thanks to all who have responded. My 4 yo has a late bday so she will not be in kindergarten until a year from Sept, so there is no issue with my boy and girl to be in the same grade next year if he stays back. I have contacted Sylvan and my son is going for an evaluation in 2 days. they have said there should be no reason for him to stay back. They said it can actually harm the child in some cases. I will let you know what has happened.
thanks!
Hello. my 5 yo son has been having a real tough year in kindergarten. He is very young. aug 28 bday. His teacher says he is too immature and young for 1st grade. I worry that what if he has a "good summer" and catches up. He is behind academically also. The other kids are pretty much reading now and doing some writing. My son can hardly write his ABC's. We practice with flash cards, and he does well, but then he goes to do his homework and it's like he never saw the ABC's before.
He is also having a real tough time making friends. He doesn't seem to have any in his class. my librarian was talking to some of the moms from my kids class and they said basically he was the class trouble maker and their kids hated my son. It's really sad.
my son has gotten into trouble quite a bit this year. but whenever I ask him what happened, there seems to be more to the story that no one is seeing. My son has never been a "story teller", so why shouldn't I believe him? Of course I always do. No one else does though. he won't speak up to the teachers to defend himself. My other concern is that it may possibly just be the teacher not giving him what he needs. He has complained since the beginning of the year that he didn't understand what she was teaching and when he asked for help, she would just walk away and not help.
He is a good kid, just a typical boy I guess. He always plays very well with others, of course except the normal fighting with his sister. Please any advice would be appreciated
I just wanted to thank everyone for taking the time to give me their advice on my son. I have since talked to our pediatrician and the school principal and they agree that there is not enough issues and holding a child back can in fact not benefit them. Of course in some cases it can. I know that the teacher is the one who sees him, but I have my own doubts about her judgment. She has basically given up on him for no apparent reason. My son told me this morning that at writing time while everyone else is writing, my son was just told to write his name and color a picture!!! So, I'm moving him on and I feel it's the right decision.
thanks again!
Keep him back now. It's much easier on everyone to keep a child back early, instead of later in elementary school when he's developed friendships with classmates. If he's struggling academically now, that's only going to continue each year. Keeping him back will help him to catch up. Maybe he's acting out because he's frustrated with the academics. If possible, ask for a different kindergarten teacher too.
A.-
I think its unanimous, keep him back! I wanted to let you know that my brother (a July baby) was held back in 1st grade and my sister (also a July baby) was held back in Kindergarden. Both became more confident both intellectually and socially. It really did wonders for their self esteem. Also both went on to get their bachelors degree after graduating high school. My husband also was held back in kindergarden. He just completed his masters. As far as I can tell, there appears to be no adverse effects on repeating kindergarden or 1st grade.
Can you speak with the school guidance counselor - explain to them your feelings, as well as your sons and suggest that if he is held back - he be put in another classroom with a different teacher? Also, my sister had a similar issue when she went into the first grade and they used hooked on phonics with her over the summer and by the fall she was at the same level as the other students..... maybe you could do something similar ( I know you use flash cards, etc) but the teachers/ school officials(?) could get a progress report to see how well he has done over the summer and go from there?
A.,
My goodness, you sound like you could be telling my son's story. I was in the same place that you are about 3 years ago. My suggestion is to meet with the school's special education/title 20 department to have your son tested for a learning disability. Our school refused to do so in kindergarten. He attended summer school and was moved on to first grade. In first grade, the same problems that he had in kindergarten followed. I pushed to have him tested and come to find out, my son has a learning/processing disorder that was the issue. He was not a bad kid or 'stupid' as his teacher thought. He just was slower putting things together like his abc's and reading. I really wished that I had insisted on keeping him back in kindergarten. Even with his program, he is still just barely keeping up with his class. He is now in 3rd grade and just starting to make some really good friends. Just this year, he finally learned to read with fluency. It was a battle with the school, but so well worth it. I think if I was you, I would have my son stay back a year. He could make new friends that won't already have judged him. I would also push to get him tested for a learning disability. My son used to get so frustrated because he did not understand why everyone else got it but him. Once I could explain that his brain worked in a different way, so he needed to learn a little differently... things went so much smoother and the troubles at school lessoned to the point that I rarely hear of any trouble concerning him any more. He is giving a better effort in trying, too. You'll be surprised at how a little learning issue can affect everything that a child does. If the school won't test him, his regular doctor can set something up to do it. Just a suggestion from a mom who's been there done that...
