I'm Definitely Feeling Pressured by Motherhoob but Not Ready to Call It Depre...

C.,
Often times depression manifests itself as anger first. It could be postpartum, or just the situation itself.
Please seek a good counselor, and don't take meds prescribed for someone else. They are given to that person for a reason and for how much they weigh. I have been to counseling several times over the years just to help sort things out...and for depression. If you want her name, its Toni Horvath. She has an intern named Trinity Bockus. They are both excellent.
W. M.

are you able to go to the gym? I went through the same thing when I had my third. I did call my dr. and went to see a psychologist. I did not need to take any medication, but just being able to talk to someone who can help me analyze the situation better helped me. As soon as I went back into the gym, I started feeling better. At that time I did stop nursing (baby was 9 months). I started going outside more and was able to leave the baby with my mom if I needed to now that I was no longer nursing. Yes I could have pumped, but chose not to, which kept me home more just because it was easier. I think nursing a child is great, but I believe that if it doesn't work out for as long as recommended, then one needs to do what she needs to do. Anyway, do go out and try to get some time by yourself out of the house, even for a short walk. Do try to get into a gym, I felt so much better almost immeadiatly. Don't do the work out at home, you need to get out of the house. Take care.

I just turned 23, and have a 13 month old daughter. I understand the loneliness of being a young-but-not-teen-aged mother. It sounds to me like you might be having more problems with anger than depression. I have suffered from depression in the past. Taking the baby to the park is far more difficult than it sounds, and I don't know why. However, you definitely need to get out of the house, whether it be with or without the baby. Perhaps those casting judgement could watch her for an hour while you take a walk?
If you're in the Santa Cruz area we should hang out with our babies. Even for an online friend. ____@____.com

I agree with the other posts that a mom's group will help you tremendoulsy. If you have a difficult time finding one on the internet in your area, try asking your baby's doc. Also, if you took birthing classes, try contacting them and asking if they can help you find a group for moms with kids under a year old. Don't worry too much about how old the moms are, just if they have kids around your baby's age.

Lastly, don't let your baby isolate you from your usual group. They may not have babies and you may not be able to go out at night, but you can meet them for lunch/coffee during the day to keep in touch and show off your baby. :o) An hour or two out of the house a couple of times a week can be super helpful for your mental health and help you to see that while a baby does change your life it doesn't mean you have to completely give up your life.

Hang in there. You will be a great mom. You are off to a good start by asking for advice when you need it. :o)

C., I agree with Nicole.

If you are not sure about PP, go see your doctor and really talk about what is going on for you. (S)he will understand and help you move forward. After all, you want this to feel easier. Right?

My daughter will be 8 next week (going on 17!). Email. I'll listen and tell you what I hear. Sometimes, that was all I needed to help me get over a hump.

Stephanie

http://www.mom4mom.org/ is the website for the Walnut Creek/Pleasant Hill Mother's club. Despite the name, there are moms all over Contra Costa and a wide range of ages (of moms and babies). http://mdmcmom.org/ is the Mt. Diablo mothers club. Check them out and see which one feels right to you. Make some friends - it will be well worth it for you. You may also want to check out the adult ed programs in your area. They are fun for babies and parents.
I enrolled in Acalanes Adult Ed when my son was 3 months old, and now 10 years later, my best friend and her son (my son's best friend) still get together as often as possible.

Hi C.,

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. It really is taking a lot out of your baby's precious time as an infant. Once that time is gone you can't get it back.

Where is Martinez, BTW?

My suggestions are 1.) Talk to your doctor or maybe even just call up your insurance carrier to see if you have any mental health benefits. If you do, use them and go talk to a counselor. Maybe your BF would also like to go with you as your health affects him and your baby also. If you do not have insurance or menatl health coverage- your doctor may be abe to give you info regarding programs that could help.

2.) Find activities to do outside your home. Meetup.com is a great resource and I'm sure there are other sites like it as well. I was living in a new area- no family, bad marriage, small baby- I found several groups in my area that I was able to join. These groups did activities ranging from hiking easy trails that toddlers could handle to having Mom's Nights Out, to doing couple's wine tasting tours, and park playdates- there are also women's support/friendship groups. Out of 5 or 6 groups I joined, only 2 had a small one-time membership fee of $5. It varies from group to group so just read their info carefully.

Good luck to you.

