I want to move from here, but my husband doesn't want to. He is willing to move a few hours from here... half way between where we are now and his family. I want to move states away!! Keeping it with in a 12 hour drive or so. I have told my husband this and expained why. I HATE winter!! Its not that I don't like it, I can't handle it anymore. I can't handle being cold, I get very depressed every winter being cooped up in the house. I'm one of those drivers that are more of a hazzard on the road than not if there is ANY amount of snow. I will not drive with ice.... well those cover most of our winter. We have to drive 45 mins to the closet bigger store, Dr, Dentist.. anything.
I want to get away from my family. I have lived next to them my intire life. At one point my parents did move an hour away. That lasted 3-4 years. Now they are back to being two blocks away. Im tired of all thier bs all the time and them still having a foot in my life, no matter how hard I try to keep them out it. I/ we are always hearing how we do x,y, z wrong.
There is nothing for us to futher ourselves. The jobs around here are nill to none. While both of us are working, our take home pay is under $2000 a month. Well with 5 kids, we scrape by. What we are getting paid is considered a "good" job around here. We both get paid $9 an hour.
I just want to pack up and I have 2 states I would love to go to. We have talked in a jokingly way about where we would love to live... both of us want either Wyoming or Arziona.
He says he wont move because he doesn't want to live that far from his parents and family. Personally I feel its a cop out. We have been married 5 years. In those 5 years... we seen his sister for the first time last summer since our wedding. Has called her once. His older brother.. has never called him and again seen him last summer since our wedding. His younger brother we have seen them about 3x a year, only because his parents lived with them, but has never called him. Last year we didn't see them once.. again has never called him. We see his parents 2-3x times a year and we only live 2 1/2 hrs from them. I have to remind him to call his mom once a month! When we have had extra money and no plans on a weekend I will suggest we go see his family and he "doesn't want to" he would rather sit at home.
How can I talk to him and try to get him to open up to me as to why or what is making him want to really stay here? Where we live he has no friends, just acquaintances and my family ( he is just as tired of them as I am). He misses cutting trees and has said that he wishes he could do that again, but his body cant' take being out in the cold temps any more. That is why he switched job. Well if we moved somewhere that isn't as cold has it is here... he could do that again.
I just need to find a way to get him to open up... that is one thing he has a hard time doing... any suggestions?
** We were talking about the Cheyenne area in Wy... from what I could find, its coldest was warmer than our highs for winter. Yes I want to just start over. He has always lived by his family (until he was 35) , then he was sent here for work and met me and chose to move here with me and fell in love with the scenery... I do give him that it is a beautiful area! With the roads, its just every year I get more and more scared to drive on them... **
If Wyoming is one of your choices then cold, snowy, icy winters can't be the real reason you want to move. If that is the real reason, then you need to take Wyoming off the list.
okay - I can tell you from experience that Wyoming has FARKING cold winters - snow and ice...
I understand SAD - Seasonal Affective Disorder - you can work with your doctor on that one.
As to driving? Can you try taking a defensive driving course and learn how to better drive in the snow and ice? That's what I would do, personally.
I would have him put his resume together and see what's out there. Start looking for jobs that he is qualified for and the location - start there and show him what is out there.
Fear of the unknown is the worst for most men. They are providers and if they get put into a situation where they are unsure of being able to provide - well, they get nervous.
My husband, even as a former USAF Captain, didn't like to move. Me? I could move every three years!! :) Sometimes change is VERY hard for people - man or W..
As to get him to open up? Keep communicating with him. Ask OPEN ENDED questions...not something that requires yes or no...
I made this move with my husband when we were dating, from North Dakota to Texas. It was primarily for job opportunities, but weather certainly played a factor. :) My hubby wasn't too keen on the idea, but I did a TON of research. Demographics, locations, specific cities, weather patterns, job opportunities, incomes, cost of living, etc, and then presented it to him that way. What brought him over to my side was the low cost of housing. A two bedroom 1,000 sq ft house cost more in Fargo than a 3 bed, 3 bath house here in San Antonio. With all the facts, and a trip to visit, we both fell in love with it here.
Good Luck with whatever your family does!
Come to western Washington! Great jobs, more trees than you could want, still have four seasons but all of them are relatively mild. I do understand not wanting to be far away from family though. My grandparents moved to Seattle from Iowa when they had kids. More opportunities out here!
I have no real advice on convincing your husband to move... but how about showing him data and a plan? Can you find a job wherever you want to move? What are housing costs versus what you pay now? How long will the drive to visit family really take and how often could you afford to do it? A lot of people say no to the unknown, but will say yes to a plan.
Also, I have to agree with another poster. Wyoming is NOT warm. It has incredibly cold cold cold winters. I've been to both Wyoming and Iowa in the winter- there is not much difference. If you want warm, look at Arizona, New Mexico, Texas or Nevada.
In the meantime - talk to your doctor about SAD. There are light therapies that you can do that will help you get through this winter, until hopefully you're in a happier place for you by next winter.
Sounds like you want a fresh start on everything, am I right? My hubby and I talk about doing this from time to time but we aren't financially able to do so or sell our house now. But it does sound fun :)
Maybe what he's saying about his family is a cop out, but at the same time - maybe even though he doesn't see them that much he finds it comforting to know they are close by. I take it he is used to them being near? Have you pointed out to him how infrequently you see them anyway?
I would say if he's talked about it with you before then he's obviously interested on some level. I think you should just ask him - what would it take for you to be excited about making it a reality? Maybe framing it this way you can gain some insight to what he's thinking. Maybe he finds it fun to daydream, but the actual reality of picking up and moving is a mess - selling house, buying, moving junk, schools, jobs, etc. etc.
It is scary thinking of moving your entire family to another state and not knowing a sole near by. I bet the reason is fear plain and simple.
I bet if you do the research on places to live, that you can afford and jobs and how you can make it work that will go a long way.
