I Have a 11Yr Old Boy Who Constantly ' Tags'

Updated on April 13, 2008
J.W. asks from Reno, NV
6 answers

Hi again! I have an 11yr old boy who is constantly scratching his name into any surface he thinks we are not going to check. He has been in trouble at school for doing this, and has had these issues for years. We have spent litterly 'days' in hours of table talk explaining to him pro and con, reputation, and consequence systems. He still does it, stating he is bored, which I believe, because he is always restricted! We get him out for daily activities such as to the park, martial arts, and weekend trips, but he still feels its fun to do this. He is a great artist, but still wastes so much time doing this!! We really do not allow him out with other kids because either the friends do not meet with our standards, or the parents do not(meaning ganglike kids/uncaring parents) I have even had him apologize to the entire school and clean up his work with the school custodian. Any ideas on his perception?

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So What Happened?

We have given him art projects with the community, and he does realize that what he is doing is wrong, but sometimes he goes right back to doing what hes doing, right after being in trouble. I feel some of this is linked to the fact we dont let him out with friends after school because they are unsupervised and the parents are a bit shady. Maybe next year, his choice of friends may change to a more diverse range, which will allow us to give him more freedom. He still must earn it through reputable decisions!

More Answers

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S.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

It seems he is willing to communicate with you about why he does it. Have you thought about giving him a creative outlet at home? There are non-profit organizations that cater to at risk youth through art. Some are after school or weekend groups. I know LA Art Shares is comprehensive, where they want to connect with the minor, but include the family in their activities. In a couple of years, your son may become rebellious if his feelings don't get sorted out now. I used to tell my clients, that sometimes best intentions can spoil our children. I used to work with families in a non-profit agency in a underpriveleged neighborhood. Kids of all ages have needs and if we deprive them (because the area is not safe) they will find a way to let off steam/frustation. Good luck.

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D.V.

answers from Los Angeles on

If he is such an "artist", perhaps you can give him a place to express himself. Use chalkboard paint in his room and have him create there. Offer him a chance to have an art show for family and friends where he can display his work (or sell) has canvases. Hook him up with a local artist or with commmunity art classes. I think you can set up a positive environment rather than focusing on the negative.

If that doesn't work, contact your local police department graffiti unit. They can talk to him about the consequences of distroying public property. In my last high school assignment, the boy and his family had to serve community service and pay restitution. That can get pretty pricey.

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C.S.

answers from Las Vegas on

I bet he will be a great artist. Why don't you try to bring that out in him. Find an artist who is willing to mentor him in your community. Kids listen to others better than they listen to their parents. See if you can find an artist who will teach him to respect our landscapes and embrace the beauty of nature, rather than write on them. Google artists in your area or try searching for artists in your zip code on myspace. Just be careful with who you hook him up with or stay with him while they are together.

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C.H.

answers from San Diego on

I wouldn't discourage his desire to express himself through his art - it will only make him want to do it more and in secret. Your comment that he "wastes time" doing this talks to your perspective on the issue that might need to be changed. Tagging is his way of expressing himself, his person, his ideas and his creativity in a way that is rewarding to him. I see it as a gift.

I'm going to say something really bizarre, let him tag his room walls.

Tell him he can tag all his wants in his room to express himself and his art in his room. Do you have an outside wall that no one can easily see? Let him tag that. For teenagers, tagging is a popular form of artistic and personal expression - albeit annoying to adults.

It is like playing pool in the 1940's and skateboarding in the 1980's. It takes tremendous focus and practice to become a good skateboarder - however, for many years adults tried to limit boarding - as a result, it became a truancy/loitering law issue with kids videotaping each other on the steps of the State Capital, on the rails of the AG - it became fun to be defiant.

Some communities got smart and created board parks where kids could board all they wanted. Now skateboarding parks are mainstream in newer communities. I see tagging just like boarding.

Use his passion to teach him life skills.

Teach him to save his allowance for pens, paints, etc. Or save for a nice camera so he could take digital photos of his work. I would send it in to contests and also help him to create a website for his own gallery.

Creating a website is difficult and it teaches incredible life skills. It requires logical thought, mathematics, writing skills, reading skills, artistic skill, research skills, resourcefulness, savings (costs money to maintain), entrepreneur skills, commerce, etc.

It is the recognition or the thought that others will see his work that is hugely rewarding.

Unconventional recommendations, I know. I just know when my mom told me I couldn't do something, I wanted to do it more and more and I did without her knowledge.

Here is a website of a famous tagger in the UK. He has graffic/adult content on his site, so I wouldn't show this to your son, however, you can see how his tag sign (name/signature) is the first thing that comes up on his site. I really like some of his outdoor work. Creative, expressive. See how one of his photos shows guys looking at his work. That is the reward. It is his desire to be recognized for creative and incredible artwork.

http://www.banksy.co.uk/

Here is another one...amazing stuff. http://www.cantwo.com/ Email the guy, he has a "contact" on his site. Talk with him about what you can do to channel the energy of your son.

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N.B.

answers from Los Angeles on

What if you got him something to carve into to take with him. I am sure Lowe's or somewhere have left over wood and he can work on making things for himself or others. Names, words, pictures but he can do something creative.
I have very intelligent children and they were bored to the extent we took two and put them into Charter schools and still one was bored with that also.
Good luck.

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J.C.

answers from San Diego on

I used to work at a tech college that taught graphic design. Some of their best students were those who were taggers growing up. You might want to check for a local program for teens in graphic design. If you live in the Monrovia area or are willing to commute there is an art school called Montecito art school on Huntington Drive/Myrtle. If not, you can also check around at the community college or for your local Kidsart places. Help him rechannel his energy. :)

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