Hi C..
When I had my first child I was only 21 unplanned. But he was the best surprise ever. I did feel overwhelmed a lot as a first time mother. I was also not married at the time and living with my future parents in laws house. I know, it is difficult now, especially when you can't do a lot of thing that people your age was doing. It is important to get some you time and some bf time too. Maybe your husband can help while you get some you time or have your mil or someone you are close with and trust watch the baby, so you can get some time off. It makes a world of a difference. I now have 3 boys and we make sure that we have time to our selves. I also make sure I have time for myself. You can also join a playgroup. I found some great ones at meetup.com. Just hang in there. everything will turn out okay.

Hi C.,

Hang in there. You are doing great. There are lots of transistions when becoming a mom. From reading other peoples responses to you, it sounds like a lot of good advise.

I just wanted to add that you really may want to see your doctor or a therapist about your feelings. I experienced postpartum depression after my second child and it came on very slowly, I hardly noticed it. It is important to catch it as early as possible, so that you can keep it from getting worse. It is often the stressors around us that help lead to the postpartum depression. You may not have it but it is best to make sure by talking to some professionals and finding ways to reduce the stressors around you so that it does not turn into depression.

I wish you the best!

C.-

You've gotten some great responses here, I really agree with Amber to get involved somewhere, make sure you are talking to other moms. As a mom of 5 I get it! Also, even if you aren't the same age as the other moms, when your kids are the same age it is something in common. I have friends that are older and many younger than me, but our children are the same age so we have that common bond. Try to enjoy yourself each day, don't feel pressured by outside influences (in-laws, house cleaning etc). Take today for what it is. Many of us have been there, more than you know. Take care of your baby AND yourself, you'll find you feel better when you do and you'll be a better mom!

Take care,

D.

Hello,

Unless the gentleman who offered you pills is a physician, he has no business offering you medication. I also agree with the mama who said if you talking to yourself loud enough for people to hear you at the next house, you are crying out for help…..but perhaps to the wrong people.

It may not be practical at this time, but you might consider moving a little further away from your boyfriends relatives…..that’s usually not a great situation in the best of families.

Go see you doctor right away, call and ask to come in, today if possible. If you own doc thinks you need medication, he/she will prescribe something that will be best for you. You may just need some activity.

Keep going to the park with your baby, it doesn’t matter that the other mom’s are a different age. Many of us have experienced some of what you describe. Also, there is a pretty good church in your area with a wonderful women’s group. Creekside Church, 444 Fig Tree Lane, Martinez, ###-###-####, ____@____.com. I have sent a prayer request for you. You may already belong to a church, if so seek out the women’s group there.

Not sure what you mean about being “Locked in a house”, but do get out of the house as much as possible. (I’m not saying be a slob, but the housework can a wait.) Also, the comment you make “even if we are not married”, sort of suggests that you would rather be married??? Could that be part of your blues and the family drama?

Keep us posted

Blessings…..

It very well could be postpartum depression or just the inner fear that you arent doing things right. Just remember as long as the baby is loved, fed, changed and bathed she will be happy. She is as new to this as you are and thus doesn't know if you do something wrong. You are pretty much at her beck and call right now but you will get through it. Know that this little person that you gave life to will love you and you her more than anything you could have ever imagined. It wouldn't hurt to see your doctor and let him/her decide if it is post partum. When going to the park you may only see moms that are older than you with older kids but they have been where you are now and could have some very good suggestions on how to get through it. Knowledge is power. Good luck and just love that precious child that God has entrusted you with.

Hi C., I am sorry that you are feeling down. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate. I remember feeling like I was having a hard time adjusting too and I found that getting together with other Mom's really helped me. It sounds like you have tried that route but maybe just haven't found the right group. There are many places to meet other Mom's. I attend a free library story time and you would be surprised at how many Mom's come there. Also there are other places (that cost some bucks) but like baby yoga, baby boot camp (outdoor exercise with your baby in a stroller), gymboree, music or swim classes.
But besides all of that I think that you should go and talk to your Dr. about what you are feeling. These are red flags to you waving "hello, I don't feel right". I think you should listen to them and talk to a professional. I know it must be hard to admit it to yourself. Maybe it is not depre...but maybe it would help to talk to someone. It seems there are many resources even thru your pediatrician. They are always screening the parents to make sure you are adjusting alright, because they know it is tough.
I am sorry that your family is not helping you, but there are resources out there that can help you.
You owe it to yourself and your 5 month old to go talk to someone. Also you should tell yourself "I am a good mother and I am doing the best that I can" and also it is good to hear from Mamasource Mamma's too. I wish you the best of luck and listen to yourself. You are a good mother and you are doing the best that you can! Keep us posted how things work out!
A.

