I Need Some Sanity. I Don't Really Have a Specific Question.

Sign language helped with my kids. I didn't stop talking, I just added sign. My youngest would do things like say "apple" while signing "please"-- before she was 2.

Good to hear I am not the only one who is being driven crazy by siblings whining crying and fighting. I don't have twins but my kids are close in age. There are days all I hear is whine, whine, whine, or fight fight fight. My favorite times are when they fight but are actually are agreeing with each other. It's Blue. NO it's blue! NO IT"S BLUE! NOOOO IT"S BLUEEE! Until they are screaming at each other over the sky being blue. Tee Hee
Another fight that I have to keep from laughing at is the He hit me fight. He hit me. She hit me. well he hit me first. NOOO she hit me first. NOOOOO. NOOOOO. And on and on til I stop giggling long enough to deal with them. Which after so long gets more aggravating than amusing. Ahh but it is the antics of kids.
I am glad you aren't worried about your twins talking. My oldest two didn't really talk til they were almost 3, my youngest on the other hand won't stop talking. She started after 1 yr. But if you do get worried sign language is helpful and so is reading to them.
I found it really helpful when a friend of mine told me that it wasn't only my kids whining, Everybody elses kids whine too. Hope this helps.

Dear A.,

One morning, as a busy mother was trying to get her children ready for school, one of her young boys ran up to her and said, "Mom, I forgot! I'm supposed to bring a blank T-shirt to school 'cause were gonna paint 'em!"

The mother bit back her lecture about procrastinating and dashed into the boy's room - still trying to get the kids out the door before the bus came. Unfortunately, she couldn't find any plain T-shirts so she grabbed one with light colors and said, "Here, this will just have to do. Maybe you can do your artwork on the back."

When her children came home from school, the young boy ran up to his mother and said, "Look, mom! What do you think of my T-shirt?" The mother looked down at the T-shirt and read, "Families can be together forever," and on the back, "Be smart, don't start."

The good news is, someday they will all be in school! So, now my advice... Being a mother of small children is hard - I know because I'm one, too. I think we need to be nicer to ourselves and a lot more patient. I think from the time a child can walk until they can talk we kind of have to hold on with our fingernails and try to ride out the storm.

As long as the kids are getting what they want by whining, there isn't much incentive to try another method - even if this method is not very efficient. When they start whining for something, calmly say the word and make a sign for what they want. For instance, if they want food, say, "Eat," and point to your mouth. It doesn't have to be complicated. Whatever you do, make sure that the whining does not change YOUR behavior. Don't ignore them or cuddle them, simply go on as normal so that the children can see that the whining is not making any difference.

My three-year-old barely started talking a few months ago and he has diabetes. There are times when I just wanted to cry because he couldn't tell me what he was feeling! He would just cry and cry and whine and I wanted to pull my own hair out.

So, instead of making myself bald, I decided to get out of the house. I started a local scrapbook club and a book club. Now, you don't really have to start all of that, but do make sure that every single week you have something to look forward to. Choose one evening to hang out with girlfriends and "talk shop." It's great therapy. :)

Last of all, make sure that you are not the one teaching them to whine. If you are constantly saying, "Oh my gosh, this is so hard. Why do you guys always have to whine? It's making my crazy! Can't you just talk already?" then you are giving them the best example for them to hone their whining skills.

One of the greatest books that has helped me as a mom is the book Whining: 3 Steps to Stop It Before the Tears and Tantrums Start by Audrey Ricker. check it out at the library. Speaking of libraries, I'm writing a book here.

Good luck! Take care of yourself and hang in there. You're so definitely, positively, 100%, absolutely, without a doubt NOT alone. Of that I am certain. :)

L.

One thing that we did when my daughter didn't start using her words right away was to tell her we didn't understand what she wanted. Then we asked her to show us what she wanted. We'd hold our hand out to her and tell her, "Show me what you want." Once she caught on, we'd give her what she wanted but only after we repeated the word "bottle" or "apple" and made her say it back to us.

Now when she whines, we still tell her that we can't understand her. We also remind her that she is a smart girl and that she needs to use her words. That usually helps.

Sign language is a great idea - the ONLY issue I would see with that is a friend of mine did it and stopped trying to get the kids to TELL her what they wanted, so they didn't pick up the words they should have.

