I Have a Crush - San Diego,CA

Well, a crush doesn't get much "safer" than a gay dance instructor!

And my gay guy friend makes the BEST shopping buddy! LOL
(No stereotyping here-just the cold hard FACTS, in Peter's case!)

I think gay men make the best friends. There's not the sexual tension that can develop with straight men. However, I suggest that many of his students get crushes on him and he's most likely not going to mix work live with his social life.

There is nothing wrong with having a crush. Makes life interesting. And it's much safer for the crush to be on a gay man. Just don't expect him to reciprocate. I suggest that even some mild flirting would be acceptable.

I worked with men and I flirted with the flirtatious ones. All in good clean fun. We understood that we weren't serious. A gay man would be in the same category of not being serious.

However, if it makes you feel guilty then don't flirt but do enjoy the high school sort of feelings of the crush. There is nothing wrong with it.

So?

(that was the entire male response) :)

Chalk it up to novelty.

To me, the point of his being gay is beside the point-- he's a distraction, but nothing more, if you take control of yourself.

Remember: you don't see this dazzling dance instructor day in day out. When he wakes up with stanky morning breath. When his nose has some grossness hanging out. When he's gross and sweaty at the end of the day. When he's embarrassed himself. When he burps or is flatulent in bed. You don't see him when he's upset, tired or angry or "just had a day" and needs to zone out and veg on the tv while you are doing dishes or folding laundry or putting kids to bed.

When you do see this guy, you are doing something fun for *you*. He's leading the group and making *you* feel good about *you*. My guess is that you like how you feel, and maybe who you are, when you are in that class...nothing wrong with that. Put those positive associations on yourself. YOU are doing something good for yourself.

And don't freak out. K., most of us who have been with a good, steady partner for any significant amount of time have been there. A crush isn't a big deal, but how you handle it is. Contain yourself--you don't need to make any grand confessions of your feelings to either husband or instructor. If you find your mind wandering, start writing your husband love notes and notes of appreciation. (If you find you have *nothing* to appreciate, then find a marriage counselor.) Think about what you loved about your husband to begin with, and see what can be done to bring some of that back into your lives.

New people are exciting. They can make us feel special and sometimes, they are really good at being exceptionally awesome people. Please know that if you don't feed into this, it will pass.... and you may end up in dance class a few months from now, discussing his boyfriend and some weird silly relationship stuff and wonder "WHAT did I ever get so hung up about...?" Could it be the good endorphins and hormones from getting out and moving, exercising? I know I LOVE my walking partner (old friend) and adore her at the end of our walks...

Not making light of your situation, just keep yourself centered. It feels crazy and frustrating, but it will pass. In the meantime, send your husband some love and try not to fixate on this (in real life, very imperfect) guy.

I personally don't think there is anything wrong with a crush as long as that's all it is.
I don't know if I can call them crushes, but I certainly love some drop dead gorgeous men who wouln't look at me twice other than to help me with an outfit or my hair because I'm not their "type". They are gay and I have no problem with that. We love each other dearly. No secret. But it's not like it would ever go anywhere. My ex husband was actually jealous of one of my friends. Can't blame him....let's face it...the man is seriously stunning to look at. Even straight men are like, "dang!"

There's nothing wrong with wanting this guy as a friend or being friendly with him. I would think the fact that he's gay would render him pretty safe as far as anything romantic ever happening.

You see traits in him that you find attractive. This world is full of attractive people.
It's only a problem if you let it interfere with your marriage or your every day life.

This is just my opinion. No offense to anyone.

He's gay. Whether you're married or not, its NOT gonna happen! :))
I know how you feel ......our son used to attend summer camp at this one place and the owner of the facility is freakin' HOT. I would see him everyday when I dropped off and picked up my son. He made it very hard not to notice him. All the moms would do the hair-straightening, the checking of make-up, the smoothing of the blouse before entering the front door, in case he was there. lol
We were pathetic.. Heck one time, the man put his arm around me and talked and talked.....good lord I was tongue-tied. How's that for high school reactions?? hehe

I have never thought there was anything wrong with a gay boyfriend - and my man sees no issues with it either. Gay men just feel "safe" for many women and we are often attracted to them because we can not have them and once we get over that part of it see all the benefits of a "Gay Man's Perspective."

LOL....so you have a little crush? So what! Its completely innocent, and he is gay!
Go home, close your eyes and fantize about him for a little while. I do it with movie stars all the time..and country singers ;) lol

Everyone gets those little "crushes" every now and again.

I have a guy at work that I SWEAR I blush everytime I talk to him. I dont know him, I dont care to know him, I dont 'like him', I just think it is cute and he makes me nervous! lol

Crush away. Since there is no possibility for a romantic involvement, there is no need to worry about the consequences it could have on your marriage. I'm sure you could even tell your husband, and have a few laughs with him about it. As long as your crush doesn't effect your marriage or turn into an obsession, you're fine to enjoy the view!! And bonus.... shopping trips without having someone complain about why you need to look at 6 different pairs of black shoes lol

Feelings aren't facts. I wouldn't encourage them, but you can't help sometimes how you feel or what comes to mind. In those instances, I like to thank God for how I am made. Amen.

I think it's one of those things that you've realized it "safe" to have a crush on him because you know that nothing will come of it. Treat him like your best friend, not your crush though. If you act like you're crushing on him, then you're sure to drive him away. Treat him like you would a good friend, then, if he seems receptive, ask him out for coffee or something.

The other I thought of...You say you like the way he talks, his style and his jokes. Is it possible that you wish you were that comfortable with yourself? You wish you had his style, or could tell jokes the way he does. Just a thought.

I think we've all been there -- even having a crush on a purely hetero male friend. its scary sh*t and you really need to back away when you get these weird "moments" and awkward silences when alone with the guy.
i had reconnected with a childhood friend I've had a crush on since a wee girl (like 7yo?) and he is HOT. because i was out of town without my husband, i felt like we were back to being 14. if he sent out signals , those were blatantly ignored LOL. my point is: We all go thru it and most of us overcome these moments of weakness. We're women. :)

Actually, I feel a little different than the rest of the posters on here. I think a lot of us see a gorgeous man and think "yummy...the things I can do with that..." But then it stops there. Now when you are "obsessing" about him, that is another story. You said "you think about him MORE than you WANT to". So yes, I think its a problem. And is he flaming gay? I mean like NEVER been with a woman? Or is he possibly Bi, been with men and women? If so, then there *is* an open door for something to happen. Just my opinion, but I don't agree with it being harmless since he's on your mind even when you are not at dance class. Playing with fire in my opinion and I would find another dance class with a female teacher. Good luck.

Honestly, I don't believe there's a single person on the planet who hasn't fantasised about someone other than their spouse! As long as it remains a fantasy, I honestly say "no harm no foul"! :)

I also agree that gay men are often better friends than another woman! I had such fun with my boss cos people assumed he was heterosexual and women would keep asking me if he was married. Then, when I said "no" they'd bring him homebaked goodies which we'd share after they'd left. We'd then have a good laugh. I used to find it irritating when the most gorgeous clients were "on his team" and he'd joke with me that I didn't have a prayer! :) I have fond memories of that office. :)

IF he is professional in his conduct and ethics... he will be well aware of your crush on him, and act professionally about it, not getting all chummy with you.

Dance instructors, all the time, have people have crushes on them.
Man or woman.
BUT, so the Instructor has to be aware of their students and keep it professional. It is called people management.

Sometimes we feel this way when we know it is something we cant have. But just think about it if you could have it. I might not be what you wanted at all. Been there done that.