Ideas for Getting My Daughter to Sleep in Her Own Bed

Hi A.
I would try putting a heating pad in her crib before you lay her down she may be waking up because it is cold.I also think you should read the no cry sleep solution book. It's very helpful. Good Luck :)T.

Hi A.,
You've started a habit that you want and can change. It will take one to maybe 3 nights tops.
My friends are very envious of our night time routine since they too have started "family bed" and are now regreting it.
What you have to do is simple but it will take you and your
husband to help each other not give in.
Lay your child down in her own bed. Pat her on the back, say goodnight and walk out of the room. If she starts crying you can go in 1 or 2 times tops, never pick her up, just lay her back down and very calmly say goodnight.
Now here's the hard part - let her cry. She will not hurt herself, starve, die of thirst or anything else your imagination comes up with. It would be best if you and your husband leave the area so it's harder to hear her. The reward will be her sleeping in her own bed. You can do it!
Plan it on a weekend so your lack of sleep won't effect your work ect. Good Luck

Hi, I know what you are saying here. It is a big problem to start them sleeping in your bed. My daughter always took her baby in bed with them every night and she is 6 now and sleeps on the floor in her bedroom now. I always warned her about being firm and just keep putting her back in her crib, but she said it was easier to just put her in bed with her. I think she wishes she would have done things differently now, but that is what happens when you give in to them. I just say, stand your ground. Let them know you love them, but they need to sleep in their own beds. The hard mattress is not an excuse. Good luck to you.

Been there, done that. It's time to plan a big "makeover" party. If you have't already invested in "big girl" decor yet, try sitting down with her and plan a room makeover. Let her pick out paint, curtains, wall art, comforter/bedding, rugs etc. The crowing piece of the bedroom? A nightlight of her choice.

In the interim of planning and purchasing, take a week or a little more, let her continue to hang out with you and your hubby if you can stand it. Make it an intensive daily project. Sit down and talk to her, and show her stuff on the internet, in catalogues, and in stores. Every day build her up, and say `won't it be great when you finally get to sleep in your new princess bedroom?' or whatever theme you choose. Then pick a weekend and go to work. Have dad paint her room on a Friday night, so that Saturday can be spent doing all the stuff she can help with, like putting the bedding on the bed, hanging pictures etc. By Saturday night you have a big party and special desert and send off her to new room. If she picked a t.v. character for a theme, show that character's videos that night, and even buy a doll buddy and have them waiting in bed for her. Then read related character books as you tuck her in. When its official night time, turn on the nightlight and tell her, the bedroom fairy will bring a special gift and leave it under her pillow if she can stay the entire night. Leave something like a little dolly or book or something sweet she'd like.

Or, make it a slumber party in the new bedroom, where you and your husband sleep in the room with her for a few hours until she is settled. Once she makes it an entire night in the room, it will be easier to reason with her that her room is just right for her, and there's no need for her to hang in your room. To give her a little safety net you can give her exceptions like she can come for Thunderstorms or something like that.

We did this exact thing with our older son. It worked. He didn't even want us to "spend the night" after he settled in his new Thomas room. If she's in a toddler bed, maybe try a full size bed with guard rails. My son hated the toddler bed, but enjoyed a regular bed. She's a little young yet for that, but if she's already in a bed, maybe she's feeling a little insecure.

Those coming from the school of attachment parenting (read any Dr. Sears book) have recommended bringing the child's mattress into the parent's room and leaving it on the floor next to the adult bed. This doesn't give you privacy, but it does help the child feel secure. Dr. Sears addresses nighttime issues with kids in a really good book called "Nighttime Parenting."

Give it a try, one of these ideas just might work.

You haven't brought this upon yourself by letting her sleep with you... you have just set the tone for the next several years. You will always need to snuggle with her at bed time from now on, but you will really love it when you can do it in her bed and go back to your own.

Get her a regular twin bed now that she can walk, and make it low to the floor so you are not worried about her falling out (mattress on the box spring - no bed frame). Then you can snuggle with her until she falls asleep in her bed and you can get up and leave her there for the night.