Hi, I'm 32 and a mother of 5. My youngest is 6 months old. Every time I have a new baby it takes awhile for me to adjust. It will get better! Try to look for the good each day. I like to vent my feelings in a journal. I also try to list something good that has happened or something that I've learned that day. I've met friends through church, the neighborhood and at my children's school. Also I've babysat which has helped my kids and me. I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, they may have a play group in your area.
I'll pray for you today! D.

Hello C.,

First of all Congrats on you new baby. I had twins who are now 21 months. I had a hard time at first, I was home alone with them for the first three months with no help. I was a new mom and I felt my entire life was changed and I did not know how to respond to it. I would cry while feeding my daughter and then I would cry becuase I was crying. I felt I could not keep up with the household chores.
But I got advice from one of my friends who has three girls and at the time pregnant with her fourth. She told me to stop crying that yes, my life was different but not for the worse. It was a good life and things will be fine. That was the last day I cried.
I also would not worry if the hosue was a mess. I would give myself small goals each day. Such as one load of laudry and clena the kitchen. Once it was completed I felt like I accomplished it and was happy. I took one day at a time. Eventually I did not have to make goals, things got better.
I will admit the first year it tough but it got easier and easier. I love my twins and I would not have it any other way.

I would suggest to find a moms group, also go out once in awhile with friends. Go pamper your self.

Good Luck, I things will get better.

I'm a first time mom and have had some trouble adjusting to motherhood too. My son is 4 months old and I still have trouble figuring out how to be me and to be a mom. Does being a mom have to be the only thing that defines me? Mostly, I almost resent having to give up things I used to do just because I have a baby. I call it the baby blues because I don't think it's depression either.

First, don't be afraid or embarrassed to talk about your feelings. The baby blues are actually very common and lots of women experience it. It doesn't make you a bad mother. You are not alone! If you're in south bay, check out http://www.lasmadres.org/

Second, make a goal to get out of the house - even if it's just to Target or to pick up something from the grocery store.

Last, see if your MIL, BF, or a friend will watch your baby for a couple hours so you can get out on your own, maybe once a week.

Good luck! Things will get better. Hugs - K.

Will your future mil care for your child so you can take one college class? Do they have a club for the babies born in the month your baby was at the hospital he was born? One family I know the Mom meets once a month with her son with all the moms who gave birth the same month she did at their hospital. Can you get out of the house with your son? Go for a walk? Go to the library? Lots of Moms hang out at libraries. Talk to your doctor about how you feel.
Do not take any medication that is not prescribed for you.
Can your future mil care for the baby so your boyfriend and you can get out together alone for dinner and or a movie once a week? You need some out of the house time sweetie and be with other moms your age.
F.

Dear C.,
I understand what you are going through, and I experienced something very similar when I had my first child. No one else around me had a baby and I felt like I was the only one in that situation. I was frustrated and felt like no one understood my situation.
My thought on this is that you are experiencing something very normal - a young mother adjusting to motherhood who doesn't know many other mothers of babies and also feels she isn't getting enough support. Of course, this is going to make you feel angry and a whole array of emotions.
Please don't start taking drugs for this. They are not the answer. Our pill-popping society would have you believe that this is the answer, but it is not.
I don't know if you live in a small town, but I recommend that you find a mother's support group in your area. Talk to your relatives and gently explain your predicament and ask for their support. Also, I would find a very good natural healthcare practitioner who specializes in balancing female hormones naturally. It could be that your horomones are out of whack, which is very common after childbirth.
If you have any questions, just email me back. I am a mom of three children, 12-22 yrs. Been there done that. :>)
Hang in there. What you are experiencing is normal, just take it one step at a time and everything will be ok.
- E.

Hi C.,

It sounds like you may need a little extra help. You took the first step by identifying that you may have a problem. Call your Ob/Gyn today and get an appointment ASAP! I too suffered from post-partum depression (ppd) and did not get help until my son was 4 months old. I wish I had gotten help before because by the time I was put on anti-depressents I HATED my husband. I think getting the help earlier would have helped. (We are really good now and my son is almost 3 years old). PPD can strike at anytime within the first year postpartum.

Try to google some moms groups in your area. There are usually MOPS groups and although they are usually affliated with a church, it would be a great place to start. You could also trying stroller fitness classes like Baby Boot Camp. It is a fantastic way to meet other moms, get a good workout and let your child play. www.babybootcamp.com. Fitness is found to help battle PPD. Try your local library for story time or YMCA or kids programs. Even a parent and me swimming class would be fun. I started my son when he was 7 months old and he loved just splashing.

