I Think I Have Lost It..

I know exactly how you feel. Someday are bad for me too. I have found that if I just walk away from the situation for a few minutes and think about my kids and how blessed I am to have them and then come back I am a much more level headed mom. (this is not easy to do when I am mad but it really helps if I do it) I also find that if I can make just a few minutes a day for my self it really helps me.

C.,
I was about to respond privately, but I thought there may be another mom out there who needs to hear this too. Please read everything before you act on any of it.

I have had very similar experiences over the years (my kids are now 10, 7, and 5) and wondered if something was wrong. But I always brushed it off and went on. Things really got worse in the last 2 years, and I tried to ignore it, but the self-recrimination got aweful and then my temper got worse and .... bad cycle. I got really depressed. Finally I went to the doctor (I tried 2 years ago, and chickened out, so last winter I made my husband go with me and talk to the doctor). The family doctor tried to treat me, but quickly realized that he didn't have the expertise and sent me to a psychologist. Turns out that I have bipolar disorder - and I have probably had it since I was a teen! (btw, I am not Bipolar, I am a human with bipolar disorder - verbage can be very important!) It has been a hairy year, but we got medication at the right dosage and plenty of counseling and I am able to be a MUCH MUCH better mom. Yes, I still get angry and frustrated, but I don't loose it like I used to. And when I do start slipping up, I can back off, cool down, and stay in control.

I'm not saying that you have bipolar disorder, or any other mental illnes. My example is probably extreme. But what I am trying to say is, if you feel like you might need help, like counseling, get it. I won't hurt, and it could certainly help. Most medical insurances have a 'mental health coverage' that can help towards costs. You can also go through your church if they have anything available (LDS social services is good, and they charge on a sliding scale). Think of it this way - if you were worried that something was "off" with your child, you'd probably take him to the doctor. Trust your gut about yourself to. They may just set you up with some parenting strategies (who knew kids didn't come with an instruction manual?), or give you whatever help they see you needing.

Hang in there. It can be tough being a SAHM, especially when hubby is gone a lot. When you beat yourself up for mistakes, you end up even worse. There is a solution, and there's no shame if you need to ask for help to find it!

My heart goes out to you. I have to say that I totally understand. I was always a patient mom until I had more than 1 and they got older and minds of their own. You haven't lost it nor do I think you have ANY mental illness as possibly noted below. Parenthood stretches us and teaches us and is more challenging than could be imagined. It is my belief that God intended us to learn from these experiences. Just as he forgives us as we are sorry and intend to work on it, he will stregthen us and help us to have a greater capacity. Slow down, we require so much of ourselves. I guarantee you are not alone, you are just brave enough to admit it and you actually feel sad about how you reacted to your child. God bless you. You are a good mom!

Looks like you have gotten a lot of support and advice. I am sorry that you are having such a difficult time. I can relate on feeling overwhelmed and crazy at times. I don't think any of us are above "loosing" it at times with our kids. I agree that you need to find an outlet. I personally believe that staying home is much tougher than going to work. I have done both and dealing with litter personalities and not being able to reason with them is 100x's harder than getting up and going to work! You need to find time for yourself. It is so easy to loose ourselves in our kids that we forget that we need to nurture ourselves and have another identity other than mom. I strongly suggested getting into therapy to help you figure out what is going on with you as well as help you break dysfunctional patterns. I wonder if you are struggling with some depression??? Depression really does increase during the winter months. There is nothing worse than feeling like a bad mom and after getting physical with your child I am sure you have been pretty hard on yourself. Im glad you are asking for support. I hope that it doesn't stop here and that you will take some of the suggestions other mom;s are giving you. LIke I stated before I strongly think you need to get into some therapy to help you sort your feelings and to get a more structured way to handle your stress. My heart goes out to you...

