I Wanna Be Grateful, I Just Can't! Suggestions Not Judgements, Please.

Take care of the mammogram/breast issues FIRST! You can always start the job and give it a try. You might really like it and nothing says you have to continue to work there if you don't - you could always leave if it isn't working out!

This is really a lot to deal with, so take a deep breath and cut yourself some slack. I agree with Kate that it might help if you put your feelings and concerns down on paper and talk to your husband when your daughter's asleep. It might help you to focus a little better on what your biggest concerns are, and it should help you to be calm and focused when you do talk to him.

Having little ones (before they're school aged) is a financial burden for just about everyone whether there is a stay at home parent or not. Daycare costs are high, so it's generally tough for all of us. Just remember it's only for a few years and then things should get easier.

I think it really is a good idea to find someone to talk to about the mammogram. It could be nothing, but I know I'd be really scared too. Good luck!

Ok. Calm down.
As for the mammogram, I just had O. and the tech told me that almost 50% get called back--usually do to poor quality film, etc., so odds are it's NOTHING.
NOW, as for the other stuff: job, staying home, hubby's preferences, etc.
I hope this doesn't sound cold but ALL of these decisions center around O. thing: Moolah--greenback--finances--dinero!
Hop on to the dave Ramsay plan for financial freedom yesterday! Once you budget, eliminate debt, and live on less than you make, the choices become crystal clear and easy to make. That's because you are no longer slave to the grind and working for the money--the money is working for YOU.
Yes--there may be some tough choices--ways to save, eliminate overpriced luxuries (for a while) but once you are debt free it becomes very easy to live your life guided by what you WANT to do, not what you HAVE to do.
You can go to the library today and get O. of Dave's books for free and start immediately. There are easy to follow step by step guidelines. And it really works. No, it's not magic and it's not always painless, but the result is WELL worth it.

Yes you can. Put an elastic band on your arm. Every time you see it or feel it, take it from one wrist to the other and say out loud...I am so happy and grateful now that...then be grateful for ANYTHING, the sun shining, the shoes on your feet, or the coins in your pocket. When you being to notice the little things, the big things come easier.

B.
Family Success Coach

Your log line was about wanting to be grateful but unable to be grateful. The best way I know to get to an attitude of grattitude, is to count your blessings. You have a husband that is working (that's a blessing). Your daughter is healthy (that's a blessing). You have health insurance (that's a blessing). You braved your first mammogram (that's a blessing). They want to check you out some more (that's a blessing). {My best friend has very dense breasts, everytime she goes for a mammogram, they have to check her no less than three times but this is also a blessing.} You found a job in this economy (that's a blessing). You have viable day care (that's a blessing). You have an opportunity to do what you love, sing (that's a blessing).

From what I see, you do have some challenging things going on too but ultimately you are very blessed. Continue to look for work or create work for yourself. Perhaps you can find work that is more of what you are seeking to do. Get clarity there and then you can properly target your search for what you are looking for specifically.

Sometimes we have to do the hard things we don't want to do for a little while and then we get to the point and place where we can do what we always wanted to do. We must plan and execute the plan. We need to do this for ourselves without encouragement from the outside world because sometimes that outside encouragement never comes.

I hope this helps.

If you have been managing on 1 salary but only just , is there no way you can stay home until she turns 2? It's only 9 months away and will soon come round , if you put it to your husband the way you did to us , the fact that you will barely see him or your daughter for the sake of a little paycheck , is that little extra really going to make any difference to your income once you pay for a sitter? Instad of charging in and just giving reasons to why you do not want this job , write it all down with explanations of everything , and then when your daughter is asleep ask that he reads it all properly and digests it all before making any comments , and then talk about it.

As for the other issue , I can understand not wanting to worry your husband at the moment giving the previous issues , but at the same time you need to talk to someone about your worries , is there a friend you can talk to or take with you for support?

I am sorry I can not be of much help with your second issue.

There is a lot going on in your life right now! Wow! The transition back to work is very difficult no matter how long you have done it- we always want more time with our babies. If you really need to do this for financial reasons, ok sorry you have to do what you have to do. If it is a nice to have not a need to have, maybe try to talk to your husband about reducing expenses and/or finding some extra income somewhere.

We relocated with our newborn for my work so my husband was without work but we made the decision for him to be home with the kids. We have and continue to make choices everyday to allow him to be home. We have done our own home improvement projects(cuts out huge expenses but we have had a lot of learning), cut our cable tv to nothing, eat in almost 100% of the time, and own our car. It is hard because his income would be nice BUT we would also pay a ton for child care. I have asked him several times what he wants, and he wants to do this so we find ways- he has a crazy little part time job that brings in just enough extra money to help take the edge off the monthly bills- and he delivers papers at night on weekends when everyone is sleeping because I didn't want to lose our only family time together(when I am home from work).