I hope you get some help soon. Keep up the good work. Being a mommy is the hardest but best job you will ever do!

J. W.

In their crazy sort of way they are trying to support you, they just don't know how. I had postpardum after both of my daughters were born. Completely different both times. First time, it started the first week. The second time, it was week three and hung on a lot longer. I took Sarephem, it is a form of mild prozac. It was night and day in three days. Going out in the sunshine also really helps. Put on some makeup and a skirt and make yourself feel like a girl. Because you were a girl/ woman first. Also if the family wants to help, they can come play with the baby so you can do other things like cleaning or make lunch/dinner. Hang in there it will get alot easier, when you get more sleep is when it starts.

I am sorry you are feeling so down and that well-meaning family is making you feel worse. I was feeling trapped and lonely when my first-born was a baby. I also had a really hard time meeting moms at the park; it seemed that even though they were moms, they didn't care if I was there or not. They were friendly the way the grocery clerk is; from a distance. Joining a mom's group really helped me. They had monthly meetings and playgroups at the local park, plus special outings (like a firehouse tour, a tour at the pizza place, and one of the moms had a neighbor who was getting a swimming pool put in, so we gathered in the neighbors living room to watch the tractors dig.) It was great to get out! You can vent, laugh, play, and get baby sitter referrals from other moms. Plus, being with other moms and watching how they deal with certain situations helps you see that there is no one right way to do things and that you don't have to be a control-freak maniac trying to make sure everything is perfect (I don't know if that is any part of your difficulties, but when I was alone with my parenting books, I would freak out a little if my husband tried things that weren't by-the-book. Being with other moms helped me relax about some of that. I am still a little neurotic about some things though! lol)

As for the housekeeping and stuff, it is so freaking hard when you are sleep deprived, and once your daughter starts crawling and walking (very soon, now), it gets even tougher to keep up with. Flylady.net has some good ideas for managing the housework. I was on her list for a while, but got a little annoyed with the daily messages, so now I just got o the website once in a while. The most important lesson I learned from flylady was to do baby steps. So, I can't do ALL the laundry at once, but I can do one load a day sort-wash-dry-fold. And I can't clean the whole house at once when it gets to disaster level, but I can clear off the counter in a short amount of time and take on a different spot later (or tomorrow).

Lastly, make sure you see your friends once in a while! Even if they don't have kids yet and you may feel so different now, being with friends who know you can help you realize that there isn't anything wrong with you that requires meds (or they can help see if you _are_ so changed after all). Maybe you could go for a walk or meet up for coffee?

Hang in there! Plenty of fantastic, loving women I know are great moms without all the ooey-gooey over-the-top feelings you mention in your little bio. :o)

