"I'm Sick"

I think you did the right thing. She needs to learn that being sick is not fun and she should not think of it as a vacation day off from school. I would have s=done the exact same thing.
-A.

The answer to that question is "yes!" Everybody needs alittle down time sometimes but you have to set limits. I have 4 grown children & it worked for them & now they are using this same plan with the 10 grands!

It sounds to me that you set up a rule and followed through with it. I think you did the right thing.

GO YOU!! That was a great idea. I'm a teacher and I still think that was a perfect remedy.

My first thought was, what is going on at school that she is trying to avoid. My second thought was, well no wonder! Growing up, my Mom always said "If you're too sick to go to school, you're too sick to get out of bed."

So yes, I think you did the right thing and you've proved a point to her. It leaves me wondering if there isn't something going on at school though....

I think what you did was great and sounds like what I would have done! Good job!

YOU DEFINITELY DID THE RIGHT THING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bravo to you!!!! THAT is being a parent - give her a taste of her own medicine! You're lucky you can do this now, my sister in law gave in all the time & my nieces (now 16 & 18) ALWAYS miss school, or leave early b/c they're 'sick" & the 18 yr old ... well if she misses 2 more days of school by the end of this year - she won't even graduate! and I can assure you - she'll miss more than that.

Again, hats off to you - it's about time our generation of parents stuck to our guns & showed the kids whose boss. That's why the kids today are so messed up - the parents let the kids rule them.

maybe read to hear 'the boy who cried wolf" also, let her know that if she's sick she'll be getting checked otu at the hospital or something & the dr.'s will be able to tell if she's lying or not & if she lies then she'll have to be disciplined. you need to teach her not just to NOT fake sick - but that it's lying & that is bad.

good luck to you & your family & congrats on following through - the world needs more parents who can actually do that.

Hi S.,
I have just a thought? Is there something going on at school to make her not want to go or to leave with an "I'm sick". Sometimes if they are having troubles they will find any excuse not to go. My kids are not school age yet, but my cousin would pull this during kindergarten and come to find out he was having trouble with another classmate. I would consult the teacher and see if she's having trouble... another kid, seeing the chalkboard, difficulty with work, anything. If all turns out fine, then I would've done the exact same thing. Home in bed with nothing to do, because sick people don't have the energy :)
Good Luck-
D.

I think your plan was great. I hope it works. Missing just one day of school is not a big deal, especially at such a young age -- you are teaching her something more important than whatever they learned at school that day.

I have a second grade daughter who plays the sick card now and then as well. Like you, I also have a two year old and a 9 month old. My oldest daughter thinks she is missing out on all the fun we have at home without her and feels left out every once and awhile...thus the "I'm sick". I think your approach was perfect and will hopefully keep her from playing sick again. I also try to find special ways for her to be part of our "fun" when she is home so she will not feel left out when she goes to school.

First, find out if there is anything at school that is upsetting her. Is there a particular situation going on that she is trying to avoid, say another child giving her a hard time, bullying her, picking on her maybe? Is she having trouble with her school work? My daughter is in kindergarten and had the same problem with being "sick" and not wanting to go to school. Turns out she was having a problem with the "lunch lady" everyday during lunch. She told my daughter that she owed lunch money but went about it the wrong way and ended up scaring my daughter. The days she likes something on the school menu I let her buy lunch. Well one day she decided to buy lunch when I had packed her a lunch and she did not have the money that day. So, long story short, she finally told me that the lunch lady kept at her for the money and that is why she did not want to go to school. We straightened it all out for her and she is now buddies with the lunch lady. So, ask your daughter if there is anything upsetting her at school...or, she may just miss you. Good luck!

You did the right thing taking away all the toys and video games. If she's sick, she's sick!! You also need to have a conversation with the school nurse and work together to find out why she is faking. She may want to be home with you and the baby. Lots of kids get excited about school in the beginning, and then the every-day reality hits home. She is getting plenty of attention by being "sick" so the rewards of being in school need to be stressed. The nurse sounds like she is just trying to get rid of the problem by making you come and pick her up. So a cooperative arrangement needs to be established. Work with the teacher too, to find out what you can do to engage the child more in the day to day - what she will miss if she goes home. When my son decided he didn't want to go to school on time, I said okay, but we need to stop in at the principal's office to talk with her about why he doesn't think school is important. In a good school system, the various professionals will work together to help kids make the transition from home to full day school.

