My oldest son has a focusing problem over but is a A student. My husband has been vey busy for the past two weeks with work. I was helping my son study more and making sure he had everything completed. Anyhow my husband received an email from his teacher saying he has not been turing in some of his assignments the past couple of days. Plus I overlooked somehow some stuff that had to be turned in. I feel so INCOMPETENT and STUPIP. My husband is stressed with me and my son with good reason. I clean the house, feed my kids 2 meals a day at least, teaching my 4 yr how to read. Help my 1st grader with his homework and studying for his spellling test. I fee lately I have doing an excellent job cleaning the house. I was starting to think it was easier since 2 of my 3 kids are in school all day. 1 st grade and 5 th grade. Please send me prayers for a great school year. Every school year is so stressful. I am already looking forward to summer.
I thought I was being diligent with my kids homework. Totally different subject I feel undervalued when I husband says "what did you do all day..your home anyway? Like I am suposed to be a complete superwomen able to keep the house perfect, cook, pick up the kids
Well not to make excuses for my husband but he has ALOT going on. Mainly his mom is dying of cancer., its gone to her brain and skull. Thanks for all the encouragment but I still feel like I didnt handle what I was suppposed to handle..my son finishing his work. He has focusing issues but so far is a good student. My husband is so annoyed normally he rarelly calls me for anything. Since 3 pm its now 6 pm he has called me 4 times totally irate in a calm way.
Please send me some prayers. I don't want him upset with me. I admitted I made a horrible mistake.
You seem to be doing well to me, but I understand feelings.
Cooking 2 meals is per day is a real accomplishment. Many people eat out or eat premade food.
I hate it when they say "what did YOU do all day?"... that is just so man-rude.
Don't feel bad, you will screw up now and then, everyone does, it's not that big a deal.... You do the same things over and over everyday, it get so monotinous it makes you a little dingy sometimes.
Sounds to me like you are holding down 2 jobs. The house AND the kids. By the time your son is in the 5th grade he needs to be held accountable for turning in his own work. Maybe you should have a sit down with him & remind him of HIS responsibilities as a student & the consequences. Kudos for teaching the 4 yr old to read! :) For your husband, it doesn't sound like he's being very patient with you & he's certainly not being friendly about it. Communication is key. I can't begin to guess what all is going on there but just by what you said, something is off balance. Him going to work & expecting you to do all the child care, cooking, cleaning, laundry, dishes..... seems a little 1950's ish don't ya think? Maybe you two should sit down & talk. Maybe he's feeling overwhelmed at work. Financial stress... who knows. Good luck! :)
alright
you made a mistake. please don't be so harsh on yourself.
i am on top of my kids' homework, reading, discussing, etc. ON TOP, and just last week i forgot to send in their math review sheet.
my child was hysterical. apparently the teacher yelled at her because my child said 'mom forgot it.' hahahah you know what I DID. i apologized to my child (no one else and told her i am just human. my brain took a break when i was supposed to put it in your folder). she gave me a huuuuuggggeee smile.
:)
well, sometimes hubbies don't get it. They expect too much from us, that's because they do see us as superwomen, because of all the things we can do. I think you're doing great, we all have things like this happen to us. I left my office keys inside my office once, and my car keys inside my car ON THE SAME DAY!!! I also felt like that, but don't worry about it. We are human, and programmed to screw up from time to time. The fact that your husband was stressed about it, just means he really cares that you stay on top of things, not that you aren't, plus remember that this is not the only thing he has to stress about during the day.
I hope you feel better, you are doing a beautiful job. Good Luck!!
People make mistakes. Your husband needs to stay home for a day and see how hard it is. Just speak with the teacher and let her know that your family is going through aa difficult time and see if she will let your child turn in the past homework.
hi,
When husband or wife do not appreciate ALL the work a stay at home parent is doing for free.Like housekeeping,running errands,kids(childcare,just the cost of this one is enough to make them understand how much you are actually saving him money by staying home with the kids),seriously leave for a few days if you can or a good 8-10 hours will do it for most men and let them deal with ALL of it.Most men are not multitaskers and we all know how valuable that is while staying home with small children.They will do it but the house will probably be a mess .Mine had to do it with three kids under 7 years old while i was very sick in bed for three days.And after that he said it will take his day jobs everyday over mind.It was too busy,none one second break,not even could go to the bathroom on his own(eh eh),too many things to do all the time at the same time everyday constantly while answering the constant chatt chatt of those 3 small kids.He was sooo happy to see me healed.I explained to him that i actually enjoyed the challenged everyday even if i am not successful everyday.I am afterall creating and creatif with 3 little people(ya there is may be a little ego in there but it is true) the same way he is creatif with business projects.He answered was that the business projects are quieter and don't chatt chatt all the time.:-) oh well.He did got the point after those 3 days i happened to be so sick though.
You're doing a good job even when it is not perfect.Let him experience it for long enough and it will understand.
Good luck.
N.