Hi C.. I know how you feel. I have a 11 1/2 month old daughter. I am still adjusting to motherhood. I too am home with her all day & have been thru feeling sad, hopeless, overwhelmed, all alone...I think it is 'natural' with being a new Mom, home with the baby 24/7.
Mom's who go to work, also have a hard job but they have times that they are away from the baby & therefore, whether it is work or not, have breaks where they are not the primary caregiver. I think that makes a world of difference.
That being said, I am choosing to be my baby's primary caregiver & am home with her so I don't have that option of being away.
What I have had to do for my own sanity is: reach out for help. Anyone who has offered or you can ask to come over to watch the baby for an hour or more so that you can get out of the house or even take a nap or get things done around home.
If you can get one of your family to be to set a time to help-on a weekly basis would be awesome-you would know when your break would be coming.
Also when you BF is home take advantage of that-tell him it's "his turn" to change the diaper, feed, bath, put to sleep...anything. Ask for his help as much as possible. This baby is what you both created & if you look as it as equal responsibility & get him to see it that way too even if it is just a little help @ a time (if he doesn't help much right now? I am just assuming...) it will give you small breaks each day.
Also keep in mind, this is all temporary, when ever I am having a moment, I remind myself of that. The infant years will pass, the baby will grow up & keep pushing on.
You are almost @ the age-6 months when the Dr. will tell you, if the baby is on track with everything-height-weight-etc that you will be able to let the baby cry it out during sleep time-at night especially.(This will help if you are feeling sleep deprived-which I had a HUGE HARD time with)
I used to go to the baby all of the time & finally when I was @ the 6 month well check, the Dr. said "OK it's time to move the baby from the cosleeper in your room to her own crib in her own room. Buy black out curtains so the room is as dark as possible during sleeping times & keep a constant noise going"-a bathroom fan etc.
We found that the absolute best thing for 'constant noise' was to use a monitor that we were not using to monitor her-an additional one that we got for a gift (you can get a cheap one $20 or so) & plug it in the room with the baby-just the one side of the monitor-turn it on & it will make a white static noise sound (don't plug the other end of the monitor in anywhere else or you won't have the staic) And there you go you have a constant white noise for sleep. Perfect for keeping other noises from waking the baby. Also I went to my annual apt. last week & told the Dr. about how I feel emotional more since I had the babe, easily frustrated & offended. She said: I need to be taking time for myself, not just to get things done that need to be done but also time for something I enjoy that is just for me.
Also Exercise-I am guilty of not doing this-she said this is huge for getting the endorphins going & feeling better mentally & physically.
She also said support-a mommy/baby group. I see that you mentioned that you have tried this but you are the youngest. At mine (that I just joined 3 weeks ago)I am the oldest! I am 30 & the rest of the girl's are youngest 21 & then the rest under 30. But being around them, I have realized that the common thread being a new Mom to an infant, is good enough for us to feel a connection. So I am fine with the age difference & they have said the same.
SO I might have a group that you will want to join. If you go onto the site cafemom.com & go into groups look for the East Bay MILFSW (mom's I'd like to be friends with) apply to the group & then if you want 3 of the girl's-out of 40 some-meet once a week for a playdate. Their babies are between 16-18 months but my daughter is 11 1/2 months & the dates have been fine for her & even more importantly, it has been nice to go be around other Mom's & babies for 2 or more hours each week-a very nice support. A positive environment. I think that you might fit in their nice since you are around their age. I am older but get along just fine with everyone. (Also they plan other things to so if you want to meet more then that they are an active group that are dedicated to meeting & hanging out with the babies. They do Mom's nights out sometimes & even family things)
Send me a message if you need more help. The next playdate is this Wednesday around 300. (I see that you are in Martinez, the play dates are usually in San Ramon, Pleasanton-I live in Livermore so far but not too far from you if you really want to be involved in something)
It might just be what you need right now-some time out of the house & for your baby to be around other babies...If you get on cafemom & look me up I am J. Jopes-you can also send me messages via there...

I had the same situation. I was not depressed and it was not post partum but it was my situation. I think you would definitely know the difference as I have had several people tell me how bad post partum actually felt. I just had a hard time adjusting to being wholed up at home all the time and hubby was trying to do his best but I just didn't feel like I was getting the help I needed! I suggest you talk to him to get the help you need and have people come over and visit you. Once in a while if you can get out of the house to visit a friend or have them meet you for lunch close to your home should help. I,also, tried to get out and go run an errand a day or go shopping for a short time after his last feeding/nap of the morning. I always made sure to go close by and not stay out long. Be sure to talk to friends and treat yourself to something small and inexpensive (smoothie, magazine etc). Good luck!

I think before you call it depression you really should find some kind of mothers' group. There has to be one somewhere near where you live. I'm surprised there aren't moms with kids your baby's age around -- they are usually the ones who want interaction the most. They must be somewhere. At 22 you should be able to interact with moms who are 28 or 30. Moms with older kids will still have plenty in common with you, 'cause they've been there.

I think the feelings you are experiencing are common for moms who are isolated with little help, and not necessarily the signs of clinical depression.

I would try to find a mothers group in your area. They can be really helpful in meeting people with children that are the same age as yours, plus they often have monthly activities for mom's to do (Bunco groups, etc.). Sometimes these groups advertise in the local publications or you can try looking for them online. Other than that, I would just tell the people around you that you need some help and support, not medication. But you could also try talking to a therapist because you may be experiencing baby blues, which isn't quite depression, but it can really affect how you feel.

C.,
You need to find a Mom's group to join immediately. I was going absolutely nuts and felt overwhelmed by the time my first daughter was 6 months old. The thing that truly saved my sanity was joining a Mom's group. Get onto Google, and type in "Mom's Group" and the city you live in. One that I found is: http://www.meetup.com/cccmoms/

You will find that problems don't seem so overwhelming when you can talk about them to others who have experienced them. Yes, the poops that "explode" over the top of the diaper and get all over your darling's clothes when you are at the grocery store CAN be funny if you have someone to share it with who has been there. (This IS the voice of experience talking - multiple explod-o-poop experiences here.)

