I Know Its Vain but I Have to Ask - One of Those Days

I remember feeling like I would never, ever be back to normal after my daughter was born, and I tried not to let it worry me. Then, I started a twice a week Pilates class about a year after my daughter was born. I was amazed at how it got my stomach back in shape. It was hard work and took almost a year, but worth it. Not just because I could wear a bikini again, but it made me feel better all over. I was 41 when I had my daughter, so it isn't always age that makes the difference.

Tupler technique! And wearing one of those compression belts! Now, me, i still had the pooch and am now pregnant with my second... But my friend had a boy a year ago and her tummy is flat as a board! (she is a yoga instructor) but the point is - it can be done.

I don't know what to say except that it takes a long time for the skin to recover - and I don't think it ever does totally. I always felt much worse about my body in the months AFTER the baby. While I was pregnant, it was hard and there was a reason for it. After the baby, it was smushy and soft and just gross. I'm sorry, but it does get better.

For me? No. Not without surgery.

However...

1) I was carrying 40lbs in my uterus (10lb baby, 20+lb placenta, amniotic). I was the size of a quad or quit mom

2) I had medical problems when I was pregnant (cancer amongst other things) that caused me to gain 180lbs (on a 2100 cal per day strict diet set up by a nutritionist) while pregnant. I lost 40lbs the day my son was born. And another 20lbs the first week in water weight... and then it took 2 years to get rid of the 100+ pounds that was left.

My body is a wreck from my pregnancy. I have a belly flap that will NOT go away (several inches of hangover... stupid "smilee" :P). My upper arms and upper thighs are toast. My docs subtract 20-30lbs off my weight that they estimate is JUST SKIN. There's so much weight from the skin, that it hurts my back. How stupid is that???

So, for me, nope. 9 years later, and what I've got is here to stay. I'd had some hope of having it surgically removed this summer... but since my husband turned physically abusive this year (divorce!)... that's not going to happen.

Once upon a time... I used to model. This is periodically VERY hard for me.
Once upon a time... I used to be a competitive athlete. The extra skin, and weight of it, getting in the way... is VERY hard for me.

This is hard stuff, hon. If it makes you feel better, though, you're probably already sexier than I will ever be again!

Hi & Congrats on #2!!!
Think of it this way: your body just did an amazing thing!
Don't stress. You'll get your body back!

Congrats on having a new baby. And you're right, two weeks post partum is not a good time to start being hard on yourself about your appearance. Your body has been through a traumatic time so you need time to heal not to mention the bouquet of lovely pregnancy and lactation hormones flooding your body right now.

Yes, the stretch marks are there for good. Some women get some, some women get none, some fade, some don't. You are lucky that the weight comes off so easily, however. I'm am 10 months post birth and still have 7 lbs to lose and this is my fourth baby. And I've had 4 c-sections and yeah, the stretched skin is here to stay too. Try not to focus on your body image right now. Instead, look at that beautiful baby and embrace the fact that your body, YOUR BEAUTIFUL BODY held that baby safely inside of you for a period of time until she/he was ready to be born. It's a marvelous vessel that God created that is capable of growing and feeding a baby. You are lucky. There are women who would give anything to experience this marvelous experience but for reasons beyond their understanding cannot.

Chalk it up to hormones. I remember doing a happy dance when my jeans fit again (I'm small and had an 8 lb baby so I can relate).

And take a look around. Whenever I'm hard on myself, DH reminds me that my little extra bit of tummy is from our beautiful daughter and that I still look good and better than a lot of people. Maybe THAT is vain and selfish, but sometimes we need not look at the glossy magazines and look at other REAL women and realize we're normal and OK. Nobody's perfect.

Congrats on your baby! Anytime you feel down, look at your kids. Hug them and hold them and remember that you are blessed.

you had a baby two weeks ago. be kind to yourself.

Seriously.

We are not all Beyonce' or Heidi Klume. MOST women need at least 9 months to produce a baby - it takes at least that long to bounce back after. Especially with a second baby. Give yourself some time!

Heck - with my first baby I didn't even leave the house for 10 days (except to go to the doctors office)... you are being a little un-realistic.

I have a "flap" of skin that actually hangs about 2- 3inches. Its just skin.. not fat. I have asked my Dr about it and he told me that the only way to get rid of the extra skin was plastic surgery. I'm able to tuck it in my jeans and I wear a skirt bikini bottom to cover it otherwise you can see it in a reagular one. I hate it! but Im also not going to spend the money to get rid of it... it doesn't bother my husband so I try to let it not bother me.

