I Need a Crysta Ball. I'm Trying to Guess How My ADHD/ODD Kid Might Turn Out.

I also have a child with ADHD whose future I worry about. I don't have the answers as he is younger than yours but I just wanted to tell you you are definitely not alone.

I do agree with Cate that it sounds like ADHD is not the only thing going on here. I would look into taking her to a Neuro-physchologist (I think that's the right title) to really figure out what's going on. She could be somewhere on the Autism spectrum or it could be sensory processing difficulties or OCD or some other anxiety disorder. ADHD is often co-morbid with other disorders. I don't really buy into the ODD diagnosis as I believe the oppositional, defiant behaviors are a result of feeling out of sorts and not really knowing what to do about it - which can go along with just about any mental illness.

I have to say though that what Cate said about ADHD kids "often very gregarious and have a lot of friends because they have magnetic personalities" - I have to disagree. With ADHD comes several social difficulties that make it hard to keep friends. Some definitely might have many friends, but I know many more who have difficulty making and keeping friends than I know who have tons of good friends. Also - even though ADHD is not in and of itself a learning disability - it is quite common for kids with ADHD to have a separate learning disorder. A great book that talks about this is "It's So Much Work to Be Your Friend" by Richard Lavoie. It explains why having things like ADHD and learning disorders affects a person's ability to function socially.

Good luck!

Don't project y our fears into your child's future - that's the first rule. I have an ADHD kid who's been in special ed since he was 3 - he's in 6th grade now and doing OK. He's been on time relased ritalin and focalin at different times. For us the focalin seems to work better. But these two Rx have a duration of about 7 hours - so it gets us through school and homework but is worn off by bedtime so his sleep and appetitie are not affected. I fyou live anywhere near a large children's hospital they'll have a behavioral health department who'll have the most up-to-date and modern information, medication, methods to work with your child.

Don't assume there's not some asbergers in your child - it's common that these kids are very intelligent and have problems with social skills. These are the kids who grow up to be amazing engineers, chemists or biologists who are responsible for great scientific findings. Highly intellignet people often are not socially skilled - it's almost as if they're so smart they don't have the patience for the rest of us idiots. ;o) She may find the lab or the drawing board to be her comfortable place - that's not wrong for her. Some kids really don't want friends - they're not comfortable with people and can't figure out how to read social cues, etc. Don't assume that becuase you enjoy being around and interacting with people that she does. I had a close friend in my teen years who hated parties and social situations. She told me she's much rather be home reading a book and that she jsut didn't know what to say to people and had very little desire to do so. Meanwhile she was this gorgeous, higly intelligent woman tha the guys were dying to talk to. She go tthe reputation of being snotty and stuck up - but she was just socially awkward.

Instead of punishment work with setting expectations and giving positive feedback and rewards. People usually respond better to positive coaching - who would you respond to - the coach who told you were a failure and punished you when you made a mistake in the game or the one who told you after the game that he knows you can do this, and he's expecting great things from you, and it was jsut a mistake? Wouldn't you work hard for the second coach? Would you work at all for the first?

Find out what her interests and skills are - is she a builder? Does she draw, make floorplans, build legos, write poetry, have musical skills? She was created with special skills - as her mom you need to observe and encourage her in those. Read Mel Levine's book "A Mind at a Time" he's got other books about learning styles and such, another good author is Cynthia Tobias who also writes about learning styles and how different people process things.

Pray too - I really believe God cares about the details of our life and will make Himself real to us if we ask. Ask for wisdom and discernment - and don't be surprised if you find it. ;o)

Allow yourself to mess up. I have a teenage daughter who struggles with depression and physical ways she tries to relieve her emotional pain - I'm not always the perfect mom for her - I respond poorly sometimes. But I try me best, I pray with out ceasing, I seek God's wisdom for her and how best to work with her. She knows that I'm doing the best I can do becuase I tell her and I apologize for the times I mess up. But she's knows I'm in this with her for the long run - for as long as it takes.

You'll work this out and she won't be a misfit - she'll be who she was made to be - who might be different from your plans or hopes for her - but she'll be great and will do well once she finds that things in life that she is skilled at and interested in.

Good luck mama!

