I'm SICK! I Don't WANNA GO to SCHOOL!

Wait, are you talking about my son?

My son is definitely NOT a morning person. My husband calls in "morning brain." "Morning brain" causes him to not want to get up, even on a day with his favorite things planned.

There have been many things that we have tried. Sometimes they work, and sometimes they don't.

Right now I am forcing myself to get up early so that I can wake him up early and give him time to adjust to being awake. So far this is working. I give him about 15 minutes (with the lights on and commotion going on around him) before I tell him it's time to get out of bed.

We've been doing this for a few weeks, and so far it seems to be working. He still doesn't like being woken up, but giving him those 15 minutes to adjust to the idea that he IS going to get out of bed has really made a difference.

Keep trying different ideas until you find the one that works. Personally I usually have much better long-term success if I find positive ways to motivate rather than consequences for bad behavior. But I know that consequences play an essential role, so please know I'm not knocking you.

Good luck!

He doesn't sound like a morning person.
After a tantrum morning when he's happy at the end of the day talk to him.
Ask him if he remembers what happened this morning - does he remember the fuss and bother and the whole 9 yards?
Tell him it doesn't make you feel happy when the day starts out that way and it gives you a bad feeling all day long - "we've really got to stop doing this and I want ideas from you about how we can avoid going through this again".
Make him part of the solution.
Following some of his suggestions might help cut down on how often it happens.
Does he need to wake up earlier so he's more fully awake (does that mean going to bed earlier the night before)?
If he doesn't have a fever then he has to go to school and if he develops a fever at school they will send him to the nurse and she'll call you and you will pick him up.
If he is really sick and needs to stay home, then he stays in bed and sleeps all day - if he can't sleep then he can read in bed but there's no running around or playing or watching tv or playing games.
A sick day is not a fun day - it's a day of resting up so he can get better.

Tell him there are plenty of days when YOU don't feel well but you just can't tell the family "I don't want to feed you, clean you, do your laundry, go to work, etc" or do any of the 100's of things you do for them just because you're having an off day.
You find a way to muddle through it as best you can and he needs to find a way to do this too.

Does he have a hard time with transitions? Any sensory issues? I might look there.

I also agree with some other moms that he may not be a morning person. When I was a kid my sister would sit on the side of her bed like a zombie until my mom would start yelling at her to get moving. Even then it was like she was in a trance. No matter what my mom said or did - she never changed. But she grew up fine and is a very successful adult today!

My other idea is whether your husband can be the one to get him off to school. Sometimes my sons will pull stuff with me that they won't with dad. Just a thought.

I used to tell my kids that if they were sick enough to stay home from school, they were sick enough to stay in bed all day. ALL day. Without TV. Without games. Without anything fun. If they agreed to that, they were *really* sick!

This may or may not help, but next time you and your son go to the library, check out Betty McDonald's MRS. PIGGLE-WIGGLE'S MAGIC, and read together "The Never-Want-to-Go-to-Schooler." At the very least you both may have some fun with this. There's a little name-calling ("dummy," etc.), but that's easy enough to explain in the context of the story.

I am like Mary, Sick days at home are very quiet and boring.

No TV, no treats, No video games. It is stay in your room and stay quiet. You may read a book or listen to a book on CD..

The food is "sick food" dry toast or crackers, broth and hot tea.

And I stay very busy all day..

Now if the child is really sick, that is different. But usually our daughter felt so bad, she may have the TV on, but she slept most of the day, could not evn read a book she felt so bad.

Sounds more like a bad case of the morning grumps. Try putting him to bed earlier. And earlier, and earlier til he understands that his attitude in the morning has a direct affect on bed time.

If it were me, every morning this nonsense started, I would explain--Once-- "If I hear any more grumbling about going to school, you will be going to bed right after dinner (hour earlier, whatever) tonight. Because you sound very tired right now and tired kids need more sleep."

This sounds like he is in the *habit* of doing this and complaining each morning. These habits are annoying, aren't they? But you can also do a few creative things which do not engage directly with him.

One could be a message on an index card which reads "You are well enough to gripe and I do not believe you are sick. I am not interested in talking about this. Now, get ready for school with no more fuss."

Make copies of this if need be and silently hand one to him each morning. He might throw it away. Ignore his grumbling. NO engaging. When he is able to talk about something else, great, enjoy that time. If he gets back on the 'I'm sick' topic, just ask him once "Did you read the card? " and ignore the behavior.

Another card could have a script he can read aloud to himself:
"To be read aloud:' I am not sick. I am fine and my body is ready for school. I am in the habit of complaining about being sick, but it is just a habit and I can stop doing this if I choose. Mom knows what sick looks like and she will keep me home if I am truly sick. I'm going to get ready for school now."

any grumbling: "did you read the card?"
Disengage, disengage, disengage.

