Ideas for Friend Getting Chemo

can you make dinners for them? She probably wont want to eat, but her husband will, and it would definately help them out not to have to worry about that sort of thing.

Being that you two are friends she would probably be more comfortable having you help clean her house rather than strangers. Also maybe help prepare homemade meals for her freezer :)

Maybe a subscription to Netflix.
I like the idea of maybe taking a day or half a day to go to their home and clean run errands do their laundry.

Make lots of meals for 2 and deliver them.. You are a good friend..

I am going through chemo right now and here are a few things that I have really enjoyed:

1. Get some people to chip in to pay for a housekeeper.
2. Get her gift cards to Barnes and Noble or some other store to buy books to read during her treatments
3. Help with meals on days when she might be feeling well enough to eat, but doesn't have the energy to do the cooking.
4. Help her with grocery shopping (especially if you're going to the store anyway, just call and see if she might need anything...I'm not one to make anyone go out of their way, but if I knew they were going anyway, I was more likely to ask for something if I needed it).
5. Send notes of encouragement in the mail (this really lifts my spirits)
6. Setup a CareCalendar on www.carecalendar.org and offer to be her coordinator for rides, meals, etc.
7. Suggest she setup a CaringBridge site if she doesn't already have one. This site has been a GREAT way for me to keep people informed without having to tell my story over and over again. There is also a guestbook on there where people can leave notes of encouragement for me, so it's nice to read those and know that people are praying for me and thinking of me. Sometimes you can really start to feel like you're all alone in this and people really do want to help you go through it, but just don't know how.

One thing that one of my best friends did for me was to have someone at her church knit me a "prayer shawl". It is made of the softest yarn I've ever felt and I use it for a blanket during my treatments. It makes me feel like my friend is there with me (in spirit, at least, since she lives 1500 miles away). Also, the person that made it, made it especially for me and prayed for me while she knitted it. I thought it was a very special gift. Anyway, I don't know if you knit or know anyone who does, but it's a lot more special to me than the blankets they pass out at the treatment center.

It's hard for me to ask for help, but I have a 2 and a 4 year old at home, so my husband and I can't do it alone. I am so thankful for the MANY friends who have given me and/or my kids rides places, brought groceries, medicine, food, etc. over without even asking. I have been really sick with a cold and finally got an infection and ended up in the ER earlier this week. Even though I was home and my fever was gone, we had a knock at the door yesterday evening and a friend from church was there with dinner in hand. We were just beginning to discuss what frozen meal, pizza or fast food we were going to get this time when "voila!", there they were with the dinner problem solved. It just made life easier and we didn't even ask them. Praise God for people like that with a servant's heart.

You're a very sweet friend to reach out this way to find out what you can do. I will say a prayer for your friend and for her precious husband. I wish you all the best. If you have any other questions or I can help you with any other suggestions, please feel free to PM me.

You have already gotten some great ideas...the only one that I would hold off on is the idea of a luncheon with her friends....chemo makes you SO vulnerable to ever little germ and it may not be a good idea for her to be around a lot of people right now.
You don't say how old she is....if she has children, I am sure that anything you could do to make life more "normal" for them would be appreciated by all of them. Take the for a day trip to the zoo or swimming...pack a picnic lunch for all of them and take them to the park. If the children are involved in sports...maybe you could go and sit with her while the Dad is able to take them to their sporting events, or attend school activities or whatever may take him away from the house.
Your friend and her husband are both so overwhelmed with everything right now....Maybe while she is at her chemo treatments, she would let you go to her house and fix a meal for them, or catch up on the laundry...make sure you change her bed and fluff her pillow and maybe leave a nice note on the night stand for her...telling her how dear she is to you.
Let your husband get in on the act...maybe he could go over and mow the lawn, clip the shrubs,wash their cars. Or maybe he could go and get the husband and take him out to play golf or go fishing, or whatever he likes to do for relaxation.
Most of all just be there for her...my Mother died of Cervical Cancer and I know what a roller coaster ride it can be!! God Bless you for being such a good friend to her

Dear LimaBean,
You have received gr8 ideas so far, so i will just try to add some additional ones from experience:
1. Order food from her favorite restaurant or take away.
2. arrange an in home pedicure or manicure
3. Arrange a babysitter for her kids if she has them
4. arrange a book drive to collect good books for her to relax with
5. arrange hats and scarves to be given/donated.
6. throw a small lunch for her with close friends -- have them bring hats and scarves for her.
7. plenty of love and phone calls which you sound like you already do :)

I think that help with daily activities such as house cleaning and meals would be best. You could also organize a rotating schedule in which people sign up to take turns cleaning the house or making meals and help running other errands. You can set up an e-mail list of her friends and neighbors and keep people notified of her needs and provide updates on her condition. Make meals that can be frozen. Send over breakfast breads and muffins that could be put in the freezer and taken out as needed. Give her a basket with unscented lotions, lip balm, throat lozengers, and other comfort items that may help her get through her chemo (she may feel sick, loss of appetitie, dry mouth, mouth sores, dry skin, fatique from the chemo).