You are NOT incapable. It looks like a bunch of us mamas are having a weird day. You are doing the best that you can. And your kids will come home and love on you and kiss you and tell you what a great mom you are. Give your husband a day in your shoes :)
HUGS. I know I need them today, so I really, truly hope you feel better soon. It's so hard sometimes and we all do the BEST we can (even if the encouragment is from miles away).
You're doing a great job. Keep doing the best you can and try not to feel overwhelmed. You can only do so much. Do it with cheerfulness and joy. You'll miss stuff with your kids etc. but that's okay. It's hard for the teachers to keep up with each and every student and it's hard for the mom's to know what the kids are doing at school and what is expected from the teachers. All you can do is your best. Just because you're home doesn't mean you can be all knowing all the time AND working 24/7 to keep everything in perfect order. Just because you're home all day doesn't mean that you're PERFECT either. UGH! I stay at home too but I feel like I'm busier than if I had a full time job. I absolutely HATE when my hubby asks me "what did you do all day..." He stopped asking me that, though. He sees what I do when he's home from work and decided that I'm too busy. =) Hang in there and good luck!!
I didn't read through the other responses but here's my two cents:
No one can do everything! Everyone forgets things, misplaces things, and sometimes things don't always get done. That's a part of life. You are juggling a lot. It's hard to keep everything going and on task- esp. when you are taking care of a family. Give yourself a break- it's hard work being a Mom and running a family and home. Back when I was a working Mom I thought SAHMs had it SO easy. Now that I am one- holy cow! Being a Mom takes a lot, period. And I only have one kid- I am in such awe of Moms who have 2 or more kids. We Moms have the hardest job on the planet- think of all we do and all we are responsible for EVERY DAY! Give yourself a pat on the back for all you do for your family. You are a great Mom! I think that's what every Mom should do at least once a day- give themselves a pat on the back and remind themselves they are great at their Mom job.
Now that you've updated your status I can relate to you so much more! My husband went through a nervous breakdown as his father was in his last stage of cancer and soon after he died. He was very irritable and easily upset with everyone and everything. Your husband's anger is probably an early stage of grief, and since he wants to be strong for his mom, he breaks down and takes it out on you and the kids. My husband received a small prescription for irritability and sleeplessness, which helped a ton, but he was at the point of harming himself until I had to have him committed for 3 weeks before he got the help he needed.
As far as your son, I am a public school teacher and from my perspective you are doing a great job as a supportive parent. Your son also has a wonderful, attentive teacher. Make sure she knows about your son's grandma-very important as that could affect his attention in school. As for homework, does he have an assignment notebook so you can doublecheck that he has everything? Can you take a minute when you pick him up from school to make sure he has everything he will need to complete his assignments at home? Keep up the great work, and take some time for yourself while the kids are in school! You deserve it!
Hey, you're doing great! I suggest that your husband is equally frustrated and feeling like a failure and is handling it by blaming you. Perhaps find a babysitter and just the two of you get out together, tonight or soon. Then tell each other all the great things you see the other person doing.
Also suggest to your husband that he take a day off from work and stay home to keep house. You leave for the day and let him find out first hand what it's like. Together set some goals for him, such as by the end of day have dishes done and house picked up, spend 20 minutes with homework, fix dinner. Make these goals the same as what he expects from you.
Suggest this in a good natured way while having dinner out without the kids. Dinner out can be as inexpensive as fast food in one of the less crowded sites. We have a Taco Bell that plays classical music and a McDonald's that has CNN on the TV all of the time. Less rowdy kids that way. lol
Again, you're doing great. Being a stay at home mom is the most difficult job in the world. Sounds like you need an activity at which you can feel successful without input from your husband. And perhaps some marriage counseling so that he can learn how to be more supportive.
A couple of books that might help are How to Talk so Your Kids Will Listen & How to Listen so Your Kids Will Talk by Faber and Mazlish. Another one is Non-violent Communication which is about how to word things so that they come across as supportive.
Again, you're doing great! "Don't let the "bastards" get you down!" lol
First of all, I'm not a homemaker but I admire those who can do it. I'd personally go insane and I only have one child. I understand more about the not focusing. My son is almost 5 years old and has learning delays in which he goes to a special preschool and has outside speech and occupational therapies. On top of that I buy workbooks for him that we do together after the work day and I'm the one who helps him with his homework. Right now, my husband is interviewing but has been out of work for 4 months and I wll fully admit that I am disappointed when the house is trashed. However, this joblessness is a strain on him. Now, there are people out there that have critisized their spouse over unrealistic expectations. You are not a Fairy who can wave their wand and everything is perfect! I saw a talk show that homemakers and husbands switched roles for 1 day. After that day those husbands swore up and down that they had no idea how hard it was for their wives and Promised to lend a hand when they got home. Maybe you should trade a day with him. You go to a much well deserved spa day while he tries to do what you do. That'll straighten him up=)
My daughter and I used to struggle to get homework done, so we had her tested and she has ADD and dyslexia. With ADD meds she is doing all her homework on her own and paying much better attention in class. You should not have to be diligent with HIS homework, you should just have to remind him that it is time to do his work and if he has questions he can ask you. Also a 4 year old does not need to learn how to read. Preschool and K will teach letters and 1st grade will teach reading. Relax and stop doing so much. Just feed and love them and provide the space and time to do the homework. If he cannot do it without just a little guidance, then ask to have him tested. On the husband front - I like the slap upside the head comment, haha! Or tell him he can have your job and you will gladly go to an office and interact with adults who do their own work. Hang in there.
