I Have Frightened My 4/Y Girl

Oh goodie! I'm not the only one that has terrified her kid on an accident/lack of judgement! Lol. We all do it at some point, don't fret. Just sit her down and explain that it's wrong to take things that don't belong to us and that police are not after her and then explain how very nice and awesome police are!!!!!

Reassure her that just because she made a mistake or did a bad thing, that does NOT make her a bad person! Also reassure her that you love her any way. It's important that she understands that EVERYONE does something bad sometimes and as long as we admit our mistakes and make amends, it does not make us bad people. Believe me, don't feel guilty for making her do the right thing, as long as she KNOWS that you still love her just as much and that DOING bad is NOT the same as BEING bad! Give her a big hug and tell her that you're proud of her for giving back the bookmark, and that she shouldn't worry about it any more. Good Luck! :)

Say, "No honey, of course you're not a bad person. You're wonderful. Just don't take other people's things again." And I disagree that fear is good.

Use that as a "teaching moment" for yourself and think through how you feel like you SHOULD have handled this so that you are prepared the next time something like this happens. ( Believe me it WILL happen!!).
I would not have allowed her to "refuse" to return the bookmark...I would have taken the bookmark from her, and then I would have taken her AND the bookmark back to school and helped her return the bookmark to its' rightful place. Then I would have had a quiet, gentle talk with her about honesty and the difference between what belongs to her and what doesn't .
You don't want to "scare her into being honest"...you want it to be a natural part of her personality. My youngest daughter ( who is now 27 and a college professor) STILL remembers the day many years ago when we were shopping for school clothes for her and she fell in love with a "key chain" that was hanging on a pair of jeans, with a fancy metal, bejeweled replica of the jeans company logo on it. We didn't like the way the jeans fit but she ADORED the key chain and decided she couldn't live without it!! Somehow I discovered she had it before we left the store and we went back to the display and she had to replace it on the jeans. She was mortified that she had "stolen" something that didn't belong to her and it simply broke her heart!!!
You should sit down with her and have a quiet conversation about the fact that she is NOT a bad person...and that the police are NOT out there lurking behind every bush, waiting to punish her. Tell her that you were wrong to have told her that ( It is important for our children to see us modeling the correct behavior and in this case the correct behavior is for you to admit that you were mistaken and to apologize). Tell her that the Police are her friends...people to go to if she is in trouble or needs help.
And to answer your last question..NO you are NOT a bad person...you made a mistake in judgement...but believe me all of us have done this more times than we want to admit. Just determine NOT to react to this situation again in the same way.
Good luck to you!!

I am gonna' go out on a limb and say - Please never use police officers, doctors, firemen, etc. as threats to get your children to behave. These are people and professions that our children need to trust. If she is now frightened that the police think she a "bad person" then she will not go them in an emergency...yes, she will outgrow this but really, don't use an entire profession as a threat to get your child to follow the rules.

That being said, you should have made her return the bookmark and explained to her that she should not take things that are not her's without permission. This is a simple life lesson for a 4 year old that can be accomplished without instilling fear of our public and professional servants.

You need to begin having discussions with her to mitigate her fears...when she questions the cameras start explaining that they are there to help the police protect her and her friends. Continue to explain that she is not a bad person, but that her actions were "bad". You can work through this with her.

Good Luck

I personally don't think you said or did anything wrong. Fear is not a bad thing. It is true that cameras are put there for crimes. Of course a 4 yr old taking a book mark is not an offensive crime BUT nonetheless stealing is stealing. When a child steals the most memorable moment will be when the parent takes the child & the item back to it's owner & apologizes for taking something that didn't belong to them. Yes it embarrasses them but oh well, the point is that this is the last time you ever want to deal with this again.

Let her know the police & cameras are there to help & protect everyone and she has nothing to be afraid of because she has learned her lesson.

Go ahead and keep explaining to her why doing bad things like stealing is wrong. No she isnt a bad person but can be if she continues the behavior. Fear is a good thing, helps your child realize that the world doesnt revovle around her wants and needs. She cant be let free of responsibility.

I did something similar. My 4yr old daughter wanted to go to the park a block away, so she opened the front door and took off with her little brother. The neighbor let me know quickly what her plans were so I could stop her. I was horrified and told her that bad people could take her from her family if she ran out of the house without a parent again. She was terrified that someone was going to take her away. I felt really bad but i wasn't' sure what else to do. We try our best to protect our children but I think sometimes it is unavoidable when their safety is at danger. I'd continue to talk to your daughter about it and explain it to her. My daughter didn't' seem worried after a few weeks and stopped talking about it.

Talk to her and let her know it is wrong to take something that doesn't belong to her, but police don't (usually) harm you unless you have done something wrong. Answer her questions. She will get past this.

I showed my son pictures of the sexual predators when he was 7. Ooops, he was afraid of everyone. But nw that he is 9 he understands that some people are just not good.

She'll be ok, keep teaching her. And let her know she is not bad.
You're doing fine.

you havent frightened her, you've made her aware. Keep it as a positive. Dont point your finger at her but do explain why we have surveillance cams and why it is not right to take things that don't belong to us.

i do not agree with those who say this is a good thing. no, you're not a bad person, it was a judgement call and none of us get those right every time. but hopefully we learn from them, and the fact that you've posted shows you're uncomfortable with it, and that's a good thing.
i think it's never okay to scare kids into good behavior, especially by scaring with them doctors, policemen, monsters etc.
when you asked her to give it back, that was the time to explain to her why, not just insist. she clearly didn't understand the situation. give her information, not fear.
just tell her (in short simple terms!) that policemen catch bad guys, and that she is a good guy so must behave like one and never take things that belong to others. and that policemen are there to help her.
khairete
S.