It sounds like your daughter doesn't want to miss school - she wants to go for a while and then be picked up. Staying home and having healthy food and just resting should get boring pretty soon. I wouldn't tell her she has to get better for the weekend - just that she has to get better, she can't risk infecting her friends, and since she has no temperature or symptoms, there is no medicine and no treatment, and she can just rest until it goes away. I would set a timer so she doesn't get up more than every hour or so to go potty - she's just doing that out of boredom. Again, tell her she needs to rest. If she gets a "headache" then that is good justification for taking away the books. Tell her you don't want her headache to get worse, she should just lie in bed with her eyes closed until she is well. Then tell her she goes to school all day, or she stays home all day. The nurse should also stop pampering her and make her rest on the bed with her eyes closed. No chit chat. Take her temp, do the usual, then say there's nothing she can do and the child just needs to rest. It should get boring soon enough. But again, getting to the bottom of any issues in the classroom would be essential.

Good luck!

You did the right thing. It's the only way to find out if your daughter is actually sick. If after all you've done, she still claims to be ill, take her to the doctor. She should be examined if she is experiencing unexplained symptoms. Be careful you're not convincing your daughter to go to school ill because it's more desirable than sitting home. If there is a problem it needs to be addressed medically.

I am surprised the school nurse keeps calling you. They usually have a protocol for sending children home for these reasons. It sounds like she is unhappy at school for some reason. Sometimes it could be that something is going on in school that makes them want to leave instead of reaching out for help. Maybe there is another child picking on her. My suggestion would be to have a talk with her teacher and nurse to let them know what is going on so they can come up with a plan.
Good luck.

A lot of people suggested there could be something going on at school. This is certainly possible and I would ask the questions to find out. More likely though I would think it is that she wants to be home with you and her younger sister. My son absolutely loves school but that doesn't mean he wouldn't love to get a day home with me to play. For younger kids like this, seperation from mom and siblings is very hard and is probably the culprit.

From a teacher's standpoint, the very first thing you need to do is let the teacher and nurse know what you suspect. Both teachers and nurses are very good at distracting from and delaying nurse trips if we feel nothing is wrong. Usually with younger children I know I always let them go because you didn't want to have them actually be sick or for a parent to be upset that you didn't let them go. Now that I teach middle school, I am much more likely to not allow students to go to the nurse unless I truly suspect they are sick because I know which kids "play that game." Talk to the teacher and the nurse. Suggest that when your daughter asks to go to the nurse, they suggest she go the bathroom and get a drink first. Then they should say, if it is still bothering you in (10 minutes, 30 minutes, one hour -- whatever you feel is appropriate) or it gets worse you may ask me again. In most cases when I have done this the child never asks again. If they do, at that point I let them go. Usually the child just wants a little bit of a break and the bathroom/drink is enough.

Also, don't feel like the nurse is judging you. She knows that kids play these games. I am actually surprised she hasn't suggested it to you. Our school nurse is really good at picking up on these things. She will normally call the parent and let them know the child came down but will also usually say that she doesn't really think they are sick and feels it is better for them to stay in school but that if the parent really feels it is necessary they can of course come pick the child up. This way it puts it in the parent's court to make the decision.

Good luck and know that this is a perfectly normal phase.

Good for you! If something was traumatizing her at school even staying in bed all day would be better than facing school so it definitely sounds to me like she was trying to play you.

We, as parents should never feel guilty about teaching a child an important lesson. I think children are over-indulged these days. I know my parents would have made me lie in bed all day. Tough lessons make responsible adults!

You absolutely did the right thing. Pretending to be sick is not a good idea (i.e. the boy who cried wolf). I think your daughter learned a valuable lesson -- good luck; trust your instincts on this one.