Hang in there! We all have "monster mommy" moments. My 4 kids are all through the toddler stage now, but I remember how emotionally and physically exhausting that time is. (There are new challenges as they get older, but some things get easier.) Here are some things I did in those stressful, exhausting times that helped me get through it.
1. Join a playgroup. Sometimes you just need to talk to other moms and realize there are people who totally relate to what you're going through.
2. Read a child rearing/discipline book or take a community class. My husband and I read 1-2-3 Magic (I highly recommend it!) and attended a Love and Logic class taught through the Jordan School District. Doing this gave me great tools for dealing with stressful, hectic, daily mom life.
3. Do something for yourself that you like to do EVERY day. It may mean a half an hour you lock yourself in your room to read a magazine or work on a scrapbook... Or you can join a book group...or you can start a blog...or you can get a pedicure...or you can rent a movie without animated characters...whatever you like! Just make sure you give yourself at least a short break every day. The housework will still be there when you're done. A spotless house is overrated anyway.
4. Learn to laugh at the little disasters that happen daily. Once when I went in to get up a "napping" 3-year-old, I discovered he had used his naptime to destroy his room...right down to pulling every drawer out of the chest and dumping it, removing his mattress from the bed and ripping up the cardboard protector under it, even the curtains had been taken off the windows! My first reaction was to scream, but instead, I went and got a camera, took a picture, closed the door, and brought my little boy downstairs for a snack. When I told my husband about this he asked why I took a picture. I told him that I just couldn't laugh about it at the moment, so I took the picture to laugh about later. Eventually the mess was cleaned up, but the picture remains and still makes me laugh.
5. Remember that you are not perfect, and that's okay. None of us are. The fact that you are concerned about this at all shows just how much you love your children.

I felt the same way when I had my first 2 - I didn't really have money to pay a sitter, in fact I did a lot of child care, myself. I finally learned I had to take time for myself. Do you have any moms nearby to trade babysitting with? Even an hour 3 times a week can make a huge difference! I also found excercise helped - even if all the kids thought I was crazy doing weird stuff in front of the TV. LOL Maybe a mom's group to go for walks together? Where do you live? There have got to be other moms who would love to get together!

I would agree wiht most everything that has been said. I know how hard it can be at times. I have to say I am very against spanking as I personally feel that it is very damaging to children and usually is just us taking out our agression on them (I say this from having some really bad memories of my wonderful parents losing it with me and the way I felt when I have lost it with mine). One thing that really helped me recently is an experience where I was very scard about losing one of my children. I realized in a very profound way that all of the things I worry and stress and get so upset and anxious about simply do not matter. What matters is my children and that I love them. As I went through that all I wanted was to love them and be with them and show them how much I cared about them. There are some quotes by Pres. Thomas Monson I love, he says :"Childhood does not come back, you will prfoundly miss the fingerprints, toys, laundry ... what is most important almost always invovles the people around us...never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved."
I know it can be so hard, but try in those moments to remember your children are not out to "get you" they are just children. Inquisitive, curious, forgiving, and loving and YOUNG! They have not had our life experiences. They do not see life as we see it.
"Just love them" and when they know and believe in that love it will save them and guide them through all their mistakes and hard times in life.
Best of luck!

You're not crazy & you're not a monster. As you can already see from the other responses, sooo many other moms of small kids can relate. It is such a difficult, busy, crazy time of life & we all just snap from time to time. For me, the most helpful thing has just been having really helpful, useful, practical strategies for managing toddlers. I won't pretend I never snap anymore, but it is MUCH less frequent since I read, 'Love & Logic: Practical Parenting from Birth to 6 Years.' I have 3 kids 5 & under and the strategies in this book have just given me a way to cope. I don't know about you, but the times I lose it is when I'm out of ideas, nothing is working & the kids just are determined to not listen to a word I say...or are intentionally doing the opposite of what I say. I've found that when I can remember to use the strategies in this book, I can keep my sanity. The kids respond really well to them & I have a lot more tools in my arsenal. It's a quick read - I just got it from my library & had it read in a couple of days. WELL worth the time. Before you diagnose yourself with all kinds of emotional problems & decide you must need counseling, check out this book & see if you can't just arm yourself with some great ideas. If that doesn't help at all, then there's nothing wrong with getting some counseling. I've gotten a lot out of that, too in the past. But I'd start with the book - much cheaper & less time consuming! Good luck & don't beat yourself up. We all struggle, despite how we look to each other. :)

