I have a 3 1/2 year old son. Before Christmas this past year he began looking through the toy catalogs and pointing out things that he would like to have. This seemed like a perfectly typical behavior. He has suffered from a speech delay and had really just begun speaking using sentences, so hearing him say "I want that" was music to our ears and we would sort of laugh and tell him that he had to tell Santa. That was the beginning and this situation has built significantly since. Now if he's watching cartoons and there's a toy commercial on (for ANY toy...no matter what it is) he says "mommy! I want that!" and he continues to repeat himself until I respond to "tell santa" or simply "ok". He's driving me crazy! I've tried ignoring him, I've tried talking to him...I don' t know how to make him stop! Even if I'm not in the room, he'll yell so that I can hear him. We were at a bday party and he was in the other room where a tv was on and he yelled from the other room. It sort of seems humorous, but it's really making me crazy. Any ideas?
It is a KID thing! You will not get him to stop doing it, no matter what you do or say. I have 6 kids; 23, 18, 17, 5, 4(almost) and 6 months and they either have all gone through this or still are. The 17 year old still says, I WANT THAT. It drives me crazy too but short of not allowing them to watch TV, look at toy magazines or going to the store with you, you just have to learn to tune it out = ) GOOD LUCK!!
Easy......NO TV until he stops.
In other words, turn OFF the TV EVERY time he says it and leave it off for 4 minutes at the least.
Do this until he gets the idea that it is not to be tolerated.
And the same with catalogs and ads.
Remove them immediately.
You'd better nip this in the bud now or it will just get worse.
Hi, A.,
Turn off the television.
Then LEAVE it off. Best thing you can do for him.
Blessings,
J.
I'm gonna steer a little away from the popular opinion on this one. When my oldest was 5 yrs., we started an allowance for chores. I see no reason why your 3 yr old wouldn't be able to understand this process. Give him small chores to do a couple of times a week and remind him of his chores. If he does them, give him a reasonable allowance. Then when he starts to holler that he wants this toy and that toy, tell him that when he saves up enough money, you will take him to town and he can buy that toy with his own money. My oldest is now 10 yrs. and he has a wonderful sense of a dollar thanks to this system. He is able to save up sometimes $100 to buy what he wants. It's great. Give it a try and see if that helps. Once he realizes that things cost money and he can only buy so much with what he has, his demands may start to subside. T. M.
PS. Help him count his money regularly. You'll be teaching a little math too!
I think it's a stage. Our oldest went through that. I always said thank you for telling me I'll get it for you for your birthday or for Christmas. He would proceed to thank me and kiss and hug me and then totally forget what he had asked for which was good since I don't believe in going over board at Christmas or birthday. Afyer all baby Jesus only got three gifts and that was fie with him. Of course my in laws always went the other way which caused loads of resentment when he was little. They live so poor through out the year and yet at Christmas it's not unual to spent thousands of dollars for onr gift. They got mother in law a bracelet with 24 karat charms and it was so heavy she's never had it out of the box and a step child she was raising stole it to buy drugs. That's stupid in my mind.I haven't be able to afford Christmas gifts for anyone in 3 years.
I can imagine that a 3yo and 3 month old is very exhausting! I have a feeling your 3yo figured out how to get your attention by this behavior of his! General recommendation is to ignore unwanted behavior and reinforce desired behavior, so continue w/ "OK" and walk away if he is trying to get your attention, or if you are watching TV together and he has your attention, get him to talk about why, what he thinks about it, compare to another toy... good opportunity for talking. You can cut down the incidences by limiting his TV exposure, which, per the American Academy of Pediatrics shouldn't be more than 30 minutes of pre-planned educational TV watched together anyway. Video tapes/DVDs don't have commercials. Go to www.aap.org and click on media matters to learn some amazing statistics about children's shows and commercials!
The hardest thing to remember to do is to "catch them being good" - spend time with him doing things together "just you and I" - this can be 1-2 minutes of anything: look at a book, stack the books, tear up lettuce for salad, throw laundry in washer... Several 1-2 minute interactions throughout the day will make him feel special and the baby won't notice. Have fun and turn off the TV!
Kill your TV! Seriously. We don't watch any TV at our house. We have no reception, and we don't subscribe to cable. So my child only watches videos, and we limit that. We experienced none of that whining before Christmas. We never have to deal with it.
Bad news: It's not stopping anytime soon. Good news: if you just keep telling him that you put it on his birthday/ christmas list (whichever one is sooner) he won't notice or be disappointed when he doesn't get it all. I have a 5 yr old daughter and she does the same thing. I did have to talk to her about not talking out of turn, yelling through the house, etc. What I do about 2 months before her birthday is have her make a list of everything she wants. (One shot deal, anything she can't remember right then we are not adding later and she'll have to save it til christmas). This gets me a list of about 25-30 items. Then about a month before I go over the list with her and point out any items that are pretty much the same or are duplicates of a toy she already has, and we narrow down the list. Then I make tell her me and daddy are only buying 5 things off the list and let her pick the 5 most important things. The rest of the list is distributed to the grandma's and she takes her chances. Also, about a week before her birthday we have a garage sale and she can sell any of her toys that she is willing to part with and keep the money. After her birthday if there is something she wants from her list that she didn't get she can buy it with her own money. We do a similar purge right before christmas, but those items get donated and I usually get her one of the smaller missing presents for valentine's day.