Hi S.,

Transistion to first grade is a very traumatic experience for some children. They are separating from mommy who was always there for them before. People have substantial expectations from them. This is a serious transition and can be very traumatic and stressful for children (and mommies!) Your daughter probably isn't "faking" illness her physical symptoms can be an expression of pyschological stress. I have personally experienced this with my first grader. The first time the nurse called I was heading off to get my taxes done so I had to pick up my daughter and bring her with me. Well, she was miraculously cured! She was bouncing all over the accountants office and then we had a lovely lunch together. I took the opportunity to talk to her about her "symptoms" and she was very clear she was not feeling well. I realized her symptoms were the result of stress and sympathized with her. Over the next two weeks I received three more calls from the school nurse with similar symptoms. After the nurse assured me she had no fever, had not thrown up and had no significant pain, I asked to talk to my daughter. We negotiated together that she would "try" to go back to class and if she still felt sick she could come back to the nurses office. The nurse also assured me she would check in with my daughter later in the day to make sure she was ok. Well, my daughter still "visits" the nurse frequently for a bandaid and a little TLC but, she has not had to be dismissed again. Good Luck.

J. L.

I agree you did the right thing. I'll keep this "tip" in mind if one of my children pulls the same thing. My daughter often tells me she doesn't want to go to school. If I were you I would investigate why she doesn't want to go to school. Does she not like the teacher? Are the other kids teasing her? Is the work to hard or just boring? Good Luck!

Yes, you did the right thing! Sometimes moms just need to hear that. It worked, she's fine and yes she missed a day of school, but oh well. She probably won't do it again.

WOW! Good for you Mom! As mothers we often second guess ourselves when we make decisions regarding discipline. As a rule of thumb, if you say it do it. I think that's why it's so important to be careful what you say. For example: While in the grocery store, my son, who was 3 at the time decided to throw a fit because I wouldn't let him have candy. I told him if he didn't stop, I was going to take him home and come back and shop by myself. He loved the grocery store, so he said he'd stop. Well as you can guess, he didn't stop. I promptly took him out of the cart, put him in the car and drove him home to my husband. It was inconvenient, but I felt like I needed him to see that I mean what I say. I'd be curious to see if your daughter pulls the "i'M SICK" card again. My guess is not unless she really is sick!

I have a six year old that loves medicine so sometimes he'll tell me he's sick just so I'll give him medicine. He's just on the border of the age (7ish) when children can developmentally really understand about truth and lies.

I tell him that it's very serious to not tell the truth (I try to avoid accusing him of lying) about something like being sick because medicine is not good for people who aren't sick and then I won't know when to trust him. We talk a lot about trust. Sometimes he'll tell me that he's brushed his teeth and he hasn't so I just tell him the same thing, that I can't trust him if he doesn't tell me the truth. I tell him that I'll have to watch him when he's brushing because I can't trust him. I make sure it doesn't seem like a consequence, just a matter of fact occurence when I can't trust someone.

Try talking to your daughter directly and tell her that you don't believe her and why you don't believe her. Then ask her what she wants when she stays home "sick." Is school too hard, are the other kids not nice, does she just want to be home with mama (like her sister is)? Tell her that you want to listen to what she wants and together you can make a plan about what to do. Have her think of a solution and make sure it works for you. Personally, (and I'm a teacher) I think if she needs some planned "personal" days from school that might be fine, but you don't want her to have to lie to get it.

I think you cured your daughter!! That is the greatest plan to avoid future non-sick days!! As the mother of a 5th and 7th grader, I can assure you that missing a day in first grade to teach her a MUCH more important lesson won't hurt her in the least, and will be one of the best lessons you could have taught her - MUCH better than a day at school. Good for you for sticking to your word. I bet she'll never be the sheep in wolf's clothing again!!!

Never question common sense, not all important things are learned in school. You did the right thing, she sounds like a very smart little girl and would soon have tried the same trick to get out of other things she didn't want to do.

Jo (Mother of 3 boys, 21, 18, 8)

Hi S.
It sounds like you are doing the right thing. My oldest is in 1st and I think it is a bit harder than kindergarten and if she thinks it is more fun at home you will get the Im sick thing all the time. I think that if you continue to do the same thing that she will see that when she is home when she it isnt fun. I dont believe that you will have to go into a huge discution of right and wrong what your doing will be enough.
K.

