I Need Helf

I know it is hard, but you need to leave him! DO NOT MARRY HIM! It will only get worse if you do! I am not sure what your relationship is with your parents, but maybe they can help out while you get on your feet. If you aren't happy your kids will notice and it will affect them too! You are a lot stronger than you realize especially when it comes to doing what is best for your children!

Well my response is going to sound very similar to the rest but I think maybe repitition and support is what you need most. I married my now ex-husband feeling about the same way you do right now. I almost called it off but didn't want to look like a failure. Well now I am divorced and that makes me feel like a failure too. I think getting out before you make the serious commitment that you know in your heart isn't the right one takes a strong person and not a person who is a failure. I am much stronger now and life is much better now that I am out of the situation. If you don't leave him for your own benefit do it for your children. He is obviously not a positive influence on the children so they would be better without him too. Sounds like you have a supportive family and maybe that is where you should start. Can the help you out at all while you get on your feet? Good luck! Feel free to email me on private messages through mamasource if you need someone to talk to.

I have not been in your situation but the sheer fact that you are righting this tells me you know what your answer should be. You know in your heart that this isn't the life you want and it's a hard thing to accept that this man is NOT going to change, not matter how hard you try, you cannot make him be a better father/partner. If you've expressed your concerns with him and he seems uninterested. Leave! Listen to past advice, seek help from a womens place, and leave!!!

The biggest thing you need to know is: If he's a jerk now, he will be even worse when you get married. He's showing only a part of himself right now. I lived with a jerk for 13 yrs, before I left. Don't do that to yourself. I also, was afraid to tell my folks. When I did, they were there for me all the way.
So, my advice to you is, chin up and tell mom and dad. Eat crow if you need to. You deserve better! I found the better and so can you!
G.

I am so sorry to hear about all that you are going through. Please don't marry this man! A few moments of embarrisment are not worth a lifetime of misery. If you are already unhappy now think how bad it will be when you are married. This will not be a good situation for your children either and you need to do what is best for them and that is having a man in their life that cares about them and is willing to step up and be a father figure. I think that you should leave him and persue your dream of being a nurse, you could do it. You don't need him, it will be tough but you will be so much happier. Good luck and stay strong.

Hi V.,
Well, I don't see how he is going to change. I was married once to a controlling Husband and that is just his personality. I would think your parents would want you to be safe and happy and also the kids. If you feel like you have tried everything you can to make it work, then you shouldn't feel like a failure and I wouldn't think your parents would think that of you. If you do get married, you may end up divorced and wished you didn't spend the $ on the wedding. Are the kids his? I just think whether the kids are his or not, you have certain responsibilities and can't go off and party like you don't have any kids. Just because he works and pays for everything doesn't mean he gets to do whatever he wants. You work hard too. Staying at home with kids is like having 2 jobs. Just think of yourself and your kids. I am sure if you are not happy the kids would pick up on it. It's tough. I guess try and talk to him. Would you get child support $? Hope everything goes well for you and your kids.

I am so sorry you are going through this. He is controlling you is the nicest thing to say. Go get a job. Find a way! And ASK YOUR PARENTS FOR HELP! you are NOT a failure! They are your parents and LOVE you! They already see all of this. You know they do! You practically state it above. If you need any help please contact me! I would be more than happy to help any way I can. You DO NOT DESERVE THIS! And you might as well already be alone.... So do the brave thing. For yourself and your children.

You don't need help--you need to get of this relationship now. Things will only get worse if you go through with this marriage. He is immature and only cares about himself. You do alot of work taking care of the house and the kids. Let him know how much. Send him a bill for your services. Childcare should run about $100-150 per child depending on age per week. Then the maid service is about $100. The laundry service is about $50-75 unless there is ironing then can add more. The cook and shopper should be $150-200. So you are looking at a bill around $ 550-600. If he balks or ignores all the things you do to contribute to the family, then you have your answer--Leave as soon as possible. If it is a wake up call I suggest you get counseling prior to getting married to see if you are compatible or not. Your parents are always going to be there and they help babysit so I'm sure they would want you to be happy and married to a man that REALLY APPRECIATES YOU then have a life of hell with this man. Besides what are you teraching your chilren that because the man makes the money he does not have to help or participate in the house. Remember you are the kids role model-- show them you are a worthy, deserving and happy mommy and person.
I think you already know the answer to your question.
Best of luck.

V., my gut says that he won't change after the wedding. Talk to your parents..... share with them your concerns. Having no money is better than being in a relationship that is one sided and no one is home. Whichever way you choose, it's your choice.. Life is not a dress rehearsal, so live it well. May God bless you!

PS, My sis was engaged 3 times and called it off 2x, My dad wasn't mad at all about the lost deposits etc.... he was thankful she figured it out before the wedding. She is happily married now and has been for 15 years!

V....Sweet heart....dont get married to this man....I am 24 I have a 3 y/o, my sons father did the same thing, wouldnt help with my son wouldnt clean and didnt work. I thought the same thing if I said anything to my parents I thought they would both think I was a failure.....but you not only have to think about yourself you need to think about ur babies, u have to ask yourself "Is this the type of person that I want to be a role model for my children?" I am gonna garauntee u the answer will be a no....I know its tough, b/c your thinking it will go back like it was and that there was a reason you fell in love with him in the first place. I dont want to tell you what to do....but I have been in ur shoes, after kicking him to the curb we had to move back into my moms, than we moved into the projects for 2 yrs, and finally I was able to get us into a house in the Dundee area, where now my son can run around the backyard and I wont have to worry about gunshots and drugs.....I am still single I work two jobs and go to school. HOney you can do it with the right ppl. Otherwise you need to put your foot down and treat him like one of the kids and stop catering to him.....stop asking and tell him that you need help and his family comes first and than if chooses not abide than you know where his priorities lie.

Kayla