If this is the pooch your talking about... according to my Dr anyways there is no way to shrink that strectched skin. It may go down some being its so early but it may never completely go away...

Your "pooch" will go down some more, but to completely get it sucked back in, AFTER you've had the 6 week check up and been given the "go-ahead" -start really exercising for your core. Kettle bells have worked wonders for me! It can be hard to find certified kettle bell gyms and instructors in some places though, so if you can't, concentrate on Pilates or other workouts where they really stress building core strength. LOTS of weight presses and planks will help. Sometimes a woman's muscles can literally come "unhinged" and you will have to have surgery to have them taken care of -if that's the case, often insurance will pay for that since it's not considered purely cosmetic. If that's not the case, you can always have a tummy tuck to rid yourself of the loose skin. You will probably always have some loose skin -and of course the stretch marks. It is what it is, so this time next year see how much it bothers you. If it's really going to be an issue for you -investigate tummy tucks. A good one is AMAZING!

Stretch marks can NOT be prevented and really have nothing to do with your size. Whether or not you get them is pretty much genetic. I have a very small frame and had two big basketball pregnancies (carried it all in front) and had no stretch marks even though I did nothing to prevent them. My mom also did not get stretch marks after 4 pregnancies. So, you pretty much either get them or you don't.

The tummy skin should _mostly_ go back after a couple of years. My youngest has just turned 2yo and the skin had mostly shrunk back (though not completely). But I'm in my 40s. It might bounce back quicker and more completely for younger moms. I also still have a pretty severe diastasis recti, and that does affect the shape and strength of my abs. I could probably make that mostly go away too, if I worked on it, but I don't.

Good luck, and give it time. It sounds like you're in pretty good shape to begin with. You will get most of it back. Make sure you take in LOTS of calories right now. I ate voraciously and almost constantly when I was breastfeeding.

I can't say anything to help you...but I wanted to say I am the same as you. I am very thin...and my poochy belly really shows because of it. If I was not so thin it would blend in more. I exercise daily. To make matters worse I have daistasis recti (my abdominal muscles became separated with my pregnancies) which makes your stomach stick out a bit more and look "odd". I am covered in deep stretch marks. Because of the diastasis I cannot do most ab exercises because they make you stomach stick out MORE. It's depressing. I really don't want surgery/a tummy tuck, but I wish my belly could magically be normal again. If you do not have diastasis recti then you are in luck! With time and exercise and getting fit your belly will most likely start to look great again (minus the stretch marks). When you are ready you should look into a power weight lifting class and a pilates class. :)

It probably won't go back all the way. If it bothers you enough, save up money for surgery. There's nothing wrong with vanity.

It takes a really long time after the 2nd one. I had a c-section the second time and blamed it on that too. I was exactly where you were, except about 9 months to a year out I was still feeling very discouraged and that my tummy would never be the same.
My 2nd just turned 2 and I am feeling pretty good about my stomach and getting my abs back a little bit. It's still a little more poochy than it was before (though... I think it was pretty pooch-y in my college drinking days...)
I think you CAN get back to where you were... or close to it... it takes a LONG time and of course, exercise.
Now, the hips... seem to be permanently wider and not budging.

No your not vain :)

I'm very thin too. 69" tall and just 130lbs. First of all, the skin will shrink back down a LOT in the next few weeks. Also, walking and being active will help. And finally...breastfeeding will help to get your body back too.

Don't worry, mama. Just enjoy your baby and before you know it, you'll look in the mirror and say "whoa! When did I lose that tummy? I've been so busy, it disappeared while I wasn't paying attention!"

Do lots of planks. NOt sure they will tighten the skin per se - but they tighten up every muscle in your entire body (best workout for toning) and will strengthn your stomach muscles so they look tighter. Good luck

Stretch marks can only be prevented. But if you are very thin before pregnancy and then you have a large baby, there is only so much cocoa butter can do. I have had only one child and my stomach looks pretty much just as it did before I had my son. He wasn't even 7 lbs though and I used cocoa butter religiously. Your body can definetly go back to what it was before you were pregnant, or pretty close. But I have noticed that as I get older, my middle is getting thicker. Not fatter, just less hour glass like. So sometimes your body is just going to do what it's going to do! I think the best thing to do is accept that and wear pants that have a higher waistline to create a nicer silhouette.