Maybe there is something going on at school that she would rather avoid. When I was in 2nd grade I had a teacher that was cruel to me and singled me out in front of my classmates. I went to the nurse many times with a headache and stomache ache. Looking back on it, I know why I felt sick. It was the teacher who was bruising my spirit.

Do some more investigation at school. Is it the teacher? The classmates? Is there a bully? Or is she having a hard time learning? There's got to be a reason your child is wanting to stay home- if not for the video games and special treatment. I think it was a good idea on your part to make staying home boring. It's a start...

Good luck.

It sounds to me as if you've come up with an excellent plan for showing that it doesn't pay to fake being sick. But the other half of the situation should be figuring out why it is that she dreads school enough to try to avoid it. She may or may not be able to answer this question if you ask her, but it might be worth asking, in case she does have something to say. Perhaps you could ask the teacher (if he or she seems like a sensitive, observant person) whether he/she has noticed anything that could explain it. Possible things to consider: shyness; classmates who tend to be cliquish or overbearing; difficulty with some part of the work; embarrassment from some real or imagined mess-up; discomfort with a change in routine (for instance, when I was that age (many years ago) I felt really discombobulated whenever we had a substitute teacher).

you need to speak to her teacher.. something is happening during school that she doesn't like. maybe a disagreement with another child or something.. make her go to school and keep making her stay in bed bored if you take her home, but you need to let the nurse in on what's happening too so she's not so quick to call you next time.

Good for you, I think you did the right thing as long as your point got made and she isn't doing it anymore.
I assume there are no bullys at school and she just doesn't like to go.
Also, have you spoken with the teacher about any issues?

What the heck is wrong with your school nurse...can you say pushover!!!! I would talk to the principal of your school and tell him what is going on. The norm is kids who have a fever, diarrhea or vomiting should not be in school, otherwise they should not be sent home. Sent home for a headache, I would be so mad. Talk to the principal.
Now, you should also try to figure out why she is trying to "skip" school. Is there something going on with her peers, her teacher? Is she struggling with learning, is she bored? I would do a little investigating by asking her teacher how she is doing in class and how she is socially. Set up a meeting with her teacher. I work in education and have seen this happen many times with kids who are either bored in school because they are not challenged enough or they are too challenged, struggling with work load and keeping up with the rest of the class. Look into it.

I absolutely agree with how you handled it. We do the same thing with our older children and it is a deterrent. If they are actually sick it gives them the time and space to get better. My husband will tell the school nurse the child is not coming home if they're not vomiting or near death. Since yours is so lenient I believe you made a very strategic move to change the behavior.

You totally did the right thing. We have instincts about those things. My son tried that for a while. If it happened on a Friday..forget his weekend, it was spent in bed with nothing. As well as whatever day it was he "needed" to come home on. The true days he didn't care about the consiquenses and slept through them. The fake days he wined and complained. I talked to the teachers and school nurse about it and let them know. Ussually they know when the kids really are sick. When I was in school they made us lay on a bed for a while and "see" what changed.

Good for you, of course you did the right thing. One day out at 6 to make a point is well worth it.

I think you and your husband are brilliant! You set guidelines and you stuck with them and that is a huge thing to do as a parent. She knows you'll follow through when you say you'll do something and that is so important for her and for the both of you esp as she gets older. It's a lost art and one that will serve you well. It takes a lot of commitment and self discipline to hold our kids accountable but the payoff will be big. Good for you!

M.

Hi S. - I think you did the right thing. Your daughter needs to know that it's not OK to fake being sick to get out of school in order to do fun things, and showing her the consequences of her wrong behavior (by making her stay in bed) was a good solution. I'm not sure the extra day out of school will matter, but it will certainly make her think twice before faking illness in the future. Way to go - good luck!
All the best, M. C.

You rock!
Really, I think you handled it fantastically.
The only other thing I'd investigate is why she is playing that card. I use to play it in junior high, but unlike your daughter, I could actually induce a fever! And the reason was because I hated junior high. Instead of dealing with the issues, I'd just get "sick."
It was a phase and it passed, but you might look a little further into why your daughter doesn't want to be at school, besides just because playing video games is more fun.

