I Need Help with Weaning My Son!!!!

Hi, i know what you are saying oh so well. I have 5 children, 20, 18, 15 and 11 and just had a baby who is 4 months. It is not easy weening babies. But here is what I did. I do not know if your son is old enought to understand but i told my child in the day and they were happy that Mommy has a booboo and placed bandages over my nipples, they sympathized with me and checked frequently to see if there were still there, only took a day or two of them checking to see if it was better before they lost interest all together. They were 2 at the time i weaned them though. Gosh I feel your pain, been there...good luck..:) D.

Hi B.,

Sleep deprivation is the pits and I understand that very well from my own past experience!! I can understand your frustration with frequent night nursing still happening at your son’s age....but (please don't throw rocks at me!) perhaps part of the reason your son is so insistent about it is that he's trying to let you know he is not ready to fully wean yet. I know you are struggling and exhausted, but I wanted to write and encourage you that there is no need for you to give up on breastfeeding, because you CAN fix this situation without having to do that – I was in a similar situation for a while when my daughter was younger and I am so glad we have been able to continue nursing!

In my opinion, it sounds like breastfeeding isn't even really the problem (other than the nursing during night wakings). Nursing at bedtime is a time-honored and healthy way to help a child transition toward sleep, but once they are in bed and sleeping, it shouldn't be happening over and over through the night at your son's age, especially since you said he eats and drinks well during the daytime.

Since this is happening every night and your son isn’t sick (for our family, all sleep training rules etc. are relaxed during illness and there are no problems going back to "normal" when our little girl is well), his waking and fussing should improve in time with a set (and fairly early!) bedtime and good sleep training, including the elimination of the middle-of-the-night feedings (but not the day and bedtime nursing that your son needs).

Night nursing past infancy is in my experience generally due to force of habit and lack of sleep training (in other words, a child has to learn how to put themselves back to sleep when they wake briefly in the night - we all wake briefly during the night and go right back to sleep, and it's a learned skill for a child to be able to self-soothe at those times). Waking up is just as disturbing to your son's rest as it is to yours, so he is also not getting the healthy unbroken sleep he needs.

What helped us when my daughter was younger and started having some trouble going to sleep and having some night waking was the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Mark Weissbluth. It was really a lifesaver (!!) in dealing with both bedtime battles and night wakings, and I would highly recommend it! (I read several other books at the time and this one was the best for us.) It can be found in most libraries if you want to check it out before you decide if it is worth buying.

Incidentally, Dr. Weissbluth encourages bedtime nursing for comfort, but suggests eliminating night nursing once a child is older and able to sleep through the night without the milk. If I were you I would read this book and give his suggestions a try – if you are willing to endure a certain amount of protest crying initially for a few nights (that was VERY HARD for me and my husband, I will admit, but we are so glad we got my daughter through it so she was again a wonderful sleeper and is to this day).

The bottom line as far as breastfeeding is that unless there are medical reasons for weaning, there's no need or reason to wean at 1 or even 2 years of age, and obviously your son is telling you he is not ready yet. I know you have no intention of forcing the issue and alienating your child; it just sounds like you are a concerned and tired mommy who wants to help the whole family get better sleep somehow.

When the time comes, weaning works best when it is gradual and "child-led," according to all the experts, and it's important to help it be a good experience for the child as well as the mom or it can cause emotional problems. Some kids give up on nursing early, who knows why, and others enjoy and benefit from it well into their toddler years. One book I would recommend that has good advice both for nursing toddlers and weaning them is "Mothering Your Nursing Toddler" by Norma Jane Bumgarner.

My daughter is 28 months and still breastfeeds about 3x a day - in the morning, briefly at naptime and at bedtime. At night she nurses/rocks for a while with me, and then I put her in her bed awake where she goes on to sleep and sleeps all night. She may occasionally ask to nurse briefly at other times during the day when we are at home if she gets hurt or scared, and I have no problem with that at all. She drinks tons of water (and loves it - "Yummy water!" is what she says) and eats healthy foods with no junk, and is at the 80th percentile in height and 75th for weight last time this was checked. She is bright, healthy, secure and happy, and other than a period of time where we had the bedtime issues I mentioned, she has been a good sleeper since 3 months of age. She never fights her naps or going to bed at night, and I attribute that for the most part to the sleep training we went through that is described in Dr. Weissbluth’s book, and to having good routines for her. Get it and read it as soon as you can – or just skip to your child’s age and read that chapter if you are too wiped out to read the whole thing! :)

Try to relax and not worry about weaning at this point, other than the nighttime sessions, just focus on the sleep training and get through that – you can do this and you will be so glad you did. Best of luck to you and God bless you – I hope your whole family is snoozing more peacefully soon!

