Looking for some input/encouragement here, ladies. There are a couple different points/background to know...
*For a while now (year?) I have been babysitting a couple kiddos part time. One of the kids is the DD of a good friend of mine. The other is the DS of our next door neighbor. Both moms are pregnant, due in July and since I found out, I have had reservations about adding to my "load".
**The day care in our church (where we are active members, and where I worked for a few months - 2011 - to get their infant room up and running) has gone through some staffing changes and has a part time position available. The hours wouldn't be my first choice (M-F 12:30-5:30), but it is consistent and regular and not in my house!
I keep waivering back and forth - do I want to stop babysitting and go back to the day care? Or not? I find myself going stir crazy, extreme lack of patience (when I used to be a saint - or so I was told when I was teaching kindergarten...I used to pride myself on patience!). To be honest though, I barely hold it together during the day and when DH gets home, I turn into a bear.
I probably know what I need to do, whether I want to admit it or not is the question, but I absolutely hate the idea of telling these moms they need to find other care for their kids. The kids are great, the parents are great, and some days are really good - I hold on to the idea that MAYBE things will get better come summer/nicer weather when we can get out more often? (I have a tendency to overanalyze and second guess myself, can you tell?). But part of me would like to go to work, do my work, and come home and be at home.
One of the kids hours are VERY weird (like some days he is here 4:30am-4 pm and again from 6-7 - because of how M/Ds schedules overlap). For a while I was nervous because I know it would be hard for her to find other care. But, soon mom will go to day shift though and his hours will be from 6a-7p...still a long day, but that will always be it, more feasible for finding care.
So, ultimately, my question is - how do I tell them? I HATE saying "no"... but a good friend made a good point "Sometimes you need to put what's best for your family first, and a momma that is a bear, is not a good momma!"
TIA!!
(Sorry its so long...)
UPDATE:
DS will be 3 in June. I have been so lucky to be home with him, for the most part, for these last 3 years. I LOVE being a mom. However, I also need to be realistic and realize that being home ALL THE TIME doesn't work for me either. I go stir crazy. Especially in the winter!
If I took the daycare job, DS would go to daycare (with kids his age) while I am working. As he gets older, I don't have as much of a problem with this because he is getting to the point where I think he would benefit from someone other than just MOM. I think another perk is that it will be about 5 hours a day, 2 of which is nap, then snack...I think I can handle him having the chance to play with other kids for 2 hours a day.
Price is an issue, but being an employee, I get 1/2 price childcare during the hours I am working...so that isn't so bad either.
THanks for the answers I have received already - keep them coming :-)
Oh, I'd take the daycare part time position in a NY minute! If you hate to tell the ladies that you aren't going to watch their kids because you're taking another job, just imagine how much you'll hate telling them when there's a different reason that you don't want to watch them, but you're still at home. This is the easiest way to make the break.
Take the job. They'll get over it and find other care.
Dawn
Are you licensed? If not, you have an easy out.......
Wisconsin law states: No person may for compensation provide care and supervision for four or more children under the age of seven for less than 24 hours a day unless that person obtains a license to operate a child care center from the Department of Children and Families.
So if they each have a kid and then they each add another...... BINGO. You need a license. So, just let them know that you have decided NOT to pursue a license and so your last day to care for their kids will be xx/xx/xx date.
I also agree - happy mommy = happy everyone. So, I would take the part time position if that is what will make you happiest.
Not sure about YOUR kid(s).... have you worked out what you will do with them? That would be my only concern... is getting that sorted out.
I think you answered your own question! These are not your kids. This is not working for you. Give them early notice so they can find something.
Not fun, but they will do it a number of times in their kids lives. it's part of being a working parent.
If this were me, I would be concerned that I'm losing my patience with the kids and my husband (maybe I read that wrong, but that's what I got from what you wrote). I'd like to work at a place with other adults and someone to back me up when I needed a break. So I'd go for the day care and just give your current clients maybe a month's notice (which is generous). Good luck!
You have to put your family first, and the crazy schedule is turning you into something that you don't want to be -a bear. Find out when you could start at the church. You want to give the moms notice. You have to tell them that circumstances for your family have changed and you're not able to provide care for them after such-and-such a date. If you think you can help find someone to "take over", or are willing to help them get the word out, offer that. You could, if you were willing, assist with a small chunk of time if they need help after "traditional" daycare ours, but it has to work for your schedule. Brainstorm for yourself on what you could do to help them find a replacement, or how to be a cushion if you are willing, but YOU need the regular schedule for your sanity, and your family's well being.