I think you handled it brilliantly! She hopefully learned a good lesson and will stay in school now. It sounds like it was simply attention seeking behavior. I would also suggest telling the nurse that story so she'll understand what goes on when you get her home.

Don't feel guilty. One day out of school will be worth it if you've taught her a valuable lesson.

I think you did the right thing by being sick = not being any fun.... However... By carrying it into the next day I fear that your daughter not tell you next time she is *really* sick.

My son has pulled the "I have a headache" card before school, and I've reminded him 'If your too sick for school, your too sick for tv, video games, computer...' He changes his tune immediately.

S.,
If she is faking to be able to play games/watch tv then I absolutely agree you did the right thing. Children can be manipulative to try to get what they want.

I would just check to make sure there isn't something at school that she is afraid of too... at a similar young age on my first day at a brand new school our bus got into an accident. I then was so scared to ride the bus I'd try anything to have my mom pick me up from school. For some reason I wasn't scared of the ride to school though (we had a different driver in the morning and the accident was with the afternoon driver). My mom caught on and started giving my brother and I rides home from school as often as she could. I also had a lot of trouble with the students in my class teasing me and our school seemed more like a dungeon than a school (it was old, there were bars on the windows, it was a bad neighborhood and the building was literally falling apart), so I really disliked going (normally I LOVED school).

I had to stay at that school for a whole year and hated it, but at the end of the year my mom was able to switch my brother and I into a different school and I once again enjoyed school :). It helped a lot to know I only had to stay until the end of the year and that a change for the better was coming.

Have you had a conversation with your daughter on faking an illness? With a child her age I'm sure she doesn't understand what the consequences of faking an illness could be. I'm not sure how you could explain them to her without scaring here. Maybe you could talk to the school nurse and your daughters teachers. Do a bit of investigating to see if they think she is faking or if she really is sick. Express your concerns to them and state that you want to bring her home when she is truly sick, but that when she's not it is important for her to stay and learn. It can be a touchy subject because you don't want them to deny her the possibility of visiting the nurse or going home if she truly is sick, but having the help of the teacher & the school nurse can also be very helpful in these situations.

I'm sure you will do a great job with teaching her :).

i think you did the right thing it sounds liek she's playing you
is there a particular day that she "plays" sick? tehre might be something at school that she doesn't like
or maybe she got into an argument with a friend have you asked why she doesn't want to go to school?
do you think that she might want some extra attention because of the baby? kids do weird things
i do agree with taking everything away and i don't think her stayin out an extra day is going ot hurt her

Hi S.!

I have 2 children that tried to pull that before we began homeschooling. What I needed to do was to first speak with the teacher and to see if anything else was happening. Perhaps there are tests that your daughter is afraid to take, or maybe she's getting bullied on the playground or something; perhaps even she's bored with the curriculum that she's being taught. If it's any of these issues, it's a fairly easy fix.

When I was growing up, if we ever complained about being sick, we were allowed to stay home, but we had to be in our beds for the entire day with no toys, books, or anything else. Although we were in an upper-class household, my father did not believe that children should have their own electronics, aside from alarm clocks, in their rooms just because they could - I have followed the same tradition with my children where they are not allowed to have video games, tv's, etc., in their rooms, but can instead play with those in the family room, and can watch tv with their family rather than using the tv as a babysitting device. Because of this, we stayed home only when we were really ill rather than because we had a new game or something that we wanted to play like is the case with most of today's youth.

My youngest would complain about migraines when he was at school, but they would sometimes start while on the bus. I would get a call from the nurse and would end up picking him up from school and bringing him home for the remainder of the day.

At first I would let him lay down on the living room sofa, but then he'd just want to watch what mommy was doing. I wanted to make sure that his complaints were legitimate, so I told him that for each time he couldn't go to school, or where I needed to pick him up, he was in his room for the remainder of the day (even after his siblings would get home), with the lights off, blinds closed and in his bed - with leaving only to use the potty. Even after all of this, he would still have complaints of migraines while at school.