Another thing that will keep you sane is to get out of the house at LEAST once a day. Preferably twice a day if you can manage it. Even if it is only going to the post office or grocery store, make sure you get out and get some human contact.

Lastly, don't let "well-meaning" people (be they friends, family, whoever) make you feel bad about or belittle what you are experiencing. Your feelings are real and you don't need to defend them. DON'T take any drugs that haven't come from a doctor for you to make those feelings go away. Buckle baby into a stroller and go for a jog if you need to burn off some steam.

If someone is upsetting you in the process of trying to help you, you can politely say to them: "I appreciate that you are trying to help me when you do something that way, but I get more out of it when you do it this way." If they persist in doing it politely take yourself away from the situation.

Good Luck!
K.

Hi C.,

Adjusting to motherhood is not easy. I remember crying a lot during the first few months after my daughter was born. At night, when everyone else is asleep and I had to get up to breastfeed the baby, I felt so alone and thought that I was the only person in the entire world awake. These are all normal feelings. First of all, give yourself some slack for feeling the way you feel. Second, talk to you OB to get some guidance on how to handle your feelings. Third, check our your community centers, local churches to join a moms group for support. We've all been there, you are not alone. Hang in there! You are doing great!

Hi C.- You have some great advice here. Find a mom's group for sure. The group setting with like minded people will lead to closer friendships and outings with others in the group. Also don't underestimate the power of just getting a little fresh air each day. When my kids were babies we had a jog stroller and I'd go for long walks with them. Joggers go where other strollers can't, trails wooded areas, bike paths etc. Find a little nature and both you and your baby will benefit. I always came back from a long walk with a more positive attitude and with more energy. Check craigslist or resale stores for used joggers as the can be expensive. Finally remember that each stage of mothering goes by pretty quick. Your baby is so young right now you feel tied to the house but before you know it you will have to go out in order to wear he or she out! This is a problem you can solve, if the people around you aren't giving you the support you need go out and find some who will. Hang in there and good luck!

Motherhood certainly has a way of let's say, messing with one's head. I can completely relate and I think most moms who respond to you or even read your post will remember feeling frustration at being an new mom. I feel for you and your post brings back lots of memories. I too had many conversations with myself, but I didn't have relatives nearby to overhear and pressure me the way you do. Have you talked to your BF about how you feel? I kept a lot of my feelings to myself and I cried and cried, but I really didn't think it was depression either. It was more of a feeling of inadequacy and wondering how other moms survived this stage. One of the things that really helped me was just getting out and going for walks with the stroller. It did wonders to just get out of the house. I felt so lonely in the first few months and I didn't want to burden my husband with my feelings. I regret keeping so much to myself now and try to communicate more regularly rather than let those feelings build up. Keep going to that group of moms even if you feel out of place and they seem older. Moms are moms and are willing to listen just because we've all been there. Don't be afraid to invest time in developing those relationships with other moms. It will get easier in some ways as you learn to deal with the different phases of your child's development. I highly recommend looking into the local parks and recreation programs for mom's. My area has a Tiny Tots program which is geared for 18months to 3 year olds where moms and kids are all together and a teacher leads play time, circle time, craft time, etc. There may be something in your area for infants too. You might even just check out your local library for story time, even though she's just a few months old she will still absorb the event of people reading to her other than just mom or dad. I guess my basic advice is to get out of the house for little trips, walks, anything easy. It did wonders for me and my attitude and really helped me see things more clearly. I wish you all the best and especially that you won't allow the seeds of doubt or frustration to grow and fester. You need to find a happy balance for yourself so your baby will be happy too. Blessings to you, M.

Hi C.,
Congratulations on your new baby! I'm sorry to hear you are having a difficult time. I think that is quite normal! I too was going crazy and still do sometimes! It sounds like your in-laws are trying to help you, although they've hurt your feelings. Heck, I say if you trust them, ask them for some help with the baby. Tell them that you are going a little stir crazy and could REALLY use their help. See if they can take the baby for a few hours a week. I had my mom watch my son 1x a week for about 2-3 hrs. in between feedings (if on a bottle, yahoo! get away!). Once I stopped breastfeeding him, she had him 2x/week. I cannot tell you how much I savored that time. I admit, I rarely ever relaxed or took a nap, which I should have. I cleaned or ran errands as fast as I could!
Best of luck and know you are not alone!