Hi A.,
I have a 2 1/2 yr. old daughter and a 3 month old son. Our daughter slept with us until she was just over two and now our son sleeps with us... With my daughter it started out that it was easier for me to nurse her at night in the bed and then we just got used to it.. She was an AWFUL sleeper and it seemed to be the only way for me to get any rest.. However, I started to research on the benefits of co-sleeping and we decided to work with it:-) However, we only have a queen bed so wanted to get her into her own bed before the new baby arrived so that we could co-sleep with him and give him the same benefits. Anyway, I don't know if this would work for you or not but we have her bed in our room next to our bed.. This way she is in her own bed and didn't feel like she was entirely getting the boot with her new brother here. She is 2 1/2 so she has a little fire engine bed(my nepehew's old one). She loves it and we made a real big deal about it when we set it up! She sometimes will still fall asleep in our bed but then we transfer her. Anyway, eventually she will go into her own room but we'll take it slowly, for her sake and ours;-) Do you use a boppy at all? Sometimes when our daughter would fall asleep on the boppy while nursing, we would carry her and the boppy upstairs to our bed and she would stay asleep on that for quite awhile. Since she had already been on the boppy, her security was still there so she still slept for a while without me.. Anyway, this allowed for a little Mama evening time... Good luck!

Melissa

This is difficult, but it can be worked out. I would suggest first off is not to go to bed the same time as your daughter. Put her to bed one or two hours earlier, so you can work on it and you can have time to do what you need to do at night. Set up a routine, like taking a bath, brushing teeth, and then reading a story. Try to do the same thing every night at the same time. Lay in bed with her until she falls asleep. If she wakes up, go to her and sleep with her again. She will get the idea that she is not alone, that mommy and daddy will come to her. She may walk to your room in the middle of the night and join you. Let her. Then when she is fast sleep, try to bring her back to her bed. Thats what I did--it took a long time, but my 5 year old son now sleeps in his own bed. He joins us once in a while still, but he knows that his bed is for him alone and that its OK to sleep by himself. Hope this helps!

This may sound strange but let her sleep with a article of clothing of yours. I read this when my daughter was a baby that they need your smell around them. So when my daughter was young I would wrap a sweatshirt around her crib rails. This was before she was crawling and walking so I had this up high so she could not even get at it.

never never put a heating pad in a crib or toddler or childs bed.
Oh my God have you even seen a child that was burnt from a cord that got jammed in the electric socket and one that got caught around a child or and the wall frame metal frame for mattress etc.
I have and you do not want to go there.

So please if she or he is cold add more sleepers.

I suggest use a toy like a music stuffed toy or a music box with a mild song placed on a shelf to help calm the baby.

A soothing bedtime baby bath may help sooth the baby also.

But first ask the doctor if there is a medical or mental reason.

Also try putting Mom and dads scent on the sheets by laying on them when the child does not know then wean it down to a shirt of one of you a on the bed then nothing.

If needed have one stay up at night and sleep days or have grandma help say and watch from another room while you two sleep with the door closed till baby adapts to sleeping thru the night.

A warm teddy soothes alot.
D.

Ditto to what Annette R said. I would even consider having the mattress on the floor, with perhaps a flame-resistant comforter between the mattress and the floor. Congratulations on your co-sleeping! I know it may seem as though it's made life harder but honestly, in the long run it is the best sleep-training you can give for your child.

A.; i understand your frustration, this is a common thing with kids and parents, its ok for a kid to want to feel secure, and its ok for you to want your own space, i have always let the kids in my room if they needed comfort and could not sleep, but this gets old after a while, especially married, and the bed is used in other ways that dont need involve a child, so to appease everyone, i put a small matress under my bed, it was made and when i needed it, they child could sleep there on the floor on a matress in the security of mom and dad, however this still makes it hard on the adults, so you just wait till they are asleep, or you hold off, and try again later, and use covers, but the matress thing worked, ;they felt secure, and i did not feel too invaded although i was able to care for their needs, and eventually they were able to sleep on their own, if it continues, for along time, start them off in their room, and you can use it for when they need it, any way have fun and enjoy life, afterall their little life will only take up a smidgen of your life, you will only have them small for a wee time, enjoy it while you can, soon they will be big, and gone, D. s

