I Feel like I Am Failing as a Mother

I think thats a ??? many of us will be asking until the end of time. Sometimes we feel overwhelmed, and you just need a lil break for some self relaxation...But its deffinetly a normal feeling!

What your feeling is normal. I feel like that a lot with working nights and only getting to put my daughter to sleep one night a week. It's hard to be supermom and keep it all together. Luckily you have great support from all us moms.

J.,

Yes, it is perfectly normal! I am sure you are doing a fine job with your family. With the youngest only 1 month old, you are probably running on empty. It definitely IS hard to juggle it all, and you probably feel like you are coming up with the short straw.

Have you joined your local MOMS club? It is a good way to get support in person from other mothers, who understand exactly your current situation--because they are in it, too.

As long as your kids are fed, dressed, and reasonable clean now and then, don't fret. If possible, ask someone to come over and help watch the kids for a little bit so you can take a nap. That whole sleep deprivation is the worst for making you doubt yourself. If you have thoughts of hurting your family or yourself, call a hotline, see a doctor, or seek some other professional right away in case you have post-partum depression.

Best wishes,
K.

I've felt like that before. Take a step back and realize all the things you do everyday to care for your children. Are these new feelings? Maybe you should talk to your Dr. about post-partum depresion. It is common even if you don't have it with previous children. Hope this helps.

Im worried here about you having Post Partum Disorder ( "baby blues" )since your little bio says you have a 1 month old.
Its really normal to feel sad or like youre running in circles, especially since you have 2 other children.
I really would suggest talking with your doctor. PPD is really normal. S/he can suggest counceling or anti-depressants that will help.

Something you might want to consider is having someone watch all 3 of your boys for a couple hours every week just so you can have real quiet adult time to yourself. It helps even with my 1 child I do need this!

I only have one child, but I do know what you are going through with the chaos of several. For awhile I had 5 kids and my parents to worry about. All the kids were under 2 at the time because their mothers bailed on them for a bit.
I went through severe post partum after my son was born.
Please, feel free to contact me by email and Ill talk to you about the stuff I went through and try to help in any way I can.
____@____.com

Keep your chin up! It will all work out, just have patience ! ;} *hug*

Oh do I know how you feel. I am a mother of 4 kids under 6. Ages 6, 4, 3, and 8 months. 3 boys and 1 girl. This is so normal. Give yourself a break you just had number 3 and are not in a routine yet. you'll be alright. Plus boys are boys and are much more physical. Although my daughter is just like her brothers. Sometimes I feel like I am going to lose it and wonder what did I do having all these kids. But I also love my kids and the house would not be the same without them. You will be fine. Your 2 younger kids are just in a hard age. I just want you to know it works out. No one evers says that being a mom is hard and that sometimes it just sucks. You just have to let the simple things go. Dont worry if your house isnt clean or you havent done some chore. It will get done. Give youself a break!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you'll figure out your schedule. We have all been there. E. S.

I agree with the other ladies. It is rather normal to feel this way, but that doesnt mean it isnt also an indicator that it is time to ask/seek some help. Whether it be a doctor, or a moms support group (which are fabulous by the way)...there is MOPS which have meetings all over the place, and often if you call your local community action or job and family servicies, they may also know of some in the area. Talking to others who understand and can relate is a huge help. I have 3 children and I have felt that way in the past as well. Please, pick up the phone and make a call. Dont use the excuse that you dont have time. Many of the support groups offer free childcare while you attend. Taking care of our children is very important...but if we dont take care of ourselves as well, then we get to the point where we are no longer a help to our family at all. Sometimes we have to learn to let go and cut certain activities from our agenda, or just take some me time each week. Talk to others, and find a balance for yourself. Hang in there :)

J.,

i was feeling the same way you are feeling just a few weeks ago. i only have one little girl but i felt like i couldn't do it anymore. I also watch Rachael Ray everyday and i was browsing the site after the SAHM segment. i've been working with the FREE website www.flylady.net and i feel like i'm conquering the feelings by conquering my clutter. i've only been working for a week but i already feel different. i hope this helps you.

S.

Yes, what you're feeling is "normal" and natural. However, I would talk to your doctor at your follow-up appointment (I'm assuming you have a checkup scheduled for 6 weeks after delivering your new baby.)

After my daughter was born, who is 13 months now, I had ALOT of feelings like I just wasn't a good mom, that my daughter liked everyone else better than me, etc. I still struggle with these feelings sometimes, but it helps to talk to someone that can relate. I found that talking to others who *hadn't* experienced these feelings actually made me feel worse. Even talking to my husband was difficult because there was no way he understood. He's just not a woman with the same emotions/experiences, which I don't fault him for.

Take some time for yourself. I know that's very hard and easier said than done. I'm not very good at this myself.

Remember, your body is still adjusting physically and emotionally from the new baby. You'll get through this, like everything else in life. You're doing great.