After taking him to the doctor's and finding out that migraines are a legitimate concern (they are hereditary), I informed his teacher of what was going on. I let her know that he was on some medication, but that it was not 100% effective and that he still may have needed to go to the nurse for some tylenol to supplement it.

I found out from my son after he would come home in tears even more after, that his teacher wouldn't even let him go to the nurse when he asked because she was under the impression that he just wanted to get out of the task at hand! (This was one of the reasons for my removing my children from the school system).

Almost 2 months later, my son has had maybe 2 migraines instead of his typical one every day or two. We have decided that there was probably some odor on the bus and in the school that was causing his problems. When he was getting them on the bus, it was only if it was a bus that was not his usual (when they had to use a different one because their original was in the shop for repairs or whatever).

He started to go back to the school this past week for his speech therapy for just an hour, one day a week, and he came home with the beginning of a migraine. Because of this, our suspicions have been confirmed and I'm thankful that it is only once per week for a very minimal amount of time than for an entire school day.

I hope that this helps you. :)

S.,
I think you did the right thing. I have a 9yr old and I went throught the same thing. Although, Make sure that there is not a reason she is playing the sick card. most of the time it's nothing, but talk to her and find out if there is something she does not like.Maybe an art/music/gym teacher or another child bothering her. Most of the time its nothing but don't let it just go. Also, the school nurse HAS to call you when yor child is sick they know when the sick card is being used. they still have to call you. They don't think your neglecting yur child

Hi... When I read this, I kinda saw some red flags. And the only reason why I'm saying this is because this is EXACTLY what I used to do when I was in grades 1 through 4. It got to the point where I wasn't allowed to go home anymore, yet I would refuse to leave the nurses' office. The fact was I used "sickness" as a means to get away from the bullying I endured during these years in school. Which leads me to think that maybe something is going on among her classmates. Have you ever approached this subject with her and/or her teachers??? Something is making her not want to go to school apparently. This is just my opinion, but it's definatley worth ruling out.

Good for you!!! I think you did exactly the right thing! She seems to think that it's more fun to stay home and play than go to school. I don't think you'll get many more calls from the school.

On the flip side of this is the fact that maybe she is actually feeling sick at school because of stress or possibly an environmental allergy. Maybe talking to the teacher will help you figure that out. There could be someone she's not getting along with in class, the chalk dust might be bothering her or maybe she needs glasses and that's what is giving her the headache. I had similar "headache" problems with my son until I found out that he was eating dairy at his dad's (he's allergic). When he cut that out he was fine.

Good luck! Remember, always listen to your intuition when it comes to your children even if it goes completely against what you are being told!! Moms know their kids!!!!

I think you did the right thing. I had a similar situation with my daughter at right about the same age. The first time she came home I felt bad for her and let her watch tv. So of course shortly after that I got a call from the nurse again. This time I knew that I had to do something. From the advice of my co-workers, I made her stay in bed and only get up to eat that night and use the bathroom. She figured out that it wouldn't be much fun to stay home. She stopped going to the nurse.... We did not have that problem again after that. She is now in the fifth grade and loves school. Good luck.

Hi S.,

Could it be that she's bored at school? I have been studying to be a teacher for a few years now and I had to take a class called "The Exceptional Learner" which covered the educational challenges of gifted children. I never really thought about it, but I learned sometimes gifted children whose talents go unrecognized develop problems in school because they are so bored with their too-easy work.

If you feel this might be the case, talk to your daughter and talk to her teacher/s. On the other hand, it could be something else too--problems with classmates, vision troubles, maybe the work is really too hard--but it certainly sounds like there's something she's trying to avoid at school. See if you can do some detective work to find out what it is.

And by the way, I think the whole "recovery" period was a killer idea (if she really is faking sick just to play at home).

Good Luck,

M.

I think you did the right thing and probably she learned a valuable lesson. Frankly, I can't believe the school nurse would call for you to pick her up without a temperature. At my kids' school, if there's no temp and no vomiting, the nurse lets them lie on a cot for awhile and then eventually returns them to class when they get bored. It's time for you and the school nurse to discuss your daughter's "game".