Now, habits need to be replaced. Think of something pleasant to introduce in the mornings. Perhaps at night, you can ask your kids a lighthearted question (ie- "If you had to live underground, what sort of creature would you want to be?" ) and tell them to think of an answer for the morning. Introduce something *else* for him to look forward to or think about. Write it on a card/paper and leave it for him to find first thing in the morning to remind him that a very fun discussion will be taking place.

And yes, sometimes being the mean mom is just part of the job description. Tell him that if he wants to have a sick day to stay in bed, he may have one on the weekend.

Why do kids need to think parents are nice? When my kid pulled the "you're mean" on me, I told her that's right because I'm doing my job as your mom so get used to it because it isn't going to change. That being said, it sounds like your son is definitely not a morning person. Try an earlier bedtime.

If you don't have a thermometer, get one. I know he's not sick, but take his temperature. Tell him that as long as it's normal he has to go to school. That takes the "heavy" off of you. Tell him that the only reason the school said to keep him home is if he has a fever (and that's actually true)

Wow! You could have been describing my son because he pulled this several times. I finally caught on and I handled it this way.

1. I let him stay home BUT he had to stay in bed ALL DAY! He was sick. He could not watch tv or anything. He could read books but had to stay in bed ALL DAY. Yeah, that worked!

Good luck!!!

I would get a Therapist for him.
Learn some coping skills and attitude adjustment.
Because, as he gets older and becomes a Teen etc., he will still be that way or worse.
I have a sibling that was like that. And was still like that even when older and, as an adult.
It is NOT fun at all, for ALL the people around that person.
They drag down, everyone and cause so much stress.

With my sibling, the PROBLEM was... she is a stick in the mud. Likes routines. Hates transitioning to things, EVEN if it is the SAME darn schedule everyday and nothing is different.
And EVEN if, you try talking to her in 1 million different ways and with 1 million different types of rationales and parenting approaches.
But well, as an adult... she got a bit better. BUT she is still a hard personality. AND it ALSO affects, ALL other relationships... that person has. Because, they are such a stick in the mud have to have my own way, type person.
People like that, do not sway and bend and ebb and flow.
They are, RIGID and have a rigid attitude about things.
Ugh.
They want things a certain way. Even if it is not okay. And they are just plain stubborn etc.

Anyway, I don't know what the answer is.
Besides, getting him a Therapist to help his attitude/coping skills and to LEARN OTHER ways, of thinking. More positive, ways.
Do it now when he is still young.
Because, no one likes... people who are like that.
One day, someone will not put up with it, and tell him off or worse, and he will get a rude awakening.

Are there consequences for his morning behaviors?

For example, if he had a fit in the morning, he would not be allowed to do the things he enjoys after school.

Sounds like me ... except I never didn't want to go to school LOL I LOVED school. I just hated getting up early to do it. I'm biologically a night owl. My circadian rhythm HATES anything before 10am and really prefers noon LOL So the rare times I said I was sick and didn't want to go to school ... I was REALLY sick and didn't have to go LOL

I would not argue with him if you're sure he's not sick just tell him to get up. Then walk away. If he needs told again do so (or you could always take away blankets and such). But no arguments or debating with him.

And really ... you're a mean mom is the best he can come up with? LOL

What's his "currency"? Is it the scooter? Is it going out to play with his friends? Is it a gameboy or x-box? What is his favorite thing that he does every day?

Pick that one thing and take a picture of it. Tape that picture on a piece of paper and put it on the refrigerator. Get the item (if it can be picked up) and put it away where only YOU know where it is. (If you decide that it's his friends, just take a picture of the friends.) Once you've done this, show the frig to him and tell him that if he behaves this way in the mornings, he loses the privilege that day. In order to have the privilege, he must "can it" and act like the 9 year old he is supposed to be and get ready for school and GO. Don't argue about it with him. Just tell him flat out that he will STILL have to go to school, because there are no if's, and's or but's. He will also lose the privilege. If he digs in his heels and acts like he doesn't care, pick TWO and put BOTH pics on the frig. He will finally get that he is just shooting himself in the foot.

Time to do this now before the teen hormones kick in. Honestly, if I were you, I would start looking for another OT that has more experience with sensory problems. You should have seen some improvement.

I am definitely not a morning person, and it was a lot worse when I was younger. My coping mechanism was and is a hot shower. When I was young, it gave me a few minutes to be quiet and wake up on my own. I also grew up in a very cold climate, and it was much easier to convince myself to go from warm bed to warm shower than to just get in cold clothes! I also liked to have citrusy-scented soaps to help me wake up. My little sister would have a favorite CD that she would play every morning (and changed up every month or so) and she would know that she would get up when a certain song came on.
So maybe work with him on a specific something that will be the transition from sleep to awake- 10 minutes of music, a shower, a glass of orange juice, something that is positive for him and that can be the same every day.
Even now, especially if I know I have to be up extra early for a flight or meeting, I make sure I have time to get that shower in!