I have been there many times since I am a mother of five-12,8,6,2,& 15 months and each was different because I co-slept with them all nursing myself and all my children are very cuddly to this day-they actually fight over who can lay next to me when we cuddle every now and then;even my 12 year old-I know, I know it won't last long before he doesn't want to have anything to do with me so I am cherishing it until then.Since you have been sleeping with your daughter for so long she loves the bond and closenss that you have formed so it is hard for her to let go.If you really do want to get her to be in her own bed then you have to make sure that you don't break the routine once it is set because it will be very hard to undo. At that age they don't really understand why its okay sometimes and not others. You can read her story to her in her bed and stay with her for a little while to reassure her that you are there for her and then give her a kiss good night and let her know that you will be in the other room should she need you.If she screams you may have to let her scream it out a little and then come back and let her know every thing is okay,give her kiss and hugs and leave again;letting her know that you are just in the other room and that she's safe and fine and keep doing this every five minutes(as she is screaming)until she falls asleep, but never pick her up because then you will have to start the whole process all over again.It may take few nights but once she understands that you are still there for her when she needs you she will feel safe and comfortable and eventually sleep on her own-remember if she isn't used to sleeping in her bed on her own she hasn't been made to feel safe in it yet like your bed;it's not familiar to her yet and kids like things that are familiar to them.
If you can't do the screaming route there is another way to try this: You can stay in her room next to her and then slowly back away from her(sitting next to her and then moving away from her towards the door on the floor and staying there for a few minutes and then moving away more for another few minutes etc.) reassuring her that everything is fine until you are out the door -this may take longer and take a few nights to do as well but then she won't be screaming and she'll see that you are there for her and feel safe and go to sleep. Every night after that if she still needs you to be by her you can but start one step away from her bed(sitting on the floor or whatever work your way to the door and the next night start farther away from your previous spot until eventually you will be by the door for a minute and be able to leave with her knowing that you are there for her.Which ever way is more comfortable for you I hope this info helps and works for you. Good luck!

Hi A.,

Well you are not alone! I think that many of us have gone through the same thing... I know I did! There are many different things that you can try, but what I'm about to tell you really works! Is she still in a crib? If so, this will be easier. When bedtime comes, kiss her and tell her how much you love her and that it is times to go to bed. Then set her in her crib and try to get her to lay down. She might not be up for it and will probably cry, but do not give in to her and pick her back up... this is the MOST important thing to remember! Then sit very close to the crib on the floor. Turn so you are not facing her. Having eye contact with her will make this much harder for you both. Tell her to close her eyes and that it is time for her to go to sleep. Sit there quietly for the rest of the time until she falls asleep. This can be very hard with a screaming child, but just stand strong! The next night, repeat the same thing, but sit a little further away from the bed. Continue to do this each night until you are eventually sitting right outside the open door. It may take awhile to break this habit, but it is so worth it in the end! I'm not going to lie, it won't be easy... there is nothing harder than listening to your child screaming and not being able to pick them up and comfort them, but it is what you will need to do in order for you all to get a good nights rest. Trust me... I tried everything with my son. I could never stand just putting him in his bed and walking out and letting him cry himself to sleep... it could go on for hours, no lie! But I saw this on Suppernanny and thought I might as well give it a shot because I was at my wits end. Yes, he cried for about 45 mins the first night, but he eventually settled down and then fell asleep which is something that never happened when I would just walk out of the room. I think just being in the room with him, gave him comfort. Even though I wouldn't pick him up, I was still there... he wasn't just sitting in a dark room all by himself. And the best part was that it got better and better each night! By the end of the week, I was able to put him in his room and walk right out without him fussing at all. He is 4 yrs old now and has been an excellent sleeper ever since. Best of luck to you & STAY STRONG... you can do it!!!

I as well have dealt with kids wanting to sleep in our bed. My son still would every night if we would allow him too and he is 7. What we tried was having a matress on our floor for awhile. That way your child is still in a room with you and still feels that security but not in your bed. Slowly ween them by doing this and then transfer the matress into their own room and do the same thing for a while and eventually it will change.

Believe me I know what you are going through and sometimes it drives you crazy. But now that my kids are 5 and 7, I look at it as, "Did it really matter in the big realm of things? It was only 3-4 years of my life and that's not anything."

Good luck!!! Remember it goes by quickly and enjoy the stage you are at.