They will never stop asking for toys. My son is 37 yrs. old and still asks.(for bigger toys) My grandaughter is 6 and still says I want that. You need to stop telling him Santa will bring it. He will eventually figure out he can't have everything he asks for. Completely ignoring him is probably the best way to go. As for the Bday party, if he has another one to go to tell him before you go that if he starts yelling "I want that" that you will take him home from the party and don't give in. Do it! He will learn you mean business. Hope this helps.
It is a stage. I know that isn't what you want to hear, but my girls have and are doing it. My 7 year old doesn't so much anymore, but my 4 year old does and my 2 1/2 year old has started. I would just respond with "we'll put it on your list" (which didn't really exist except in my head). With the catalogs I give them each a pen, pencil or crayon and tell them to just circle what they want and then I can look at it and see it. I actually enjoy the catalogs because they will sit and look at everything and put their initials next to what they want and it actually gives me a little quiet time. Those are two ideas to help out, but once they start school it does slow down....a little. Good Luck!
Maybe it's too much TV? I agree with other posters that if he starts asking for things on commercials, it's time to turn the TV off for a little break. I assume he isn't watching TV all day, but maybe look at how much he is watching and cut back a little. It also might be that he is trying to get your attention while watching TV, which shows that he wants to interact with you, not passively sit in front of the TV. If you do want him to watch something, put in a movie instead so he won’t be exposed to the obvious advertisements for toys.
Maybe you could also start talking to him about concepts like generosity and giving so that he can begin to see both sides of giving and receiving. Emphasize how you give gifts for birthdays or Christmas and talk about how nice it is to give to others. If you give him a catalog to look at, suggest he pick out a gift for a friend or his brother or something instead of only looking at things he wants. I know at a young age, kids are essentially self-centered, but it doesn’t hurt to start planting the seeds.
My 5 year old STILL does this. It is a phase though, and it should subside some, but just develop some other lines:
Okay
Tell Santa
Maybe for your birthday
Only if you're a good boy
I heard you
Thank you for telling me
Meanwhile, I hate to say it, but you'll just have to get used to it.
Good luck!
I was kinda thinking that maybe he's just watching too much tv. My kids did that too at that age, but it never got to the point that it annoyed me. I mean, sometimes I would hear them say they wanted toys on 3 commercials during a single commercial break, and that was definitely annoying, but I can handle that when they only watch a certain amount of tv. If he starts getting to the point where you're really finding you're getting annoyed, just say "okay, that's enough tv for now, go play with your toys." That's when you know if he's watching too much tv. If he gets really upset, then you know you need to cut back on tv. If he's mainly fine about playing with his toys, then you're doing good. My kids just scatter when I turn the tv off, and it's nice now because they're 5 and 6, and although they have their moments when they feel like watching multiple shows, they always end up asking each other if they want to play something.
I agree it's a 'kid thing' to say "I want that" everytime they see something they want. However, the behavior the original poster described shouldn't be tolerated. By the time my son was 3 he would go and grab a piece of paper from the art stuff and draw a picture of what he wanted. Then he'd put it in the stack in his room. Every few weeks we'd go through the stack together and if he still wanted something, I'd write it on a 'wish list' for him. More than 75% of the time, he couldn't figure out what he had drawn so we couldnt' put it on the list. Once he learned how to write, he'd write it himself on a list. About a month before his birthday and Christmas we'll go through the list and he can pick 10 things to ask for (but he knows he won't get all 10). It's pretty easy for him to narrow it down and often he'll only still want 4 or 5 things out of dozens of things.
This technique works in the store too. The kids ask for something and I write it on a list (I keep it in the diaper bag for that purpose). They know they won't get it that day but every once in awhile (like once or twice a year) I'll buy a toy as a "for no reason" purchase. My older ones just ask me to put something on the list, the younger ones are still learning but will get there someday.
-D.
My 4 year old has been doing that too and it is driving me crazy! I have tried talking to him and now I respond everytime and say we always want something, but we have to learn we can't always get everything. I am hoping he will grow out of this stage someday!
My 3 year old son does the same thing. I think it's probably a developmental phase. I have no profound advice, I can only say that my son does the same thing and that you are not alone. Here are some things I say:
-Really?
-Yeah, that does look cool.
-I bet it is much cooler on TV than it is in real life.
-You've got a toy that's similar to that one already, do you wanna go play with it?
-Commercials are the devil (just kidding, I don't really say that :))
Think about how advertisements and marketing affect us adults and we are much wiser in regards to how they work!!
Good luck!
When you turn the TV on, tell him, "No yelling that you want things from the commercials. If you do, I will give you one chance and then the TV goes off." Then do it. And don't give in.
