G.B.
You do realize she may never do this and it's going to continually frustrate you?
Some kids with disorders are just who they are, they live, they learn, they grow old, they die from old age, still the same person they were when they were a preschooler.
I had to teach this concept to many of my staff when I was a supervisor in an Intermediate Care Facility, ICF-MR, they would get so mad and frustrated at the people who lived there because they wouldn't "learn" the subject in a timely manner.
I tried to explain to them that the particular person they were working with might never do that task independently. Then, of course, they'd ask why they were wasting their time teaching the person to write letters, numbers, words, etc....
I told them, these people were born this way, they live, they grow, they grow old, they die, still the same cognitive issues they were born with.
It's our job to help them achieve the best and fullest life possible. Not to try and make them conform to our own standards that fit a normal person on a good day.
But that we should help them find joy in learning those things that might help them to some day, some day, write a check at Walmart, add up their checks each month to balance a checkbook, to take a boneless skinless chicken breast and make a chicken helper meal, to do something other than sit and vegetate.
I've worked in many settings, homes, institutions, trainer, group homes, work shops, job coach, and more. I know repetitive actions eventually make it in. They learn by rote. They hear it every day, they do it the same way every day, it eventually makes it in.
But even then it can be a huge issue. What if the job buys a new grill? Or the bank changes the colors of the checks, or the group home gets a new resident that this person does not get along with, or something more severe like mom and dad die.
These kids do need to have every advantage and learn to be as independent as possible.
So you're not doing something that will be useless, I'm not saying that. I'm just saying this:
If YOU change the way YOU think about your actions then you'll have more patience, YOU'll have the bigger picture, YOU will understand that repeating yourself 50 times per hour is eventually going to take hold and she'll only do it that one way the rest of her life.
You will have to change how you think about this. If YOU want her to do something you may have to use physical prompts such as this:
"Honey, we ate breakfast. What do we do next? (Put your hand on her hand), Honey, we ate breakfast, what do we do next? (Lift her up with your hand). Honey, we ate breakfast, what do we do now?"
By this time you should be walking to the bathroom. Recognizing she did something and there is a next thing is a huge step!
Understanding and remembering she is supposed to do something is awesome.
So one day she just ate breakfast and she goes and stands in the bathroom waiting. She's waiting for help to tell her what to do next. Every day of her life you have to do the same thing.
""Honey, we ate breakfast. What do we do next? (Put your hand on her hand), Honey, we ate breakfast, what do we do next? (Lift her up with your hand). Honey, we ate breakfast, what do we do now? We go brush our teeth."
Then when you take her by the hand and lead her to the bathroom she eventually remembers it's time to brush her teeth. So she comes into the bathroom. Waits.
You have to do the next 100+ steps to brushing teeth every day too.
We get our stuff to brush our teeth. No, not toilet paper, not sanitary stuff, no, honey we brush our teeth. What do we use to brush our teeth.
Yes, we get our toothbrush and toothpaste, something to put water in our mouth to swish out the excess paste. A towel to dry the face and hands on, to put the items back where they go AFTER they are rinsed very well so later we're not using a toothbrush that has morning toothpaste left on it.
I worked with one young man who has severe mental retardation. He was in his 50's when he could finally brush his teeth after breakfast. I can also tell you that he didn't let anything stop him from doing it. The bus leaving to get people to work didn't stop him, the tornado sirens going off didn't stop him, they had to take his toothbrush and toothpaste to the shelter with him....
So being repetitive is extremely needed by kids who don't process the world like we do. This is your life for the foreseeable future. She has a cognitive illness, she may never process information any differently. Have faith. It's not bad, just harder on us who remember after the first time or two.