Wow, this sounds like a tough situation. I don't think it will help for him to stay back in kindergarten if that means he'll get the same teacher again because she doesn't sound very willing to work with him. It also won't do much good for him to be way behind in first grade, especially since it sounds like he doesn't have friends in his class. Is there another kindergarten class you can switch him into to see if that helps with the rest of the year? I don't think there's a big problem with him doing kindergarten over - he'll still be roughly the same age as the rest of the kids in his class and it would probably be a more positive experience for him than being at the bottom of his first grade class. School should be mainly fun for kids at this age. I've seen kids burn out in elementary school, which is really sad and detrimental to their long-term academic achievement. Good luck, I hope you can work out a more positive school situation for your son!
my daugther who is 8 now struggled in kindergarten and frist grade. she is on title one where she recieves extra help in reading and math that was in the first grade. her school also offered extra help in the summer..... we sold it as camp. she works very hard and now is not frustrated. Make sure your school has him tested..... and rule out any learning problems I have found if children aren't ready to read by the end of kindergarten or the beginnnig of first grade they are behind..... which i have older children and their teachers weren't as concerned.... but the standardised testing rules what the expectations are in k and first grade..... good luck K. mother of 13 11 8 and 1yr old
Hello,
As a teacher this is the time to hold a child back because once they move ahead in first grade there is social stigma associated with it. Not all children develop at the same rate and it sounds like he just isn't ready developmentally to move ahead. All children can learn to read, but they all do it at their own pace when they are developmentally ready. It sounds like another year in K would be beneficial,why make a child struggle when you could prevent it from happening. I know in my district children are expected to know all of their letter names and sounds , recognize numbers 1-20, and be able to write their names and letters and much more so from the sounds of it he would already be behind.:( Just something to think about. It's a hard decision but something that will effect your son for a lifetime.
HI A.,
It sounds like your son is a young 5 year old. (My son is too, he's Aug. 15th) Since he is already having trouble in school with his abc's and reading, I think the best thing you could do for him is let him repeat Kindergarten. It will probably bother you more then him! It will give him time to mature, and to conquer his ABC's! There is nothing wrong with that. And plus, better to repeat a grade now, then when he is older and it might bother him more.
Another thing you were saying is that he has been labeled the "class troublemaker." How sad for him. If he is having problems in class, I would bet anything it is because he is frustrated that he can't do the work. That must be really hard for him to see the other kids being able to do it and he is having a hard time. I would make sure that if you do have him repeat K, then make sure he gets a new teacher. Let him have a completely fresh start.
It's amazing how much 1 year can do to a child. They become a little smarter, a little more mature, and I bet you will see a huge difference in him the next year.
Best of luck to the both of you.
L.
Hi A. - I'm actually not sure what your question is, i.e. what advice you may be looking for... But if it's whether to have your son repeat Kindergarten, I say by all means!
Boys mature far more slowly than girls-to begin with. If he's having all this difficulty now, there's no reason to expect it to change.
Have a fun summer, pick and choose is playmates so he'll have some success, work on some of the concepts that he missed this year (talk to the teacher...) and then start again in the fall.
Hi A.,
I have a sister who held her son back in Kindergarten and it was probably the best thing for her to do. If your son isn't understanding things now, passing him on and hoping he catches up may backfire on you. I think it's better to hold him back now rather than possibly having to do so later when he is older, has more established friends, and more peer pressure. My nephew is graduating this year at age 19, and he has a lot of good friends and is getting a scholarship to the college he will be attending.
I have to agress with Carey...I have been teaching first grade for 12 years. Another year of kindergarten will do wonders for his confidence, social interactions, and academic success. If possible, a fresh start in a new classroom may be helpful for him too. Moms who wait that extra year, especially with boys, are always very happy with their decision by the time first grade is over. Good luck!
While holding him back may be the best option for your son, I would encourage you to look at other things that may be popping up. Have you had him evaluated with a psychologist for learning or other disabilities? While these test may prove to be in the "normal" range, it is better to confirm this as opposed to trying to be an expert in an area we are not. Also, it is not uncommon for children to struggle based on factors outside of their control - ie social anxiety or difficulties with processing information. If the tests do come back indicating that your son needs special accomodations, it is better to find out now as opposed to waiting and letting him get older.
Also, in terms of the "getting in trouble" a lot this year, to me this indicates that he is both uncomfortable in his surroundings and that he is trying to reach out for attention or a feeling of being in control. This is not uncommon for a child who is struggling with class work or social interactions - they often feel that "getting into trouble" is the only way to be noticed, even if the attention is negative. This does not mean he is a bad kid, he is just struggling and reaching out for help.
