I Don't Want to Work Anymore but I Don't Want to Be a SAHM Either.

Ahh yes, the Vacationing Mom.

The lesser known of her sisters, working mom and stay-at-home-mom. Everyday is golf, beach and mimosas. :)

Hang in there - things will work themselves out.

Volunteer.. That's what I do... I don't have to have a schedule and I get to do what I love, whenever "I" want to :)

Try it again, it's a whole new world now that she's older. And if you can afford it, you can take the time to be with her, build connections in the neighborhood, and look for a job that you can start when she goes to school, or go back to school part time so you can find something you like better. Good luck!

I was like you I was working full time.. and having to travel for weeks at a time.. Then stopped working and stayed home.. I did not do well with it. and so when I did quit my full time job and come home. I started doing small projects and was paid for them..

You know.. people say, I am having a party and I really hate that I end up in the kitchen all night.. And I would say, Hey Hire me for the night. I will only charge you a $100. and you can enjoy your party, While I take care of every thing for you.

Or a friend would say she needed some new clothes but hated shopping. I would ask her, what are you looking for? She would give me a list, I would scope it out and take her and be her personal shopper. $35. an hour.

And then when our daughter started school, I began volunteering at her school. I am good at organizing so I found some different ways to help.. the school, her teachers and the PTA.. This gave me even more contacts and my little business became bigger and bigger. I do all sorts of things now.

I have not worked full time in over 15 years, but still make money. I recently took all of these things I do and made a new business! I love that it is different every day..

ADVICE: Count you lucky stars you have so many options. Give your notice, spend time with your child and husband. Take some classes in things that interest you. Volunteer for good causes. Thank God for a husband that has a job making enough money that doesn't require you to have to work if you don't want to.

This is the main thing I HATE about the whole "working mom/stay at home mom" thing!!! It TOTALLY ignores the majority of moms. Very few moms have ALWAYS stayed home or ALWAYS worked full time. A lot of moms choose the middle of the road options, like part time or working from home. And as our needs and our families needs change most of us change what we're doing!

In this case it sounds like what you need is a different part time job, with less stress (and maybe fewer hours)

why on earth wouldn't you look for another job?

as a manager, (although i'm not the kind of boss you seem to have, trust me!) you would be driving ME nuts at this point. i can not STAND people who obviously hate a job, and (in our case at my job) get lazy, don't care, don't put out any effort, but refuse to find something else.

if you hate it, find something else. there is no reason in the world you can't send out your resume or fill out applications while still working your current job. worst case, yes, quit and then find something else. i would never recommend quitting without a back up plan, as you say you need the income, but also you say you don't like staying home....so i don't see the big dilemma. find another job.

*i apologize, i see i misread you and you say you don't need the income. in that case...my advice is the same. don't stay in a job you hate. ESPECIALLY if you don't need the income.

Think of something you love to do and incorporate that into a job. Favorite hobby? Find a job that sells stuff that you would use? Love working out? Get a job at a gym and get a free membership.
Basically find a job that is going to benefit you, and get paid for it.
Your possibilities are endless.
You dont have to stay home day in and day out with your kid, but you dont have to have a job that you hate either. I sure wouldnt! Why the stress if you dont have to?
Also, your daughter is going off to Kindergarten soon, maybe spend her last year with her?

Take a break! Stay home for a bit and be really choosey about your next adventure.
If you are fed up at work it's a good sign you might just enjoy hanging out with your little daughter for a time. 4 is a good age to hang out with. I just finished a visit with my little granddaughter who will be 4 in July, and she is so funny and amusing and smart. Take a break and live in the 4 yr old world while you can ... it really doesnt get any better than that!
My DIL is a stay at home mom, she takes it really seriously. My granddaughter is so smart. My son is so well taken care of.
Being a sahm and wife is a job that can have great results.
I love my DIL to bits, she takes such good care of their home and family,
I am truly blessed.