C.,
I totally understand I have felt the same way, many times. I too reccomend 1-2-3 Magic. Also something to consider is maybe seeking some counseling. Just having someone there to talk to always helps, other than your husband. Counseling can help you figure out different "outlets" when you feel this way. I think its a good thing that your are able to admit that you feel this way and want to change it. It shows that you are a good mom and care about your kids. Good Luck!

I am so sorry you feel this way but know you are not alone. If you feel you need to get some help, I would say do so. Counseling may help you to sort out your feelings so you can feel like a better mom. But just because you feel this way doesn't mean you are a bad mom. I feel much the same way you do. Kids are overwhelming at times, on top of all the other mom responsibilities. Sometimes I just have to shut myself in a room and have some alone time or I put the kids in the playroom and shut the door and let them make a mess for a bit. I think what you need to do is take some time for yourself. Talk to your husband and maybe you can work out time where you can leave the house alone and not worry about kids or the house for a while. Or ask if maybe he could help with the house just a bit. It took me a while, and it still bothers me, but the house doesn't have to be perfect. The only time I get all the toys and messes picked up is after the kids are in bed. You are a good mom. Don't get down on yourself because you are frustrated with your kids. Maybe you could talk to a doctor too. You may have a little depression they could help you with. Being a mom is hard, especially when you are with the kids all the time. Don't give up. I hope some of this helps. I know it is not fun to feel the way you do right now. but you are a good mom.

Oh, do I ever understand how you feel! I used to have days like that with my twins when I would get so frustrated and angry that I would find myself screaming at them and crying, so I would go to my room and shut the door and try to calm down. Not easy when they were screaming and crying outside the door! I finally got to the point where I asked my husband to help me get counseling; he was and is very supportive of that, as he has been through counseling himself. I never thought I had post-partum depression because I never wanted to hurt myself or my kids, I just wanted to have a day off. After talking to the counselor and my family practitioner, I recognized that I did in fact have post-partum depression - and the twins were 20 months at that time! The counselor suggested I start on medication since I had been dealing with the depression for so long; my dr. agreed and said that medication doesn't have to be forever, just a boost to get over the worst of it at first (my goal is to be off by April or May, 6 months total). Well, it's been almost 3 months and I am still trying to find the medication combo that will work the best for me. Even though we are still fussing with doses I can't even begin to tell you how much better I feel! I was apprehensive about seeing a counselor at first, spilling my guts to a complete stranger, but I was able to find a great counseling resource within my religion and that helps a lot. I feel that the medication has helped as well, my moods are more level and I can just think so much more clearly about the situation. That's not to say I don't still feel frustrated or want a day off, I think that is part of motherhood and comes with the territory. But I feel in control now, and I don't "lose it" nearly as much any more. Maybe once a week or two, instead of at least once every day. If you are in the Salt Lake area, feel free to send me a personal message and I would be happy to share more with you about where I went for help. The main thing is: do whatever you need to (within reason!) to get yourself feeling better! Make sure your husband understands that it's not a lack of love; YOU ARE A GOOD MOM. The fact that you recognize there is a problem shows that. Good luck, let me know if you want to talk more!

I feel exactly the same way sometimes. I found a book called 1-2-3 Magic, and it really is magic. It is mostly how to discipline the kids and how to act and react. It helped me a ton, also see if it is possible for you to go out once a week, without children or husband. This is your recharging time, you need it. I either go to the library or my friends or my moms. I have even gone to a dollar movie by myself. You are doing great, you just need some recharging time for yourself.