My husband and I are working full time and have a 4 year old son. The people I work with are my age and younger. They talk about getting alcohol all the time and think it's great. One person in particular has no family of his own and he's actual;ly older than me. Am I just boring that I spend my free time with my family or movies or a book? I just don't get these people. Do I just ignore them?
I decided that they are just idiots. In fact, we may hire someone in my department that may wind up at the same convention in March. I already made all of my arrangements because to spots go fast. Oh well =) I'm actually looking forward to travelling alone like I have done in the past for business. Nobody else to deal with. The thing of it is that really bothers me is that they think their behavior is commendable and 'cool'. Therefore, if I travel for business I try to avoid travelling with them and leave it at that. I'm going with the advice I was given as to not react to their stories and/or walk away, change the subject. I'm the odd woman out and I can accept that.
you are not boring!!! It drives me nuts when that is all people think about. People think my husband is weird for wanting to come home and spend time with his family. Crazy huh?
Keep doing what you are doing----I know it is hard but I am sure they would want to do what you do if they had a family worth coming home too:)
Wow Becky...you must work where I do!! I have the same situation at my work. There are about 30 people in my department and of the 30 I am one of the two only women that are married and the only woman with children. In this group there are only 3 of us that have kids (2 men and myself) so I can totally relate.
There are a few people older than me but most are around my age or a little younger and they have the same party mentality. I personally do not care what they do in their free time but is is really difficult when EVERY corporate event revolves around alcohol, happy hours, bars, etc. I get a few snide comments here and there in regards to how I am not into that scene and I have to hear people drone on and on about how kids are so not for them and marriage is a trap and then the conversation proceeds to their drunken weekend exravaganzas EVERY week. Deep down I think they have to knock family life to justify their lack thereof and their behavior.
What I get tired of is that no one can tolerate any of the topics I would like to discuss like my husband or kids. I will listen to some drunken driving story for 30 minutes and go to talk about my weekend and people will literally wrap up the conversation with an excuse and walk away. I have learned which few I can relate to the most and they have become my friends and everyone else just exists. I just go home and enjoy the comfort of it and the wonderfulness of my little family and feel like all is justified in my world.
Boring is what an individual decides. Personally I don't think that going out drinking is fun or exciting. I'd prefer to spend time with my family and friends. I like to do activities like bowling, watching movies, or shopping. I like to play games with my kids and husband in the the evening.
I think that society as a whole is focused on a very shallow version of life. The "I need to have 'fun' to prove that I am wonderful". This is why we have many of the social problems that we have. Personally, if we all got together with our families and built good relationships with them, we would have much better people, families and society to live in.
I feel the same way with a lot of my friends! I just don't get it! It's expensive, it's not good for you in so many ways, and what can top spending time with your family. I think it's fine in moderation or at a party occasionally, but all the time is ridiculous! I have so many friends who even stay home and let their husbands go out to bars and some that go to strip clubs and don't see a problem with that! That is so bad for a marriage and when the kids are old enough to realize even part of what's going on it's teaching them the wrong thing about what it means to be married and have a family! You are not boring and good for you for not following the crowd! You didn't say how old you are, but I'm in my 30's and most of my friends are around the same age, some a little younger, but I feel like some of them are trying to re-live their college years! Grow up!
You can find much more adventure in a book, plus you are stimulating your mind. Partying is killing brain cells.
I agree with all the good responses you have.
Just be yourself,
K.
You're not boring, you're just more mentally mature than your colleagues and I know exactly how you feel. I'm 28 which is only 3-5 yrs older than most of my coworkers but they think I act like an old lady. All they ever talk about is partying, smoking-- not just limited to cigarettes, and getting drunk which I don't understand at all. Yes, I'm married with 2 small children but even when I was younger and single, I thought that kind of stuff was lame. Everyone is different and if your colleagues wanna waste their time and money on alcohol, then that's their problem. You should be proud of your own choices because there's nothing wrong with being family oriented. You don't have to snub these people because you do still have to work with them but when they start talking about something that doesn't interest you, then maybe just change the subject or leave the conversation. With one girl in particular at my work, I just politely listen to her tales of drunken idiocy and when she's done blabbing, I usually respond with something like "oh" and then I ask her something work related.