I also agree, however that if you are going to hold him back, now is the time to do it as the older he gets the more he (and other kids) will recognize what is happening and it could have a very detrimental effect on his self esteem. This is not to say it is inevitable, but I would listen to the teachers and school counselors on this one.
Good luck!
Hi there,
As a teacher and mom, I have to agree with what other teachers and moms have said. I think repeating kindergarten will do him wonders. And, the longer you wait, the worse it will be. By the time kids get to me in 4th grade, repeating a grade is extremely embarrassing. Also, they've had 5 years of feeling less capable than their peers so their self-esteem is fragile. Teachers can do great things, but they can't usually perform miracles. When a child comes to us with skills that are significantly lower than peers, and with behavioral issues (whatever the reason behind them might be), it is not realistic to think that the teacher will be able to catch him up compeltely. Kindergarteners don't have the same social stigmas as older kids. If he goes to another teacher and starts fresh, I think he'll feel better about himself.
Goodluck!
M.
That is the best year to hold them back if you have any reservations. I'd listen to the teacher before you listen to other people...they see it all the time and are your best resource.
Just an FYI...I heard Sylvan isn't the best...maybe a private home tutor would be better.
by the way...I'm a teacher
hi A.,
I am a parent of a child born Aug 20th and a kindergaten teacher myself and it sounds like your son has had the same difficulties that many children with late summer birthdays face. While it is true that holding a child back is not always the best choice in most cases the teacher has a pretty clear idea if this would be an appropriate option. Unfortunatley, it can be very difficult for chidren both academically and socially when they are a full year younger than their classmates. I would be willing to guess tha tyour sons "acting out" in class is his way of asking for help or saying that he is having a hard time rather than just for the purpose of causing trouble. If he is struggling now with the curriculum and with making social ties it will probably only grow as the work load increases and the peer pressure gets stronger. I strongly believe from my experience as a teacher that it is better for children to have a year to catch up and be at the top of their class than to be constantly struggling. The initial years in school are formative and this is a time when building your sons self-esteem is critical. While Sylvan may be an option for an evaluation, be wary, not because they are not great at what they do but because they do not have a full picture of your son in his social and academic setting as a teacher does. It odes not sound like your son has learning difficulties but rather that his peers are simply much older than he is and therfore much more advanced. If your son does move forward to first grade and beyond and then must repeat a grade in a later year it does become more difficult. I know as a parent how difficult it can be to make decisions for our children but going with your gut instinct is usually your best option. Good luck!
Hi A.,
It sounds like you have some major concerns and rightfully so! With the academic concerns, the behavioral and the social concerns... well, I would have some concerns too. Has the teacher offered any other help to you? Has she recommended any type of further services? This is beyond you trying to help him. At this point, the school needs to be offering you some answers as to WHY these types of things are happening. This could happen in a variety of ways... having evaluations done, giving feedback as to why his behavior is occuring (because it seems like his behavior could possibly be impacting his classroom performance overall.. is he bored? is he afraid/having anxiety?, is he having difficulty understanding the material presented to him? There has got to be some reason why school has been so tough this year- something more than the fact that he is young. I work in a school, so please if you need any further advice, I would be happy to help. I would also inform your pediatrician at this point. Also, keep in mind that it is the schools responsibility to provide whatever is appropriate for your son. So, basically, "he" doesn't need to be ready for first grade - "they" need to be ready to support him in first grade...that is their job (and this doesn't always necessarily mean that it is appropriate to hold back or push forward, that's not my point.). They need to have the supports there to help the student and then recommendations are made from there...
Best of luck to you!!! I'd love to hear the final results!
Take care,
L.
As the Kindergarten teacher I used to work with used to say "When in doubt, keep him/her out". Now your son has already done Kindergarten once. But will it be any easier to keep him back after 2nd or 3rd grade if he's still struggling? Now's the time if you have any serious concerns. My son struggled through K with a very supportive teacher. Then got the 'bad teacher match' in 1st grade. We actually left public school and put him in a Monessori school in January. He's much more successful now since the pressures of completing endless papers and little physical activity has been removed from his day. I thought he was ready for K back then. But I guess I was wrong. If he repeats K then he'll be on the older side of class from then on which usually helps kids be more successful.
Good luck!
Hi A.,
I am an advocate of keeping a child back WHEN NECESSARY.