I'd quit and stay home until daughter is in school full time. You will have a set time to be a SAHM, so it won't be forever, and you will have time to take some classes maybe or figure out what direction you want your career to go (or even change it). You have amazing choices open to you, as some people want to work but can't and some want to stay home but can't. Don't be miserable, as it sounds like your job is definitely not worth it, and your daughter will only be this little for a short time.

How about quitting your job and being a SAHM that volunteers regularly? I took extended maternity leaves from my job when my sons were born: 6 months with baby 1 and 9 months with baby 2. By the time baby 2 was 3 months old, I was going crazy as a SAHM. Out of sheer desperation to be in the world in a flexible way, I marched in to the office of my synagogue and asked if they needed any help until the baby got too fussy. I wound up volunteering three days a week for 2-3 hours at a time. If I couldn't make it, well, I was "just" a volunteer. If I could make it, yay! I was helping my congregation and myself all at the same time.

I found this to be a very rewarding solution.

Good luck!

Yes, quit the job and then take your time finding a new one. What your boss is putting you through is unfair, but he will learn what the consequences are when you leave. Since you don't have to work, you can afford to be picky. Take your time and find a part time job you like.

Dawn

well, good for you for knowing yourself well enough to know you don't like being a SAHM. it's not for everyone.
but no point in doing work that's making you stressed and unhappy when you don't have to. absolutely quit that job and look for one that will let you enjoy your independence and not make you nut up. or go to school part-time yourself.
entrepreneurial businesses are the fastest growing industry out there. it's the weird upside to the country's lousy job situation- rather than wait for the government to generate jobs (it can't) or for Big Business to start hiring people (profits are more important than people), americans are taking matters into our own hands. it sounds like you're great at what you do. you can probably find someone better to do it for. and maybe end up sub-contracting back from your current job, only on your own terms!
take advantage of the enviable flexibility you have right now.
also love the advice to consider home-schooling.
it'll be fun to see where you take this!
:) khairete
S.

Staying at home isn't for everybody and it sounds like your current job isn't for you. So, what is? The choice doesn't have to be between these exact 2 things. What about another job -- either full or part time? What about another field? Do you have a hobby or interest that you could turn into a part-time job? Perhaps a less senior role in another company would work?

Don't think you have to decide between the rock and the hard place. Find yourself a more comfortable position. You can do this!

If I were in your shoes, I'd quit and give being a stay at home another go. If you feel you "need more" then volunteer, join a Mothers Day Out or anything else that's get you and your daughter out of the house.

Good luck! I hope you find what makes you happy.

Just because you didn't like it before, it doesn't mean you won't like it now.

I do a lot of volunteer work at my dd's school, that keeps me very busy, I love my alone time now. Perhaps you should look for a job that is seasonal or one that you can just be on-call and take work when you want it. This sounds like a better option if you're not needing the money.

She will be in school in one year. Stay home with her for that year, and return when she starts school again.

What about volunteering? Depending on what you enjoy there are animal shelters, libraries, schools, etc. that are always looking for help.

I hate being at home every day. I work 3 part time jobs and none of them are more than a few hours per week. I had the grand kids in Mothers Day Out just so I could get stuff done and have some time to do things like grocery shopping, OB/GYN appts, or dentist appointments.

I think those of us who enjoy working will all say that it is easier to work and come home, be organized, have more clean and it stays clean, etc...

I think I would not take my child out of child care, I would continue to take her and then start looking for something you can do that will bring a smile to your face. It could be volunteering, working, going to school, there are so many options out there and they each can bring you happiness and fulfillment.

Have you thought about going to school? I stayed home and worked, and I currently stay home. I love it, but I feel like I need more in life. I miss adults! I am taking a course and it helps me feel like I am doing something for me. Good luck! I put mine in mothers day out 2 xs a week and it gives me freedom!

I will say this:
I thought I would go crazy when I first became a SAHM when our son was born. ESPECIALLY when he was an infant and toddler. But as he grew (and his sister came along also, and she grew) it got easier. Mainly, because it got easier to go and DO things with them. If your daughter is almost 4, just think of all the things you could do with her. You wouldn't feel trapped at home and isolated, like it can feel with an infant/toddler.