Hi C. -

Sounds like you feel life coming at you from all sides. Slow down, take time each day to make a list of the things you are grateful for, and then focus on the positive. of course, what you focus on gets bigger - so whether it is what is working or what is not working, you get to choose.
Now, as far as depression, hard to say. Your body obviously is going through a ton of changes, and hormones definitely affect our state of mind. It might be a good thing to get out and talk to a professional, maybe find a mom-coach or something. However you feel or experience things, your child will pick up on too. If you're constantly angry, your kid will pick that up too. Slow down, you have a lot of life in front of you which includes parenting and in-laws and all that.
Pills won't fix anything. They may make you feel better for now, but if there are underlying problems, those will also need to be addressed.
Good luck, and stay calm.

Hi C.,

I can tell in your posting how sad you are feeling. Sweetheart, that has to change!

It really could be a combination of Postpartum, and new mommy stress. The fact that you speak to yourself loud enough for others to hear outside of your home is truly a cry for help. Because your family has heard you, it seems like they are trying to help you......they must be REALLY worried about you if they are offering you Prozac :O)

Your BF probably doesn't know what to do. I'm sure he wants to help, but he's not sure how to help, and he doesn't want to upset you anymore than you already are.... men usually shy away from situations like this because they don't know how to help.

My first-time around experience as a mom, I had similar feelings. But I brought in on myself because I am the type of person that likes to do things myself, and I don't ever ask for help. Well.........that had to change in order for me to be the mommy and wife that I wanted to be WITHOUT the tears!

Being a new mom is so hard to adjust to. The first step is to find a moment or two each day that is just for YOU. A 5 minute walk, TV show, a nap, or whatever it is that can relax you a little each day.

If someone you trust offers to help you in ANY WAY with your daughter, or your home, ACCEPT IT! People who love us only wany to help us, especially when they can see how much we need them. Don't turn ANYTHING offered away. It could be as simple as a diaper change, or the dishes, or picking up milk..... allow them to help you whenever they offer. Sometimes one less thing to do in a day can make all of the difference :o) It is simple changes like this that can ease up your stress.

Finally, I ask that you work on one thing, and that is when you are talking loud to yourself. To me, this is normal, but to others it can be scary. You might need to close the windows, or start REALLY listening to yourself and how you sound. You cannot be mad at others for "listening" to you when you are talking loud enough for everyone to hear. It is not eaves-dropping if they hear you. And if they approach you because of it, it's only because they care about you, so you shouldn't get upset with them. You are like a double-edge sword right now. Your are literally "screaming" for help, but when it comes your way you deny it. That is not helping you at all, and I am afraid that the offers to help you will stop when you really need them.

Congratulations, C., on becoming a new mom. It will all work out.

~N. :O)

C.....
I believe the daily stresses of a woman/mother are getting to you. I do not believe you have post pardom depression. Being in a home, all day, with a child, as well as trying to clean the house and deal with drama, would get to ANYONE. You are a young mother, dealing with TONS of stressors. You are not out of your mind!
Although i am 10 years your elder, I have 2 small children under 2 and feel, at times, my world is about to crumble. Just last week I told a good friend of mine that I feel i am on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
You are not alone! If you dont have anyone to lean on, or confide in, pull up your email and rant to me. I will listen and I will share my pain with you. One thing I have realize, no single woman (and i mean by herself, not not married) can do this alone. you need the support of family and friends.

R.
____@____.com

look for a Mother's Club in your area. They are a great resource and great place to meet people in your situation. Playgroups are as much for the mommy to get out of the house as the kids!

Good luck! it gets easier as they get older and you get more sleep!

K. C.

Hi!

try going to http://www.meetup.com. search for a local mothers group near you (martinez). Don't let age be an issue, as those older mothers with older children been there to. Use them to pick their brains, get mommy support and who knows, they may even know of another young mom such as yourself.

Being young and having an unplanned pregnancy alone is pretty frustrating. You are adjusting to a whole new responsibility, that will be with you for many years to come. A part of you is still there, but pushed aside for a while.

Being a first time mom and in my early 30's, going through drama before, during and after the birth of my son and having only my mom for support, I had a rough time. Thankfully my son was the reason to smile every day. Sure, at times I would feel lonely but all that went away the minute I saw my son.

Try to make your little one your go to person. Yes I know the little one can't communicate they way you need. Maybe just expressing yourself to your baby can let some of your stress out. A minute to just breath. Take a nap with your little one to relax.

Try to just go outside and download when your little one is napping. Listen to music, play online, do something to help occupy your time. In between your little "free" time, focus on you. Take a bath. Or even a hot shower. Anything to just get away from it all, to recollect yourself.

