I Want to Have My Daughter's Name Hyphenated

Hi,

I just read a book where a psychologist mentioned that in many cases where a person had a name hyphaneted they had indentity problems. I found this interesting.
All the best!
C.

A name can always be legally changed, so it's not too late. But I suspect you will need the father's consent. I would contact your local courthouse (probably the Family Division) to find out what the procedure is. Good luck!

As much as that disturbs you...the fact that his name is on the birth cert will help you in seeking child support...which is vital - take it from a single Mom who doesn't see a penny! And, my kids were from the man I was married to for over 16 years! Enjoy your daughter! I think kids are the best gift we can get too! What a shame that most men aren't! LOL! My ex changed his last name as an adult - I know you need a judge and that there are certain forms, but I'm sure you could do it if it means that much to you...although, if he is really a jerk he may find reasons to make it more difficult for you...just for the sake of being a jerk...so, think before you sink too much money into doing it that you could use for doing other things for her!

Contact the office of Vital statistics in the town where your daughter was born,
http://www.niagarafallspubliclib.org/cityphon.htm

The Direct number is ###-###-####

And tell them that you would like to change your daughters name, ---ITs called a LEGAL name change which is cheaper than say an adoption fee.

I think its about 175.DOllars- thats what i was when i looked into it. a few years ago, but each town is diffrent.

PLUS don't forget you need to ALSO Change everything else,
at Social security,
http://www.buffalo.com/public/bflofeb/SSA/115.HTM

It should not cost you more than 200 dollars. AND NO you don't need her fathers permission. At least last time I checked you didn't.

Good luck

M

PS, she is still young, you could just give her YOUR last name, as I did with my son, I really can't imagine an Identity crisis, at 1 years of age, I mean women change their names ALL the time, especially when they are married.
So eventually she will Change her name once again.

Legally he is her father, so name change of NOT he is there forever, no getting rid of him, no matter how much you want it, Also Don't be surprised if she loves him even after he screws her over time and time again.

Last thing, She is also a part of him, and he does love her, perhaps not in the way that YOU want him to but, he does in his own way. He will probably change just a little, but not enough to matter, and not nearly soon enough.

I suggest moving forward and forget about him,
you will meet someone else when you least expect it,
And you'll wish you hadn't spent so much time focused on what this man DOESN"T do for your daughter and what he should be doing, BE GLAD he isn't putting his 2 cents in,

LAST thing, you could move you know and start a new life,

Good luck

m

Hi K.,
you'll need to check with your city about the rules of hos to legally change a name. If you're in the 5 boroughs, this page explains some options http://home2.nyc.gov/html/doh/downloads/pdf/vr/bcorrect.pdf
Of course you can also try calling 311 and see if they will help you. If you're not in NYC, then either the County Clerk or an office of Vital Records (since they keep birth certificates) can probably put you in the right direction.
Don't forget, if you're changing her name anyway, you can always change her name to yours - you don't NEED to hyphenate just to make Daddy happy.
If this is important to you (and it sounds like it is) then it is possible! You may need to file papers in a court and be willing to stay on top of this for months if not a year or two, but from what I've read it's never "too late."
Good luck!

I am the husband of one of your Mamasource Members, I. Collins, Mary Kay F. Exec. Sr. Director. I happen to be an attorney. It is too late to change your daughter's name through any method other than a formal name-change petition, which is a legal proceeding. If you wanted to do that, it would cost $2000 in legal fees, plus about $200 in newspaper ad fees. It is a routine procedure, which would most likely be granted. However, the baby's father must be notified and he will have a chance to make his position known to the judge. I would be happy to discuss it further with you on the phone. Thomas L. Ferro, attorney at law. ###-###-####

1st i'd like to say i absolutely LOVE your name! (i named my 2yr old K. lol) but to go onto your question! i would immediately (monday i guess) contact your town records department. i know here in edison, nj you go to the police dept/court house/ records building (yeah all are in the same building) and you go up to the health and human services department and that's where we got our marriage and mine and my daughter's birth certificates (as we were both born in edison). so i would have to assume that you would go to your town's municipal building and to health and human services department. try calling information (or looking up online) for your town's municipal building, i'm sure they can help you that way.

Dear K.,

I don't know the details, but I do know that you have to get her name legally changed, which involves all kinds of bureaucratic hurdles, but in your case I think it'll be totally worth it. I do know you need to get all kinds of documents notarized. As to whether you need her father's permission, I think that depends on whether you're her sole legal guardian. If you're not, you might want to think about doing all the legal stuff at once and establishing sole guardianship now. It could save you a lot more trouble down the road.

But what I really wanted to say is, if you want to legally change your daughter's last name, do so NOW, before she has a sense of what her last name is. If you wait until later in her toddler years, it could be very confusing to her. But if you're not happy with her having only your ex's last name, I really recommend doing what it takes to change it. Think of all the millions and bazillions of forms you're going to have to fill out, and all the big important events (graduations, awards ceremonies, her wedding eventually) where you'll hear her name pronounced in a big important voice. You don't want to spend those moments feeling unhappy about her name.