And yes, stretch marks can be mostly, if not entirely prevented. My mother had horrible stretch marks but I have a couple tiny one around my bikini line, none on my stomach. Some of it is genetic, of course. But if you are religious about the cocoa butter and watch your weight and don't have a huge baby, you can minimize stretch marks. Sometimes you can't really control the size of your baby but usually you can make sure you gain the reccomended amount of weight.

Congrats. Enjoy your new little bundle. I got pregnant with my third 4 months after my second. I had a hard time after my third getting my weight off. After about 6 months it just came off BUT despite being thin and in shape I still have a tummy that sticks out- not fat, just looks like I am pregnant again. I get asked often if I am pregnant. I finally decided to say yes this is Lester. I gave my belly a name....I keep telling myself there is NOT better reason for a body to change than my 3 little angels. Be good and kind to YOU. Every woman is different so who knows you could be a mamma whose tummy completely disappears- I wasnt so naming it made me less sensitive to it and allowed me to laugh at it!

I too was very thin. I was advised to do nothing physical and wait for six weeks. After six weeks, my Doctor advised wall pushups.

Do not strain yourself at all. Stand two feet away from a blank wall. Place your hands on the wall chest width. Do ten push ups, once a day the first week. Increase number and frequency on subsequent days without straining at all!! You just had a baby. Increase your distance from the wall as it becomes easier to do the pushups. Eventually, you will be strong enough to do knee pushups on the floor.

Another help is abdominal breathing as done by singers practicing scales. Did you ever sing the consonants in chorus? We sang boh bay boo bee bah; co cay coo key cah; dough day due dee dah; etc. as we went up the scales to high C and back down again. Abdominal breathing is done five times per letter. Again, you must wait for the doctor's approval.

You have my permission to sing a simple happy tune or a lullaby around the house without working your abs yet. :-)

Retinol cream will help the stretch marks heal as best they can. Ask the doctor when you may start. IDNK if the Retinol will go into your milk? I learned of this when my baby was eight years old and I still had the red marks. Within a month or two they faded to silver and the skin looked thicker as well as healthier.

There is no work out for stretched skin - but keeping it well moisturized can help it go back to "normal." Now, it will not be perfect - those celebs have air brush and use make up when needed on those marks but it will be enough that you should not feel too insecure. Cocoa and Shea Butter mostuizers help the most, ulitmately the skin will go back, but yes exercise will help when it is being lost over a long period of time, not when it's happening rapidly that is why many overweight people need surgery after a weightloss surgery.

Hi, my skin stretched permanently after baby #2. I think it was me just being older and not having as much elasticity as before. Also, I probably didn't pamper myself as much - meaning have time for moisturizing my belly - the second time because I was chasing around a toddler while pregnant. There are some sexy monokinis that'll take care of this stretched belly skin problem though. Don't be so hard yourself -- we're all not celebrities who can afford tummy tucks. And it's okay, it's life! ;-)

You can get it back. Of course, right now, your uterus still hasn't returned to its normal size and shape, so you WILL have a pooch for a bit yet. That is why post-partum appointments aren't scheduled until 6 weeks--on average, it takes that long for the uterus to return to normal.

What may never quite return to its "original" shape is the width of your hips. The skin will go back eventually, and the stretch marks will fade somewhat over time, not totally disappear, but they will fade, but the hips.... they are not likely to return to the exact width again.

Congrats on your baby!

The thing about stretched skin is that, stretch marks are scars, and scar tissue has NO elasticity. It doesn't matter how many creams/ointments/vitamins you buy, scar tissue will never regain elasticity. That said, stretched & scarred skin will never return to normal.

I struggle with my weight in the opposite way as you. I've been overweight my entire life. I have recently lost 100 pounds and am still losing. I know that by the time I get to my goal weight, I will for sure have to have my scarred & stretched skin surgically removed.

In your situation, I think once you are done having children, you may consider a tummy tuck if it will help boost your confidence. In the meantime, maybe a good cinching undergarment like a gurdle?

And I don't think you're being vain at all. :)

It will go back, but it will take more time than with #1. My second was a 9pounder, too. I was fortuate (while not really thin) I lost my baby weight both times easily with BF. I think it was around three years old that my tummy skin finally looked right whereas with #1 it was about six months- sigh-
Congratulations, give your body time. It feels like forever, but as we know three years with your little one goes by in the blink of the eye.