Good luck as you work through these tough decisions. It's days like these that I wish I was still a kid!

I feel I have some things in common with you, although my children have grown. I am a piano player and singer and tried to do that while they were little. In my case it didn't work. Perhaps I will return to it someday but I couldn't stand being gone at night. Next, I currently work as an educational assistant, but acquired that after years of being a substitute teacher (needed insurance so accepted an assistant job which I actually have not liked because I do not exist for the teachers and am seldom allowed to use my brain. I have a communications bachelor's degree from a very good school, a paralegal certificate which I got three years ago, graduated very high in my class and was told every time I went on a job interview, why did I want to be a paralegal when I have been in education? And if I can add to this cancer fear, I actually ended up with uterine cancer (survivor one year woo hoo!) and yess inddeedy it is a scarey thought. Although I went through breast biopsy some years back and it wasn't cancer, so try not to worry. As far as what your hubby wants, I have advice. You are living your life, not him. Before you sign on the dotted line you make sure you can last even a short amount of time doing that. Yes we all need jobs, and this is truly not a good time for job hunts, but even so give yourself half a chance. If I can sway you at all on some of this, I'd like to tell you-babies are only little once. Whatever you can do, unless you really don't want to be there anymore (which doesn't sound like it), enjoy your baby. She will be in school in two years and you will be able to do all sorts of things. If you are eating and making the bills someway, then hang in there. If you do get a fantastic job that you would just drool over then by all means go for it. But seriously, I understand hubby might wish for extra income, but point out how much extra childcare will cost and the inconvenience of him having to drop off and pick her up if it isn't in the home, or when she gets stick, etc. etc. Compromise your budget by eliminating things and look to other ways to make an income: walk dogs, babysit, you get the drift. Good luck! I will say prayers for you.

Second mammograms are common and most of them turn out to be not cancer. I was called back for a mass and it was just the way it was taken and needed to be redone. It will be good to get the test done and find out you are ok but until you get the results it isn't easy.

Keep looking for a job you would like. If you don't like your job at the group home, that's ok. Consider it the job while you are looking for a job. Would going back to school in music make sense to you? Maybe you could be a music teacher and teach children how to sing. Would you want to be a voice coach? In addition to teaching at a school you could voice coach after school. You could make business connections with local dance schools to find business. You could check into singing in plays- do you get payed or would it help to get your name out as a voice coach? Some of this may require education and it may take time. If you have worked 15 years in the field of developmental disabilities, then it is time for you to do what you love. Life is short and we need to take care of ourselves first. You need to pay your bills but look for ways to get to your dream job. I wish you the best.

Wow - lots going on here! You are like so many of us - conflicted. You have discovered the joys of being home and watching your daughter grow and develop. I can tell you that I thought I would take a year off when my son was born, but it turned into 7 and even then I went back part time.

My advice is NOT to take a job you don't want. It's not clear whether you don't want to work out side the home yet, or you don't want to work at THIS job. You didn't like the interviewer and it doesn't sound like you really got a chance to understand the job. But you need to sort it out. A counselor can help you.

Never seeing your family is also a critical issue. It sounds like the singing is important to you and you'd like to keep at it both for the enjoyment and for the money.

Day care is a tough issue but I would say that waiting until she is potty trained and talking is tough to predict. Most kids don't potty train until at least 3, so you're talking a year here. Your daughter might talk more if she had to deal with a caretaker who doesn't anticipate her needs.

I guess it can't always be about the money. If you are upset and crying, then that's a red flag. Whether it's about this one job (less likely) or the whole concept of getting a job (more likely), you and your husband need to sort this out with a professional, either a counselor or a life coach.

I used to have weird mammograms all the time - fibrocystic breast disease, calcifications, and so on. Had a couple of biopsies and was scared to death. It's stressful but it doesn't necessarily mean cancer - in fact, it usually doesn't. They are being extra careful with you to be sure they get a good baseline reading so they can compare reliably with future mammograms. I've resolved my FBD with a great nutritional supplement, and I also work from home helping others with their health & finances. Maybe you could find a home-based business like mine that has a flexible schedule around your child. I'd be happy to talk more if you want.

Unless you absolutely have to from an economic standpoint... do not take a job that you already don't want! I was in a similar job situation some time ago -- I had the opportunity to work for a person that I knew from a former company. I realized that I really didn't care for that person's management style, but since I had expressed interest -- gone on interviews, etc. I felt committed. Luckily, after some soul searching, I turned down the job. BEST DECISION I EVER MADE. I think we've all been in jobs which we dread going to on Monday morning. If you're already at that point, and you haven't even started, that's a clear sign to you.