That said, I personally wouldn't keep him back in Kindergarten - I would have him go through/attempt to go through first and if he is failing miserably, then have him either go back to K or repeat first grade. Your son is on the younger end of the spectrum - and boys mature slower.
I think the teacher your child has makes a HUGE difference in how your child does. If they don't mesh well, it's going to be a struggle. I speak from experience on this.
A short story: We moved out of state in April '06 when my son was in Kindergarten. 20/20 hindsight - I'll never move during a school year again! He did fine all of Kindergarten, and when we moved the new school wanted to keep him back.
I didn't feel that was appropriate at that time since they didn't have enough to evaluate him on, and I said move him to first and if he does horrible, I have no issue holding him back, but he needs a full year before a decision to hold back could be made. Fortunately, School Admin agreed.
He had to go to summer school (summer school for Kindergarten - sheesh! LOL), and they reluctantly moved him to 1st. He had a FANTASTIC 1st grade year, he is now in second and has matured so much since then. I'm glad I didn't hold him back. So in this case, we made the right decision.
Bottom line - this is your decision. DO NOT allow the school to bully you into holding him back. If you are opposed to it, you will need to argue your case. Look into summer school options for him. If he does end up staying back, it's not the end of the world, and it could potentially do him a world of good, as if he continues to struggle he could end up hating school.
Good luck to you!!
Hi! My 5yo son has an Aug 3rd B-Day and struggles too!. Last year in Pre-school his teacher kept me updated constantly and we thought we'd have him repeat it, just put him in a different class. We talked with him about it and he said no way mom, the other kids will be 4 and I will be 5. He really started to try harder and take school a little more seriously. Because of that the teacher and myself and my husband thought wow, he worked so hard to keep up, he should move forward to Kindergarten. This year has'nt been easy, and this teacher too, thinks repeating would be good. However, he has another teacher in his class that has taken him under her wing and works with him one on one and takes extra time to help him, she has a son now 24, that went through the same. What a wonderful woman, that helps and cares for my son the way she did her own. Not every school has teacher's like that, I wish they did. We live in Manchester, NH and upon entering the 1st grade in the Public School System each child is given an assessment test and placed accordingly. The school my son will enter has Readiness, so we've got a good possibility he'll be placed there rather than in 1st. We'll see! Sounds like the school your son is in does'nt seem like a good fit for him, if the kids that don't like him send him that vibe, that can't make him feel very good. I could'nt learn in an invironment that feels hostile towards me, he can't relax and let his guard down to be able to focus on work. A teacher should be there to help and guide, he needs to be able to look to her for that. It sounds like she's not to friendly towards him either. Luckily this school year is just about over, your poor little guy, I feel for him. I'd seek alternatives, another school. Take the school's reccomendation, do some research, and see what happen's before 1st grade in your town. You may be happily surprised to see he's ready but if not, that's ok, you would'nt want him to continue to struggle every year too come. He is young, and if he falls behind or does'nt fit from the start, it could really turn him off from school, and he'll fight it every step of the way. Good Luck.
In my school district there are many students who do two years of kindergarten. If he is having social problems and is young for his age, you may not be doing him any favors by pushing him along. My son is also a young kindergartener and we faced a similar year. He turned things around in February with some help and extra attention from the principal.
I teach high school and the kids that are older because they started late or repeated kindergarten are usually popular because they can get their licenses first!
Good luck!
My heart goes out to you. Think of another year in kindergarten as a gift you will give your son. A year to become a first grader at his own pace not from day one of a new school year just because they tell him that's what he is. Another year to play, explore, learn his abc's and learn how to navigate in school so that he can feel it is a positive place to be. He needs to have success to gain confidence academically and socially. Take baby steps. Have short playdates. Set achievable goals. He is only 5. It will be so worth it when he is in the really challenging school years ahead. Both of my children's birthdays, now ages 10 and 12, are the same as his, and each one started kindergarten at age 6. Today they are leaders in their class, not perfect of course, but happy!
A.:
I would suggest holding him back. There is no shame in that, for you or your son. It doesn't sound like he has made strong ties to any of his classmates, so there will be no great loss there. I had two sons and both were very immature for even kindergarten. One is 31 now and the other is 15. Both really did benefit from the retention. I strongly suggest listening to the teacher as long as it is constructive, she or he knows what the kids should be doing at this point. I don't buy the "catching up". If you do hold him back, he may never struggle through grades because of his age and maturity.
Good Luck whatever you decide.
