I'm very frightened to ask my husband to let me go to nursing school and here is why. #1. We have 2 kids and I don't know how he'll manage to take care of the kids while I'm in class #2. It costs money #3. He'll yell at me.
My husband is the type that doesn't like to spend money. He's scared that if I start college again, I'll quit again. I tried to get a degree in Medical Assisting but I ended up quitting because I got a full time job and they didn't offer evening classes. After I worked for about 1-2 years, I tried going to a different college to pick up some classes, but I never did. I just applied and never signed up for classes. Then, while I was pregnant with my 1st daughter, I was attending Massage School. I dropped out of that because I worked full time, then my husband had to watch our daughter while I was in class and I had to hurry home so that he could go to work (he works 3rd shift). I mean I see where he is scared I'll quit again, but I am really passionate in going into nursing. I won't be in clinicals for at least 2-3 years anyways, so right now I'll have to take pre-requisites for at least 2 years or longer. I think the biggest problem is who will take care of the kids. I know my husband can handle the 2 year old, but when it comes to a newborn and a 2 year old, it’s challenging. Plus, I know he’s worried about spending the money. I am returning back to work part time (24 hours per week) in a few weeks and I won’t be starting classes until fall 2010. We both don’t have very close family. The closest we have is my sister and her husband who are about 20-25 minutes away. Right now all I plan to take is 1 online class and then see how it goes from there. After that, then we shall see.
About 2 years ago when my 1st daughter was born, I wanted to attend nursing school full time, but my husband said if I went back, I would have to work too. Then I told him once I hit clinicals, I would need to quit my job so that I could focus. So, needless to say I never went, although I wanted to. I know for at least 1 year or longer I can take 1 online class per quarter and I don’t think it would be too much. Then once I have to start attending classes 2 days per week, then it’s going to get difficult. I don’t know if he’s going to agree with me quitting my job though for 2 years while I’m in clinicals because it will take me at least 2 years to complete that. I’m figuring I will be in school from 5-6 years, unless I get laid off from my job, then I’ll go full time to school to complete it quicker.
How can I talk to my husband about this? I know it sounds weird, but I’m scared of him. I’m not sure if I’m scared he’ll say no or if I’m scared he’ll yell at me. Normally it comes out, “I can’t let you go to school because you always quit. How do I know you won’t quit this?” Can someone please give me some advice? I really want this.
Thank you so much moms for giving me advice and being very truthful. The fact of the matter is I love my kids and I would hate to spend time away from them. Yes, my husband is very controlling, but I just have to face the fact that I will need to speak with him about this. My children are my life, but if I can get some online classes (which will take me about 1 year to get them all in) and then I can go from there. I may try to enroll after I get back to work to see how this all goes for me. I will be working 24 hours per week and then coming home to 2 kids. Plus 1-2 days per week I will be taking care of both a toddler and a newborn. So we shall see how it goes from there. Thank you again, for your honesty in this!
i'd tell him what is different now, compared to the other times.
I'd tell him that you'll take online classes at first if offered and then you don't have to worry as much about the kids, and you can follow through w/the commitment and show him. actions are much louder than words.
and if clinicals is the last thing, you'll already have shown him you mean it by then : )
1. You shouldn't be afraid to talk to your husband.
2. You will quit again, so he's right.
3. Focus on your family. That is the most important job of all. Nursing school is not right for you at this time.
Hi Mom,
Personally as a wife (over 20 yrs) and mom myself , I feel that you need to take a good look at your priorties and you should be devoting all of your time to taking care of and nurturing your young children, not starting a new a career. I don't understand this desire in new moms today after starting your family. This is such an incredibly important time in your children's lives; why would you want to miss it? Married I worked FT for 10 yrs after college b4 starting a family then PT when my daughter was very young and still work only PT. Thinking bk I truly regret missing all the time I did with her even working only PT. I missed so may little things she did she did each day. My daughter is awsome,a young teen now and if I had it to do over I would have never missed even a 1/2 day with her. To ask your husband to care for your children FT in addition to already working hard to support his family I feel is not right. I would put all of your career aspirations on hold until all of your children are in middle school or older. Your most important job now is being a mom. Hope you aren't not offended with my honesty, but I have been there and done that so I am speaking from experience..
part of me thinks there is a bigger issue if you are that afraid to bring it up. But that isn't what you are asking about. Take some time and get all your ducks in a row so to speak. Apply for a pell grant, find out how much classes cost and if you can get any other help, free help, so that you are not paying out of pocket or taking out loans. Then make sure you talk to the school, make sure you know what it will cost if anything (sometimes you can get money back, if your grants are large enough). get a start date, and basically do everything but actually enroll.