Your son is an A student --- bravo to you!!! Pls. give yourself credit for this and do not be so hard on yourself, I know because I am the same way. And your hubby is busy so you are left with the chunk of responsibilities, you must be doing a lot of things right for your son to be an A student despite his focusing problem. Do not feel incompetent and stupid from what I hear the homework volume these days is worse than thesis papers for doctorate degrees. Next time your husband says "what did you do all day", offer to trade with him and I bet you that will be the last time he'll ask the question. We are all human and motherhood is the hardest job in the world. Pls. don't be too hard on yourself. You sound like a great mom.
I hope this brings you a little humor, because I couldn't help but laugh when she told me. My aunt is a teacher, and she teaches at the same school her daughter goes to. She is even great friends with her daughters teacher, and knows the study material well. On more then one occassion, my aunt has forgot to send assigments to school with her kid, or forgot to help her complete the assigment. You would think being a teacher who knows what needs to be done, and is at the same exact school would remember, but nope. And my cousin (her kid) makes sure she tells EVERYONE at school. LOL. Everyone forgets something at one time. Don't beat yourself up over it. =)
I would sit down with your husband and tell him your feelings. You seem really down about this, and he needs to understand it was a mstake and you plan on correcting it. Everyone makes mistakes. Also, running a house all day long is not as easy as it sounds. I understand he has stresses with his mother, I went through that too, but it shouldn't be taken out on you. If the roles were reversed he could have easily made this mistake too. You two just need to sit down and have a long talk about how you feel. Hang in there! =)
I'm sorry--I'd have to slap him upside the head! LOL
Being "at home" is the hardest job I've ever had. I'm 46 and I've had QUITE a few and NONE compares to keeping a house running and keeping the kids where they need to be.
Believe me, he couldn't afford you if he had to pay you: cleaning lady, laundry service, tutor, coordinator, medical tech, nurse, dietician and on and on and on.....
NOW. Look, everyone has days that they feel like you're feeling. There is not pay stub, no recognition, no employee award for SAHMs. Know this. You are making a difference in the lives of at least 3 small people that I'm aware of!
As for the homework, all you can do is all you can do. Sounds like you're doing great. Are his assignments on-line so you can monitor that way? I have a son in 2nd grade and I would like to think that by 5th grade *some* of the burden shifts to the child as far as assignments! Does he have a planner to write his homework in?
Does he have a "focus problem" severe enough to warrant some medicat attention? If so--seek help!
You're not superwoman and here's a secret for you: no O. is.
I always wondered what SAH moms did...for YEARS...until my kids were born...and now I'm overwhelmed (though I do work part-time) much of the time + never caught up. I'm sure your husband has no clue of all the little things it takes to keep a household running smoothly.
That said, it is NOT your job to make sure your son turns in his homework. It's HIS! When my son was probably about 10ish, he went to karate one day w/o his belt and proceeded to tell the instructor "my mom forgot to bring my belt". Well...gently...the instructor (a former military colonel) was all over him telling him that it was NOT my responsibility, but his. It was so good for him to hear it from someone else. The parents who hover too much are the ones whose kids can't function when they need to in the real world.
That said, I agree with the poster who suggested you have your son tested for ADD. He may not have it, but if he does, it is cruel not to get him help. My son (and my husband) are on meds (a godsend) and they also both see a counselor from time to time just to help them develop coping strategies to function in the real world.
Good luck!
Wow, your family has a lot going on! I think you're allowed a few mistakes here and there. I always say, it's not the mistakes we make but how we respond to them. Do we fess up, try to do better next time? And in your case I don't think they are mistakes, I think it's Life right now for you. Hmm, I wonder if your husband meant it like it came out (what you said at the end) or just doesn't realize. I had a pretty absorbing job before staying at home with ONE child and a parttime job. I don't have all that you have going on and it is still harder in many ways than working at one place even if the hours were long.
I understand your husband being stressed, but he still shouldn't take the frustration out on you. At a time when he's going through a lot he should be even MORE appreciative that he has you to be there for him and support him (AND the kids!)
Google "stay at home mom salary" and show him just how important all that you do every day is really worth.
Some of the ones that come up even break down just how much time each week is spent (approximately) doing different things.
You are an amazing mom. Don't get yourself down because of one little mistake. Everyone is allowed to have an 'off-day' and mistakes happen! That's what we all tell our children, right? So why should it any different just because you're an adult?
Hang in there... Things will turn up :)