I am still a SAHM, contemplating taking something part-time to offset my gas costs to drive my kids to school (it's almost a 30 mile drive one way)... but other than that, I really don't want to go back to work. I sometimes feel busier now than I ever did when I worked. Because it doesn't stop at 5 pm. My day is just getting in full swing then, these days. And as your daughter grows up, your day will be more like that, too. She is almost school age, and when they start school, they have after-school activities and play-dates and and and and....
We are currently incorporating martial arts (x2--tang soo do AND jiu-jitsu times 2 kids of different ranks, so different class times), confirmation at church, piano, teen night (karate school stuff), allergy shot appointments, and soon to be orthodontics appointments. Most of this stuff is from 3:00 pm on.... so my day time hours are relatively relaxed... but from about 3 pm until maybe 9 or 10, I am quite harried some days.

Have you considered home-schooling your daughter at all? That would give you instant "in"s with groups to socialize with for you AND your daughter, if you don't want to be "cooped up" at home all the time. Your daughter is the perfect age for letting her "help" you with all sorts of things at home, too.

Yes, it can be tiring---mentally tiring from having to keep them occupied and out of trouble and the never ending questions... but you can figure out ways to adapt around what you need to, so that you can have some "you" time.

Once my eldest was close to 4, things got so much better for me. I taught him to read for one thing. And we had playgroups we went to. And birthday parties to plan or attend. And gee... he could actually have a conversation with me! SO different from those first 2 years...

Your Boss is getting more work done (via you) but at less cost for him. Because you are part-time and even if the work load needs extra staff, he will not do it. Because, you are part-time and are doing it. So no "sense" for him to hire another person. He is getting full-time work done, via a part-time employee. That is why he will not "listen" to your asking for a back up hire.

Anyway, I agree with Momma L. before me.
It is only temporary.... until she starts school.
Even if you are a SAHM... you can, do things that are fulfilling for yourself. Or work part-time while she is at school once she starts school. And yes, at a less stressful job. You can research that, while you are at home with your child etc.

I have 2 kids who are both in school now.
I have been a SAHM since my eldest was born. 9 years.
But recently, I have gotten a part-time job, at my kids' school. Thus, I have their same schedule/vacations/holidays and I can still drop them off at school and pick them up and they don't have to, attend after school care which I feel is sub-par.
So it suits me for right now and what I need and I get some pocket change for myself. And my kids like seeing me at school. Their friends like it too.

Being a SAHM is not for everyone. But perhaps you can do both: work part time at a less stressful job, and stay home too. That is what I do.
But it takes, looking for opportunities. And being creative about how you can toggle both. Or if you can.

Before you leave your current job, check for part time jobs that may be of interest to you as well as think of what you may want to do once your child is older. Take a class or two in the area you may want to move to and decide if it is for you. Also if you decide sahm is for you there are so many ways to get and stay connected to other adults. Groups to join and places to volunteer. Find your bliss.

I will tell you that staying at home gets MUCH better as they get older. Once they start preschool and activities you will have much more opportunites to meet other moms and get together with them. There also will be many fullfilling volunteer opportunites availlable to you as well.

If you don't need to work at this place then I highly advise that you quit. What people don't realize is that the inflamation that daily stress causes to the body is toxic and can very easily result in disease. Unless you are good at balancing this with diet/exercise/mediattion then you are a ticking time bomb. So quit and then re-evaluate things. If you STILL want to work at a paying job then start anew somewhere.

I am in the same boat as you but HAD to be a SAHM for a while - soon I will be able to go back out into the workforce and I am thinking of easing my way back in by doing a part time job some place cahsiering again or waiting tables. I suggest you give notice, enjoy some time while you find the right position for you that is PART TIME and I mean 20hrs/wk not 32hrs/wk. Find something that has always been a hobby or you have been wondering about and find a way to make it work for you.