At that point approach your husband, tell him what you want to do and how it can work, don't worry about years from now and clinicals, who knows where either of you or the kids will be in life in a few years. Having all the facts and going to him with them, rather than going and asking permission and for help, should help him see that this is really important to you.
good luck.
and just because i have to say it, if you are that afraid of him, and he is that controlling, well then maybe you should think about getting a divorce and then going to nursing school.
Hi Victoria,
I can understand your husband's point, my husband enrolled in a program, which he didn't finish, but we're still paying for. Every month I write a check for nothing. I see that money going to so may other needed things and I do get angry.
If you want to go to nursing school, I suggest you create a plan. Start with how you're going to juggle working & school. Then child care and move on to the other issues.
Going to your husband with a list & a plan will show not only you're dedicated, but also realistic about the issues you'll face.
I would also look at job oppportunities and pay versus where you are now.
Good Luck
R. Magby
I cannot ever imagine being 'scared' to talk to my husband about ANYTHING. Ever. It sounds like what you want to do will involve some short term sacrifice for all of you, in order to allow for a more secure future for your entire family. Even if your husband is cheap or doesn't see the value of that, he has NO right to get ANGRY at you for looking into it or wanting to better yourself and your familiy's financial situation!
I would discuss it with him and have a serious talk about how it would work. Sorry, he will just have to suck it up and change some diapers for a while- they're his kids too!!
Maybe you can take one or two classes online or in the evening until your children are older. The classes you have taken already count for something. Maybe you can go at this really slow. Talk to him about this. My hubby used to be hard to talk to also but (I don't know your husband but with mine) I changed my attitude towards him and started really loving him, giving him lots of attention and respecting him. He really started to become more laid back and started loving me more. Not that he didn't before but he definately was easier to talk to after I changed. Good luck to you and I totally understand where you are coming from. =)
You should not be afraid to talk to your hubby about your plans. But now theres no more just you, its a thing that will affect the 2 babies and him.I think you should get 1or 2 classes online and see how that works out. But with you going back to work, you are going to miss out on the baby. Talk to him and come out with a plan and see what happens. I have a 3 year old and a 9 month ol baby. I work 30 hrs a wk I also try to go back to school but when i went back to work i MISS my babies so much that I just decided that it wasnt time yet. I have been Bless that my hubby supports me in everything. (But we talk about EVERYTHING) GOOD LUCK on what your decide to do.
First your marriage and kids come first, with a 2 year old and infant that is a full time job right there, focus on that, plus both of you are working (full or part time). Personally I would wait till they are in school (1st grade or so) to advance my education since you will be putting in many years into it. If you were looking at getting your master's it might be a little different because if you are getting the homework/papers done you can kind of make your own schedule (depending on what you are getting it in).
You should never be afraid to talk to your husband... if you are then there are other issues that need to be worked out before continuing your schooling.
5-6 years is a BIG commitment, if you were not able to stick with something and finish the degrees numerous times before it really is hard to support someone in yet another thing that is going to take even more commitment then previous degrees for specific jobs. You kind of dug yourself a hole, SO find ways to build that trust back up that you will finish something and follow through by doing it; maybe a few online classes... NEVER slack on them ALWAYS signing up and doing the next one.
ok heres an idea. in some states they would rather help you pay for college than support you on hud and foodstamps for the rest of your life. so see about a grant. can your past classes take place of some of the required classes? while you are going to nursing school can you work at a nursing home and get some of your credits there? can you work the night shift the quiet shift so you can do some of your homework there? you will also learn the nursing terms by using them daily and you will cut your study time down because it is a daily routine. find a daycare to watch the kids during the day so he can sleep. :) your nursing home job will pay for it :) i would arrange everything I suggested and tell him I am going back to school not ask. :) The nursing home liscenses may cut down your school time drastically. :) if i am right and don't know I am how can he argue with this logic. :)