-S. M.

B., B., B.,
Once you've had a baby...you are NEVER going to get a good nights sleep until he moves out at 18! Even after that, it's iffy! About your son, I breast-fed my twins until they were 14 mo. old! At night, I always fed them in my bed and when they would fall back asleep, I'd put them back in their cribs. It's not unusual for toddlers to want to be babied...my twins are now 3 yrs. old and my son still wants to grab at my breasts like he wants to feed! You must be a good mom because he always wants to be with you...but if you want to break him of his tantrum throwing...let him cry! Once he figures out that crying won't work...he'll give up or exhaust himself to sleep. That was the hardest thing for me to do...and I had double trouble! Crying in stereo! But if you want to wean your son, you have to wean yourself from trying to meet every impossible need your baby thinks he has to have. You need to maintain your sanity, otherwise you won't be able to give him what he really deserves. And that is a happy mom! :)

First of all, congratulations for breastfeeding for a year! that's great! You should know that the American Academy of Pediatricians says breastfeeding after 1 yr of age still confers benefits (especially for you! It can help reduce your risk of breastcancer)

why do you want to wean? Weaning is no guarentee that he won't still wake up every night.

It seems to me that sleep is the issue. Is he sleeping in another room? If so, I recommend using Dr. Ferber's method. with this caveat - DO IT EXACTLY AS HE SAYS. This is NOT crying it out. It is gradual.

Have you tried redirection with him when he starts throwing toys or whatever? I always put the toys on the high shelf if they were misused. SOme tantrums are inevitable. Keep your discipline firm and they will be reduced overtime.

1-2-3 Magic is a WONDERFUL book. You might enjoy listening to that.
Also, Dr. Harvey Karp has Happiest Toddler on the Block - I think the library has it.

Good luck!

I am having this same problem. My 10 month old son is now waking up every 2-3 to nurse. I spoke to our pediatritian and she said that it is behavioral and is not a hunger issue, esp. since he is eating solid foods through the day. She suggested putting a pillow or blanket over my chest and cuddle him back to sleep. The first night it took and hour to get him back to bed. It's now been a week and last night he woke up 1 time and I cuddled him back to sleep in about 15 minutes. (I still nurse him when he first goes to bed). It's normal for your baby to want to be with you all the time right now. They have not developed object permanance. Meaning, if something (or someone) goes away, they don't yet understand that it (or you) will return. This is a phase and it too shall pass!!

Hi B.,
I don't know if you want to try this but I was beside myself when my daughter then was 1 1/2 years old and still wanting to breast feed. I tried many things and the only thing that worked for me quick was putting lemons on me. Yup! Rub them on you right before he wants to eat. Our daughter slept with us off and on until she was 9 mos. old, but it is about routines anyway. Once you start a routine and stick to it he will be fine. The good thing about kids if you stick to a routine they will adjust to anything. Make it fun and read a book or whatever you want to bring in as a night time ritual.
Good luck and it seems like you just have to try different things and find one that works for you.
Have a wonderful day!
R. H.

I am having the same problem, but my son wont even take a bottle or sippy cup. He will drink water and juice from the cup but not milk. So please dont think your alone.
R.

