For the past few months I have noticed that my daughter has started having temper tantrums. They are less frequent than they used to be, but now she cries when she doesnt get her way! (not always!) I am trying to teach her how to say please when she wants something, (she does say thank you when I ask her to say it) She gets really impatient and starts to cry, so I was wondering if there were any tips to help her. 9 times out of 10 I give in, but I would like to establish some kind of discipline so that she doesn't think that if she cries she will get her way.
I have a 2 year old and a 14 wk old, and we do time outs in the crib too. I just started when his brother was born and he already knows when I say lets go for a time out that I mean business. I try to keep it for only big things, like he hit is brother in the head, or something like that. It really has helped with discipline and him realizing that if I say something, I mean it.
WIth ours we just made it completely unacceptable. If she wanted to whine she could do so in her crib.. in time out. If she whined for something she didn't get it until she calmed down and asked nicely. For our troubles we have an amazing little girl that says please and thank you, sorry and excuse me. Put your foot down, don't accept it and you will be SO glad you did. It'll seem extreme at first but just imagine not being able to take your kid to the store because if she sees something she wants she'll scream her head off until she gets it. That's what did it for us, we go out in public too much and I was not about to be embarrassed.. plus it's getting them ready to be a functioning member of society.
Two books: http://www.amazon.com/Making-Terrible-Twos-Terrific-Rosem...
http://www.amazon.com/1-2-3-Magic-Effective-Discipline-Ch...
Oh and one more cause I like her: http://www.amazon.com/No-Cry-Discipline-Solution-Encourag...
19 months is not really early at all.
The first book I listed-I love it-gives such insight into the toddler mind.
HTH!
the name terrible twos is really just a range - it does usually start before age 2.
This is the beginning of a battle of the wills that just keeps on going. As our High school youth paster told me - you just have to outlast them - and make sure they know that you intend to do so and that you will. I've had to tell my 15 yr old that many times over the years - I am going to outlast you and I am not going anywhere. Good l uck mama!
when mine cried and when they still do, they have to go into there room until they are done. if they cry because they want something, they don't get it. and i tell them it's because they are crying. when they calm down and ask without whining or crying, they can have it then.
mine is almost 2 when she has a tantrum she has to go to her bed until she calms down (she is still in a crib, normally i do the corner but i dont think she is old enough to understand to stay in the corner) then when she is calm I go in & talk to her about what she did wrong & then she gives me a hug, she may not understand all of it right now but she will. she knows that she gets removed from the situation until she is calm if we are out then we go to a corner (theres a corner everywhere! lol thats what i always told my kids lol) or to the car (its just too hot for that right now) i dont give in!! if you give in to tantrums they will only get worse!!
I think your post says a lot- "9 times out of 10 I give in." At your daughter's age, any time you give in on a temper tantrum, she learns exactly how to get her way. I know, because I've been there, and still go there on occassion. There was a saying I read once that I loved, "we will not give in to tantrumists!" :) Believe me, at first, it broke my heart when my daughter would cry and cry but that would be the worst time to give in. What I do is tell her when she calms down, we can talk about it, then I walk away. I've actually caught her peeking out of her room to see if I'm coming after her or watching herself in the mirror as she cries. Just make sure she's somewhere safe, let her cry, and eventually, she *will* calm down. To me, what happens next is the most important part. That's when I'll talk to my daughter about what just happened, let her know I understand she's upset/frustrated/angry/etc, and explain why I said no. I think a, "no, because I said so" is unfair. Kids need to know why they can't do something or get something they want. Sometimes I even catch myself wondering why I said no in the first place and it's a good opportunity for me to think if this is really something she can or can't do.
I think it's great you're teaching your daughter good manners, something that's severely lacking these days. If you're asking her to say please, then wait it out. She'll say it, even if it's after 20 minutes of crying and screaming. And when she does, she'll know you mean business and you'll both be so much better off for it!! Good luck!!
We had the same problem. I agree with others that you should stick to your goals and don't waver. I think most times the tantrum is only a tantrum if you are watching. We used to send my little sister into another room when she had one and it was usually over pretty quickly. With our daughter (almost 3) we also redirect her to talk to us calmly and ask her if she is frustrated. It's good to acknowledge that she is going through emotions that she is having difficulty controlling... and then I just say- if you're frustrated, just say "I'm frustrated and I need help." I also believe in leaving any store or restaurant- wherever you are- if things are getting hairy. I leave and I say we need to talk. I don't return until she says verbally that she will stop. It sounds funny in print, but usually works. If she really can't control herself, she's probably just tired or having a bad day. It happens. But we try not to stick around if it doesn't get better. Our friends also use a tip we adopted. We say you have to be a good leaver or good at leaving if you want to come back again. Good luck! It happens to all of us.
