I Have Never Been So Insecure About My Own Judgement

Dear J., My name is J. and I'm a mother of a 3 1/2 year old. I feel for you as I had trouble also with her. I have had her in an in home daycare enviroment since she was 5 wks old and it wasn't until about 18 mos old she started to cry and fuss but soon got to where it wasn't too bad. Recently we move to another area and I started getting the same from her and couldn;t find anywhere that I felt was helping her so I decided to open up my own in home daycare which I plan to start taking children August 6, 2007 as a licnesed in home child care provider. I am worried about making ends meet but as a parent I can see the need for loving AND qualified providers. I would suggest that if you don't feel good about it when you leave her then don't. If she is in a large daycare facility it may be too much for her. I will say that she is very social and caring towards other kids and owe it to having her with kids basically her whole little life. Good Luck and best wishes.

I would definetly take her out of day care. All kids are different and it sounds like she's just not ready for that. She'll grow out of it as she get older.

J. - Since you are looking for advice on this here is some from me.. Get your daughter out of there NOW!!! If you don't need to put her in day care why would you?? It sounds like she gets plenty of interaction with you and the 4 boys you nanny for...she is too young to be suffering like that.. most will probably say "she'll get used to it after awhile" and that's fine for some, but if it was my daughter ( and I have 2 girls) I would take her out after the 1st day. I never had to put my girls in daycare and when the oldest turned 2 last year I enrolled her in pre-school for 1/2 days to start. I made sure that there was another child she was familiar with in the same class and that was the best decision I made. The stuck to eachother when all of the other kids whined a little the first week and now they are doing so amazing and just finished the 2 year old program and are in summer camp. I did not see your original post, I wish I would have I would have responded to you sooner..Daycares are wonderful things for parents who have to work and need them, but I don't see any reason to bring them there if you don't have to. There are plenty of good ones, but your child does not get one on one attention (if anyone tells you they do, its not true)and who knows what else goes on there when you are not around. You are VERY lucky to be able to take your girl with you - soon enough she will be away from you at school everyday and you will wish she was a baby again and could spend your days with her. I'm so sorry she had such a hard time - the poor thing - save your money and your daughter and keep her with you..you obviousley make her the happiest or she would not have cried so much. If you need alone time, maybe leave her with a friend here or there but no need to pay for someone to play with your baby...I hope this made sense to you.. sorry for sounding opinionated, but when someone posts here to ask for an opinion, it's all good!~ Have a great day and good luck to you and your daughter!

Get her out of there!

Daycare is not good for any child and if you don't need it to work then there's no reason to make her go through that. Bring her home. If you want her to get some social interaction find a local mom/playgroup and take her to play with other kids once or twice a week.

You could do long term damage to your child leaving her there in that condition. The three most important years in a child's life are the first three. She needs to be with you!

What does your mommy voice tell you to do? Go with that, it's almost never wrong. Also if you nanny and can have her there WITH OTHER KIDS there by SOCIALLIZING, why are you gonna pay someone else to watch her? I don't get that.

Personally the whole day care for socialization thing IMO is a crock. For more than one reason.

ask her doctor? If she is so miserable, maybe its not a good idea. Could you take a day off and hang out with her at the center to see how she interacts?

I guess I only have one question. Isn't her being around the boys you watch interaction with other kids? Are they about her age?

First of all, I'm so sorry that you are going through this. It must be very hard.

Your daughter might not be ready yet. She is still young. Since you don't need her in daycare, I would pull her out...Maybe in a few more months if you still think she needs the interaction you can try again.

Best of luck in whatever you decide.

My 10 month old loves his daycare but he has been there since he was 3 months old... your lil girl may not be ready as this is a new experience, I would suggest that you do what puts you at ease and puts a smile on her face.... Good luck and let us know what you decide to do.....

I wouldnt leave her at daycare anymore. Both of my kids (2 year olds) cry when I leave them, but they stop within a couple minutes. The teacher does what she can to distract them, and they have activities throughout the day to keep the kids busy. They even told me they have a TV screen in the office and video cameras in every room so if ever I worried about leaving them there, I could ask to watch them on the TV to make sure they are ok. If she cries CONSTANTLY through the whole day, I'd say something is wrong.

That sounds like it's very traumatic for her and since you don't actually need to bring her there, I would stop. It sounds so upsetting. She is still little.

My daughter tried to go to a couple of hours of day care around the same age (for the social interaction and to give me one-on-one time with her brother) and she cried the whole time. My son went once a week to the same center, as did mostly all of my friends' kids, so I knew it wasn't the center. My daughter just wasn't ready. Thank goodness I didn't NEED to drop her off to go to work. NO ONE was benefitting from it, so we stopped. We tried again about a year later and she LOVED it! In the meantime, find other ways for her to interact with kids-- like storytime at the library or at playgrounds.

If you don't need it then don't do it. If she is crying that hard and for so long she isn't ready and at her age she cannot verbalize what is happening to her. Also, I am not sure that anyone is trying to help her adjust. Perhaps the workers there think letting her cry it out is the answer. Letting her feel insecure and not safe is not the way to go. Take her with you to work , save the $170 a week and retry when she is a little older.

Personally i think that for that amount of money for that little amount of time that she is there unhappy that maybe u should seek a home daycare/nanny it would be cheaper and less intense for her

Hi I have a 2 1/2 year old boy that at that age was very attached to me. I'm now in the process of getting him to "let go" so I can start him in a preschool in the fall and he's doing pretty good. I hope that either your baby is doing better at the daycare or you've taken her out. It's not worth it! If she is still having a hard time maybe you can set up some playdates with kids around her age so she can be social and also you can meet some other moms that are going through the same struggles as you. Believe me you feel relieved to find out your not the only one going through a particular "crisis". Or maybe you just have to switch her to another daycare that might let you do half day. Maybe a full day is too much for her (she is little) or she just doesn't like that daycare's environment. I hope things are better!

