I Know It's a Phase but - It's Breaking My Heart!

as a former PreSchool owner/teacher I can say that it's pretty normal.
If you have added a sibling to the mix, it may be part of it too. Or a new
love interest or going through a break-up.

As a kindergarten teacher now, one of the mom's made a red heart in her
child's hand the 2nd day of school this year. The child showed me that if
she gets lonesome, just kiss the heart and mom's heart will know.

Pretty clever idea. It was in red magic marker. It made the little girl feel fine.

Kids have difficulty transitioning from one situation to another---hard to leave you, and hard to leave preschool too.
I would just talk to her in a cheerful way about when you are picking her up, and make it very quick when you leave, not a long goodbye, and don't turn around.
My teacher friends are always saying how the kids usually stop crying when the parents are gone. And one 1st grade teacher said a Dad told her "She doesn't want to be at school, should I take her home?"---kids need to know that it isn't about what mood they are in---there is a schedule, and school is happening.
Keep in mind that young kids don't really understand time, or have a good feel for time, so they don't really know how long they have been somewhere, or how long they will be somewhere else---it just all seems like a long time to them. That is another reason why transitions can be hard.

Change can be really difficult at that age. I try to have as many comforting things on hand and then phase them out as I see that things are getting better. You are right, it is a "phase" but I like to call it a chapter in her life, a new beginning, a milestone. Consistency is key here now that she has had changes in the outside, try to keep changes in the home to a bare minimum. She needs to know that there is stability somewhere. Good luck to you.

It's a phase all kids go through. Some are harder on us than them, and this is probably the case here. Ask the teacher how long she fusses after you leave if you feel bad. You're doing all the right things.

Dear DM,
My response would be different depending upon your situation. Are you working and so that is why your daughter is in daycare/preschool? If so, it is out of necessity so that you can feed your family? If not, reconsider what will bring you the most peace and happiness in the long run. If you are, then pray for ideas to know what to do. Early childhood is a time to sincerely consider each child's needs and how we can best meet them with love, patience, and the gifts God has given us. My oldest daughter, who is 16 and going to Homecoming tonight, was your daughter's age what feels like was a few years ago. She had such terrible separation anxiety that we finally stopped preschool and worked on things at home: reading books, going on field trips, cooking together. Kindergarten and first grade were no different. My husband dropped her off at school for me some days because she would be so emotionally attached (clinging, sobbing). It drove us nuts. But the time I got to spend with her when she was at home instead of preschool is something I would not have traded for a million dollars. Her anxiety didn't last. The memories of being together do. She is bright and a great student, perhaps because of some of the many hours we spent together reading, listening to beautiful music, dancing in the family room, going to visit lovely spots. It was not a walk in the park as I had a new baby each 2 years, but again, in hindsight, I would not have changed anything. Her separation anxiety opened the door to closeness that otherwise might not have been there.
Carefully evaluate what your daughter needs now, and see what you can do to accommodate her heart and spirit at this short season. Whatever your circumstances, your Heavenly Father knows how to help you work things out. If you do have to work, He'll help you know how to help her through this transition time. So ask Him what to do. It's not an easy job, being a mother, but it is the most influential and worthwhile job we do. I am guessing you are doing the best you can do!
Best wishes,
L.

I think if you two can find something to share like maybe one of those little necklaces with the heart cut in half. She can have one half and you can have the other. I had to start back up to work when my son was only a month old and he did excellent up until he was about three. I always just reassured him that I would be there to pick him up right after work and then we would have lots of fun things to do. That way he would have a positive thought left in his head and not a negative one. He is six now and still we give lots of hugs and now he is the one that talks about all of the fun things we are going to do after work.

this is very normal I have 4 children and thankfully only had this happen with two of them as the days go by she'll feel more comfortable at school with new friends and teacher that this will become just like when she was in daycare. If there are any concerns talk to other parents or the teacher they might be able to help you. Another idea is to maybe do a carpool with one of her classmates this helped my son now 6 because as he put " I have a friend going to school with me"

Changed classes recently?
How is the new class different?
Is the teacher more "strict"?
Are the routines more structured?
Have you spoken to the teacher in the new class?
S.

As I was reading your post, I wondered if she had a new teacher/class, and then I read that she did. Children need consistency of care. As adults, we can adjust and make new friends, and be fine. Children try to bond with whomever is their primary caregiver. It is somewhat like her getting a new mommy (I understand she is not spending most of her time there, but it is significant for a child). This is probably why she is struggling so much. She doesn't feel "safe" in her terms. You know she is, but she feels like the rug has been pulled out from under her. This is normal. I'm not sure what to advise you though. It is not ideal for a child to be in daycare, so these things are just par for the course. I guess you can just try to reassure her as much as you can, and make sure that the time she has with you is strong bonding time, normal routine, gentle, patient parenting, in other words, make sure she has no reason to believe that anything else in her life is going to be different.

My son did this at the same age. My babysitter told me that, consistently, the second the door closed and I left he happily began playing. Per my babysitter, he was just putting on a show for me. On this basis, this seems to be pretty normal behavior for this age group.