Good luck! :)

i don't think it's ever too late to change her name, but to do that legally my guess is that you would need the father's permission to do that. that's only a guess though, and it might be different depending on where you live so you'd have to check with your local city hall.
my husband's daughter has his last name and in their custody agreement his lawyer included that her last name cannot be changed to her mother's or step-father's last name, it must remain my husband's.
since she spends so much more time with her mother's family than ours (i wish we could see her so much more!), it is nice for her to have that name connection with her biological father. And for that same reason it makes my husband so happy to have his child carry his last name.
So i may be a bit bias, and your situation may be very different from my husbands, but I would definitely go hyphenated rather than changing it completely to your own last name - so she can carry a bit of both of you with her.
I know from the experiences with my husband and his ex (also never married) it is never an easy road with big things or little things! but if you haven't already, my advice is get a really good legal custody agreement! once we did that it that made everything smoother for everyone involved, including my step-daughter!!

K., if you are the custodial parent and you arent married to his father I would think you could fairly easily have the name changed- call your local court clerk and ask about this- a judge will have to order it probably but I'm sure there is a legal way to do it. Good luck.
M.

I too went through the same thing with my daughter having her fathers last name. I did changed her last name. Now her name is hyphenated and I wish it was just my last name. But she has both of our last names. The father and I are no longer together. To change her last name to just my last name you have to get the fathers approval. It will cost about $500.00 to change and you have to go through a lawyer.

Not at all, just pay abut $150 and go to your local court house and sign the document, they will actually change your babies name on the original birth certificate too. I have done myself when my parents got divorced I didn't want my father's name..it is so easy.

K.,
Check online with the social security office and good luck!

You can do it!! Is he paying child support? Is he involved in your daughter's life?
My son was born in Messina, NY. Just go to the office of Vital Records where the birth certificate was filed and let them know that you want to hyphenate her name to your and that at that time you weren't in your right frame of mine not relizing what you wanted to do. I too realized it after filling out the papers because they shoved the papers at me just 3 hours after his birth, so I hyphenated his last name after the fact. It will take about 2 months and you will get a new birth certificate from Albany once completed.
In growing up my son just used my name and when I married, my husband legally adopted and we changed his name still having my last name being hyphenated. I did at that point need the bio dad to agree so he didn't have to pay child support anymore. I did this because my dad has only one son left and I wanted to keep the family name. Good Luck. email me when you get a chance.

I'm in a similar situation. In my case, my soon-to-be-ex-husband left after the twins turned 1 yr old. He refuses to let me make their last name my own once the divorce is finalised....they have his at the moment. I know it is a legal process to get the surname changes...whether you're hyphenating or just changing the last name to your own. As far as I know, the baby's father needs to sign off that he agrees to the name change since he is legally on the birth certificate. There is a cost involved in doing this (approx $350....I heard). My best suggestion is to contact either a lawyer that will give you a free consult or contact legal aid. I hope I was a little bit of help to you. I'm just in the beginning of my divorce, so I don't have complete answers for you at this time.

PS: I love you're "about me" section. LOL I agree, I don't regret having my kids, but I regret who the father is. At least we ended up with wonderful babies out of our bad choices in men. =)

Good luck,
A.

I read some responses from your request. My husband hyphenated his sons at age 5. He was not on the birth cert. You have a lot of red tape after you go to court- which you do not need a lawyer for. It costs maybe $500 but not all at once. Each step is outined for you as to what you have to do and if you need to pay. The fees are mainly the ad in the newspapers and getting the new documents for your child- birth cert and social security. It is not a quickie thing- it took us a few months to complete but worth it- I believe you need the fathers consent but maybe not. You can call the Family division in your county-Monmouth I assume. The hearing for us was about 15 minutes then we waited our turn at the clerks for the consent order about an hour. Let me know if you have any other questions since I filed everything for him-LOL!

I was in the opposite boat. My daughter's(14mths old) father was not there when she was born so I gave her my last name. He came around when she was 1mth old and has been in the picture since and requested to have her name changed. Unfortunately I agreed. I also wanted it hyphenated and he disagreed. But there were papers that we filed and we both had to sign. It was VERY hard for me to do it - but he made a good point to me that I will ALWAYS be her mother no matter what her last name is. i felt that I would lose a connection with her. I think in your situation that to do it smoothly you will need him to consent to it, but if he does not I think it will be a legal battle. I understand how you feel, but one good think with her having his last name is that if you have to go to court over ANYTHING, he can not deny being her father!! Also it is a pain to change EVERYTHING over, SS card, health ins, Dr's records, daycare papers...not fun!

Good luck!! I wish you the best in your decision!

You'd have to go to your vital records office and make the change. I believe you pay a fee, fill out paperwork and I also believe you do not have to have the fathers permission as his name already appears on the certificate. The only time you need his permission is if his name does not appear and you'd like it to. It is never too late to change a name, you can do it now or you can wait to do it when she starts school or she herself can do it in years to come. But, my advice is.....if you feel so strongly about it, do it now. Research your local government offices and see what steps you need to remedy this. I made the same mistake with my son, only the other way around. His father and I were not together when he was born and I never gave him his fathers last name, I gave him mine. Now, 18 years later, His father and I are married and we had a daughter and our household is divided into 2 names. My son and I have my last name and my daughter and husband have his. And it stinks, so take care of it now, before she starts school and her identity truly begins.