I think finding a job you enjoy would help you out a lot.
I had a room mate once who's Mom didn't need to work but she worked at a jewelry store so she had an employees discount to buy pieces she wanted.
Just knowing you can quit your current job should be enough to relieve some stress right there.
You could try just doing 32 hrs of work, and when quitting time comes at the end of the day, just walk out and do not a bit more till start time in the morning.
Boss will complain (he's got a real deal in you, you are most likely doing a 40+ hr job for the pay of 32 hrs) and he'll either fire you or hire on the extra help you need.
Either way problem solved.
You just have to realize that your not NEEDING the job gives you more control than you think you have.

Yes! I went back pt after my first was born but what I really needed was a hobby. It took a while for me to find something that I really love and am passionate about but I did. My hobby has enriched my life more than words can say. I have also found others that share the same passion that I have for glass, mosaics, Lampwork beading, and stained glass windows.
I didn't go back to work after my 3rd child was born and now my youngest is in 3 rd grade and I have never been happier.
Good luck!

I had many changes in my life. I'd say quit the job if you hate it and can afford it and then see how you feel. Perhaps your daughter was too young and you felt isolated. I am not a baby person either, but since my son turned 4.5 I could not imagine having a better time in my life with him. I miss him when he sleeps:) We go places, do things, meet people, I taught him to read, to add and subtract, he is my best buddy, we pray and cook together - if someone told me I have to leave him and go to work I would be heartbroken.
I'd say develop a relationship with your daughter, get to know her all over again, and then see what your heart tells you. Good luck.

I can relate to the stressful job but not the unhappiness of being a SAHM. I had an office job for 20 years then stayed home with my kids for 15 years. Loved being a stay-at-home mom but wanted something else while the kids were at school. I started out volunteering at their school then when they got into high school I got a paying job as a cashier. It is the perfect job because it's only during the day, I am home for my kids in the evening and I don't have to bring the job home! Very stress-free and I actually love it!! I sock the money away and when we want to go on vacation, it's on me!!

Good luck!!!

I felt very isolated too until i joined a playgroup. My whole life changed when I did that one thing. I had other moms to talk to and hang out with during the day. We exchanged recipes, cleaning tips, had mom's nights out, got to go to fun places during the day...museums, zoos, the arboretum, the mall, restaurants, all kinds of play places for the kids in the group. We had swim parties all during the summer. We had educational as well as arts and crafts playdates. My life was never boring. We even exercised together. Staying at home can be fun! You can join a few playgroups until you find one that you like.

Also, there are storytimes at the library, play areas at the mall, and bounce house places where you can meet other moms and start your own group. There are also Mom's Clubs all over the U.S. and we have an Early Childhood PTA in our area. Some churches have MOPS (Moms of Preschoolers) and some churches have Kindermusik.

It seems that you don't have pressure on you to bring in money, so you have the luxury of leaving this job in search of another. Take the time to find your bliss.

Once I returned to work, I came to realize that I really don't want to be bothered with other people. I want to do what I do in a bubble and do face-to-face interactions on my terms. I always thought that when I win the lottery, I'll still come to work because I love being here, but I'll change my hours and not allow the feelings of stress. Since being there is optional for you, maybe you can see this as an opportunity to redefine your role there. Work within your assigned hours, period. Do what you see as your job and maybe only a little more. If you continue to do everything, then there is no reason for anybody to spend more money on an additional person.

Maybe having a daughter has changed your tolerance level. It has certainly changed how you want to spend your time. That's called evolution. Roll with it, and see where it takes you.

Why don't you quit your job and do some volunteer work? That way you can set your own hours and you would feel better helping someone else. You would meet a whole new circle of friends. Volunteers are special people.

I was a SAHM and went back to work and regretted it, so I quit and went back home and was so happy I did! Then after a year, I wanted more, so I started looking at what I was passionate about which is helping others. So I decided to start a business from home where I could be helping others! It has been the best thing ever! I have the flexibility that I need for my child and it is personally rewarding because I can make money and make new contacts in the community. The company I'm with is called Visalus. Check it out on my website http://nlc.bodybyvi.com/

I hope this helps and if you are interested in learning more about my organization I'd be glad to help.