Hi J.!
YES, its totally normal. I watch Rachael Ray and the had a guest on the show that feels like us. So I will send you the site addy.
I feel like this all the time!! and you are not alone in feeling this way. Please get out of the house ( NO KIDS) and do something for yourself....have a pedicure, go stroll around the mall, hang out with friends.
http://www.rachaelrayshow.com/?q=shows/may-21-2007

Sounds like you might just need a night off. Do you have any family or friends that would mind taking the kiddos for the night? That is the only way I keep my sanity sometimes. I've got an 18 month and a 5 month old so it gets crazy sometimes. I'd suggest dropping the kids off with fam or friends and either stay at home and do a fun spa nite and just pamper yourself...or get a couple girlfriends and have a nite on the town. Sometimes as moms we feel selfish going out and having time for ourselves, but we NEED that to be the best parents we can be!

Word of advice though, if you do go out and drink only have like 2 drinks total...don't get drunk and have a hangover the next morning...I did that once. Trust me. It's nooooooooo fun the next morning. After not having any alcohol your tolerance goes waaay down. But anway...back to your question...

If you do that and you still feel sad you should definitely go see your doc or therapist about it. If it is post partum depression, then you can get on medication that will balance you out and help your hormones get back to normal again.

I hope this helps and if you want to get together sometime with someone just to hang out or talk about things you should message me. I'm 23 with 2 little ones and I know I feel lonely sometimes. It's normal to get out of whack sometimes between drastic hormone changes and sleep deprevation it's no wonder most of us get moody, irritable and emotional at the drop of a hat after having a baby. You just hang in there and do whatever it takes to be the best momma you can. Those 3 angels deserve it;)

Are you kidding? You have a 2 year old...isn't that enough to make you go crazy in itself? :)

I admire you for choosing to have 3 children, taking care of them, and being modest/humble enough to worry that you're doing a good job for them. That's what a mom does. Of course you are not failing them. You're tired, you're pulled in a million directions at a time, and with little time to yourself it's no wonder you're feeling this way. Talk to a doctor regardless of whether you think it is postpartum or not. You're life has changed drastically in the last 10 years and talking to someone face to face can help. Even your kids' ped...ask them to have a nurse watch the kids for a minute so you can talk. They see kids and moms all the time and will take time to chat it up with you. Keeping you sane is part of keeping your kids healthy and that's their #1 job. I'll admit that both my ped. and my OB (#2 on the way) have seen me in tears and did an excellent job of cluing me in to what other parents do to cope, icluding themselves.

Take care of yourself..maybe keep a water bottle by you, just like when you were pregnant, keep cut cheese blocks & grapes (balance blood sugar) as well as precut veggies nearby, and get in some good long walks as much as possible. and CHOCOLATE - lots of CHOCOLATE! It's not a save-all, but it could be a start. Make sure you take some time each day to shower and put on clean clothes. If you're anything like me when I had my son...I'd put on the same sweats day after day, make sure my teeth were brushed and spend the rest of the day making sure he had everything he needed. Paint your nails, get a haircut, or do something else equally girly that you can catch a glimpse of during the day and recognize a bit of the rest of YOU. Your kids need to know you as you are. If that means that rules are relaxed and paper plates/towels are used b/c the dishes are all in the sink, so be it. It might give you time for a tickle fight or love fest!

Hi, Yes well all go through this. There is no Supermom. Do what you have time and ask for help. Also think of a momsclub to join. They are awesome support. Also you could hired a postpartum doula to help give you a break and can help you get org. I am a doula and get insurance to cover the services more and more now.
Take Care
jo

Hi J.,

I feel like that too sometimes. After my son was born (he is 4 months old now) I felt like that for a while. He wouldn't let me put him down and my two year old was pretty much just begging me for attention. If I was feeding, changing, or holding the baby I felt bad because I felt like I was neglecting my daughter but if I was making lunch for my daughter or taking her to the bathroom I felt like I was neglecting my son because he would have to cry while I got my daughter's stuff done. Add exhaustion from being up all night and not taking any naps, tons of laundry and dishes I didn't have time to do, and yes, I definitely felt like a failure some days. It got better when my son started to be able to see better and started to grab at toys because now I can put him down on the floor or in his bouncy seat to play while I play with my daughter or get things down. Plus I'm getting more sleep now so I almost feel like a normal person again. :) Anyway, I guess what I'm saying is that it is really tough when you have a newborn and a two year old because they are both pretty needy and I'm willing to bet that most moms with young kids feel like a failure a lot of time. From you bio, it looks like you have an 8 year old as well - I just have two kids and I can't imagine having to go through all of this with a third. You are probably just exhausted. Hang in there, it will get better when you get more sleep and when your 1 month old can start to play. It also helps when they learn how to smile - when he gives you one of those big toothless grins you'll know you're not a failure.
I hate to quote Oprah but I was watching her show last week and something she said really sunk in for me - she said the best gift you can give your children is not to do and say everything right, but to be happy yourself. They will grow up feeling your happiness and learn to be happy themselves in life. Try not to let the small stuff get you down like dishes and laundry and cleaning and just enjoy your kids while they are little and while they still think its wonderful to spend time with you - easier said then down most days, but it makes me feel better when I try it - or at least gives me an excuse when everything is a mess :)

You mentioned you have a 1 month old...could you have PPD? If you are depressed, feeling alone, not sleeping at all, and feel just plain sad, you should call your Dr. Do you get any help at all from your significant other or family? That could also be the issue.