I've been a licensed provider for almost 20 years, so my advice sometimes sounds a little "hard" to someone who is newer.... You need to take care of yourself and your needs first. That is what clients generally do - they will up and leave without giving notice, switch to another provider because they are cheaper, switch their schedules around without thinking of how it affects you - human nature dictates that "you look out for #1, and that is YOU." Caregivers are usually giving, nurturing people, and sometimes we put other people's needs ahead of our own, or ahead of our family's needs. It's great that your clients are friends/neighbors, whatever - but they are NOT more important to you than your family. (At least, I hope not!) They are grown-ups, they will make other arrangements, it's not going to be the end of the world for them. One phrase I like to remember is, "When you say "No" to one thing, that allows you to say "Yes" to yourself and your family."
On another note, you are correct - your son is at a perfect age to be socializing with peers. Providers' children obviously do learn in the home when their mom is the provider, but there's always a bit of a struggle between "I live here, I can do that," and "We don't do that during daycare hours." It's pretty well-known that providers' children are usually the most challenging (behavior-wise) in the group!
Sorry if any of this is repetitive, I didn't see the other responses before I answered. Good luck to you!
Take the job! It sounds much more in line with what works best for you and your family. You need to do what makes sense for you. Don't put the others first; put you and your family first. Sounds like you're ready to work outside the house, so do it.
Just tell the other parents that you were ready to take on a job out of the house and have your son start preschool. Daycare situations change all the time so as long as you give the parents plenty of notice, it shouldn't be a big deal.
I'm sure it's hard saying no. But in the end, I think you will be very thankful. It will help you not be a "bear" to your husband, Which I'm sure will make him very happy, and maybe help you get your "saintly" attitude back. :) Good luck with the decision!
What's best for you-taking the other job, will be best for the children you are caring for at your home-best to recognize what you are able to do and stick with it-good luck-I am having a difficult time wrapping my head around taking care of two children, two infants and one poor little child getting dropped off at 4:30 am??? What???
insanity is doing the same things over and over and expecting different results.
khairete
S.
All journeys start with the first step. From your post it seems clear you are done with how things are now. So it has become time to figure out how you will tell each family they need to find alternative care. Then follow through with having those conversations and gaining the outside of your home employment you desire.
From my own recent experience we switched from an at home nanny care situation to a daycare scenario. Telling our nanny was a tough conversation but it was necessary. Once we got the conversational ball rolling, though, it went smoothly. We wrapped our care arrangement with our nanny and moved along to daycare. It is liking ripping of a band aid - go at it with one firm deliberate motion. And a smile. :)
I think it's clear that your current situation isn't working out any longer. You have nothing to feel guilty with the parents that you babysit for. If you take this particular position at the daycare, or any other job, just make sure that you give the parents two weeks notice so that they can find other arrangements.
"I've enjoyed babysitting for you for the past ___ years, but I need to let you know that I recently took a new job and I'll be starting on _____. I hope that gives you enough time to find new daycare for Benjamin."
Make no mention of your feelings about being home so much with your kids and theirs... there's no need to hurt their feelings. Just be matter of fact and express how excited you are at the chance to work out of the home.
I would ABSOLUTELY choose the daycare job over what you're doing at home now. I understand that you feel bad but you need to do what works for you and your family first and foremost. Just give these people as much notice as you can so they can find something else.
I think your leaning more towards the day care job. That is great! As a Mommy, we need to get out of the everyday routine and broaden ourselves. The ladies will understand that you want to advance into something else and really they can't be mad at you for doing what you need to do for yourself and your family. They will be fine. I say take that position. If you don't, you will be so much more frustrated with yourself. Being home everyday and if you get a discount for your own, why not. I say go for it and re-experience something you love doing anyway but out of your own home. Good luck Mommy!
I think the shorter day and better pay sounds good.
I know it's hard to tell families that they need to find other arrangements, and I'd encourage you to be honest but not go into details. "I love your kids, and I'm also needing to really consolidate my working hours." Let them know that you are giving them X amount of notice and then, really, this is going to be what *they* choose to make it. No one can fault you for wanting to not pull 13 hour shifts.
And if you feel you can handle the 5 hour days, go for it. If you think you are just burned out on childcare, consider other options. Sometimes parenting AND doing child care at the same time makes the parenting piece less meaningful/pleasant for us. Just a thought.
You do what is best for YOU. Yes, you do it for your family as well, but ultimately, it is you that needs to be happy in order to set the tone of happiness within your family. You know the saying.......IF MOMMA AIN'T HAPPY, AIN'T NOBODY HAPPY. Go on and do the day care.
Sounds like you need to accept position. Hours sound great to me. Maybe the other Moms would use the center where you will be working. Just give them a,ple notice so no one is frantic. Being a home daycare provider is not easy.