Hi S.,

My two older boys, now 16 and 10, have tried this routine. I did the same thing and it worked like a charm. If they are really sick, they don't mind staying in bed and actually want the extra sleep. If it continues, check with your pediatrician. However, if they changed their tune when I reminded them they were going to be sick IN BED, with no tv, video games, etc. there was usually a quick recovery. Kids catch on very quickly on ways to manipulate, we just have to stay a step ahead. As far as missing work, it is a huge deterrent, to my high schooler especially, make up work is no fun either. I think you are doing a great job so don't beat yourself up too much.

M.

you go girl, you DID the right thing

My six year old tried to play the same game, but when I did what you did, she was once again eager to to go to school. You should have sent her to school the next day, as it sounded as she didn't want to face another boring day at home (lesson learned).

However everything you did was right on target. You never know with a child. Being sick is a serious matter and we worry to death. You knew that the minute she arrived home with a great BIG smile and ready to play, she had fake being sick (Parent knows best).

The problem is that if a child said they're sick school staff need to make that phone call. If the child is really sick and not faking, they do not want to be held liable for not calling. And we do want that phone call to come in regardless.

Good luck ;-)

L. ;-)

Hi S.,

I have to tell you that I laughed out loud when I read you made your daughter stay home the next day to and stay in bed with absolutely nothing to do! I think what you did was great, and a great way to teach her that faking sick is not acceptable. I wish I would have thought of that with my son. Yes, I believe school is important too, but your daughter is only in first grade so missing one more day isn't going to put her that 'behind'. I think you and hubby handled it just fine! :-)

D.

Personally, you are my hero!! That took ALOT of guts to call her bluff. Stay firm! I am sure you will get criticized, but that took some serious backbone. My question is...what school nurse in her right mind would send a kid home without a temp??? Our school won't send home a child unless they are 100 or over. You did the right thing! Don't feel guilty. Your gut feeling is usually the right one.
It sounds to me like she is experiencing a bit of jealousy and wants attention from mom & dad since baby sister is in the picture now. My older daughter was in kindergarten when my 2nd daughter was born and she went through a similar phase. My advantage was that she was very good with her words and actually ended up communicating to me that she wanted to stay home so she could be with mommy and her baby sister. She felt it was unfair that Luisa got to stay home and she didn't. Once we identified it, we started to develop specific time for "family" and specific time for "just girl time". My husband would watch the baby while I took my older daughter to Dairy Queen or some quick spot that gave her the validation she yerned for. That was our "girl time". Then for "family time" we would maybe watch a movie or family home videos together. I think if you can get to the "why" behind the "behavior" you will be well on your way to curing her "sickness". Best of luck to you. I know you will do just fine.
A LITTLE ABOUT ME:
40yr old mother of 2 girls, Ages 10yr and 6yr

If I feel my daughter is "faking" sick I also send her to her room and she is only allowed to read and color in bed. NO tv,computer or other electronics for the day. But I make sure that when she is really sick that she can see the difference of how she is treated with a little extra pampering. She is 8 and has also complained of being "sick" in the morning with no actual symptoms so I send her. She has been sent home only two of those instances. But other than those two times I haven't gotten the dreaded call. I too feel like the "bad guy". I'm sure the school nurse has seen it all before though. Good luck and stay tough on the" I'm Sick".

I think what you did was awesome! You have to follow through, and you did. So long as you know that the reason she wants to be out of school is so she can be home to play and not because something is bothering her at school, like a bully, or she can't read the chalkboard, or something like that. Is she liking school better now?

S., my son is going to be 8 and he has done this also. At first I thought it was just because he saw that he got away with it but then it came out that something was going on at school. I noticed that it was always a Thursday, or Wednesday night that he would say he was not feeling good and I did the same thing, no fever go to school and I got the call at work to go pick him up. He didnt like the Art teacher, and art was on thursday! Try asking if there something going on at school.

Hi S.,
I agree with the other respondents. It sounds like you're handling the situation appropriately. Admittedly, her reaction when you kept her home doing nothing is also somewhat amusing. Hopefully, she gets the message.

My only question & concern is what is up with the school nurse? Presumably, she is an R.N. (or similarly certified). Doesn't s/he run a few tests (taking temperature, vitals, etc.) before calling you? The nurse seems a bit too ready to send your daughter home. As others have suggested, it is probably a good idea to talk with the nurse and your daughter's teacher to see if something else might be going on.