Do know, you are not alone. Also don't let someone push pills on you, as pills are not your first answer. If you can recgonize the reason for why you feel anger, more than depression, then you can focus on fixing the problem, or helping it be less of an issue for you.

If you can have your MIL take her grandchild for a few hours to go have some you time. You need that time alone for your own santity, especially since you do have a newborn and i am pretty sure your little one isnt sleeping through the night. So your pretty tired. Which doesn't help with your anger. Your irritable. Frustrated. Grumpy! lol

What worked for me, as I stated before, was my son. Even though the drama around me was pretty intense, my son made, and still makes my life that much clamer, even when he is the reason for my frustrations. Its hard to stay mad at him, when he is my little angel and my little SONshine :)

Embrace your little miracle. try to see positive in your life and do know, only YOU can change your situation. Really think deep down about your own needs. Are they being met? Is your bf helping you with your little one? What can you do to help eliminate this frustration...maybe moving? Maybe seeking a counselor to just vent...someone who is bias. Its better than a pill :)

If you drive and have time, I am always looking for new mommy friends. My son is 14mo old but he loves the little ones. Just to even get away from your world over in the east bay helps. I can even refer you to a few of my friends in the east bay who have children. They are in their 30's but been there before.

Send me a message if interested. Oh also there is a place in San Ramon called Superfranks. Its a GREAT place to meet other new/young moms. I been there before with a new mommy friend I met (through myspace). Our kids are only 2 weeks apart. It was great to meet her, her kids and have a playdate.

Hope you find that happiness within! good luck to you, and I am serious about getting together. Just because I am in my 30's doesn't make me old :) i am young at heart. Plus I am always open to making a new friend.

I understand what you're going through. It's hard being a mom for the first time and not having a support network around you. If you live in the Fairfield/Vacaville area, I found a website for a group called MOMS club of FF/VV and the website is
http://fairfieldvacavillemc.clubspaces.com. I myself have not contacted them yet. I'm actually going to start going to a moms group through our church that meets twice a month and hopefully, I'll make friends and be able to branch out from there like park outings, etc. with the other moms. I'm a stay at home mom with a 7m old and a 3yr old and I don't do anything with anybody except my husband. I try to get out of the house almost everyday to run at least one errand and it really helps. It's lonely to not have connections with other moms and I want to but just haven't. I'm now going to take that first step. Hopefully, this will be a blessing. Also, I totally get the whole park thing. I take my kids to a park that is FULL of moms with kids and no one says a word to me even if I say hi and smile, they say hi but stick to their "group" so I'm banished. What an awful feeling. I even met a mom there and we started to talk and hit it off and so she took me over to her group to introduce me (like a group of 12 moms with all their kids) and I pretty much got cold-shouldered. Some smiled but no one spoke to me or really even acknowledged me. Wow, thanks ladies so yes, I get the park thing but do YOURSELF a favor, and don't stay isolated. The other responses you got, I thought, were great. Follow their advice. We know what your going through. Have a blessed day.

Dear C.,

Please know that you are not alone.

Being a mother changes everything - and I mean everything. Your whole world is turned upside down. You are needed every moment of every day. There is often no time to do any of the things you used to do. Many times you start to lose connection with your friends(especially when you are a young mother and the first of your friends to have kids). This is very stressful. And it sounds like you have very little support.

I'm glad you are reaching out here for support. Please keep reaching out. There is a Mothers Group in your area (www.mom4mom.org). Please contact them. You need to be around others who understand what you are going through.

Start going to baby story time at your library. It looks like it is at 10:30 on Tuesday mornings (http://nt-evanced.ccclib.org/evanced/lib/eventcalendar.as.... This will be an outing for you and if you go regularly you may start to connect with other moms.

Check out other mommy and me classes - Music Together or other baby music classes, gymboree or something similar. Here is a link to parks and recreation classes in Martinez (http://www.cityofmartinez.org/depts/recreation/guide.asp)

Don't worry if you think your baby is too young for these - do them for you.

Make whatever arrangements you can to have a little time by yourself sometimes. I remember feeling like a trip to the grocery story by myself was like going to the spa!

Do tell the doctor what is going on. Let him/her determine if medication would be useful for a short time.

C., you will get through this. Keep reaching out. We have to help each other through tough times.

The transition to motherhood is hard. I have an article available on my website called "92 Ways to Save your Sanity: Tips for busy moms who take great care of their kids but feel like they could 'lose it' at any moment." There may be some useful information in it for you. You can check it out at www.therapy4moms.com.

Take good care, C.!

warmly,

C. Todd