Trust your own instincts! Each child is different. I think you sound like a very good and concerned mom, so trust yourself! Good luck and may God bless you and your daughter!!

If it were me, I would definitely discontinue daycare.........ESPECIALLY since you don't need to use it. Perhaps in 6 months or so you could try again gradually. I wouldn't force the issue at this age. I've read somewhere that kids don't really play together until about 2 1/2 years of age. But they do need interaction once in while. My son is 21 months old and I stay home with him. We go to the park where he can interact with others. I have a next door neighbor that we get together once or twice a week with her two girls. And we do other outtings. And I feel my son is adjusting nicely. Good luck in whatever you decide.

Please take your daughter out of daycare. If she is that upset, there is a HUGE issue. She's not ready.

Your daugter may also feel you've chosen the boys over her on top of all the daycare trauma.

I know the world says that kids adjust and adapt to everything, but in my opinion the world is wrong. If your daughter is that upset, she NEEDS YOU.

I nanny for a 19 month old boy who is the son of two airline pilots. Occassionally they have to leave him with me for 24 hours or a little more. We've done really well until two days ago which was last I saw him. He used to just cry for a few minutes at drop off and be fine, but not yestrday.

Seems the older he gets, the more he realizes what's going on. For him and also your daughter, perhaps she doesn't understand just how long she will be there. Clay never knows how long he is staying with me. Just that he has to wait until someone he loves dearly (mom or dad) comes back.

When the mom came to pick him up I told her he had a "rough time" because honestly he did. He was basically pawing at the front windows next to the door several times throughout the day. He cried so much.. I just wasn't what he needed.

Your daughter is at the stage where seperation anxiety may still be an issue as well. At age 2 1/2 my son still has seperation anxiety to some degree, although not as devestating as your daughter.

However, if I were to drop my 19 month old girl off with people she didn't know.. there'd be no way those people would ever take her back because that is how much she would scream. I can't even leave her with grandma long enough. So perhaps we'd be in the same situation.

I hope I've helped in some way. Try playdates instead of daycare. The more people and friends she makes with you present, the more secure she'll be in playing without you later.

~J.
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I would suggest taking her out of that daycare. If you are able to take her with you to work thats great. I think that all kids should interact with other kids before they start kindergarden. My 5 yr. old starts school this year and I have had issues with daycares in the past. He went to two that he just didn't like for whatever reason. Maybe a playdate or program would be good to start off with. Is she just used to being with you at all times or is it the daycare? Good Luck!

As a care provider, theres NO WAY I would let a baby cry all day! I would tell the parent, she is not ready, and get her out of her personal little HELL!
That is utterly ridiculous, after a while I would call you and ask you to come get her. That cannot be good for her or the other children there.
Please remove her, and don't judge others by this persons mistakes.
Good luck!

I am a mother of 3 and have to take my kids to s sitter 1full day per week out of necessity! I totally understand your concerns and do not think I could live with the situation (the crying and knowing how unhappy she is would make me feel guilty and sad) you are in at all. I have someone who has been keeping my children for the past 3 years. she is amazing and the kids love her like a grandma. My kids are ages 3 1/2 yrs, 2 yrs, and 5 months and I would never go anywhere else. they are treated like family with all needs met immediately! the safety is amazing and they have tons of fun. every toy and game and book avail..many days when I go to pick them up they don't want to leave! I would highly recommend for you to stop using daycare...many reasons, I can't even go into! If you want more info on my lady who keeps 3 children regularly (ages 4 yrs, 3yrs, and 1 yrs and my 3 children 1 day a week 5 days a week($100 charge per child per week or daily price is $30 per day)let me know. She keeps many teachers kids during the school year and now that it is summer there are spots available. I am sure she would love to take on 1 more on a few days a week basis.just for the social interaction. ...my email address is ____@____.com

I agree,take her out. Go to play groups or to teh playground, or something so taht she does interact with kids, its ok if you are in the vacinity. Interaction is good but the best caregiver of your child is YOU!

I would put your child first. If she can come with you, why not. I understand the social part of it though, you want her to get a chance to socialize with children her own age. I would give it time and try again later. Your own tuitions are telling you that she may not be ready or it's the wrong center- I would definately try again later. Good luck to you!

WOW,

I thought I was going crazy and that I was all alone. I have 2 kids that are 2 & 3. I went back to work this past October and put them in daycare. My babies cried so hard in the morning getting them dressed and fed and out the door. As soon as we pulled into the parking lot they screamed harder. My heart shattered into a million pieces. I ran out of there holding back tears every day and cried my whole drive to work. Can you imagine an hour commute in South FL traffic hysterical?
I finally told my husband he had to bring them to daycare in the morning I couldn't do it. When I would call he said they were fine and so did the teachers, but I just didn't believe it because every morning the hysteria started all over again. I was paying $1200 for 2 kids part time and what did I get for my money 2 kids sick for 4 months straight and a lot of anxiety.
Needless to say I am back to being a SAHM. My kids are back to being healthy and my friend that had kids my kids ages moved away at Christmas time. So here we are all alone, the kids asking to play with their friends and me in search of a Mommy Group. We live in a neighborhood that all the kids are older so we spend a lot of time at Lion Country Safari and the Zoo, Barnes and Nobles and Pet Smart.