Know you're not alone. Our son is eight and has ADHD, OCD, food anxiety, depression, encopresis and tics. We worry constantly about his future. Thankfully, medication is helping him lead a mostly normal life, so we're cautiously hopeful he'll avoid the addiction and drop out issues that are common with untreated kids. But we still worry, knowing how many challenges he's up against.

There are some ADHD success stories out there -- plenty of famous people and others in leadership positions who've done well in life. Bill Gates, Albert Einstein, Benjamin Franklin and Steven Spielberg are just a few. I remind myself of that on the difficult days.

I used to cry myself to sleep at night with worry.
Mine did graduate. He did not go to college but joined the Navy, the best decision he has ever made. THe next best was choosing to go to Japan, his first duty station. He had to fix his own mistakes. The Navy has taken care of his foibles and stupidness. He has been in trouble but knows he's got it good. He now tries for himself not me, Dad, or anyone else
He was diagnosed ADHD/ODD/Conduct Disorder, it looked like a grim future but we did not gve up on him. It was hard, he was hard but he is now successful.
Sometimes in the midst of it you want to just give up, there is always hope though.
Be consistent in your discipline, and love her. THe teen years are coming and they will be rocky. You may have to come up with some more unusual ways to keep her under control.
((((HUGS))))

Spankings don't work! But Be FIRM! Posting notes and rules are what you will need to do on a constant basis. CLEAR rules for the "whole" family so she does not feel singled out. Limit them to a few at a time. Most important ones. Do not call her names! A better ego will bring her to a better direction. Try not to imbarass her in front of other people. This will make things worse for you right then and there. You have your work cut out for you. Do not give up or she will just get worse! Write, write, write, write clear directions down all the time. Even write success down. She will like that too. She will not listen to any critisizm and it will only make things worse. Again, try to pick the most important directions. Not too many! Tell her that you care about her all the time. If she refuses to read the notes, let her be off a punishment if she only reads the note outloud to you. Give her time to think about it. Again, clear directions on what not to do and clearly state you care about her and "need" her. She needs to feel needed and loved.
This is the clearest crystal ball I can give to you. Keep it next to your bed and read it often. Your reward will come to you in the years to come!
Good Luck!
S.

If you find that ball please let me have a peek. I am in constant struggle with what the future holds for my own special needs child. Mine will be 5 in April. I am taking things one hurdle at a time and our current stressor right now is Kindergarten. College would be nice but I am hoping for her to be self sufficient and independent even if all she can do is bag groceries.

My oldest nephew dropped out at 17, got his GED, took some time off and is back in school at community college. The faster paced classes are better for him. He had a tough adolescence, but some of it might have been other things, too. He works FT, goes to school PT and is a functioning adult.

Friend of ours graduated HS and went to a college that had a program specifically geared for ADD/ADHD students and he did well, as far as I know.

Your child is not doomed. She just might not take the direct path that some of her peers will.

Mine is four years old and we're trying to figure this out, too!

For us, we've found that working with a classical homeopath has worked wonders. My son is not "cured" by any stretch of the imagination, but he is getting better, and that is awesome. It's a roller coaster, with good days and bad days, especially as he is switching medications, but there seems to be an overall positive trend.

Maybe the cough drops have some kind of ingredient that her body is craving right now? Besides that, I really have nothing else for you. I'm sorry. Good luck!

I know it's hard to see the positives when you are mired in the negatives. It sounds like there are some power struggles going on here which aren't uncommon with ADD and ODD...or kids in general. (Been there, done that!) But there are certainly positives with ADD and Aspergers. They are tough, though, because social cues get missed...a lot.

Dr. Edward Hallowell has several books that help a person see the positives and not just the negatives of ADD/ADHD. He's got it himself and his book Driven to Distraction helped me to see that ADD/ADHD is not all negative. His headquarters are in Sudbury, MA, not far from Marlborough. You might want to check them out.

Our 14 y.o. son is borderline ADD--not the hyper type, but the dreamy, spacey type. It's enough to be disruptive, but not enough for him to officially be diagnosed with it...so far.

One thing I've been told is that it is not uncommon for school to get harder as time goes on. I've noticed that to be true, over the last year especially. Time will tell if our son is able to turn around his school experience to a more positive path. He'll be starting high school next year and it will be a fresh start. (He's not a problem kid, but friendships are sometimes hard and homework is perpetually a struggle.)