They are lucky to have you for a friend

You can ask her and her husband what you could do to help.

good suggestions so far! start looking for "do-rags" for her. she may lose her hair and be self-conscious about going out (even to her chemo appts) and a cute hat or head bandana (do-rag) to cover up will help. you are a good friend. god bless you!

This is what I did for my dad when he was going through chemo and I couldn't be there.....
I sent him a portable CD player with headphones and we made CD's with his favorite songs on them. I was able to find songs that we sang in the car on road trips and songs he sang to me when I was a little girl. We sent some of our favorite songs that were upbeat and inspirational. Some that were silly and the kids and I loved dancing around to. I told him to imagine us dancing and playing and singing.
He took his little CD player every single time and he was so funny....
He said he was sorry....he enjoyed the music so much that he was able to relax and drift to sleep and the next thing he knew, his chemo was done and they were waking him up.
He was an avid reader, but he said that he just couldn't get into a book with everything going on around him and the music really helped.
Maybe ask her husband what her favorite songs are. Does she like Christian, country, classical, opera?
A friend of mine went through chemo and she said she was so sick of people buying her hats. She was never a hat person and she didn't intend to become one. (Your friend may feel differently), but my friend liked wearing scarves. She just felt more comfortable in them.
Do you sew? Or does one of the ladies in your church sew? You could find out how to organize a way for people to donate segments of fabric for making a quilt for her. Nothing too big....but something that she could cover up with during her rides in the car or during her chemo treatments that remind her know all the people that are thinking of her and can't be there in person.
Meals, errands, yardwork...
My dad couldn't eat for a couple days after his treatments, but after that...look out. And he liked going out to eat so it depends on how she's feeling, but meals are really important. If all she can handle is milkshakes and smoothies, make sure she has them.
And, read her clues....there may be some days she just wants to be left alone to rest and sleep. That's important too.

You are a good friend. I know how hard it is to know what to do, but you've got a lot of good suggestions and she has a lot of people caring about her.
Let her know she is never out of praying range.

I will remember her in my prayers as well.

Best wishes

It might help them out if you volunteer to help clean their house or do yardwork as their energy levels are more than likely suffering. Offer to go grocery shopping, run errands or bring them a home cooked meal.

These are all things that will help their day to day be easier without you having a kid in tow for an all day event. I'm sure they would appreciate any of these things. I wish them the best of health and strength during the treatments and recovery.

Pay for a housecleaning to come for a few weeks or months. Or do it yourself. Or a lawn service. Make some meals (or buy some freezer ready ones at places like Dream Dinners) and drop them off. Do they have kids? Offer to babysit or drive them to their activities for awhile. Stop by and do their laundry or dishes. If they have a dog, stop by a few times a week to change the litterbox or take the dog for a long walk.

Don't wait until she asks - she may never ask. Don't ask >if< you can do something, tell her "I'm doing this for you, when can I come by and do it?". :-) My mom and too many other relatives have gone through cancer and chemo. Helping out with housework, yardwork, running errands, etc helped ALOT and was very much appreciated by them. They don't have the energy to care about the day-to-day stuff.

Can you sneak in and surprise her with a clean house or maybe dinner. Make a casserole and send instructions on how to cook it. It will mean a hell of a lot to them. It did me when I had my heart attack and quad by pass surgery. We had neighbors who I have known my whole life call up and say have you had lunch or dinner? No well me meet me at the door. I even had freinds who went way out of their way who have really busy schedules to bring us dinner. I knew I had great friends but it meant so much to me.

meals in throw away contianers
A happy book, collect or write happy stories so when she is feeling down she has something to smile at. Add pictures and other things.
Weed and plant flowers in her flower beds if she has not had the energy to.
Little acts of kindness go a long way.
Make a lap quilt, you can get the kids in the church to put their hand prints on it with paint and write you are carried in prayer on it. It does not have to be complex.
Send her little cards in the mail with jokes or happy thoughst so she has something to look forward to each day.

For the perspective of a care giver -- send cards to cheer them up -
add a gift certificate if possible. It was great to have a coupon for a dinner I could pick up and take home -even if my spouse could not eat the rest of the family could.
certificates to Wal-mart are also good I used them to pick up groceries and medical supplies.
Offer to go to the store for them. I sent the gift certificates and it allowed me time to stay with my spouse.
If they have children offer to take them home to play to get away from it all. Take they child to the movies or to the piano lesson so the caregiver doesnt feel tore

Updated

Other wonderfully helpful ideas
Offer to clean their house, do the laundry, pick up groceries, make dinner

Keep in mind neither feel like doing much so the more you can do of the daily things the more helpful it becames. --offer to listen ---but understand if they just want to rest.
Most importantly pray for them.

