I Have a Three Year Old Daughter and She Is So Attached to Me I Can't Even Breat

For crying out loud take the bottle away, now. I also agree with Beaver go to the library check out books. It sounds like you expect your kids to teach themselves skills and it just doesn't work that way.

Also you have two children, you are not a first time mom.

The reason your daughter is so attached to you is that you've done everything for her for 3 years and not required her to learn to do without you some. This is YOUR doing and you are going to have to work on this, no matter how busy you are with your 2 month old.

First of all, she should not have been kept on a bottle for 3 years. A toddler walking around with a bottle is unsanitary. You should have introduced her to a cup after she started drinking cow's milk.

Now you've got a second baby in the mix and she is probably pretty jealous of the time you are spending with her sibling. You are now going to have to wait to get your toddler used to the baby to wean her off the bottle. It will be harder now. Blame yourself and NOT your toddler. This is now going to take some time to fix and you don't want your toddler blaming the baby for you taking the bottle away.

Go to the store and buy sippy cups. Let your toddler help pick some out. Talk about how the baby can't eat big girl food like your toddler can. Talk about what a big girl she is now and can play and talk and eat food. No more milk in the bottle - ONLY WATER. Milk has to come from the cup. The lukewarm water in the bottle will make the bottle a lot less interesting.

Call your ped's office and ask how many ounces of milk your 3 year old should be drinking each day. My guess is that you are feeding her too much milk.

The potty training will be easier when you aren't offering bottles full of milk that your toddler doesn't need. Starting potty training will also be easier when the baby is a little older. Buy a little potty and set it in the bathroom. Take her to the little potty after breakfast, along with a book, take the diaper off and have her sit on it while you read the book. If she pees, give lots of praise. If your toddler doesn't want to go, say okay, let's try later. Don't push it.

You need to require that your toddler allow you to work in the house. Turn on music and put something down on the table - crayons, playdoh, etc and clean the kitchen while she works at the table. You do NOT have to sit there the whole time playing with a 3 year old. Take some breaks from doing your work when she is NOT fussing for you. If you do it every time your toddler cries or fusses, you are teaching this behavior and you'll never be rid of it. You can turn on a timer and say "Honey, when the timer goes off, we'll spend a few minutes together. Right now Mommy has to wash the dishes."

Teaching patience to a toddler is hard, but NECESSARY. Like getting a child off of a bottle. I hope you'll be more proactive with this with your second child.

I introduced the sippy cup at 9 months. I took the valve out so it would flow easily and filled it with water. I gave it to my son when he was in the bath so there was no mess. Mine wanted nothing more with the bottle once he figured out the sippy cup.

Hope that helps.

Go to the library and get some books on parenting. I would get her off the bottle first. Go cold turkey. There is no reason to give a bottle to a child over the age of one. Then start potty training. There are lots of books and resources available for potty training. At the age of three she should be quite capable of learning this quickly. Once she is off the bottle and potty trained try and find a pre school program she can attend a couple of times a week. This will provide socialization for her, teach her skills she will need for school and it will give you a break and some time to bond with the baby. Join a moms group. You will learn a lot from the other mothers.

Time for a sippy cup.
Tackle one thing at a time.
If you have 2 kids, then this isn't your first rodeo.
Toddlers are tough and being as sleep deprived as you are with a 2 month old - it's not easy on anyone.
Potty training with a new baby in the house - just wait on it.
Kids who are potty trained before a new baby often regress afterward.
Just concentrate on getting as much sleep as you can for right now.
Everything else will fall into place later on - so let it go for now.

poor claustrophobic mom. you sound pretty overwhelmed.

baby steps. it's okay that she's not potty trained but it's past time for her to give up the bottle. gently encourage big girl behavior, but don't lecture her or over-explain.

you can be firm when you need to, though. 'mommy needs to feed the baby now, and can't hold you. you can play right there next to me.'

parenting tiny people means you have to get good at tuning out wailing sometimes.

be patient with her. she knows intuitively that you have to focus elsewhere, and it's frightening to her on a level she can't possibly articulate. help her find the pride in independence without shoving her into it at a rate she can't cope with.

this too shall pass, mama. whenever you can, dump both of 'em on their dad and get some desperately needed time to breathe, or read a book, or take a walk, or sleep.
khairete
S.

Why is your daughter still on the bottle and not potty trained? Have you taken her to a pediatrician for checkups? If so, what does he suggest? If not, make an appointment now. A pediatrician is good support. He an make recommendations and even refer you to get more support.

A friends 3yo daughter needed to be trained before she could go to daycare. SHE was diaper free in one week. Her mother took her in the bathroom with her everytime she (the mother) used the bathroom. Her daughter sat on the little potty. Mom talked about what a big girl she was. This little girl wanted to be a big girl.

I suggest that your daughter wants to bE a baby like her little sibling so his may not work. It sounds like you've treated her like a aby and now that you have set baby you want her to grow up. YOU can turn this around by being patient and knowing it will take months. Read about child development and parenting to help you. ASK a librarian to help you.

If this 3 yo has come to live with you from a prior home, she's likely to be very insecure. SHE needs a routine and sense of security. You can begin to provide this by having a routine for eating, sleeping and playing.

I suggest you sit down with her while she eats. Have a specific bedtime with a routine. PERHAPS bath, a bit of snuggling while you read her a story, hugs and a "good night."

My daughter as 5 kids, including a 5 month old, three and a 5 yo. When the baby is the age of yours she sometimes included the baby in storytime.

