Okay, this is complicated but I will try to keep it as simple and well organized as I can.
I'm six months pregnant, nineteen, a full-time student at the University of Memphis, and I work at night at an upscale downtown restaurant. I recently moved to West Memphis, Arkansas when I moved out of the father of my child's house. He, by the way, is 32 years old, has custody of his only child, a six year old little boy, and works at a well-paying restaurant downtown as a server.
We had only been together a few months when I got pregnant, and things did not go quite as well as we had hoped so we had to split up. He agreed to let me continue using his address so that I could continue to get my WIC support (which I sometimes share with him because he is raising his 6 year old son by himself right now and I know he needs the money) and also so that I could apply for TennCare and food stamps through the state (Things that would also directly benefit him. He's honestly too poor for insurance and could use free food just like any one else).
We had basically agreed to each other that we would share our daughter once she was born. While I'm at school or work he or my mother would care for her, and she would spend the majority of the rest of the time with me. I plan on breast feeding, so it's pretty much mandatory that I am with her quite a bit. We had also agreed that I would not file for child support or go through the courts in any way to "screw him" as he likes to say. I told him that as long as he did his part and took care of the baby financially like he should, that I would not do any of that because I honestly do not want to hurt him in any way.
All of this is preluding these questions:
1.) If he decides he doesn't want to play nice (which it seems he may not want to do anymore), is there a way to make sure that he can't get custody of our baby?
2.) Are there any lawyers that any of you have worked with that you could recommend to me?
3.) Have any of you been on welfare and are familiar with the laws and rules regarding making the child's father pay child support? I have heard from some that they do it automatically, but I'm not really entirely positive.
4.)I've heard that by giving her his last name I give him more rights to possibly take her from me. What do you ladies know about this? Should I give her mine instead?
5.) Any suggestions, love, or advice that you think i may need would be GREATLY appreciated.
Thank you all very much in advance for any help you can give me. It means a lot to have more experienced women here for me.
Hey J., I am sorry I have no expertise in this catagory ar all. I just wanted to send out my congradulations on your upcoming baby and let you know I will pray for you both, and for the baby's father. I hope everything works out well for you both! You seem very mature at 19 and I am sure you will be a great mom.
Sincerely, L.
J., you and I have some similarities in our situations. Please, please, please consider your daughters needs before worrying about this guy's fear of you "screwing him". Your innocent daughter needs to come first and he needs to take responsibility for the child he helped create. I have an awesome attorney in Memphis, her name is Melissa Berry and her number is ###-###-####.
Good luck to you and your daughter!
dlf
Ok, first you have to decide how important child support id to you. I have been a single mom and I was basically in the same situation as you are in now. I filed for child support and I haven't seen a dime (ok, $126.00 in the last 5 years), but you can't get the monkey off your back once you file. My son's dad owes me $20,000, I would love for him to never contact me again. I called an attorney and they say if the father owes child support, he owes it forever. You can never wipe the slate clean. I wanted to act like I had never met him, but he will owe the money forever. No matter what happens. I wanted to tell him he didn't have to pay me a dime if he would just leave us alone. So, child support will link him to the child forever. If he pays child support, he will be entitled to visitation rights. If he dosen't sign the birth certificate and you don't apply for support he dosen't have a right to the child unless he petitions to court. If he does that, yall will have to take a paternity test and the court will set support and visitation. I know it costs a lot of money to raise a baby, but you really just have to weigh the pros and cons.
Hope this information helps you. Feel free to e-mail me if you haveany other quesetions. Sadly, I have a lot of experience in this area.
A.
Hi J.! I am a mother of 2 boys. One is 8 and the other 6 mo. Anyways I was a single mom with my first child and from what Juvenile court told me if you are not married in the state of TN the mother automatically has custody. Also if the child does not have his last name you can not get child support without proving he is the father through a paternity test. However I did give my son his father's last name and he is on the birth certificate which was a huge mistake. I never received anything and now my husband is going through the adoption process. The main thing you need to ask yourself is the baby's dad a good person and someone you can get along with for the sake of the child. I have a friend who is the same situation and the dad did not appear until the child was 1 month old. They had the test and of course he is his however when it came time to pay she agreed for him to help however he could. He did not and hired an attorney to try to get joint custody. He ended up dropping the attorney because no one in their right mind would take a child from their mother unless unfit. The name of the attorney we both use is Pam Green ###-###-####. She is very reasonable and very helpful. You can actually call her on the phone and she will give you advice and if you choose to use her she will work with you on payment. She likes to help the little guy. Good luck with your situation and feel free to email if you have any questions.