My son said a few words at that age, but didn't talk anywhere near as much as his sister did. Then he turned 2 and we can't quiet him down! He talks non-stop and in complete sentences. He was just storing it up!

As far as the whining, don't respond to it and tell them you don't hear whiny kids. It is hard at first to ignore it, but you can leave the room or send them to their room until they can ask in a nice way.

My kids knew from day one that the one thing I will not tolerate is whining for things. So it was never much of an issue.

Good luck!
C.

It might be a little late now, but have you tried sign launguage with them? I started with my son at about 8 months, and coincidentally, he was behind in his speech, so the signing was great! It really has helped. He is 19 months old now, and he has some words, and he is getting speech help, but, like your boys, he does tend to point and whine a lot. He is learning new words almost daily, and if you want a funny story, here is one...hope it doesn't offend!

The other day, while driving along the road near our house, we saw a fox. I pointed it out to the kids, and my four year old daughter(a great big sister, who is always trying to help my son learn new words) said to my son, "Look, a fox! Can you say 'fox'?" Well, he tried, but it sounded A LOT like a particular swear word that starts with "F"...and he was so proud of himself for saying "fox", he kept repeating it! Then my daughter chimed in (not knowing what she was saying)and the two of them were in the back seat, cheerfully calling out the "F" word over and over. I finally got them to stop by distracting them with a herd of deer grazing on the side of the road. THANKFULLY, no one has said "fox" since!!!!

You may want to start teaching them sign language. I have some friends with 16 month old twins and they have started teaching them to sign. That way they can communicate with you and let you know what they want if they cannot tell you verbally. Good luck.

I know it's a little late to respond to your request, but I just wanted to let you know that THE WHINING NEVER STOPS! :)

Just kidding...they do outgrow it, but I just got done with an episode of my 12 year-old whining to me because I wouldn't let her and her other 12 year-old friend walk the 3 to 4 miles from our house to Walmart, along a state highway for most of the way, so they could look at lip gloss!!!! Then they wanted to walk across a super busy four lane road to go to the Youth Group Activity tonight at her friends church! Go figure! What is very important to her, amazes me sometimes! She has always been fearless! She made it to Youth Group, but the lip gloss will have to wait for another time!

I did read an article about twins that said that they do talk later than most kids because they have their own language that they use together. Even if it is grunts and whines. It was really very interesting. The advice that someone gave to have them say the word for what they want instead of grunting or pointing is good. As long as you will give them the banana when they grunt and point, then they won't learn to say banana. But, they are so cute at this age!

I loved the advice about sign language too! What a great way to work that in for them. The high school class that was about 5 or 6 years behind me had a boy in it that was very popular, and deaf. But, they started teaching all of his classmates in grade school how to use sign language. Then in Jr. High the kids that knew it started teaching it to the ones that didn't, and so on and so on. Their graduating class all knew how to speak with sign language! Isn't that awesome!

Hang in there! Whenever I get frustrated, like today with my 12 year-old, I remind myself that I will never get today back again. So I try to live in the moment and cherish it. Though, girlfriend, a night out for you sounds like a great idea!

Encourage them to say the word, if they point and grunt say "what do you need...this ball", "say ball"...if they don't have to talk they will just grunt. If they whine, ignore them, plain and simple. If they do not get a response with whining they will work harder to talking or gettin it resolved themselves. I know you have your hands full, deep breaths, some serious mommy time is due you!!!

Just wait, my daughter is almost seven, very articulate and she still WHINES!!!! Go figure??? I just won't respond to her when she whines.
Once they start talking, beware!
I watch a little boy and he was 18 mos when I started, he barely said three or four words, now, he is almost three and when he is the car and we are running errands, I am NOT KIDDING, NON STOP CHATTER, he has to point out everything he sees, tell me stories and so on......so it is amazing how fast it can turn around.

I've heard it's normal for twins to be a bit behind, but if you're concerned you could have them evaluated. I'm not sure, but I think Child Find should be able to help you. I looked them up on the internet and they got me to where I needed to be for help. Early Childhood Connections is another one. All the help is free. We just did our evaluation, and they said by 2 1/2 a kid should have 450 words. At 20 months, my son has 20, so we're really working hard. They come to your house, and do it when it's convenient for you. They do a great job! The worse they could say is your sons are fine, and give you hints to help them yourself.