I wish you the best... I hope everything turns out good with your health.

Take a deep breath E.. I can see that you do not want to leave your child. Its really hard to do. Maybe you can just try this job and continue to look for something more suitable to your liking. Your also singing so you will be a busy working mom.
Try not to stress until you have your second examination, I am always called back because I am a lumpy girl. It always turn out to be nothing. Please try to talk to your hubby more. You need him to help you relax a little. Good luck! I dont know if I helped at all I am sending you support!!

I will say as far as the mammogram - I was told it's common for them to have to do a further exam when it's your first mammo - they gave me a letter at the hospital stating that.

Do go for the followup on the mammogram. It is important to have the ultrasound and/or biopsy to catch anything suspicious. After you get the rest of the data, then you will be much better informed about your choices with health issues.
I have worked full time while having three kids so I understand the pull between work and family time. Look at costs of daycare versus the salary from working and take time to understand the experience level of your childcare provider and are other kids happy with this childcare provider...is your child comfortable with the childcare provider? what is backup plan if childcare provider is ill?

It sounds like maybe you don't want to go back to work at all, regardless of what the job is. I know firsthand that unemployment isn't all that much, so maybe you could learn to live without it? Cut the cable, switch to pay-as-you-go cell phones and just commit to not using them much. Get a basic home phone line (about $12 per month) and use it for incoming calls only... give that number to your friends and family so that they can call you at home and you can talk for free. Cut the internet and use it at the library instead. If you have to, move to a smaller home or apartment (if you can't sell your place, rent it out and rent another to live in for less). Prepare ALL your own foods - no more eating out, no more coffee to go, and sack lunches all the way. Do free play groups (meetup.com) rather than paying for mommy and me classes. I'm not sure how many of these things you do or don't do, just sharing what my family did to make it possible for me to stay home with my daughter.

Ok, I'm taking this from a different angle. Being someone who has been out of a job for over a year and needs to work I say this. Take the job and while you are earning a paycheck look for a better one. All my friends that lost their jobs in the recession took the first job that came their way and waited it out. 3 have moved on to their dream job. Statistically employers want to hire people who are already employed somewhere else. Their mindset is 1-those people haven't lost their skill set and 2-if they hire you while you are employed elsewhere it means you really want to work for them, that means low turn over. And as for the mammogram, find out what the deal is before pnisking could just be bad film, happens.

If you don't absolutely have to take the job, turn it down. If you have to take it, be proactive about finding something else as soon as you can. At least you will have some chance of getting out of it then. Take a harder look at how you can cut back. We cut and cut, then cut some more and still live just fine. As for the mammogram, lots and lots of women get called back, especially if this is your first because they want to get a very clear baseline. I hope this all works out well for you soon!

So anyhow, you could work at home working for 1800 flowers. They pay people to take orders using their software. You might look into that and dodge the whole job issue and stay with your tyke. But I don't know their info, so you'd need to google. Good luck!

Wow. You've got a lot of stress going on! Deep breaths!

I personally don't find it worth it to take a job that I hate. It never works out- especially when there are small children involved, because then you can never justify the daycare costs.

When my girls were small, I stayed home with them, and made it work. We couldn't really afford to do it, but we had to- I wasn't make any money with paying daycare. We just resolved to spend less and be frugal. When it made sense for me to go back to work, I did.

I wish I could offer more advice but it sounds like something is going to have to give with your situation- either you resolve to stay at home & make it work while you try to figure out something better to go back to when you do finally go back to work, or your husband figure something else out (you didn't mention what he does) to bring in more money to support your lifestyle.

Either way, good luck, I hope you find a solution that works for your family!

You have already posted your follow up as I write - so glad to hear the mam is okay. Don't feel bad about not wanting to take that job. You opened yourself up to an opportunity and it wasn't right. You'll know when you find something that is more worth not being home with your daughter for. I was laid off when I was pregnant and ended up staying home with my son for 18 months. Going back to work full time was very hard, but necessary (I am the "bread winner" in the family). I can tell you from my experience, it gets easier, and seeing your little one socializing with other toddlers is really wonderful. Daycare can be a positive experience. I hope you are able to find something that works for you!

oh my!
i hear you about the husband wanting you back to earning (and don't fault him for it, it's a lot to be the sole earner) but i think you two need to discuss this. you do have a part-time job, so i'd think very carefully about taking a job that you are this conflicted about AND will keep you away from home so much. you could deal with the separation better if you loved the work, but this situation honestly seems fraught with peril.
i would pass on this 'opportunity'. once you have your health issues sorted out, dive back into the job hunt. there ARE others out there.
khairete
S.