If you can get yourself out of the punishment mode and into catching her when she does things right, that might be helpful. Her hiding things and stealing things, seems like she's seeing what her limits are, what she can get away with. Although it's negative attention, it's at least attention. It's sometimes hard for me to remember to emphasize the positives, but catching your kid when they're doing something right is a powerful thing for you and for your kid. It's worth it's weight in gold.

I'm reading a book right now that is hitting me right where I'm at. It's called Gift of an Ordinary Day by Katrina Kenison. She helps me to see the positives in the midst of the negatives; to find the strengths within her child to help him blossom. Her oldest child, the one with various diagnoses, is in college now, I believe. The book chronicles her progress with her boys as they navigated school and personal challenges.

It might be helpful to read this book to see things through another lens. I'm halfway through the book and am loving it! It's helping me to think about what our son is good at, where he excels, things he truly enjoys. Tapping into those strengths may help you get past this stage. No kid is all bad. There has to be something that is positive about her. So, take the time to think of those positives.

Don't we all wish we had crystal balls? I sure do. But maybe it's better to live in the moment and not get too carried away with the what-ifs, and catastrophizing, which is so easy to do when we're worried about our baby bears.

Best of luck and stay by her side. If you can think of yourself as her best advocate and not just her police chief, you might get further with her.

BTW--Aspergers isn't out of the question as a diagnosis. A friend of our son has a history of doing odd things, pushing limits, coming off negatively in social settings...all of which are signs of his version of Aspergers.

Good luck! : )

P.S. Sometimes the negative emotional outcome of ADD/ADHD, Aspergers, etc. is to lash out at those around you, to get angry at not being understood. Once the actual symptoms are addressed and understood correctly, it may be that your daughter will settle down.

My experience is that puberty does wonders for leveling out behavior. It may sound counterintuitive, but it can actually help sometimes. I'm not saying it's easy. The teen years are a challenge. Letting go while still applying appropriate bounds is a never-ending, always-adjusting dance. But I've found I can talk with our son more about some of these things than I could before. The trick is to not overtalk it (my biggest offense).

My son is only 8 years old (ODD) so can't really help you much with what you can expect to see. Especially since it really does vary for every child as to the severity and if they "grow out of it".

We have not done the meds. We were starting to think we would have to because he was getting way too physical at home (he has an awesome environment at school and the only teacher he acts out with is his special ed teacher; he just hasn't formed a bond w/ her as he did his other teachers etc.). But then we took him to a naturopath, his doctor and a nutritionist. We have removed all corn & soy from his diet (not easy to do!) as well as gone on a no sugar low carb diet. While he's certainly not a "normal" child we have seen a marked difference in how often he blows up at home and how quickly it happens. He also takes supplements such as probiotics, enzymes, minerals and vitamins. His favorite is Natural Calm. He drinks some of that when he gets home from school each day and that right there has helped him sooo much.

The book that I have found the most helpful dealing with it is "The Explosive Child". We got away from it for a while but I've just pulled it back out again and it's helping to get a lot back into shape in our household. Also, we have tried very hard to get a good routine going at our house (also something that is very much needed but EXTREMELY hard for my family) but that does help him. He sees a counselor and he has a PSR worker, both of whom he enjoys working with.

Since we've started this regimen with J, even a difference has been noted at school (not just family & close friends). He's getting up and doing presentations at 4-H. And best of all, he's not trying throwing a fit and breaking things every day anymore. But it's taken a long time to get this balance and who knows how long it will last? But there's still hope.

Big hugs. I know this is frustrating, but I really think that if your daughter has the proper support system (you, teachers, counselors, etc.) in place she'll do fine.

I don't know to much about ODD, but I do about ADHD and your daughter doesn't really fit that profile-at least not from what you described. For one kids w ADD/HD are often very gregarious and have a lot of friends because they have magnetic personalities. Just something to think about in case she has been misdiagnosed. Focalin is a great drug for ADD-helps with cutting down impulsiveness and increases focus. I can attest from personal experience.

Kids/adults with ADD do NOT have a learning disability-they just learn differently! If that is what your child has and you can find the correct meds, therapy and style of learning that works for her she will be just FINE. Probably better then fine. Robert Downey Jr has ADD, Einstein is thought to have had it and many, many others! ADD'rs are generally highly creative and extremely empathetic. Often only held back because they were in the wrong type of learning environment for them.