or when mommy and daddy ran over him in the car, and ghosts in his room, and how he broke all his teeth when he was a baby because we fed him hard taco shells!! This to me has been a little more difficult cuz sometimes I don't know what to believe!!

Good luck!!

T.

I know I'm a bit late, but this last spring, my son who was going to start little t-ball, decided that he'd hang around Michael. There was no Michael, but according to Connor, Michael, not only was shorter than Connor, he also wasn't very good at playing t-ball. I blew it off and from time to time Michael would be brought up again. Then it stopped. All of a sudden, while cooking dinner, I noticed Connor and caitlyn (my 2.5 year old) sitting on the floor and Connor was the "teacher". He'd pick up an object and ask if anyone knew what the name of that object was. Cait screamed out what it was, and Connor ever so quickly said "you did not raise your hand". He paused, looked slightly to Caitlyn's left and said "yes, Michael, you may speak". He paused and then said (while still looking at where "Michael" was) you are correct.

Well, you should have seen the look on Caitlyn's face. She kept looking at where Connor was looking, and then would look back at Connor and then turn around to see if there as a Michael in the room. When I walked over there, Caitlyn was sitting on a red folder and about 3 feet to her right was a blue folder - where Michael was "sitting". Connor then picked up another object, asked his "class" what that object was and Cait raised her hand and said what it was. Connor told her "great job". He then grabbed one more thing and Caitlyn got bored, walked over to the sofa and just happened to be standing on the blue folder. Connor got all bent out of shape and was yelling at her to get off of Michael and that she's standing on his head. Again, Caitlyn looked very, very confused but I just told her not to worry and that Connor will be okay one day and that there really wasn't any "Michael".

This occured over 2 months ago and we haven't heard about Micheal since.

So, it's just a phase, ignore it and it will go away on it's own.

Oh yeah, and try to write down the stores, if you can. :)

I wouldn't be worried about it. My middle child has had many imaginary friends (and he has a brother and a sister to play with, so I don't think it's because they're lonely, necessarily). There was only one time that I've been creeped out by any of this play. One day when he was 3, he had been playing alone in his room and came into the kitchen to ask me how to get to the bus stop. I asked why he needed to know. He said a man just came out of his closet and told him he needed directions to the bus stop to get home. Of course I went running to his room scared to death. But there was a "real" man there, thankfully.

J.

Act like it is normal. Act like you see and hear them. If you are part of the whole thing you will get less scared. You have no reason to be afraid because nothing tramatic happened to her before she saw her friends. My sons friends appeared after he was sexually assaulted by a child older then him. They lived with us a long time. The anger and hate is better so they do not visit much. I would just keep reasuring her and keeping home as normal as possible. My home is crazy because we are homeless from the flooding lately making my son angry. Like I say keep it normal and one day she will have real friends in the house. Invisible friends do not get have the same reaction as real children. I will be ok just roll with it.

It's totally normal, why would it scare you? I think it's wonderful, and the more imagination a child has, it's a sign of intelligence. rejoice in it! Support it, enjoy it, remember it for the future because this stage is gone too soon.

My almost 4 year old has D.W. from Arthur in our house all the time. He loves her and talks to her all the time.

Unfortunately, my experience with imaginary friends was not as positive as the other repsonses to your posting. I too was very scared by my step-daughter's imaginary friend. My two step-daughters live with us full-time, and the oldest one had an imaginary friend, but never the youngest one. She would talk out loud and the "friend" would respond. The friend then started telling her to do wrong things and then started also telling her things about other members of the family that my daughter would have no idea of knowing. That was the time for the friend to go because I believe it wasn't so imaginary anymore, but paranormal. We did have a spririt in our 80 yo house that my husband saw as well as my mother-in-law, sister-in-law, and teenage neice and nephew on different occasions.
I kept telling the friend to leave, as well as the spirit, and then she stopped seeing and hearing her, but it was around the age of 12!

Not to scare you further, but check into these "friends".