I'm an Organizational Mess

Updated on January 05, 2011
R.F. asks from Plano, TX
11 answers

This is an ongoing crisis in my marriage - I'm not exaggerating. I work full time, make time to work out, have a 4 1/2 year old, try to cook every night. Thay being said - my husband gets in these rants/moods where he basically treats me like a child instead of a spouse/equal. My car is not the cleanest, my daughter's playroom and room are not totally organized - last night he just took a trash bag and started throwing things out.
I'll admit - I do get territorial over 'my' stuff and my daughter's stuff, and wish he would leave it alone. Instead of him helping in a positive manner (ie - offering to ask how to help rather than to TELL me what to do), he is usually full of negative commentary (this morning - I told him I would reorganize the 2 rooms and his comment was to teach our daughter to 'stop a generational habit' - something to that sort).
OK - my rant is done and here is my question - 1) I am really considering a cleaning service (I have one in mind - Shine - thanks to mamapedia) despite any cost - I can't do it all. Would that be a weakness or strength for being proactive and not spending every waking day making my house look like a model home?
2) what organizational skills can help me to keep laundry/playrooms/exploding kitchen cabinets from re-occuring?
I don't really like my adolescent attitute when confronted, but really, when you're treated like a child, it's insulting.
I just need organizational help!!! And maybe a few more hours in the day...don't we all?

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So What Happened?

Kepp the advice coming! Thank you all. For some, I know this question sounds like a no-brainer, but I just can't find the time. We (he) will clean clutter out regularly - just a couple weeks ago we got rid of at least 4 trash bags of clothes and such. I just feel like a beaten puppy - you know when you hear negative things enough, it's like a perpetual cycle. Once I'm in it, I can't redeem myself. IE - today I went to my car to get something out of my trunk, and it didn't close. Low and behold - he calls me on it because I've left the car light on overnight before. I just can't win, then I get defensive, blah blah blah.
Well - the cleaning service will start Wednesday, maybe once or twice a month. I will no longer do laundry on weekdays - not enough time with cooking to do laundry AND put it away. I've vowed this week to clean out the toy/daughter's room (AGAIN). I like the Organizational guru idea. If that didn't work, he is obviously unreasonable.
Thanks again.

More Answers

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K.B.

answers from Kansas City on

You're going to have to find something you can stick to. Don't focus on becoming this overly organized person, if it's going to be a consent battle for you.

Honestly you probably use more time looking for things, than spending a few extra minutes a day putting things in a proper place.

Start in an area that you will be the most comfortable throwing things out or donating items. Maybe the kitchen will be a good start.
Just start in one cabinet. Anything that can be donated, do it. If it's a container that lost a lid and you never use it, toss it in a donate box. Donate any canned goods you know you won't use (check to make sure they aren't expired)

When you get ready to go grocery shopping. Look at your inventory of food and make a list of what you really need. When you get home put like items together.

As far as other rooms. Tackle one room at a time. Make 3 piles. Keep, Donate, trash. If you haven't used in within a year or you even forgot you had it. let someone else enjoy it and donate it. If it's an item that's beyond repair toss it. If you think to yourself "One day I might use it" remember if you haven't used it within the year, the likely hood you will use it again is slim... so donate it.

As far as staying organized. Keep the motto Everything has a place. Keep small baskets around the house. If an item is used, place it in the basket to be put away later. Spend 30 minutes a night emptying the baskets and placing the items in their proper place.

Playroom. Most of the time they are too full of toys. Leave enough toys that can be controlled and picked up on a daily basis. The other toys put away in containers to be switched out every couple of weeks. This will help a ton.

Laundry. Get yourself caught up. After that. Place a hamper in bedroom. When the hamper gets full. Take to the laundry room and sort them. Wash as you get a full load of clothes. Fold and put away as each load is finished.

You will find a balance, it may take a bit but it will happen. I hope your husband supports you in a positive way.

Best of Luck.

2 moms found this helpful
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R.J.

answers from Salt Lake City on

go with the cleaning service if you can, also just go through the cabinets anything you havent used/needed in 6 months throw out or donate if you do this twice a year the stuff doesnt pile up as bad

1 mom found this helpful

P.W.

answers from Dallas on

1) Hire the cleaning service. It's not a cop out. It's taking care of yourself and help keeping peace in the home.

2) Get rid of what you don't need. You can't even find what you need when you collect too much stuff.

Tell your husband, when you are both calm, how he makes you feel and ask him to communicate in a more respectful manner.

1 mom found this helpful
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S.S.

answers from Chicago on

I have some organizational advice for your husband. Tell him to butt out. He apparently doesn't have a whole lot to do if he is criticizing you for your organizational skills. This is part of life with children and one day when you don't have them home and you aren't working you can spend all sorts of time cleaning and feeling lonely. Sorry, but he needs to work on some skills of his own.

1 mom found this helpful
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J.L.

answers from Minneapolis on

:)

1 mom found this helpful
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C.S.

answers from Chicago on

A cleaning service only cleans. You still have to pick up and put away all of your stuff. My kids know the night before the cleaning people come that their rooms have to be picked up and they do it (age 3 and 5). While it is difficult for some to do, I rationalize that I would rather pick the stuff up then scrub the bathrooms so it motivates me.
Nevertheless, if your husband is disrespectful you need to address that with him. I suggest you discuss this when it is not in the heat of the moment.

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C.B.

answers from Detroit on

Check out flylady.net.

L.T.

answers from New York on

Definitely a cleaning service. You *can't* do it all, so you might as well let someone help you with the parts you don't *have* to do yourself.

"A place for everything, everything in its place" is a great saying. Make a place for everything you have; if you can't make a place for it, it might not be worth keeping. Consider hiring a professional organizer to spend some time at your house; they can offer advice tailored specifically to your home and lifestyle.

Routines are great for organization - for example, everyone spends 15 minutes a day picking up a room. Your husband can have routines or tasks that don't involve throwing out other people's stuff.

Or just tell him to cook dinner and take care of the kid while you clean, and see what he says. :P

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L.L.

answers from Hartford on

I think one of my biggest tricks is to not have a lot of "stuff" The more things you have the more mess you can have. It comes down to not bringing anything new into the house until you get rid of something. Not 1 new toy with out donating 1, not 1 new top without getting rid of one. Throw the junk mail out in the outdoor bin, don't even bring it in the house where it will sit and get mixed in with important papers, then you have to through a whole pile of stuff. Too much laundry? Means you have too many clothes. Purge through them so that you only have a minimal amount and have to wash them or there will be nothing to wear. I don't have any knick nacks or items that need constant dusting. Good Luck. I swear by the less things means less cleaning. I work as well and hate to have to spend my off time picking up the house :)

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A.S.

answers from Boca Raton on

What I have found at my house (I am also challenged in this dept) is that it is more productive to work with an organizing lady first - then hire a cleaning crew every other week (or every week if you can afford it).

I find it relatively pointless for a cleaning crew to come in and shuffle piles around. Our house is back to a disaster zone in a day or two.

It helps ALOT for an organzier to help you develop a SYSTEM that works for your whole family. Then cleaning becomes much easier, quicker, and more effective.

Good luck.

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A.O.

answers from Sherman on

Go with the cleaning service!!! It will not make you any less of a perfect mom/wife!

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