I suggest making meals for them. they don't have to be anything fancy, something like a casserole that you can make and then freeze for them. make sure to include cooking instructions. i'm pretty sure that by the time they are home they don't feel like cooking, so that's a good way to help. I know several people who will do things like this, because they're unable to help in other ways when friends have babies or operations.

This is somewhat of a repeat from what others have said but we have found these things to be helpful:
1. If you're able, buying the family an ipod with fav. songs downloaded on it is VERY helpful and encouraging.
2. Homemade quilt from ladies at church with scripture.
3. Letters of encouragement
4. If she ever has to stay in the hospital for a while, take a small cooler of snacks/drinks
5. If they have to do back to back treatments or just be at the hospital for a few days and don't have a place to stay, some families could chip in to get them a hotel room closer to the hospital (so there doesn't have to be so much driving).
6. MEALS-- provide frozen meals for them to have on stand-by

Since it is such a far drive, I would maybe prepare a few meals that can be frozen and reheated to take to them. Then maybe offer to clean the house for her, help with laundry etc. If you can't physically get there, send gift cards for meals. Offer to hire a cleaning service if you can afford it. Things like that always help at times like this. Just try to think of your friend and the things you know she tries to keep up with and you should come up with more ideas. I hope they both get well soon. You sound like a good friend :)

Lots of great answers. The only thing I can think of that I didn't see is books -on-tape. I drive to see my mom a couple of times a year, and I love them. They make an 11 hour drive go by alot quicker. Chemo makes you so tired, sometimes just reading is too much effort.

Do you know their favorite foods? Make up some casseroles that can be frozen and eaten when they want them. Offer to go grocery, etc.shopping for them.if any children offer to take them for a day,maybe every week on same day. Take her cut flowers every week. Dust and vacumn. Hope this helps you be a caring friend.

What about dinners/meals? She may not have much of an appetite but you could ask ahead of time what sounds good. You could be creative and make gift certificates that they could turn in for a meal when they are feeling good enough for one. You could make several meals ahead of time and freeze and give to them, too.

hi, I am a two time cancer survivor[stage4 ovarion the first time , then reaccurance in 2008] both times odds were against me.some of the best advise is to call often, for sopport don't assume she don't want to talk about it. help her stay possitive. it is the best treatment. good luck

make meals for them (or buy meals for them), go grocery shopping for them. If they have kids, offer to watch the children so that they can have some alone time.

Send them gift cards for meals or provide help with house cleaning or other chores, shopping, etc.

if they have kids, watch them when mom or dad has to go to doctor appointments. Pick the kids up and return them, fed, washed ect.
take meals in. the mom will surely not feel like cooking after chemo.
If you can go without your child in tow, clean her house, do her dishes, change the bedsheets, get someone to mow th lawn.
Just think of all the things you and your husband need to do each week, and then see if you can do any of them for them.
You might want to call and say "I am coming over to do (whatever), what would be a good time for me to come by? " it has been my experience that if you just offer "anything you need", they will say they don't need anything, but if you offer a service that you know they need, they may have a hard time turning you down.

My aunt recently went through chemo and for the most part I was her chemo "buddy". I took her to and from almost all of her appointments. Here are some thoughtful things that others did for her: a neighbor made blankets for the cancer unit at the hospital my aunt was going to. They put the blankets in the chemo room as the patients often get cold and fall asleep. You could donate snacks to the unit also. If you wanted to do something more personal-perhaps a gift card for a massage,pedicure/manicure, dinner out etc. Something your friends could use when they are feeling like going out or pampering themselves You could prepare a meal for them or even make some easy meals like soup mixes,etc. where you would do most of the work. You could create a care package/gift basket with things they like,books,magazines,food,plants,seeds,etc. How sweet of you to be so thoughtful. :)

Maybe gift cards to local restaurants that DELIVER. Then when she gets done with a treatment & she's wiped and he's just trying to care for her, he can order a pizza or have some chinese delivered. He wouldn't have to worry about making something & cleaning up the mess.

I wish your friends much luck.

Meals, house cleaning and laundry. You could be doing those things, even freezing some, while she's in route to her treatments and have a meal for them when they get home, as well as some house cleaning and maybe laundry done.

I did this for a friend going thru chemo after being diagnosed w/ breast cancer. She has continually said on an off how much that meant to her. Sometimes, they're just too tired to feel like doing some basic things.

If they have kids, help w/ transporting them to appointments, practices, etc.

All good ideas for helping with driving and cleaning. You can also get in touch with the American Cancer Society. They have volunteers to drive patients to appointments, and many other services, which are free. There is a group called "Cleaning for a Reason," (or something like that -- you can Google it), that sends volunteers to clean the houses of women going through chemo.