Also, perhaps you could ask your daughter directly if she knows why she wants to come home when she doesn't seem to be sick and what she thinks might be causing her head/stomach to hurt. Does it happen after certain events? In anticipation of certain events? Kids can't always express it, but you might be able to get some clues to draw some conclusions.

Good luck, good job, and thanks for the little chuckle. :)

K.

Hi S.,
I have been an elementary school secretary for 24 years. At my school, the school nurse would always kept children at school unless they had a fever or were vomiting. I think you should talk to the nurse, the teacher and/or the guidance counselor to see if there is something going on at school that is bothering her and this is why she does not want to go or wants to come home. Lots of times kids will have a problem with someone teasing them or not wanting to participate in a certain subject that will prompt them pretending they are sick and want to go home.
If the school is aware there is some kind of pattern they will be more likely to give your daughter alternatives to call you to come get her unless she is showing physical signs of illness.
Hope this helps!
L.

Don't you worry. I definetely think you did the right thing. I'm a mother of a 2nd grader. And trust me if you don't lay down the law while they are young they will walk all over you. At moments you may feel guilty but children need to know that they can't take advantages of situations like that. I did something similar. My daughter didn't want to go to dancing school one Saturday and I did the same, she stayed in bed with no t.v. or toys, She had no fever either!

Personally, I think what you did was awesome! She is only 6 - let her learn now when she is young. She didn't miss anything earth shattering at school. After what she just went through, hopefully that is it. If she still cried wolf after this, maybe explore if there is something going wrong in the classroom which is making her want to miss school, or get the nurse on your side to say "no temperature, sorry you have to stay". Good luck!

As a teacher I think you did a great thing! You did "cure her". If you see this continue to happen even with the loss of the all the fun stuff, talk to her about WHY she doesn't want to be at school. She may be having a problem with another student.

Of course what you did was right. It is not fun to be home sick. You do not play and have fun, you're sick. I bet she will think twice about pulling that again, but if she does, the same rules apply. She is missing more by playing sick. The only way to stop it from happening is to stop it from being fun.

Good job.

What an AWESOME idea!!! I have a first and second grader, and I will have to try if I need to - Thank God, they haven't caught on to that just yet, but I'm sure it won't be long!

Good luck to you!!

I think what you did was perfect. I think missing a couple of days in 1st grade for somthing like this is a lot better than her going through life thinking when she doesn't feel like doing something she can just stay home and say she is sick. She would never be able to hold a job when she gets older. I am sure she will try this again before she is done, but I would stick to your guns and keep it up. Maybe not making her miss 2 days, but the part of making her stay in bed and just lay there with nothing to do is great. My daughter has played the sick card in the past (she is now 14 and also named Ashley) and if I thought she was fine my rule was try to go to school and if you still feel sick later than go to the nurse. I never let them make me feel bad that I sent her too. They look at you like why would you send her if she said she was sick? I ignored them. Don' let that bother you. Usually by the time she got to school and was busy she would forget she was sick and stay all day. Occasionally she would go to the nurse and I would go get her. But I made her stay in bed and lay there. I did let her read though. At least make her use her brain for the day. Believe me all day of reading gets very boring too. You could also try some of those learning activity books. The only other thing I would suggest is to make sure there is nothing going on at school that is making her not want to go. Good luck!

Two things: Is there something else going on at school that she is trying to avoid? Talk to her teachers. Find out why she wants to get out of school. Is the work getting harder, or are there other children picking on her? Or is it that home is just easier?

Also, talk to the school nurse. I'm surprised she hasn't picked your daughter up as being a "frequent flier". Let her know that if she doesn't have a fever, you want her sent back to class.

If she is going to play sick, she needs to know that there are consequences: no tv, no video games and no afterschool activities (sports practice, lessons, friends over, etc).
I think you are starting to taking the right approach. As a teacher, I see the impact that frequent absences has on a child's education. The patterns develop early and if you can stop it now, you will save yourself a lot of headaches later on as well as helping your daughter.
Good Luck,
M.