Most likely, your son isn't hungry. If you feel that he really is, give him something substantial to eat before bedtime. Oatmeal is warm, comforting, and digests slowly to help him feel full longer. I beleive he's still nursing because you allow it and it's now become like a security blanket for him. The only way to wean him is just to do it. He will throw fits for a while--that's just what kids do when they don't get their way. However, he will get over it faster if you stay strong and consistent. DO NOT GIVE IN. This goes for any reason he throws a tantrum. If you give in even once, then he wins and you are back to square one. It's never easy to listen to your child scream, cry or beg for anything, but without you establishing boundaries (even at this young of an age) it will only get worse. Don't let him sleep with you either and don't start sleeping in a bed with him to get him to go down because that sets up a pattern (a very bad habit) that can and will continue for years. It can be very destructive to your marriage--the bed belongs to you and your husband. Your child will go to sleep when he gets tired--he may cry for an hour or more, as a mother you know and can recognize the difference in your baby's cries: hurt, frustration, anger, sadness, hunger. Learn to recognize them and that will tell you how to respond. As a new, young mother, you may not have figured them all out yet, but just know that if your child is in good health (not sick), has clean diapers and a full belly, you can cuddle with him before bedtime--maybe sing or tell a short story--then tell him it is time to sleep and leave the room. Good luck.

It seems to me that your son probably doesn't need the breastfeeding for the actually food or nutrition... It's about the closeness and attention he gets with it. And, if it were me, I would replace at least one breastfeeding session a day with you holding him close and loving him for the same amount of time that you would feed him for. As long as he is getting enough calories from milk or formula and other foods that he eats, he will be fine without the breastmilk. It is you he wants. So, I would start slowly, taking away one feeding at a time. And for the middle of the night feedings... Make sure his belly is full right before bed. At one year old he can go all night without food. If he wakes to breastfeed, I would cuddle him until he goes back to sleep. If you give in and feed him because it's easier for you and gets you both back to sleep sooner, he will never quit. You have to be strong and refuse to feed him at night, eventually he will get it. But, it WILL happen sooner if you never give in. It's hard, I know, but you will probably be a happier mommy with a good night's sleep. Make sure to give him plenty of attention when you have the time and when you can't, he just has to learn to deal with it. And remember, negative attention is still attention and they will take whatever they can get~ Good Luck to you...

I had the same issue with my son. It was acomfort thing from him not a nutritional thing. Try putting him in his own bed first and then the weaning but not both at the same time. He needs the closeness. The first night I put my son in his bed (and it wasn't a fast process) He slept all night long. I sat next to his bed on the floor holding his hand until he fell asleep and he cried but not franticly just out of frustration for the new situation. Make sure you establish a bedtime routine before you start this, do the routine for a week while he still goes to bed with you and then start him in his own room. I moved closer and closer to the door every night and then I just left the room after he layed down, and he cried for about 5 min and then fell asleep and then that was it. After he sleeps on his own for about a month you can start by replacing one breastfeeding at a time until finaly you are done. Hope this helps. ~V.

Dear B.,

You might get better ideas from moms that have breast fed, but I will tell you that you are just going to have to let him scream in his bed. Go in there every once in a while, and quietly soothe him,then leave and he will scream louder probably, but it won't hurt him. Stay nearby so that you can hear every breathe and then you won't feel guilty about doing that. It may take a few nights, but it is worth a lifetime of better nights. You can't led a baby run his or her life, that is what we are for. You love and adore him and you want to do the right thing, and so now I am giving you some support to go ahead, and let him cry himself to sleep. I know, it is hard. I have done it and you can too.
Good Luck, C. N.

I was in your position a year ago! My son constantly wanted to nurse; he got hurt, he wanted nipple; he got frustrated, he wanted nipple; he got scared, he wanted nipple; When I'd get home from work, we had a routine that he'd come say hi, then he would take me to bed and nurse, half the time we would nap together. I loved it very much because I was tired and I missed him so I let it go on until just after he turned 2.
I decided to start with weaning during the day to see how it went. It only took 3 days to really break the routine, day one and two were the worst. He took me to bed like usual and when I refused, he lay there and screamed while I held him for 45 minutes before he finally fell asleep on his own, I felt like such a bad mother. The next day took a little longer, but by the third day he pretty much moved on. He still asked for mild and cried when I said no but I quickly found an activity for him to do. I had to be consistent, if I told him "just a little" then we would have had to start all over again.
Now nursing at night, that's a much harder issue. He also wakes up often during the night, and I work full time during the day so I'm not yet ready to stay up all night trying to find an alternative. It's the only way he can fall asleep.
The best thing I can tell you is to do whatever you're going to do quickly. It's much harder to break a toddler from a habit, than it is for a younger child.
I'm going to try the lemon trick, and if that doesn't work I'll try the bandaids!