Keep your chin up! :)
Becky,
You are not boring... you are just more mature than your collegues. The other people my age are into drinking, partying, and doing things that are not appropriate. It is not that I think I am better than them or do not enjoy a nightcap but my past made me have to grow up, face the world head on, and mature beyond my years.
My BIL and SIL are really into driking and partying they dont have any children. They dont seem to understand we dont really want our children around all that. Yes I drink but my husband does not. My children see me have a couple of beers or a glass of wine but not drunk. We ask people not to smoke in front of them. Some people get upset about it, some are cool, then you have the few that argue and we just leave if they cant respect us.
I say just ignore them. Your children and Husband should be the most important thing in your life. Spending time with them in my opinion is the best thing ever. I have gone out with the girls once and I didnt enjoy it. There is no need for me be to be foolish. I rather enjoy watching what my children do, seeing my husband play with them do special things. If it is not family friendly we get a baby sitter or just dont go.
Becky,
My question is, "Why does this bother you?" The people you work with are in different places in their lives and have nothing to do with who you are. YOU HAVE THE CHOICE on how you will react to them. It's not likely that they are idiots or that you are boring. You're just different. And the answer doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things anyway. If your dealings with them are hard to handle, I suggest that you ask yourself, "Why?" When you find the answer, think about what things you can do to change your outlook.
It is impossible to rightfully judge another person without living their life. By the way, this is something I have to remind myself of on a daily basis. You only have control of your own life and your own decisions. Make your choices based on your own beliefs and values, and let others take control and responsibility for their lives. There is no sense worrying about the things you cannot control.
Good luck! And if you're interested, a great book (which I'm still reading myself) is called "The 7 habits of highly effective people," by Stephen R. Covey.
L.
It sounds like these other people have no family responsibilities and are acting rather immature with a college life mentallity. There is a time and place for all of that. Some of them may change as they have families later in life, and unfortunately some never will. Sounds like you have your priorities in line. I believe that many people who don't have families have a very difficult time relating to those who do and many of the responsibilities and enjoyment that comes with it. So, yes, ignore them.
Well, first off you are not boring. There is nothing wrong with spending time with family and some people would prefer to spend time at home watching movies and reading ... my husband and I are those kind of people too.
That being said there's nothing wrong with going out and having a good time either as long as no one gets hurt. It's just personal preference. I like to go out and drink every now and then, I just don't like to do it all the time. But I have friends that do though. They're my daytime friends we'll talk or hang out during the day and they go out with their other party friends at night while I'm at home with my husband and daughter. So don't shut these people out because then more than likely they are going to think you're stuck up and you think you're better than them. Plus, if they're all that way and you ignored all of them it might make work pretty boring. So you don't have to invite them over, but you could at least become acquainted with them and talk about work stuff.
Dear Becky,
Just ignore them...their tastes may change as life goes on, but I would not hold my breath.
"Boring" is an opinion...not an objective criteria. Do what pleases you. We live in a consumption-oriented culture that encourages young people to spend money and not think about tomorrow or greater responsibilities. Your co-workers are the product of the mass-marketed shallowness of a party culture. You might pity them.
Having fun and having happiness are two different things. Your co-workers must constantly ( desperately) seek out fun, but it sounds like you have happiness.
Neither. You just have different interests and/or are at different stages in your life. And just because you don't have anything in common with them, it doesn't mean you should judge them & call them idiots. Have you given them a chance? Tried to be friendly? I'm sure some of your co-workers aren't as bad as you think they are. Who knows, if you make an effort, you might even make a friend or two. You have to work with these people, you might as well try to find some middle ground.
