I Need Help with Children That Copy Behavior Issues?

Please do not become frustrated with your children and your daughter but set limitations and keep them consistant among the both of them. when you correct her behavior do it in love and show her that this does not bother or frustrate you. she will begin to see her actions and want to change them if she does not already. take care and I can tell you my 2 year old mimics my 6 year old all the time and I know that he is doing it as part of a learning process yet it gets annoying because I feel I can only deal with one character at a time:) lotsa love...lady

Hi M.. Your daughter may be copying him to get attention. Have you tried taking her out and doing something special with just her? Like maybe take her out for dinner at her favorite restaurant and talk to her about why she is acting this way and explain to her why it is not acceptable to act the way she is. Best of luck.

I'm with Mandi on this one...I think she is doing it to get attention (any kind of attention is good attention if you aren't getting any/enough). I think you and your husband should go out or take her to the side and have a really good discussion with her...no accusations, no yelling, just question why she is doing what she is doing. Explain to her that her brother has a problem and that just because he does doesn't mean she does. That you know she doesn't have these problems and that you expect better of her than how she is behaving.

Definitely working out new rules and limitations may be needed here too. I live in the Atchison area and they offer quite a few parenting classes through the Parents as Teachers organzation...I would recommend looking into some of those. I found them at least helpful in networking with other parents who have "been there done that", "tried this, didn't work but maybe this would". There are a number of classes out there that could help...1-2-3 Magic, Love & Logic, and one that is based on the principles of how they run Boys Town. If you would like the names of the books, let me know and I'll email them to you.

Best of luck and most of all, have patience and understanding...look at things through her eyes before you jump and see what she sees...

Well Im not to sure but have some thoughts or ideas mabey do what mandy said that was great cause if thats the case its negative attention so just suggestionstry ignoring her and all attention still goes to your son and he ignores and dad does tolike if your all at the table and you all look at each other and not her it may sound cruel but just try it then when she says something nice or does not mock or ask questions tell her whats going on and explain to her that you have choices and understand whats right wrong and how much u love her and how much better she can act than--- try letting her see the choices she has cause she does whether its negative or positive choices you give he you can also try award systems if theres something she really wants to do then she cant do it cause of her actions today every action has a reaction so mabey some ideas with that, its gona be her choice in the end i try choices cause you can get into major control issues with this age group. gl tc and I hope for the best with you hey another thing mabey you could act the way they do you and dad together when they are trying to be themselfes u know what i mean do what they do like ex. the boys was throwing such a fit at the store and was laying there screaming at the top of his lungs and kicking for some time then she decided to get on the floor and do the same thing boy was the boy embaarrased and told his mom to get up everyione was looking but hey it worked so gl tc and Godbles you all D.

I believe that she is seeking your attention, and it doesn't matter if the attention from you is in the form of a correction for her behavior. She sees that her Brother's behavior gets him added attention. I would try to ask for her help around the house more and give her specific jobs that she is responsible for. When she does them make sure that you praise her for work. One thing that is hard to do when you are doing this is being too critial about her work. So what if the bed isn't make like you would or the dish washer loaded the same way as you.
Another idea would be to try and make some time each week
that is just girl time. It would be great if you and her could get out somewhere together, but if not, just painting her nails or making cookies together or reading a special book. I hope that I have helped.

I am a Mother of 3 and a Grandmother of 2. I had a Day Care Center for 30 children for 10 years.

You did not say if you have had your daughter tested for any of the problems your 11 year old has-Do that first. It looks as though she may enjoy the attention she is getting by copying her brother-if that is all then she is telling you she needs her own attention. Have her checked out to be sure if she needs a special program for her-no two kids should be taught the same even in the special needs area-they all have their own issues. Either way find some time somewhere to give her your time alone-even doing homework or maybe cooking something for the rest of the family.Ask if there are other casmanagers to see her so they are not comparing from the brother. If you are in the Carbondale area there are great people at the SIU school of psychology to start looking.If you live to far try a university near you.

It could be that your daughter sees that her brother gets attention with his bad behavior and just wants your attention also. She sees the bad behavior as a way to get that attention from you or your husband.
I would give positive feedback when your daughter doesn't copy her brother's bad behavior. Example could be verbal praise or letting her do something special with you...... I don't know that there is an easy fix.

M.-
Continue to let your son know that even though he is on medications, they are only an aid to helping him, not an excuse for bad behavior. Also remember it is his behavior that is bad, not your son. He will ultimately be responsible for his actions. Let your daughter hear you tell him this. You may have to explain to your daughter (as best as you can for a 9 year old to understand) that she will only be in trouble if she continues to copy her brothers behavior. You will probably have to repeat this over and over.

I have three kids also. My daughter also copied everything her brother did (he has ADHD and was also on medication). She did eventually grow out of this, but it took time. She also was later diagnosed with ADD.

Good luck, and remember each one is different and sometimes unfortunately the same rules won't always apply to each one. As with discipline, each one responds differently to what works.

L. L.

Hi M.,
I also agree that your daughter is wanting additional attention and is seeking it in all forms. She is in high need of positive reinforced attention and positive returned behaviors.
What concerns me, as a retired youth counselor (now a very happy SAHM), is that your case managers are at a loss??
That tells me they are in over their heads and your family is in need of someone who can come in and assist the family as a whole unit, while benefiting the needs of your son.
I am sure your counselors are not going to appreciate my input, but here you have 3 or 4 other moms, giving you great, simple, common, yet very valuable advice and yet your sons cm's are unable to assist.??. This really concerns me.
I strongly agree to distinguish between your sons behaviors and your daughters acting. In a loving way, start de-programming your daughter. This can be done with you and your husband first and foremost, alone time--scheduled special time just for her, I agree with the ignoring the negative behaviors (some negative behaviors do need consequences and you two will have to make a rule chart with your daughter about those--negative action results in this consequence) and praising the good with joy--positive words of affirmation go real far---after so many great days and so many great verbal rewards she can earn such and such (keep rewards simple--for cost reasons--i.e. we can read an extra book at bed-time, you can earn an extra 1/2 hour on the computer, you can pick a movie for movie night, you can pick what we eat for dinner in the house one night),etc..The key is she has to earn so many positives before getting the actual physical reward, in between the physical reward is very many verbal praises. Next make sure all TV, movies and video's, games, etc... do not display any types and/or forms of violence and/or negative aggression what-so-ever. Even "Tom and Jerry" is violent to give you an example. It is true, what I learned in college, in my jobs working with Children and Youth, and proven by my 3 1/2 year old son--the "Tom and Jerry"--yes, that causes my son to become more aggressive, he is not allowed to watch them, just after a few shows, I have removed this from his TV list. I would even be aware of the books your children are reading as well. I would also really think about entertaining the idea that the cm's that are currently working with your son, maybe good for your son, but are not helpful for your whole family; and therefore look to either add someone for the whole family or have someone that could suffice both needs. I know I have given you much to think about, but I sincerely hope it helps.
God Bless, M. N.