So my daughter and the neighbor's children are all in Kindergarten. My daughter and one boy is in the same class, and the other is in a different class. The boy in my daughter's class just came here from a non-English speaking country and was having tough time when school first started. No one in the household speaks English and the ones that do come and go. I offered to help the one boy because he only has his mom and she speaks no English. The other boy has both his mother and father (dad speaks English but is always working) so he's in good shape; or at least I thought.
I felt bad for the boy and said that I would help out with homework; once a week. Well, since then the homework assignments have increased to three times a week, and now, his little cousin is coming along for the homework lessons. Two of the homework assignments are the letter of the week, and their "science" projects. We have to find things that begin with that particular letter and find pictures to put in their "dictionary" (I'm not even going to go into the science project).
This consists of finding magazines or newspapers, cutting, gluing, writing the name of the item in the picture, etc. It's okay for one child but for three it's a lot. They're Kindergarteners so I really have to do it with them. It's been taking over an hour to do. I also work from home and I have a 6:00 deadline to get my work in. I feel bad because their parents send them over with their books and I have to send them away because it is hectic right when everyone gets home. My daughter and husband gets home around the same time, I have dinner to make, and a two year old, and my work to finish. I don't have the time.
I don't know what to do. On one hand I feel bad because these kids are going to be in trouble without some help. When I look in their folders I see old homework assignments, and things that their parents should have taken care of. Then they're missing the bus then I have to drive them to school (I don't even drive my daughter to school!) But on the other hand, they are not my responsibility. I feel obligated because I said I would help, but I didn't mean be their school mom. One homework assignment a week is okay but this is getting to be too much.
I feel like the devil herself for feeling this way; they're kids. What would you do? I am really conflicted!
Just a comment ... Bless you! There ARE still nice people in the world and you are one of them! (even if you decide it's too much)
If you are willing you can make a schedule, and tell them that they can come over once or twice a week (up to you) for an hour or however, and you can help them with their homework. That way everyone is on the same page, they dont just show up, and you find time to do it around your schedule so your not behind on your work.
Look on the bright side....you have already done a great service for these kids and I am sure they appreciate the help! I dont know where you are but most schools in CA offer programs to help kids who are having trouble with English and doing their schoolwork. Do they go to the same school as your kids? Maybe you could look into a free program at their school and tell their families about that......then be available for that one especially difficult assignment each week like you originally offered. Hope that helps.
You are a good person and I can see how overwhelming it would be.
You need to contact the school and tell them the situation. There are people PAID to help kids in this situation. They need more than homework help to succeed.
If you choose to help them, it should never be at the expense of your family.
I would check with your school, or your child's teacher, about what resources are available for these families. Then you could pass that info along. If you start helping with homework each night, the school will not realize there is a problem that needs to be addressed.
Call the mom and dad, and ask if they have explored ESL tutoring programs through the local school district. There is also bussing too. If they need help, you might offer to find contact numbers and what not at the school or even district offices so they can get the appropriate help.
Otherwise, tell them a specific day and time and say that's all...that is if you want to give them the benefit of the doubt that they truly don't know what ESL services are available to them. Or on the off chance your school doesn't offer anything at all (which I truly doubt).
Just remember, if they are only depending on you to help their kids and you can't handle it, you're not really doing anyone any favors. If you don't feel qualified to tutor, these kids need someone who is qualified and soon. They will suffer in the long run. There isn't a school district in the country that doesn't have ESL programs and after school tutoring programs. So there is no need on your part to feel guilty or obligated. Your tax dollars are probably already at work and there is probably something available for these kids right now.
If after you talk to them and they don't seek help through the school district and their childrens' teacher, I'd start suspecting that they are possibly using the tutoring as a way to get free baby sitting services from you. It's sad to go there, but it is a real possibility. And if that's the case it isn't fair to you that you jeopardize your employment for a job you're not getting paid for.
I suggest talking with the teachers and suggesting that one or more students from the upper grades help with the homework. In my granddaughter's school they have 6th graders as "study buddies" for the younger grades. They go to the classroom once a week for an hour.
Or the teacher may be able to find another mom or moms to help.
Your heart is in the right place. Please don't feel guilty or bad that you aren't able to do this. You and your family has to take first place.
My first thought was to contact the teacher but i don't know if they really ought to be talking to you, but i'm sure they (the teachers)are frustrated too. I"m actually suprised they woudl be given homework lilke this knowing there is no home support. Do you have any community programs in place for stuff like this?? Is there another kindg parent that could take a night?
I"m ashamed to admitt i doubt i would have offered in the first place, you are a good woman.
I like your first responder set a limit on what you can do and kow that it is more than what most people would do.
I wonder if there isn't some type of ESL support for these kids through the school district? If I were you, I'd take the parents of these children with you to the school office and ask if there is some kind of program these kids can get into for help after school with their homework. Most schools have a program like that, and many times there is a sliding scale so lower income families can participate as well (if that's an issue for these families). If that isn't available, then the school needs to set up some kind of IEP for these kids so they can get the support they need. You are a wonderful person to have offered to help, but this is a LOT of work to take on by yourself. The parents need to be way more involved, because it's only going to get worse from here in terms of the amount of work the kids will bring home!
They should be able to get some extra help throught the school district. It's too bad it seems whenever someone offers to help out, people always end up taking advantage. Whether they're from this country or not, they should know. It isn't your responsibility, and you need to tell them you can only help one day a week.
Look for some other free resources in your area, maybe your local librarian would know of some early reader programs going on in the area, giving them alternate tools and letting them know that you just dont have the time you thought you did is the only way I can see out of it. It's awesome that you truly want to help, but now that it's multiplied it has gone over what you anticipated. People learn to take advantage of kindness very quickly. They aren't meaning to take advantage in a bad way, but they are thinking "wow, this is great free training for my kid" when otherwise they might have to pay a tutor or for cryin out loud do it themselves.
I would talk to the parents. You have a family to take care of. So I would tell them that you need to stick the once a week. Maybe you can encourage them to check the childrens folders everyday.
As others have said the school or local library may have some programs. Talk to the parents and maybe offer to send in a note to the teachers. An older child, 5-8th grade, may be a good helper for a kindergartener. I just have my 1 Kindergartner and my 2 year old and some days just get hectic--it is totally understandable that you can't always help. You don't need to feel bad or guilty, especially if you help them find a more workable solution.