My daughter is low income and is the the mother she is now because she did get help from state and county agencies. SHE and her husband are still low income. I can't remember the programs name. THE program provides formula and we'll baby check ups. They also have insurance coverage through the Oregon HealHealth Plan. The plan is separate from Obamacare.

I suggest that you include the 3 yo as much as possible with the care of the baby. SHE can hand you a diaper, a wipe. My 3 yo granddaughter loves putting the diaper in he trash. Mom talks about the differences between babies and big girls. Somehow, she makes it sound like being a big girl and helping mommy to be the best thing.

I suggest you will be be to breathe when you find aaway to influence the times she's physically close. I guest that the more time you spend with hER , she will eventually be less needy. THIS will take time. She feels very insecure aND pushed to the side. EVentually, with you being consistent in giving her love , attention, and routine she will be less needy. This will take weeks or months depending on how she' been treated up til now.

If you re low income, you can eligible for county and state support. YOU can have the support of a pediatrician and a social worker.

I also suggest making an an appointment through the school district for alsoppointment evaluation. Federal law requires school districts to provide services to families and children from birth on who need extra support to ensure success in school.

Sounds like this little girl is not your child by birth. Where are hER parents? Why do you have hER without support? Even if she's your birth child, the county and state may be able to help you.

I'm a firm believer that if she still has the bottle, you will never potty train her. Pick one thing at a time to address:

1. Get rid of the bottle. 3 years old is old enough to make a clean break. Be vigilant about her taking the infant's bottle when you aren't looking - 3 yr olds are pretty smart when they want something.

2. Wait 2 weeks and start potty training. You might find that she starts on her own after the bottle is gone.

3. After potty training is well underway, start working towards independent play. This would also be a good time to check out some pre-schools to start getting some time with other kids her own age.

4. You can start setting some boundries right away - nothing too harsh, but maybe pick one time of day she has to be doing something on her own. For example, when you are feeding baby, she can sit next to you, but not on your lap. Or during all meal prep, she has to have busy time at the table. Just one rule for right now. One that you can gently encourage without yelling or shaming.

Please remember that she has had you all to herself for 3 years. She doesn't conceptually know how to "share" and my guess is she hasn't had alot of exposure to structured playtime. Be fair, be gentle, be loving. This, too, shall pass.

When I took away my son's soother, I said they were broken. One had a hole in it where he's chewed and I showed him and said "all gone" and that was that.
I did the same with bottles.
Even though it was how my child had soothed himself, he didn't fuss more than the first minute. Maybe my son was the exception, but I had worried about it for nothing. He could understand broken meant no more - and he accepted my explanation.

As for potty training - if your daughter is showing signs of readiness, then read up on it, and pick a way that will work for you (you have to be dedicated and committed to it - to be the most effective).

Good luck :)

where is her dad in all of this?

is she not exhibiting signs on wanting to be a "big girl"?
You say you are alone? How the heck do you have a two month old if you have "NO ONE"?

Your daughter is seeking attention. She needs to know she's still important in your life. Having a new baby is shocking to a 2 year old. Ask her for her help. Tell her you need her to be a GREAT big sister and help out. Give her simple tasks to do to help you.

When your 2 month old is down for a nap. Do something one-on-one with her.

Ah, you must be so tired. I'm sorry.

First, let me recommend http://www.babycenter.com for everything through elementary school. You can search quickly and easily without having to read many pages. It saved my sanity.

Second, was she always like this? Or, is this since the baby came? If it has been since the baby came, then I think you appoint her your Mother's Helper and give her some responsibilities with the baby, getting diapers, singing to the baby, making funny faces. Once the baby gets old enough to respond (it has been a long time since I had a baby, but I know there seems to be an endless period when they don't really seem to respond), making the baby smile/laugh will build a bond.

Third, if she was like this before the baby, I would 1) have Big Time with her every day. A special time when you and she spend time together doing whatever it is that she wants (within reason). 2) Create "solo play" boxes in the rooms in which you spend the most time. We had one in the bedroom, living room, and a cabinet in the kitchen, where DS could take out items for solo play...from blocks to Color Wonder (they can only color or paint on a certain type of paper you buy in the kit), cheap cooking equipment you get at the dollar store. 3) Perhaps find a half day program for pre-school or an equivalent. Our check in your town to see if there is an open play space, where you and your kids can go. In our town, there is a Toddler's Playhouse which is 5,000 square feet of toddler stuff where they can play with one another.

Good luck. Take care of yourself, too!

She's 3. Time to find a part time preschool - maybe 3 days per week, 3 hours per day. She'll learn some independence and you'll get to breathe.

Both my kids hated giving up the bottle/pacifier. They both reeeeaaally wanted them to soothe and did not want to give them up. You just have to go cold turkey. Talk to her daughter about how she is 3 and is a big girl now. Point out other kids who no longer use bottles. Tell her bottles are only for babies and then pick a day when there are no more bottles. And then don't give in. It will be hard. Think of it like big girl boot camp! Give her words of empathy and hugs but never give in. She will get over it. Praise her for being a big girl. Both my kids put up a huge fuss...my daughter would cry and fuss every night for 3 weeks! But then both were proud of themselves. You just have to do it. It's hard but you can do it. This is your job as a mama.

As for the bottle, I get it. Our kids didn't have to get off the bottle the day they turned 1 either. I let them be done when they were done and it worked out fine.

You have to learn how to make her go do other stuff. If you can find a Mother's Day Out for her to go to that will understand she is going to be "that" child that will scream and cry hour after hour, day after day, for weeks.