IEP And Being Less cautious-Could I Be Holding My Son Back?

So you, your husband, and your son's whole IEP team are on the same page as to the best course for your son next year. But your MOM's opinion is that you're holding him back. Correct? You, your husband, the WHOLE IEP TEAM thinks what you've got in place is the best thing for your son, but your MOM thinks he should go to 1st grade and is making you question your decisions. Is your mom a early childhood development expert? Does she have lots of training in IEPs? Does she know your son better than you or your husband? Does she *really* know and want what's best for your son or does she want the stigma of a "special ed" grandson to vanish? I speak from experience when I say you need to do what's best for your son and not let your mom undermine your efforts (trust me, I've been EXACTLY where you are right now). Good luck!

I say kudo's to you for letting him have another year in kindergarten. Better to do it now than wait till he is behind in grade 4 or 5 when kids will notice it. My son did 1st grade twice because of iep stuff. He was pulled out each day for speech therapy. during parts of the day that he needed to be in the classroom learning reading and math etc. they wanted to push him on to 1st grade with the whole "we will pull him out for special help to catch up" but while he is pulled out the rest of class moves ahead. he was being set up to be behind for ever. So stick to your guns and do what is right for your son. good for you. He won't be any further behind than a child who's parent kept him out for a late birthday. My older son turned 5 august 13. we kept him out for a whole nother year. he started kindergarten at 6 yrs old. he is a senior in college at carthage now and has a 4.0. who knows if that would have happened had he been sent before he was emotionally and academically ready?

Hi B.---In my opinion, the potential for pschycological damage far outweighs his intellectual situation right now. He can get additional help with his academics in order to challenge him. But if he's not ready for the emotional challenges his whole school experience could be a nightmare. Right now, his school experience will be important for teaching social skills.

Be sure to be actively involved with his educational planning. It will be easy to give him extra work.

Our oldest, a girl, had a late November birthday. We struggled on whether or not to send her to regular kindegarten as a 4 yr old. She had been accepted into a high risk Head Start program because she was painfully shy on testing. She was 3 at the time. She did fine that school year and we were told that she'd do fine the next year in kindegarten. Ultimately, her dad and I were more concerned about her emotional well-being in 4th and 5th grades and into Jr High than her academic abilities. I'm sure you are well aware of how evil some kids can be later in grade school and into their high school years.

I would just thank my mom for her advice, but that you are doing what you feel is best for your son's emotional well-being. Good luck.

PLEASE as a teacher (special ed as well as regular ed) and a parent, take to heart what the IEP team is telling you! They honestly only have your child's best intersts at heart. They want him to succeed as much as you do, and that is the goal of his plan. If the people who are questioning your choice (you are his parent and know him best) talk with someone on the team about it so you will be more comfortable with your choice. Grandparents especially struggle accepting the need for extra steps to get them where you want them to be and you need to be strong as to why these decisions were made so you can continue to be a strong, supportive mom.

It sounds like your choice was a good one. Your son hasn't actually had a full year of Kindergarden and that is really important to his success. Worst case he is ahead of his classmates- great! He can gain some confidence from that. You said there will be a resource teacher as well. They can always give him material to advance him if he needs it. I think you made a sound decision. Stick with it.

So, he actually going to be 2 years behind the other kids his age. He needs to be with the kids his age, you are being too cautious.

He is always going to be behind other kids. He was born this way and it won't go away and the school system will just have to work with that. Unless they put him in a special needs class where they stay year after year until they turn 21 and give them a diploma then he needs to be with kids his age or he will soon be too big to fit in and will really be made fun of.

It sounds like you have the best interest of your child in your heart. Being overly cautious is a natural instinct. I think if it were me I would insist he progress with his class. If he isn't "getting" the work then he may need to have an hour or so a day in a special class like you were talking about, with the resource room teacher. Another alternative would be a facility like ones that I have worked with in Oklahoma and Kansas. I have worked as a CHTS, a Community Habilitation Training Specialist and went into the clients home and helped them to reach goals. I have taught people who have goals to keep their own check books, to live independently, to brush their teeth, to get dressed, etc.... If you need to get him help with school work, or some other things, the agencies in your area may be able to offer assistance.

My soapbox:
I have worked in the field for over 12 years and one of the biggest thing that case managers and house parents come across is parents who thin their children are not smart enough to do anything for themselves. One guy is an adult and works full time at a grocery store, he stocks shelves, checks in the truck, runs a register, etc...his mom won't let him have more than $10 a week allowance because she thinks he can't manage money, "He's retarded you know" is her excuse. So many parents that are elderly now had such limited options with children with learning issues or developmental disabilities. We have many more choices now and keeping the children in their peer group is vital. Their self image, self esteem, self worth, etc...come from their elementary school years. If you do choose to keep him back again then please just make sure if their are ANY issues of kids teasing him or belittling him that you are in that teachers face and in the Principles office the next morning. They should have a no tolerance policy for his case.

Be firm in what you decide. I can tell you my opinion till the cows come home and firmly believe what I am saying but you know your child and his needs. You have to decide what is best and decide how to handle the future issues he'll face. Best wishes to you and that you are able to feel peace about what happens.

Hi B.-

I would not think twice about having him stay in kindergarten. My son will be turning 5 this November and I am not starting him in kindergarten till the 2011-2012 school year so he will be 6 for most of the year too. I just don't think he is ready emotionally.

I also work in a highschool in the special ed department and you can really tell the students who have late birthdays or started school to early. Alot, not all, struggle and do not find school enjoyable. Those who started school when they were six tend to do better.

The bottom line is you know your child better then anyone so you need to do what YOU think is best for him. I think know a days kids are pushed to grow up too fast. Good Luck!!!

Sorry, but - your mom is not qualified to make that call. You are doing the right thing by working with the teachers. Keep an eye on them though! It will make you feel better about the process. If only more parents were involved in the mix...

In my son's K class he was the ONLY 5 year old. Everyone else was 6 turning 7 that year. So you may well be surprised.

You're also not "holding him back" because he's not repeating a year. He was in SE, and now he'd mainstreaming. 2 totally different things. And ditto Kristin, you & your son's whole IEP team who have been working with him on a daily basis have come to a decision as to what is best for next year, but your mom is guilting you for not putting him where SHE wants him.

Hmmmm.....

You, as the parent, have to go with your gut feeling and ignore all the others. I find that as a new parent (I adopted 3 kids) that I get "what I should do" from everyone and they can go from one extreme to the other. You know your kid best so you would be the best to decide. My personal opinion is that if you do feel that he is a bit behind the other kids, it would be a heck of a lot easier to hold him back now than later. Best of luck to you and your boy!
L.

HI,

I just wanted to share something with you. The school wanted my brother to repeat kindergarten because he did not pay as much attention and there is this stereotype that boys take longer to mature to move on. Well my parents had my brother tested. The school found out really quick that my brother actually should have been advanced 2 grades due to his knowledge.

Not all children are the same. I as a parent understand where you are coming from. You want to do what is best for your child. I understand where your mom is coming from too. My main advice is that you listen to your child. Talk to them. They are the one ultimately afftected by the whole decision. You know your child better then anyone else. At some point you have to make the decision and if you are comfortable with the IEP that was agreed upon then stick with it. See if you can test him to see where he stands. Reading at a 2nd Grade Level is GREAT!! Another idea to ponder is that you do not want him to get bored. Children that are bored are more apt to disrupt the classroom.

Good Luck with your decision.

You know your son better than your mom does.